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White Beard

Registered: 08/13/11
Posts: 6,325
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Quote:
OrgoneConclusion said:
Quote:
White Beard said: Well, I haven't read the outburst but it's hard to judge. However, maybe she shamed you in such a way when you opened up emotionally that it hurt your self-esteem and you started thinking that you are 'crazy' or a 'stalker' and she is being extremely generous by taking you back and you're the unworthy one, when in reality what you said wasn't even that crazy. But like I said, I didn't read it and maybe it was genuinely crazy.
Trust me, it was! 
Has anyone given you a second opinion (besides her, of course)?
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
Loc: Under the C
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Re: Divine Love vs. Egoic Love [Re: White Beard] 1
#22431976 - 10/25/15 01:34 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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My shrink. I was tested after my emotional breakdown and my serotonin levels were so far below normal that I was barely functional. I was experiencing enormous electric shocks going through my body many times a day for weeks along with extreme mood swings, anxiety and crying jags.
Every single issue of rejection and abandonment in my life exploded all at once two days after my meeting with Haley. The doc said I had a (non-technical term) nervous breakdown due to grief and PTSD. I had not dated in 12 years since my exgf's daughter overdosed and died and my gf left me. I had shutdown completely and never fully processed it.
I first told Haley that it was too much and that I wanted nothing to do with her because I would not allow myself to be vulnerable again, then the next day I told her I loved her and practically asked her to marry me after only 8 hours together. Crazy enough?
Here is the deal though. Everything I went through was necessary to clear my past and make me ready for a real relationship - even if it is not with her. It was a total nightmare and the most painful thing I have ever experienced, yet I am in a much better space now than maybe I ever have been.
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Edited by OrgoneConclusion (10/25/15 01:40 PM)
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White Beard

Registered: 08/13/11
Posts: 6,325
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well good for you. Maybe it will work out well for you. But remember, shrinks make money off of you being crazy so of course they'll think you're crazy. I recommend getting a friend's opinion on the matter.
Edited by White Beard (10/25/15 02:57 PM)
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deff
just love everyone



Registered: 05/01/04
Posts: 9,406
Loc: clarity
Last seen: 2 minutes, 32 seconds
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sounds good to me OC i'm happy to hear that this has precipitated positive changes in your life best wishes!
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DividedQuantum
Outer Head


Registered: 12/06/13
Posts: 9,819
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Re: Divine Love vs. Egoic Love [Re: deff]
#22432248 - 10/25/15 02:49 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
deff said: sounds good to me OC i'm happy to hear that this has precipitated positive changes in your life best wishes! 
I concur.
-------------------- Vi Veri Universum Vivus Vici
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
Loc: Under the C
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Log in to view attachment
The mystery of it all - an OC original.
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DividedQuantum
Outer Head


Registered: 12/06/13
Posts: 9,819
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I like that a lot! Here's a poem of mine that's on topic:
Robotic Love
Who loves not love? The poet inquires It goes to the loftiest heights! What bad ever comes A full life requires Someone having it there in their sights! Though others are not So rosy about it I've heard it called 'romantic fog' Or else just at best Temporary, so quit All this chatter 'bout kissing a frog And then it goes farther Harsh, blunt, is it truth? An amalgam of sex and sentimentality I'm not so sure It isn't forsooth But I've never been one for banality When one has seen love Go as haywire as I Have seen it go far in the past One wonders a bit And then thinks by an by It's just a mechanism, but vast But I have to suppose That in my good conscience I couldn't dismiss such sublime Thoughts and emotions There isn't a science Of love, as there isn't of rhyme
-------------------- Vi Veri Universum Vivus Vici
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
Loc: Under the C
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Nice. 
Thanks for sharing!
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LunarEclipse
Enlil's Official Story


Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 21,407
Loc: Building 7
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Re: Divine Love vs. Egoic Love [Re: White Beard]
#22432453 - 10/25/15 03:44 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
White Beard said: Well, I haven't read the outburst but it's hard to judge. However, maybe she shamed you in such a way when you opened up emotionally that it hurt your self-esteem and you started thinking that you are 'crazy' or a 'stalker' and she is being extremely generous by taking you back and you're the unworthy one, when in reality what you said wasn't even that crazy. But like I said, I didn't read it and maybe it was genuinely crazy.
Oh, it was crazy.
-------------------- Anxiety is what you make it.
Edited by LunarEclipse (10/25/15 04:04 PM)
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
Loc: Under the C
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"Where do they teach you to talk like this? In some Panama City sailor wana hump hump bar or is this getaway day, and your last shot at his whiskey. Sell crazy someplace else, we're all stocked up here." ~ Jack Nicholson
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BlueCoyote
Beyond


Registered: 05/07/04
Posts: 6,697
Loc: Between
Last seen: 3 years, 17 days
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LunarEclipse
Enlil's Official Story


Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 21,407
Loc: Building 7
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Quote:
OrgoneConclusion said: My shrink. I was tested after my emotional breakdown and my serotonin levels were so far below normal that I was barely functional. I was experiencing enormous electric shocks going through my body many times a day for weeks along with extreme mood swings, anxiety and crying jags.
Every single issue of rejection and abandonment in my life exploded all at once two days after my meeting with Haley. The doc said I had a (non-technical term) nervous breakdown due to grief and PTSD. I had not dated in 12 years since my exgf's daughter overdosed and died and my gf left me. I had shutdown completely and never fully processed it.
I first told Haley that it was too much and that I wanted nothing to do with her because I would not allow myself to be vulnerable again, then the next day I told her I loved her and practically asked her to marry me after only 8 hours together. Crazy enough?
Here is the deal though. Everything I went through was necessary to clear my past and make me ready for a real relationship - even if it is not with her. It was a total nightmare and the most painful thing I have ever experienced, yet I am in a much better space now than maybe I ever have been.
Out of a morbid sense of curiousness, did your shrink suggest you contact your "Divine Love" interest again, or to stay away? Either way, what was their rationale?
TIA.
-------------------- Anxiety is what you make it.
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CosmicJoke
happy mutant



Registered: 04/05/00
Posts: 10,848
Loc: Portland, OR
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Your truth will set you free.... seems you've made great strides in being whole again. Staying open, vulnerable, connecting, yanno, anyone you can do that with is your family.... having some around really helps with feeling isolated.
-------------------- Everything is better than it was the last time. I'm good. If we could look into each others hearts, and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care. It takes a lot of courage to go out there and radiate your essence. I know you scared, you should ask us if we scared too. If you was there, and we just knew you cared too.
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LunarEclipse
Enlil's Official Story


Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 21,407
Loc: Building 7
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Re: Divine Love vs. Egoic Love [Re: CosmicJoke]
#22448060 - 10/29/15 07:17 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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1000 drummers are better than 1 drummer.
-------------------- Anxiety is what you make it.
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