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OfflineWAN
Stranger
Registered: 10/20/14
Posts: 1,895
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
omfg I need a job
    #22410880 - 10/20/15 07:40 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

I have been applying for jobs everywhere.  And I lied on my resume about my work experience (I am currently not working but on my resume, the most recent work, I wrote down as starting at September 2014 and till present).  now everytime I go into an interview, I am scared to death that they will grill me on this and I will stutter or otherwise do things that reveal my nervousness, at which point they will catch me lying to their face.


fuck man


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OfflineFell
Wanderer
Male


Registered: 04/11/15
Posts: 51
Loc: Georgia
Last seen: 2 years, 1 month
Re: omfg I need a job [Re: WAN]
    #22410888 - 10/20/15 07:43 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

I find confidence is everything in a job interview. Be confident, speak clearly and either don't lie or know enough about what you say your doing to where you seem knowledgeable enough. Most of the time employers really don't call your old employers for verification.


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InvisibleBodhi of Ankou
*alternate opinion blocks path*
Other

Registered: 06/02/09
Posts: 24,778
Loc: Soviet Canukistan Flag
Re: omfg I need a job [Re: WAN]
    #22410901 - 10/20/15 07:46 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

You'll never get an interview because they'll call your references first and when they go uh no wtf hes not working with us anymore theyll can your shit faster then you can say jobless. I doubt your resumes even that well written or eye catching from the get go either, most likely its not even making it too that stage. Redesign and pound pavement, 8 hours a day. Continually hit up potential employers until you find something. Just getting something to get you by is easy as fuck.


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OfflineWAN
Stranger
Registered: 10/20/14
Posts: 1,895
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
Re: omfg I need a job [Re: Bodhi of Ankou]
    #22410905 - 10/20/15 07:47 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Bodhi of Ankou said:
You'll never get an interview because they'll call your references first and when they go uh no wtf hes not working with us anymore theyll can your shit faster then you can say jobless. I doubt your resumes even that well written or eye catching from the get go either, most likely its not even making it too that stage. Redesign and pound pavement, 8 hours a day. Continually hit up potential employers until you find something. Just getting something to get you by is easy as fuck.



hmm.  Where I live, they usually call you in for an interview first, and during this process, they then ask you if you have any references they can call.


Edited by WAN (10/20/15 07:47 PM)


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InvisibleBodhi of Ankou
*alternate opinion blocks path*
Other

Registered: 06/02/09
Posts: 24,778
Loc: Soviet Canukistan Flag
Re: omfg I need a job [Re: WAN]
    #22410912 - 10/20/15 07:48 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Personally I'd just call references before hand to figure out if its worth calling whoever in for an actual interview. They might tell you they do otherwise but I highly doubt it.


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OfflineRobZombie68
The Shaman's Apprentice
Male

Registered: 06/22/14
Posts: 820
Loc: Palookaville, US
Last seen: 30 days, 5 hours
Re: omfg I need a job [Re: WAN]
    #22410916 - 10/20/15 07:48 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Do you know any trade contractors, like painting, electrical, construction, etc.?

I am a contractor and always have friends contacting me to use as a reference, which I do.


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OfflineMyopic.Skam
Gazing into the distance

Registered: 05/24/15
Posts: 30
Last seen: 5 years, 10 months
Re: omfg I need a job [Re: Bodhi of Ankou]
    #22410927 - 10/20/15 07:50 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

What types of positions are you applying for?

There are ways of fibbing about job experience that don't require the illusion to be dispelled. Put a (competent) friend's number, say that you completed some sort of contract work related tangentially to whatever you're applying for, have a mutually agreed upon narrative for what occurred, and you're set.


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OfflineWAN
Stranger
Registered: 10/20/14
Posts: 1,895
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
Re: omfg I need a job [Re: RobZombie68]
    #22410931 - 10/20/15 07:50 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

RobZombie68 said:
Do you know any trade contractors, like painting, electrical, construction, etc.?

I am a contractor and always have friends contacting me to use as a reference, which I do.



too bad you live in the US (I am from Canada), or maybe I could use you as my reference (I'd pay you for sure)


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OfflineMyopic.Skam
Gazing into the distance

Registered: 05/24/15
Posts: 30
Last seen: 5 years, 10 months
Re: omfg I need a job [Re: Myopic.Skam]
    #22410935 - 10/20/15 07:51 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

And I agree with what others have said--> they'll call the contact, if they don't, the company itself has hiring protocol issues.


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OfflineWAN
Stranger
Registered: 10/20/14
Posts: 1,895
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
Re: omfg I need a job [Re: Myopic.Skam]
    #22410936 - 10/20/15 07:52 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Myopic.Skam said:
What types of positions are you applying for?

