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Anonymous #1
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I'm an addict in need of some advice.
#22396740 - 10/18/15 09:05 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Hi everyone,
So I've been meaning to post looking for some help for quite some time now but I've not had the heart to confess to what I have become. It takes a lot for a man to overcome his pride and say it how it really is but I need to admit that I am an addict and and I'm looking for help. I'll try keep this as short and sweet as possible as I'm already high and know that I can begin rambling at times.
So to sum it up, I can't remember the last time I was sober. Not one single day. It's been years now since I've been substance free. The thing is, I've been involved in the online drugs community for quite some time. So long that drugs have become a hobby of mine. Not only do I enjoy getting high on drugs, but I enjoy reading, writing and every thing else related to them. This involvement has led me to easier access thanks to the likes of Agora. If it's not one thing drug I'm on, it's another. It doesn't matter what it is as long as it gets me high. It's as simple as that.
Now things didn't seem so bad when I was younger as I could bounce back and recover quicker but I'm only getting older and it's beginning to take it's toll on my physical and mental health. Not only that but I'm losing my family, friends and even my girlfriend since my number one priority these days is getting high. That comes first before everything and anything.
I still hold down a fairly decent office job but I had some time off earlier in the year after suffering from really bad opiate withdrawals. I blamed it on stress and was off for quite some time to try and recovery and regain some of my sobriety. That plan never lasted a single day since I continued popping benzos while I tapered off the opiates using Subutex.
Once clean from the opiates, I was at a loss as I found Oxycontin the one drug that kept me motivated. I run a small web design business online that takes up all my free time after work. So on nights when I was coming home from work exhausted, I'd struggle for the enthusiasm, motivation and energy to continue running the business. On top of that, I'm "trying" to maintain a relationship that is currently failing.
Now this is where the trouble really begins. I've always been fond of stimulants but about a month ago, I discovered methamphetamine and smoked it for the first time. It was the first time smoking any drug and the rush from it was incredible. Since then, I've been continually using every single day and I'm averaging around 3-4 hours sleep (at best) a night. On top of that, I'm using Xanax to help knock me out for a few hours before waking up for work where I begin with a bowl of meth to give me the energy needed to continue with my day. I'm exhausted and have fallen into this nasty habit of using drugs to keep me functioning. Without them, I really think I'd struggle to maintain this energy and drive that I currently have. I've lost a great deal of weight and rely on supplements and smoothies to feed my body with at least some goodness.
My concern now is I've picked up quite the benzo habit. I don't know for certain how many Xanax I'm taking but it's quite a lot. I'd say, I'm probably dosing around 6mg each day. That's to help with anxiety through methamphetamine and to knock me out at night when it's time to call it quits. The methamphetamine has also in itself become addictive as I'm using it to keep pushing through. The problem with smokng though is I can't seem to put the bowl down. I just continue to smoke and smoke even when all jobs are done and I should be calling it a night.
I'm looking for a little help and advice here. I know I need to quit the methamphetamine before attempting to withdraw from the benzos, but I'm concerned about my work in the office and my shop online. Why? Because I don't think I'll have the motivation to continue on. As for the benzos, I was hoping someone might be able to suggest whether I can continue to taper using Xanax by reducing by 0.5mg each week? Even then, this is only the beginning. When I get sober, the hardest part for me will be to try and stay clear of all drugs. That is without a doubt going to be the hardest thing since drugs have become a lifestyle. Drugs are something I love and love dearly. I don't know if I'm ready to quit all drugs but I'd love to moderate my use to the odd weekend so I can still live a happy life with family, friends and a girlfriend that still care for me. If I continue doing what I'm doing, I know I'll be alone with nothing but the love of drugs and that's not love, that's an addiction.
I appreciate anyone taking the time to read this and provide me with their thoughts. I promised I'd keep this short and sweet but it felt good letting out what's been on my mind for quite some time. I'm currently high on meth but physically and emotionally exhausted at the moment.
Thanks people!
Edited by Anonymous (10/18/15 09:25 AM)
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Anonymous #2
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Re: I'm an addict in need of some advice. [Re: Anonymous #1]
#22396859 - 10/18/15 09:48 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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I wouldn't taper with the drug you are using and especially Xanax ... It's really hard to use to get off cause the half life of it is so short.
Honestly I think the best way to get off is to take some phenobarbital to make sure you don't have a seizure then you ride it out.
Really sorry you are down man but the best thing to do is what you are goin if you want to br happy. My story is very similar to yours only I was smoking crack instead of meth. Right now I am almost 2 weeks clean and feeling better than I have in a long time and getting my life back on track right. YOU CAN DO THIS! It's gonna be hard but at least you are past one of the hardest parts and that's admitting that you have an addiction problem and need help.
I wish you the best dude, maybe see a doctor and try and seek help from them in the form of an anti seizure med for the benzo part.... Not really sure about the meth, I know there aren't much in the way that drugs can help cause it's not a physical addiction... But mind over matter, which I know it's hard since we are addicts.
Much love to you dude, hope everything works out and you end up happy and back with yer family and in your relationship.
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lovelaughlibs
Dopamine Slave



