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Offlinetechnotree
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Thoughts on polyamory?
    #22376540 - 10/13/15 11:49 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Hi.

this is somethin i've been thinking about recently when i've been tripping on acid, and is heavily influenced by the emotional connection i got from listening to unknown mortal orchestra's album "multi-love" (so fucking dope_

and... i think that polyamory should be more widely accepted. to think that one person is just supposed to love one other person for their lifetime seems a little ridiculous... considering how primal and sexual the human is at its roots. to me, polyamory is a way to show genuine love to multiple people without having to run the risk of fighting temptation and the like. it's sort of a forward way of thinking but i really have been embracing it recently. what do you guys think


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Offlinegnrm23
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david crosby --- triad [Re: technotree]
    #22380131 - 10/14/15 06:37 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)



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Offlinegnrm23
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good book on human biology [Re: gnrm23]
    #22380187 - 10/14/15 06:48 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)



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Offlinebloodsheen
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Re: good book on human biology [Re: gnrm23]
    #22380334 - 10/14/15 07:21 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

I disagree not from a moral standpoint but from a human standpoint. I think in a perfect world polyamory would be ideal, it would allow you to satisfy all aspects of your social interaction. Imagine if we lived in a world where you were only allowed to have one friend? I have friends who love gaming, friends who love science, and friends who just make me laugh, and all of them make me happy in a different way.

However, I know I am completely and totally incapable of a poly-amorous relationship. I'm not a super jealous type, but only because I know logically that being jealous just pushes people away. Deep down the idea of a gf hanging out with any other guy alone is maddening, let alone being well aware they have a romantic and/or sexual relationship.

I don't believe this is social conditioning. I think a romantic relationship is attractive because you get to feel special. You get to feel unique, like someone on this cold and dark earth actually thinks you are worth entering a relationship with you and only you.

I have a bunch of girls I flirt with at work, but I think thats more like friendship with understood attraction. Its more like subtly acknowledging that you both find the other attractive and are also friends. But there are things that I would never ever do with a friend that aren't even necessarily sexual. Long periods of eye contact, for instance, are a big no-no for me. There is something about it that if I believed my partner shared with someone else... I just couldn't do it.

I think our need to own "stuff" is related. Hell, look at land ownership. How the fuck do you own land? The native americans thought it was ridiculous because it is. We invented it because we have such a strong desire to have something that is ours and only ours. I think its biological to desire to have something unique, it makes our place in the world seem worthwhile. Think of how many people think their crowning achievement is two things: a spouse and a house. Both things that you can claim as your own, or more accurately, shared with only one other special individual.

However, I support polyamory because theoretically it is beautiful and preferred. But tons of things in this world are beautiful and preferred and just aren't realistic.


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A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog


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OfflineStill_tripping
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Re: good book on human biology [Re: bloodsheen]
    #22382021 - 10/15/15 05:45 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Without even looking at your profile I knew you were young and male and chock full of hormones. Yeh it is a lovely thought but practically not so good. Have fun while you are young because once you do settle with someone you will quickly learn that being truly intimate demands a degree of exclusivity and for most of us that means just two and not more.


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InvisibleOsculateOfDemise
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Re: good book on human biology [Re: Still_tripping] * 1
    #22382982 - 10/15/15 11:17 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

I'm currently in a polyamorous relationship with a married couple. It seems to work well for them. I have play dates with the husband while still maintaining a close friendship with the wife. In fact, we are having lunch today. There's been talks of a three way play time since we have bdsm type play and she's been wanting to top for a while. Though I don't feel like my involvement should be long term, I am enjoying the time I spend with them.


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OfflineLucisM
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Re: Thoughts on polyamory? [Re: technotree]
    #22383504 - 10/15/15 01:31 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

I don't think mankind was meant to be monogamous.

I think people should be happy, and also keep things in the bedroom spicy for all parties involved.

I would love to have people around that I could share a place with, talk to about anything, and have their emotional support in my life, but when it came to sex sure we could have sex from time to time, but it would not be an issue if they wanted to have sex with someone else.  I think this would be being a good partner or friend, because you wanted that person you cared so much about to be able to express themselves sexually however they wanted to, which is nice.