There are ways of fibbing about job experience that don't require the illusion to be dispelled. Put a (competent) friend's number, say that you completed some sort of contract work related tangentially to whatever you're applying for, have a mutually agreed upon narrative for what occurred, and you're set.




I am mainly looking for cashier types of positions. 

I actually thought about using my brother as a reference (he has a cell).  but I think he would say no.


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OfflineMyopic.Skam
Gazing into the distance

Registered: 05/24/15
Posts: 30
Last seen: 5 years, 10 months
Re: omfg I need a job [Re: WAN]
    #22410962 - 10/20/15 07:57 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

In the ideal world, you'd have experience using a front-end software system (what cashiers interact with on the day-to-day), have good customer service skills, ability to reliably handle money, and have good num-pad skills (definite plus, esp in grocery stores). I'm sure there are more that I am not thinking of...

A good in with a lot of these positions is to single yourself out in some way as a lot of people can do the basic skills without much trouble. You are active on the Shroomery, that makes me think you might be interested in health and wellness, or nutrition, or some such thing. Have you applied to somewhere exclaiming your interest/passion in whatever population the store caters to?


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OfflineWAN
Stranger
Registered: 10/20/14
Posts: 1,895
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
Re: omfg I need a job [Re: Myopic.Skam]
    #22410978 - 10/20/15 07:59 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Myopic.Skam said:
In the ideal world, you'd have experience using a front-end software system (what cashiers interact with on the day-to-day), have good customer service skills, ability to reliably handle money, and have good num-pad skills (definite plus, esp in grocery stores). I'm sure there are more that I am not thinking of...

A good in with a lot of these positions is to single yourself out in some way as a lot of people can do the basic skills without much trouble. You are active on the Shroomery, that makes me think you might be interested in health and wellness, or nutrition, or some such thing. Have you applied to somewhere exclaiming your interest/passion in whatever population the store caters to?



Truthfully, I do not have any interest in healthcare/wellness.  I found this website through googling something (totally unrelated).

Nowadays I don't even try these types of places (healthcare).  They would ask for my references for sure, which I do not want to give away.  I just apply at the ones where they use very simple sentence structures and simple English.  My idea is that if they put minimal thought into their ads, they will also put minimal thought into the hiring process.


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Invisiblerackem
Male User Gallery


Registered: 11/27/09
Posts: 14,024
Re: omfg I need a job [Re: WAN]
    #22411016 - 10/20/15 08:06 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

this thread is hilarious.

maybe one person is a hiring manager in this whole thread, but yet people still throw out ideas :lol:

long of the short of it, dont lie on your resume/application get the damned interview and sell yourself.


--------------------


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Offlineblackhawk
Newton's Law of Majesticity
I'm a teapot


Registered: 04/02/11
Posts: 8,465
Loc: Where Jimmies are Rustled
Last seen: 13 minutes, 17 seconds
Re: omfg I need a job [Re: rackem] * 1
    #22411171 - 10/20/15 08:42 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)



--------------------


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OfflineEnvix
Avoidant Disorder
 User Gallery


Registered: 11/04/08
Posts: 18,206
Last seen: 9 months, 25 days
Re: omfg I need a job [Re: blackhawk]
    #22411308 - 10/20/15 09:14 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

just don't lie.

be as vague as possible with the cons and emphasize the pros

its really not that difficult


--------------------
smack a hoe out this dimension
continue my ascension
-bhad bhabie

rip. todcasil, acid sloth, st1llnox, zappaisgod, big worm (sketch), tim b


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InvisibleFletcher
Male

Registered: 06/14/15
Posts: 679
Re: omfg I need a job [Re: WAN]
    #22411348 - 10/20/15 09:22 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Go to a temp agency, man.


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OfflineGorlax
Male


Registered: 05/06/08
Posts: 6,695
Last seen: 16 days, 17 hours
Re: omfg I need a job [Re: Fletcher]
    #22411537 - 10/20/15 10:16 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Yeah my struggles right now have to do with me not being able to fit any work into my future schooling I'm starting in late December. My resume is all restaurant work but I have a hard science degree so I've been doing interviews at places for positions at pretty intense labs. Which want me to work full time M-F which isn't possible.

My biggest flaw is my interview skills. The times I have gone to some without taking xanax I've just bombed them. I can never think of answers to their stupid fucking psychology questions. I think this is more related to the health field though because other job interviews that I've actually received the job were basically just conversations.

as for your resume I wouldn't blatantly falsify anything. You can surely embelish prior work or even just say you've been helping part time with your uncle on construction jobs. I'm lucky that I'm still in contact with a few old managers who can always revouch for me when I need them. The job interview process for serious jobs is such a fucking pain in the ass.

They really just want someone who is going to be an autonomous robot for their corporation so any mention of future advancement will make you never get the job. I didn't get this one position simply based on the fact I was pursuing more schooling.


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