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InvisibleJared
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I think I might be depressed
    #2240570 - 01/14/04 01:35 AM (13 years, 6 months ago)

Every time I hear the symptoms of depression, they seem to fit me like a glove. The thing is, they fit me like a glove cuz thats who I am.. I think. I've had friends say they think I'm depressed.. but I always dismiss the idea, because I don't feel sad all the time... I still get out of bed and go about my days, I do what I have to do, and finish it. I still laugh, and can enjoy a good time. I don't like doing things very much, though. I used to hop on parties, and going out.. now I would rather just stay home and relax. I don't like this.. but I don't like the idea of going out either, this causes some serious confusion and general indecisiveness on my part. I try to make the effort to do things, but I don't usually want to really do them.. I'm just forcing myself because I should.

I used to really enjoy video games, and while I still play them some.. they aren't really fun. Its almost a force of habit to go through them.. like I'm looking for the fun, trying to find where its hiding.. not enjoying the game itself.. the same goes with drawing. I used to draw all the time, I really loved it.. now I don't feel at all inclined to lift a pencil, or swipe the mouse.. I can't make myself draw.. if its not happening, its not happening. This is going to make school very hard when it starts, as half my classes are hands on drawing and design.

Again, I don't feel sad. I don't feel down. I just feel normal, but the thoughts I often have seem to dictate otherwise. According to what I've read. I keep wanting to just die, to just not exist anymore. Like another post said, Its like I feel too tired to live. Even though nothing is really wrong with life, it just seems like the whole ordeal of living isn't worth the effort. If I didn't have any ties, I would definitely have stopped it.

I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to take any medications for fear of becoming dependant on them, and every time I've ever spoken to a psychiatrist, thats the first thing they've wanted to do. I hate life. I've tried to 'fix' myself by forcing myself to do things, and to try looking at everything from a more positive light, but it doesn't seem to change me at all... just artificially changes my mood for the time being.

You can just step over this, sometimes you just have to write.. and a .txt file doesn't offer the possible connection the boards do.


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InvisibleYarry
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Re: I think I might be depressed [Re: Jared]
    #2240606 - 01/14/04 01:54 AM (13 years, 6 months ago)

dude if you think you might be depressed see a doctor. thats your best bet!


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Offlinedaba
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Re: I think I might be depressed [Re: Jared]
    #2240619 - 01/14/04 02:01 AM (13 years, 6 months ago)

Dude, read the sticky thread that Shroomism posted.

Get a Bach Remedy, it's definately worth a shot. I'm trying the flower remedies as we speak :cool:.


--------------------
Fold for The Shroomery!


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InvisibleJared
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Re: I think I might be depressed [Re: daba]
    #2240662 - 01/14/04 02:27 AM (13 years, 6 months ago)

Like my family doctor? Maybe some sort of anti-depressant would be a good idea for a little while. =(

Those bach remedies seem a little hokey.. The fact that no information as to why these flowers produce the effects they do is presented.. or even available turns me off a lot.. then the part that says clinical studies have been inconclusive sort of seals the whole 'psychic healing power of flowers' deal for me. :P

The pharm companies would have quickly jumped on and exploited these long ago were they truly capable of curing the ailments they described. :P


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Invisiblezeta
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Re: I think I might be depressed [Re: Jared]
    #2240736 - 01/14/04 03:10 AM (13 years, 6 months ago)

Go straight for the pills if you want, but personally I would stay the fuck away from them


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OfflinePhluck
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Re: I think I might be depressed [Re: Jared]
    #2241109 - 01/14/04 10:38 AM (13 years, 6 months ago)

Yeah, it's a placebo... since you've already got some healthy skepticism about it, it definately won't work.

I think maybe the trick is finding something to do. A project to work on, something. Are you going to school right now? Got a job?