I think when one person tries to dominate the sexual side a relationship, this causes huge problems.  It's just sex, it's no bid deal.


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Invisiblekoraks
Registered: 06/02/03
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Re: Thoughts on polyamory? [Re: Lucis]
    #22383887 - 10/15/15 03:14 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Well, polyamory isn't necessarily only about sex, and strictly speaking, it's about more than that. If it's only about sex, the term used usually is swinging.

Having said that, I don't think there are absolutes in this. What works for one person or group of people doesn't work at all for others. I'm all for the freedom of every person to find out how they want to live their life, with whomever they choose provided that those people consent.


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Offlinebloodsheen
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Re: Thoughts on polyamory? [Re: koraks]
    #22384196 - 10/15/15 04:17 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Yea, swinging is a little different. I think if two people can be OK with it swinging is fine, especially if one partner wants to explore something the other cannot/wont satisfy (such as the same/opposite gender or bdsm)

I can't be in the minds of anyone but myself but I think deep down people are lying to themselves about polyamory. I think people want to have their cake and eat it too, they want the emotional connection of a monogamous relationship with the sexual satisfaction of screwing around. In the end this is not a sustainable model for relationships IMO. Its more like...a phase. Like the classic "girls experimenting with other girls in college" thing. They might like the occasional pussy but overall they prefer dick, i.e. a 1 or 2 on the kinsey scale.

Or, conversely, its for people who are mildly autistic/sociopathic. People who don't quite connect with people the way everyone else does. Which again is totally fine, but I can only really speak for myself and I know that I have absolutely no interest in polyamory, and I've found if you talk to people about it they don't even really understand what it is.

I should note that I'm fascinated by polyamory because I don't understand it. Ive had long conversations with people who are living a polyamorous lifestyle and at the end I was more educated but didn't understand it any better. Its just not in me


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A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog


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Invisiblekoraks
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Re: Thoughts on polyamory? [Re: bloodsheen]
    #22386679 - 10/16/15 12:50 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

I think you make a few valid points. Perhaps they're not true in all cases, but especially if you look at people in their twenties, my impression is that your observations are quite true for a large portion of the poly people.


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InvisibleCosmic_Flame
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Re: Thoughts on polyamory? [Re: bloodsheen]
    #22386994 - 10/16/15 04:38 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

bloodsheen said:
Yea, swinging is a little different. I think if two people can be OK with it swinging is fine, especially if one partner wants to explore something the other cannot/wont satisfy (such as the same/opposite gender or bdsm)

I can't be in the minds of anyone but myself but I think deep down people are lying to themselves about polyamory. I think people want to have their cake and eat it too, they want the emotional connection of a monogamous relationship with the sexual satisfaction of screwing around. In the end this is not a sustainable model for relationships IMO. Its more like...a phase. Like the classic "girls experimenting with other girls in college" thing. They might like the occasional pussy but overall they prefer dick, i.e. a 1 or 2 on the kinsey scale.

Or, conversely, its for people who are mildly autistic/sociopathic. People who don't quite connect with people the way everyone else does. Which again is totally fine, but I can only really speak for myself and I know that I have absolutely no interest in polyamory, and I've found if you talk to people about it they don't even really understand what it is.

I should note that I'm fascinated by polyamory because I don't understand it. Ive had long conversations with people who are living a polyamorous lifestyle and at the end I was more educated but didn't understand it any better. Its just not in me





unless you're poly yourself you really won't ever truly know :shrug: It's not for everyone obviously. If you really respected polyamory you wouldn't believe in that silly stereotype that "its just an excuse to screw around" cause you're way off base with that opinion. That's like saying bi people can't be monogamous and have the right to screw around. People can cheat on each other in a poly relationship, cheating isn't exclusive to just monogamy you know.


