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Bigfeely123
Stranger
Registered: 01/30/15
Posts: 2,594
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THREAD CLOSED
#22403908 - 10/19/15 02:45 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Thanks for the replies. THREAD CLOSED.
Edited by Bigfeely123 (10/27/15 08:54 AM)
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DividedQuantum
Outer Head


Registered: 12/06/13
Posts: 9,819
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Re: My communication skills suck. [Re: Bigfeely123]
#22404496 - 10/19/15 05:22 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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I feel for you, man. I've only made a major move once, across the country, and it was just as I was going into high school. So all the people I grew up with were gone. The new people with whom I was to make fiends were old enough at this age to have a lot less in common with me than I would have liked. I made friends, sure, but they were never, at any point, the same kind of deep, selfless, loving relationships I had with those with whom I grew up. As many times as you have moved, I don't blame you at all for being discombobulated. That many moves must really take its toll on every level, I understand that completely.
I don't really have any handy advice for you, but I just wanted you to know that I think I can begin to relate to how you feel. What I underwent through geographical relocation basically fucked up my life quasi-permanently, given the timing. Just hang in there and I'll bet you'll find your bearings at some point.
-------------------- Vi Veri Universum Vivus Vici
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resonant111
left ∞ right

Registered: 03/02/11
Posts: 1,952
Loc: IL
Last seen: 2 years, 1 month
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Re: My communication skills suck. [Re: Bigfeely123]
#22404583 - 10/19/15 05:45 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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it's sounds like you were just nervous and considering that was a job interview, it's understandable.
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Bigfeely123
Stranger
Registered: 01/30/15
Posts: 2,594
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Edited by Bigfeely123 (10/27/15 08:54 AM)
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laughingdog
Stranger

Registered: 03/14/04
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Re: My communication skills suck. [Re: Bigfeely123]
#22406602 - 10/19/15 11:13 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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You say your communication skills suck, but when you write you communicate very effectively.
Job interviews are difficult by their very nature, as you point out because one is supposed to appear open and natural yet the situation makes one feel unnatural. Yet honesty is supposed to be a great personality trait.
If one is something of a loner, as you are, at this time, then one's social skills are not all polished and shinny and ready to go, when needed in a difficult situation. This adds to the feeling of difficulty.
Another skill you have is the ability to look at yourself objectively.
It would seem that at present you are less than happy and at a loss for what direction to take. So it's not just a matter of speaking more effectively.
I doubt the answers you seek can be found on the internet. Hopefully there are some classes, volunteer groups, AA groups, Audubon birders, hikers, photographer's club or other ways in your environment to link up with some folks where you can find both some enjoyment and reawaken and dust off your social skills. Long ago I lived where there was an artists' anonymous group, it was a way for folks to talk about deeper issues and dealing with society. There were a lot of nice folks there.
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Re: My communication skills suck. [Re: laughingdog]
#22408073 - 10/20/15 08:54 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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As a child I was moved 5 times. It felt like just as I started to settle in, I was yanked up and moved across the world. How two intelligent people (my parents) couldn't see that that would be bad for a child I don't know. Each move was successively worse than the last, not only in a sense of my age and need for stability, but also in the area which I was moved to. In Holland, where I lived 6-11, there was crime, drugs and sex everywhere. Not something a small child should have to see. In London, I experienced an environment where kids would pick on each other over anything they could find. It messed me up pretty bad, although I'm only just beginning to see that now, nearly 20 years later.
I've spoken to others who have been through this, and it seems a common result is feeling like one does not fit in anywhere. Hardly surprising really.
As with the other stuff, it sounds like areas of your life that need work. Jump on one of the free internet dating sites (POF is a good one) - you can practice all the skills you mention in OP there. Great for practising communication, and you can progress from text -> phone -> face to face. You might even make a friendship of partner out of it!! I warn you though, people are a little standoffish on those sites, so please don't be disheartened by that. As with so many things in life, it is only perseverance that will pay off. If you truly want to improve, you will improve!!
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Re: My communication skills suck. [Re: resonant111]
#22408239 - 10/20/15 09:02 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
resonant111 said: it's sounds like you were just nervous and considering that was a job interview, it's understandable.
Who's the chick in your sig resonant?
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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laughingdog
Stranger

Registered: 03/14/04
Posts: 4,828
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Quote:
Jokeshopbeard said:
I've spoken to others who have been through this, and it seems a common result is feeling like one does not fit in anywhere. Hardly surprising really.
.... you will improve!!
Was sent to a boarding school in a country where I didn't speak the language. Etc. Etc. Yes as you say the result is Hardly surprising.
Then again, after all these years and sorrows, not sure I would want to fit into most of present day American culture.
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Re: My communication skills suck. [Re: laughingdog]
#22409254 - 10/20/15 01:06 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
laughingdog said: Then again, after all these years and sorrows, not sure I would want to fit into most of present day American culture.
Yep, I feel exactly the same!! It was what I used to attribute my inability to fit in to for a long time, until I started therapy and learned about the impact of this childhood stuff!!
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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laughingdog
Stranger

Registered: 03/14/04
Posts: 4,828
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Quote:
Jokeshopbeard said:
Quote:
laughingdog said: Then again, after all these years and sorrows, not sure I would want to fit into most of present day American culture.
Yep, I feel exactly the same!! It was what I used to attribute my inability to fit in to for a long time, until I started therapy and learned about the impact of this childhood stuff!!
Sounds like you're happier now, and have perhaps found some more ways to connect to some aspects of the culture that are rewarding.
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