--------------------
"I have no valid complaint against hustlers. No rational bitch. But the act of selling is repulsive to me. I harbor a secret urge to whack a salesman in the face, crack his teeth and put red bumps around his eyes." -Hunter S Thompson
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OfflineTwista
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Re: I think I might be depressed [Re: Phluck]
    #2241141 - 01/14/04 11:04 AM (13 years, 6 months ago)

I appologize for the assumption if im incorrect, but maybe try...

cutting back on the weed or drugs in general.

In the meantime, find sober activities that make you happy.

otherwise, seek professional help.

good luck


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Offlinesalviadog
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Re: I think I might be depressed [Re: Jared]
    #2241175 - 01/14/04 11:28 AM (13 years, 6 months ago)

I agree with Twista, pot can mess with your seratonin, and at least for me, for every up, there is a down. I pretty much went through the same thing. I went online and searched for something that eventually led me to antidepressants. I started reading the symptoms of depression, and it fit all too well. I took like four quizzes, they all said "You are depressed, you are extremely depressed, seek medical help immediately." Being depressed was just a part of ME, I wouldn't know how to live my life otherwise. I went to a doctor, he prescribed pills and a psychiatrist. I didn't take the pills because I didn't want to feel artificial, or alter my brain chemistry permanently for that matter.

Now I might be wrong, but when you were talking about the video games and looking for the fun, it seems that you might be searching for something in life to make you happy, but you don't know what you're looking for. My advice would be to start looking vigorously. What do you want to do with your life? Do you want to make a lot of money? Are you religious? Would you like to volunteer for social work? If you look hard enough, you will find what you are looking for.

I have been sober for 2 months, been following buddhist philosophy, been meditating every night, and I feel like there's hope again for finding true happiness.


--------------------
Happiness is not being smart enough to know what to worry about.


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InvisibleJared
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Re: I think I might be depressed [Re: Phluck]
    #2241299 - 01/14/04 12:26 PM (13 years, 6 months ago)

Phluck, I don't have a job right now, and am starting scool in a week.. but I don't think thats it, I keep myself busy, theres tons of things to do.. and I don't feel any different than I did when I had a steady job. I know a lot of the effects of anti-depressants are placebo, but they do change the way your brain talks to itself somewhat, too.

Twista, I don't smoke pot.. I have eaten it twice in the last few months.. but before that, weed is not something I do regularly.. a few times a year, maybe; Even then thats pushing it. I don't drink often, only on special occaisions, and I never do shrooms anymore. Ever.

Salviadog, thats exactly what I mean.. its part of me, to not be this way would be to not be me. =P I don't care too much about money.. I do like things money can get, but I'm pretty reasonable in my materialistic desires. Religion went out the window a while ago, and volounteer social work isn't really going to be something I'll have time for once school starts and I find work. I think you might be right, though.. I'm going to look harder into things that have drawn my interest.. maybe something new is all I need.. even though I have no desire whatsoever to find it, its just one of those things you have to force yourself to do.


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OfflineTwista
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Re: I think I might be depressed [Re: Jared]
    #2241470 - 01/14/04 01:46 PM (13 years, 6 months ago)

Do you like to read? If not, practice.

Often, I find that reading not only keeps me busy and my mind active but also gives me ideas on what id like to do with my life. I have been unexposed to many "things" throughout life. By reading, it exposes me to things I never knew existed and in turn, I learn about myself. I learn what I like, dislike, and am interested in.

Many forms of reading suck terribly so its best to obviously find text that you are somewhat interested in.

Hope this helps.

-t-


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OfflineTwista
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Re: I think I might be depressed [Re: Twista]
    #2241473 - 01/14/04 01:48 PM (13 years, 6 months ago)

after all, this is how we got here isnt it?