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OfflinelillFish
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Re: Thoughts on polyamory? [Re: Cosmic_Flame]
    #22387532 - 10/16/15 09:09 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

I think some people can love two people wholeheartedly and genuinely at the same time. There are others who just aren't capable of it. I like the idea of Polyamory.


Edited by lillFish (10/16/15 09:10 AM)


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OfflineTheMovement
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Re: Thoughts on polyamory? [Re: technotree]
    #22389000 - 10/16/15 03:46 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

I love the idea of Polyamory.  I have practiced it with success in the past.  A lot of people assume polyamory is about being able to fuck whoever you want and that is not the case.  Polyamory, in my view, is about being able to be intimate with more than one person.  Every polyamorous relationship has different rules that need to be set out at the start though. 

I don't think I will ever find one person or be able to be the person able to satisfy every need or desire of a partner.  That being said, it would be selfish, even possessive, to tell them that they could not fulfill their desires elsewhere.  My last polyamorous relationship was with a girl who was bisexual, so obviously I could not fill those desires of hers, but why would I want to prevent her from fulfilling them herself if I supposedly 'love' her?  It doesn't make much sense to me.

I'm not possessive, I don't get jealous and polyamory works for me.  I've been both the primary partner and secondary partner and I can honestly say that the most important thing about a polyamorous relationship, hell, any relationship in general, is open and honest communication.


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Offlinebloodsheen
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Re: Thoughts on polyamory? [Re: TheMovement]
    #22389133 - 10/16/15 04:12 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

TheMovement said:
I've been both the primary partner and secondary partner and I can honestly say that the most important thing about a polyamorous relationship, hell, any relationship in general, is open and honest communication.



Yea, this is the impression Ive been given. Do to the labyrinthine nature of polyamory total honesty is key to making it work. Which in some ways makes it more healthy then a large portion of relationships out there.

I know a polyamorous family actually. There is a husband and wife living in a house with their child, and my friend is her secondary partner. He helps raise the kid and everything. And they have two room mates who are partners, and I believe her husband sleeps with the female of the other couple.

Anyway, I didn't mean to make it sound like I thought it was a merely sexual thing. Screwing around isnt just about sex either, its about drama, another partner giving them something their current partner doesn't have, all while still enjoying the benefits of their 'primary' partner (although admittedly Ive never heard this terminology before it fits both in its description and my own personal feelings of 'wrongness.' I don't want to be secondary to anyone... but that is neither here nor there).

And I also disagree that being bisexual is similar in any way. Liking penises and vaginas is, in the end, no different than liking asians and caucasians. Just because I settle down with a white girl doesn't mean Im gonna be like "Yea, you got pale skin, so I'm gonna go ahead and fuck that chinese girl that lives down the street, if thats cool with you."

Plus, with my poly friend, as far as I know hes never had sex with another girl outside of the one hes with. Which leads me to believe that hes just going along for the ride because he thinks its cool and he enjoys the company of his girlfriend and her husband (I mean jesus that just sounds fucked doesn't it?)

Ive thought about this long and hard and decided that if we lived in a world where everyone was poly, monogamy would seem equally insane. But I know that for me, when I'm with a girl a HUGE part of my enjoyment is exclusivity. I actually enjoy that with friends to a certain extent as well. I like my alone time with my friends, and Id like to think when I'm discussing my life with them that it basically stays between us. At least when its important and personal things. And I consider sex to be pretty personal, possibly the most personal thing ever. The idea that the next night the guy living next door is going to have the same thing just... yuck. No thanks.


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A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog


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InvisibleyogabunnyM
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Re: good book on human biology [Re: OsculateOfDemise]
    #22392264 - 10/17/15 08:32 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

OsculateOfDemise said:
I'm currently in a polyamorous relationship with a married couple. It seems to work well for them. I have play dates with the husband while still maintaining a close friendship with the wife. In fact, we are having lunch today. There's been talks of a three way play time since we have bdsm type play and she's been wanting to top for a while. Though I don't feel like my involvement should be long term, I am enjoying the time I spend with them.