Registered: 10/14/15
Posts: 1,811
Loc: England
Last seen: 5 years, 11 months
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Re: I'm an addict in need of some advice. [Re: Anonymous #2]
#22397931 - 10/18/15 02:08 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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I wouldn't recommend withdrawing from benzos instantly for safety reasons, that one I'd ask a Doctor for help with (whether in the form of anti-seizure meds or whatever else).
However you need to look deep inside and think of your ulterior motive for using drugs. Even if it's as cut and shut as "it feels good", it feels good for everyone. How does it affect you differently to spawn such habits? Find your reasons as to why it's an addiction than an occasional thing and look to tackle them.
Good luck and peace sent your way. This will not be an easy journey either physically or mentally but you will come out of it with greater self knowledge if you use this time right.
-------------------- Ask and ye shall receive; Seek and ye shall find.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: I'm an addict in need of some advice. [Re: lovelaughlibs]
#22399146 - 10/18/15 06:17 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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You have a fair point. Xanax wouldn’t be the best benzo to taper with. Any idea what you would recommend? I have Etizolam and Clonazolam available if those would help. The problem is I don’t know how the dose of Etizolam compares to the likes of 10mg Diaz.
When it comes to tapering, is it only to be used at night? This is all new to me as it spiralled out of control way too quickly.
Thanks very much for the kind words. Tomorrow is going to be a struggle. I’ve had probably around 3-4 hours sleep this entire weekend. I might need to dose methamp in the morning then stick to the coffee for the rest of the day.
Lovelaughlibs, I couldn’t agree more. I’ve been reading into triggers and I have noticed a number of them. Once of them being this “games room / office” that I use for after hours work / chillin’ out. The minute I’m in here, I just turn back to the drugs as it’s almost been a ritual since day one. I only rent so I may consider a flat move if it really comes to it.
Any other advice would be much appreciated. Thanks for the well wishes people!
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Anonymous #2
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Re: I'm an addict in need of some advice. [Re: Anonymous #1]
#22399422 - 10/18/15 06:58 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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I wouldn't use etiz either, I don't know the half life of clonazolam so I can't speak for that one but I'll look it up cause it's sister Clonazepam(klonopin) is the drug I might use, or Valium as they have longer half life's and you won't have to redose as much. I really would see a doctor tho for anti seizure medication and then kick them. It's the best way, I have tapered off 3 times and cold turkey'd with phenobarbital once and the latter was by far easier.
Weaning is a long and agonizing thing with benzos without the anti seizure meds so you can do it fast. So I urge you to go get a barbiturate and try it that way
Best of luck and tons of love your way bro. Here if you wanna talk or if you need any more advice.
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Roostertail

Registered: 09/27/15
Posts: 300
Last seen: 6 years, 9 months
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Re: I'm an addict in need of some advice. [Re: Anonymous #1]
#22399454 - 10/18/15 07:03 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Maybe check into a NA meeting and see what's up.
I'm a alcoholic and I go to aa.
I was slipped a benzo while in the hospital a month back and I still suffer thinking about the effects it produced in me. I swear it's almost like alcohol.
You might be able to help me with my problem... Where are benzo so stored in the body? Liver?
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SnowDaze
Probably Relapsing on Heroin



Registered: 02/24/13
Posts: 5,996
Loc: Home, Home Again....
Last seen: 5 months, 12 days
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Re: I'm an addict in need of some advice. [Re: Roostertail]
#22399553 - 10/18/15 07:17 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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It is almost like alcohol because they both hit GABA. That's why that have similarities in the withdrawal
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If you get confused, listen to the music play
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Roostertail

Registered: 09/27/15
Posts: 300
Last seen: 6 years, 9 months
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Re: I'm an addict in need of some advice. [Re: SnowDaze]
#22399577 - 10/18/15 07:22 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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So will it go away. It feels like a bad dream
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SnowDaze
Probably Relapsing on Heroin



Registered: 02/24/13
Posts: 5,996
Loc: Home, Home Again....
Last seen: 5 months, 12 days
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Re: I'm an addict in need of some advice. [Re: Roostertail]
#22400267 - 10/18/15 09:00 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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I'm confused roostertail
Are you in benzo withdrawal? Yes it will go away. I know it feels terrible and like you and in a gloomy fog of a bad dream.
It has a withdrawal of about a month depending on the dose you are taking but the worst is over in the first week.
Or are you in alcohol withdrawal?... Sorry I don't fully understand
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If you get confused, listen to the music play
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Roostertail

Registered: 09/27/15
Posts: 300
Last seen: 6 years, 9 months
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Re: I'm an addict in need of some advice. [Re: SnowDaze]
#22400362 - 10/18/15 09:19 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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I'm sober. Been for two plus years.
It was about 3+weeks ago when I had the Ativan
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SnowDaze
Probably Relapsing on Heroin



Registered: 02/24/13
Posts: 5,996
Loc: Home, Home Again....
Last seen: 5 months, 12 days
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Re: I'm an addict in need of some advice. [Re: Roostertail]
#22400923 - 10/19/15 12:58 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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You still feel the effects???its long out of your system... Weird
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If you get confused, listen to the music play
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Forever Stoned
Stranger
Registered: 12/23/14
Posts: 14
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Re: I'm an addict in need of some advice. [Re: SnowDaze]
#22452383 - 10/30/15 06:19 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php
This site saved my life.
Valium is the preferred drug to taper with. Xanax would be the worst, due to it's high potency and short half-life. The idea is to withdraw very gradually with a long-acting benzo.
I just looked at the calendar and realized that it has been exactly 18 months since I finished my benzo taper. I'm still struggling, but I have my life back. I was non-functional and bed-ridden for quite awhile. My taper took approximately a year, and it was the hardest thing I've ever done.
Now, I don't mean to scare you too much. Benzo w/d varies greatly from person to person. It's all about how damaged your nervous system is. Some people will feel normal after a week, while some people struggle for years after quitting. For me, I was somewhere in the middle of the spectrum.
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FishOilTheKid
Ascended



Registered: 11/14/10
Posts: 5,401
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Re: I'm an addict in need of some advice. [Re: Forever Stoned]
#22452490 - 10/30/15 07:01 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
Valium is the preferred drug to taper with.
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