:looks around at the community: :rasta:


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OfflineJuanMatus
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Re: I think I might be depressed [Re: Jared]
    #2242370 - 01/14/04 07:23 PM (13 years, 6 months ago)

Please take it from someone who has been there and continues to fight his way back, do not mess around with depression. the statistics I have heard say depression KILLS 17% of those who have it. this is a very serious issue. I have tried all the routes to cure drugs talk therapy and alternative drugs which I won't mention but have been effective personally. SEE A DOCTOR! run don't walk to your nearest doctor. now as to drugs seratonin reuptake inhibitors prozac etc can help and do help many people. one note of caution when going on drug therapy for this disorder keep very close contact with either the prescribing doctor or your talk therapist. some people have adverse negative reaction to some sri's. I fully recommend talk therapy talking things out is usually the best but most costly alternative.
if you can't afford a doctor some times local universities, and hospitals have programs for free. this time of the year is the worst for most people in the northern hemisphere daylight or the lack of it greatly affect mood. the other thing that is very important is to make sure you maintain contact with others force yourself to get out especially during the day to increase light exposure. make calls to friends (the sympathetic ones) and if you can do some volenteer work, helping others is a great way to feel better. the idea that you are making a positive impact on others is a great way to improve the way you feel about your reason for being alive. it is very easy to slip over the edge. so it takes a concious effort not to die.
i hope this has been helpful advice and i hope you feel better soon


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Offlinebarfightlard
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Re: I think I might be depressed [Re: Jared]
    #2242459 - 01/14/04 08:14 PM (13 years, 6 months ago)

You should give 5-HTP a try! I just got some and i hope it helps a few things.

be happy dude!


--------------------

"What business is it of yours what I do, read, buy, see, say, think, who I fuck, what I take into my body - as long as I do not harm another human being on this planet?" - Bill Hicks


Edited by bellylard (01/14/04 08:14 PM)


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Offlinejarby
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Re: I think I might be depressed [Re: barfightlard]
    #2246769 - 01/16/04 07:33 PM (13 years, 6 months ago)

I can't give you advice because I'm in the exact same situation as you (or so I think I am based on what you just said).

I was surprised when I read what you said about video games... I play them almost as a chore... when I was young I used to love them, and now its like I have to systematically go through and beat them... I've kind of quit. I don't think I've really found something that truely interests me in life either.

Sorry for going off topic there.


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Offlinefilthysock
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Re: I think I might be depressed [Re: Jared]
    #2251991 - 01/19/04 04:35 AM (13 years, 6 months ago)

Dude, dont fucking do what society wants you to do, thats whats so fucked up with society. You are not abnormal, maybe you are just growing up, getting tired of party's... some people mature faster than others. I bet you'll find fun in simple relaxation or new hobbies. Depression can me mean you're sad or just the type who doesnt care if they live or not. The more pressure you apply to your problem the worse it will get, do eaxactly what you want to do, everything else will come in time.


--------------------
Magic mushrooms are not addictive, the shroomery is!


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Offlinepineal666
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Re: I think I might be depressed [Re: Jared]
    #2258758 - 01/21/04 03:36 AM (13 years, 6 months ago)

yo- In my experience the best thing to do about depression on a normal level is to talk about it, frind a psychologist, not a psychiatrist. Psychiatrist's are the ones who will give drugs, psychologists will talk to you and maybe suggest a psychiatrist to prescribe drugs. I don't know about all psychologist's but mine was great, he just listened to me and tried to help me work through my problems in my head like a friend would. He didn't have solutions he would just ask good questions and maybe tell me about something from his own life that was applicable. He also gave me some mental tools I could use when I felt like I was getting too depressed.

I think the problem with our society is everybody these days is a pseudo-psychologist. The problem with psychology is that their is a name and disorder for every negative part of human existence. If people were to look at the symptoms of these disorders most of us would find that we fit the majority of them, but these things are only disorders in extreme cases. I probably have clinical depression, the chemicals in my brain are probably messed up, but I don't need meds. I just need to be aware of the warning signs and aware of what I can do to lessen their effect, the depression I feel is merely another texture of my life, I welcome my depression to an extent now, it makes me more introspective, thinking about what your thinking about (meta-cognition) can be very helpful and therapuetic.

and as far as death goes, well humans have thought about that constantly since the beginning of time, theres a difference between pondering your existence and death and actually WANTING to die. It sounds like your on a quest to find your meaning and place, and you'll want to figure that out before you die.

or i could be wrong and it cvould be too late at night for me to be pontificating like this.