You are the unicorn that all couples who want to open up are looking for, haha. Where can we find more of you :wink:

Seriously though, I think being in a triad with another woman long term would be an ideal situation for me and my partner because I'm bisexual. We had a pretty successful threesome with a friend of mine last Spring,  but I would like it to be more of a loving/committed type thing rather than just playing.


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OfflineTheGreenArrow
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Re: good book on human biology [Re: yogabunny]
    #22478631 - 11/04/15 10:07 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

See I think in all honesty either one of us would be too jealous.  But I'm proud of people that can shake this stigma and pursue their happiness.


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A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an
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OfflineMachiavelliavore
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Re: good book on human biology [Re: TheGreenArrow]
    #22484455 - 11/06/15 05:01 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

The chances of acheiving equilibrium in a >2 vector system in more than one dimension are not promising.  I suppose it depends on if you enjoy security/comfort/familiarity or being in a constant state of emotional flux/discovering people.


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I spawned some popcorn casings and had double-overlay cause I didn't put enough hydrogen peroxide in my automated aquarium mister.  I only got one mushroom so I cut off the head part where the seeds fall from and put it in a jar of LC and sprayed it all over a tin of PF cakes I made with gravel, cardboard, and bisquick in my microwave.  I think it will be good cause B+ is so potent.
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InvisibleyogabunnyM
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Re: good book on human biology [Re: Machiavelliavore]
    #22484677 - 11/06/15 07:13 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Machiavelliavore said:
The chances of acheiving equilibrium in a >2 vector system in more than one dimension are not promising.  I suppose it depends on if you enjoy security/comfort/familiarity or being in a constant state of emotional flux/discovering people.




Looking at divorce statistics, the chances of achieving it in a 2 person system are not that promising either.

:shrug:

All the right factors really have to be there in order for it to work. If one person is kind of just "muscling" through it to please the other then it will never work out in the long run.

Ironically I feel like there has been considerably LESS jealously in my relationship since we opened up and had a threesome last Spring.


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OfflinelillFish
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Re: good book on human biology [Re: yogabunny]
    #22489530 - 11/07/15 08:12 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Relationships become so much more fulfilling when you "let go" and allow freedom. Give up Jealousy and insecurity. Of course there are some things that will not fly, but you should have a relationship that was established with trust and respect. My thing is, I already know I cannot fulfill everything my man needs so If he finds something that makes him happy in someone else, by all means go be happy. I want him to be happy at any cost. Please go live the most fulfilling life you possibly can, I will not let selfish shit like jealousy and insecurity control his life. :feelsjohngoodman:


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Offlinebloodsheen
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Re: good book on human biology [Re: lillFish]
    #22491222 - 11/07/15 02:53 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Ive done painkillers recreationally quite a few times. Its something I like, especially if Ive got nothing better to do in the world. But if I never had another painkiller again in my life, I wouldn't even notice the difference. Couldn't care less. Weed, on the other hand... I would be very sad to know I would never get to smoke weed again.

I guess this is what polyamory is to me. I can see the appeal, but its just totally not my thing. I don't see how filling your life jam packed full of people will somehow fill the void in your heart more effectively than just one. If anything it seems like it would just increase the probability of people hurting you. You let so many people in, odds are one of them is going to be a piece of shit or is gonna "leave" you, if its possible to leave someone in a polyamorous relationship...

Its just fucking anarchy. And like anarchy, it sounds great on paper, but human nature does not abide it in the vast majority of cases


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A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog


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InvisibleOsculateOfDemise
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Re: good book on human biology [Re: yogabunny] * 1
    #22491266 - 11/07/15 03:02 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

yogabunny said:
Quote:

OsculateOfDemise said:
I'm currently in a polyamorous relationship with a married couple. It seems to work well for them. I have play dates with the husband while still maintaining a close friendship with the wife. In fact, we are having lunch today. There's been talks of a three way play time since we have bdsm type play and she's been wanting to top for a while. Though I don't feel like my involvement should be long term, I am enjoying the time I spend with them.





You are the unicorn that all couples who want to open up are looking for, haha. Where can we find more of you :wink:

Seriously though, I think being in a triad with another woman long term would be an ideal situation for me and my partner because I'm bisexual. We had a pretty successful threesome with a friend of mine last Spring,  but I would like it to be more of a loving/committed type thing rather than just playing.




Haha awww thanks just saw this comment. Ya know, at first I was very against it. I had only been in long term monogamous relationships. I had a 'test run' with someone I guess you could call it before and it didn't end well. I am really liking my new situation now. It's fun, new and exciting and really fits my life at the moment. The tricky part is knowing a balance of how to move forward without the wife feeling like she is inadequate or jealous, which is why we get together and reflect our feelings and make sure everyone is on the same page.


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InvisibleyogabunnyM
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Re: good book on human biology [Re: bloodsheen]
    #22491286 - 11/07/15 03:04 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

bloodsheen said:


I don't see how filling your life jam packed full of people will somehow fill the void in your heart more effectively than just one.





Well, for one thing, a lot of people who practice polyamory approach relationships from a completely different perspective than the above statement. A relationship is not to fill a hole or a void, it is to INCREASE the love and magic that is already present in an individual who is completely WHOLE to begin with. Love is a state of being, not a goal to be achieved through romantic partnership.


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Offlinebloodsheen
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Re: good book on human biology [Re: yogabunny]
    #22491304 - 11/07/15 03:09 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

yogabunny said:
Quote:

bloodsheen said:


I don't see how filling your life jam packed full of people will somehow fill the void in your heart more effectively than just one.





Well, for one thing, a lot of people who practice polyamory approach relationships from a completely different perspective than the above statement. A relationship is not to fill a hole or a void, it is to INCREASE the love and magic that is already present in an individual who is completely WHOLE to begin with. Love is a state of being, not a goal to be achieved through romantic partnership.



I'll never be whole. Maybe thats the piece of the puzzle I'm not able to comprehend. Fuck you and your greedy hedonism, you get to be happy AND have a bunch of romantic partners?! Fuckin bullshit :lol:


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A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog


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InvisibleyogabunnyM
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Re: good book on human biology [Re: bloodsheen]
    #22491390 - 11/07/15 03:26 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

:rofldrunk:


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OfflineMachiavelliavore
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Re: good book on human biology [Re: yogabunny]
    #22491425 - 11/07/15 03:33 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

I can see how it work well for the couple.  It's their 3rd person where it seems like it would get iffy.  Seems like it might not offer the kind of stability and support that she would need, and also make it difficult for her to develop anything on her own, since I would assume there isn't an open door to any boy she might want to bring along.  What she can develop is most likely non-committed relationships which would probably be inferior to what she even has with the couple.

I'm not the sort of person that likes to spend any time in emotional flux though, I find it disruptive to the things I actually care about (skill development/knowledge.)  I can understand how people have different priorities about life experience.


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I spawned some popcorn casings and had double-overlay cause I didn't put enough hydrogen peroxide in my automated aquarium mister.  I only got one mushroom so I cut off the head part where the seeds fall from and put it in a jar of LC and sprayed it all over a tin of PF cakes I made with gravel, cardboard, and bisquick in my microwave.  I think it will be good cause B+ is so potent.
Triggered yet?

Only a square would say "a cube is a cube."


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InvisibleyogabunnyM
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Re: good book on human biology [Re: Machiavelliavore]
    #22494767 - 11/08/15 08:54 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

I totally get your point. It is much harder being the 3rd person coming into an already established partnership, for sure. I know because I've been that person, a couple of times. For me the most difficult part was that in both instances I was mainly attracted to just one person in the couple - in one case the man, and in one case the woman. Polyamory certainly presents a host of unique challenges that you won't find in a monogamous relationship, but if one is up for the challenge, the rewards can be really extraordinary. 

For certain people it is worth the challenge, for others not. I respect both ways. 

:happyheart:


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Re: good book on human biology [Re: yogabunny]
    #22497473 - 11/08/15 07:14 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

It takes such strong communication skills to make a polyamorous relationship work. I got out of my last relationship, which started out as a triad, and dwindled down to just me and one other partner.