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OfflineGrok
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Re: I think I might be depressed [Re: Jared]
    #2261474 - 01/22/04 12:47 AM (13 years, 6 months ago)

I know exactly how you feel, I'm in the same boat. Nothing I do anymore really strikes interest in me, I'm just doing it because i force myself to stay occupied, and otherwise I end up sitting around and listening to music, trying to realte the shitty things in my life to what I'm listening to. I have lots of friends who are always asking me to do things with them, but I just never want to. Sometimes it seems like I really have to kick myself to do things that are asked of me.

Its just a part of me...I've been this way for a long time, and its just how I live. I'm not sad or anything...but seomtimes I wish someone would just walk by and shoot me. I know what you mean about everything not seeming worth the effort, and its difficult to explain to someone who doesn't feel the same.

I used to smoke a lot of weed and I thought it was helping me but it just makes shit worse. I was happier and more outgoing for awhile, but while I wasn't baked I felt apathetic and ^^ as shit, so I decided to pretty much quit. Whoever said "for every up theres a down" hit the nail on the head. I guess theres really no point to this post, its just saying what a bunch of people have said already, but its at least nice to know that I'm not the only one who feels this way.


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OfflineThe_Red_Crayon
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Re: I think I might be depressed [Re: Grok]
    #2263926 - 01/22/04 10:21 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

SSRI's can be particularly nasty... Everyone gets depressed to a certain point. If you cant sleep at night and your paranoid and its harming the way you live maybe you should go to a doctor... All hes gonna do is give you a SSRII though... Try to change your habits. Adapt a better outlook on life.

There is always a source of depression,.


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Invisibledjfrog
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Re: I think I might be depressed [Re: Jared]
    #2270074 - 01/25/04 02:07 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

"I used to really enjoy video games, and while I still play them some.. they aren't really fun."

Let me be prescriptive for a short bit: Stop playing video games. I think you understand why. Its ok to play them the next time you enjoy it, but when that time comes try to limit the time you spending playing still.


ok, last thing, the whole "symptons of depression" stuff is stupid. It'd be more appropriate to call it "symptons of the human condition." Well I mean some people seem happy all the time but in reality everyone has stuff they'd rather not gone through.

I don't have much other advice, except maybe the best advice comes from Jack Handy:
"If you ever go temporarily insane, don't shoot somebody, like a lot of people do. Instead, try to get some weeding done, because you'd really be surprised. "
I guess the point is if you don't feel much like anything, might as well go do something that will benefit you later.


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Offlinehuxmush
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Re: I think I might be depressed [Re: Jared]
    #2272340 - 01/25/04 07:35 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

I tend to identify closely with most of what you've outlined above, although I probably generally feel just a little more down than you seem to describe. I know what you mean by the fact that it doesn't seem like depression though, although I think it may be.

I can totally relate to your comments on playing computer games. Its almost like you're playing them because its the 'easiest' way to pass the time, not because they're fun.

It's not exactly boredom, but sort of close to it - I don't seem to find anything that interesting any more, and feel emotionally flat most of the time. Stuff that I used to enjoy gives me something like only 5% of the enjoyment I used to get from it. I don't think I'm likely to take the thought of suicide seriously due to the impact it will have on others in my life. However, if there was a button you could push to neatly turn yourself off, then I would have pushed it long ago...

In fact, a lot of the stuff described here: http://www.pipeline.com/~dada3zen/schizoid_per_dis.htm, seems relevant. Haven't ever visited a doctor/psychologist/psychiatrist though.

In the last couple of weeks I've been feeling slightly more optimistic. I think that's actually come about as a result of changing my diet by avoiding caffiene and sugar. Don't know how to explain it, but getting up in the morning is a bit easier than it used to be...


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