There's a lot of work that goes in to keep jealousy at bay. Mostly when I told people I was in a relationship with two people, they were envious and imagined my life was nothing but threesomes all the time; but in truth, I spent so much time communicating feelings with the other two that it was without a doubt the least amount of physical intimacy I have experienced in any relationship.

Also towards the end of it my partner would encourage me to romp around with other people, but never wanted to do so themselves. Not really with me, or anyone else. It was a was for me to have emotional fulfillment (with my partner) and get laid elsewhere. At first I was okay with it, but eventually I started feeling more emotionally attracted to outside parties.. which didn't really sit right with me. Eventually I left because I decided monogamy was more fulfilling (for me), because there's just a lot less guilt involved when you're investing your physical and emotional energy into one being.

Buuuuut that's just my experience with it. Different strokes for different folks.


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Woah


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Invisiblemillzy
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Re: good book on human biology [Re: BobaJones]
    #22499139 - 11/09/15 06:33 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

i think consenting adults should be allowed to do what they want in this regard; but one woman is enough for me.


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I'm up to my ears in unwritten words. - J.D. Salinger


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Offlinenicothoe
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Re: good book on human biology [Re: millzy]
    #22552847 - 11/20/15 07:12 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

It works for me!  Culturing some shrooms for the GF, so it must be love.  Perhaps the wife will finally try them too.


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OfflineChakra Shock
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Re: good book on human biology [Re: lillFish]
    #22557452 - 11/21/15 09:14 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

insecurity and jealousy are not synonyms for monogamy :tongue2:

I completely agree, relationships should be based on freedom and authenticity rather than fear and possessiveness. However, freedom is an inner quality, the knowledge of the spirit and being able to tap into our own inner resources for happiness: not a stipulation based on your methodology of relationships. It's misleading to say that polyamorous people are more free than monogamous people.

I prefer monogamy, in theory, because it's an immense commitment, much like devotion, in which the virtues of romance flourish within a couple as a testament to the power of love. It's groovy, like living in a beautiful cabin in a redwood forest with your spouse and you can forget the troubles of the world and really tap into inner peace. There's something so sweet and fulfilling in the concept of two people loving each other and reserving a special part of themselves for only each other.

I think Bloodsheen explained it really well.


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InvisibleMadcaps
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Re: good book on human biology [Re: Chakra Shock]
    #22558542 - 11/22/15 07:29 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

I say if you can afford it, its a winner..


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InvisibleMojo
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Re: Thoughts on polyamory? [Re: technotree]
    #22573786 - 11/25/15 03:35 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

I spend a lot of time thinking about why society frowns on Poly.. Obviously theistic and political powers are at work.  Tragedy associated with polygamy in popular media certainly has not helped.  The average person probably does not bother discerning between the various Poly definitions.

What is really perplexing, and what I find a little sad is how accepting society is of cheating.  Yes cheating is frowned upon; but it is never surprising when someone cheats, is it?  Cheating is popularized in every form of entertainment that society consumes.  Whether you have friends that cheat, you have been cheated on, or you yourself have cheated on someone else, we all seem to have a personal connection to cheating in some way.  Cheating is normal; it’s a part of life.  We dismiss “cheaters” as whores, dicks, liars ect…  But in reality, it surprises no one, society as a whole is entertained by it, and the government could certainly care less..

Why is it that sleeping with another person via lying and betrayal is so socially acceptable?  While sleeping around  permissively through open and honest communication is not?  It really bothers me….

Poly can mean a lot of different things, and some situations are easier to pull off than others.  Having someone on the side is probably the easiest.  Generally speaking the relationship can maintain a lot of privacy.  Life becomes significantly more complicated if three people decide to share finances, a home, and children; you will probably get a knock on the door by the government at some point.  In this sense, Poly can be a pain in the ass and very frustrating. 

I’m doubtful that societal perceptions will change, at least in my lifetime.  I have had a partner outside my primary relationship for years.  In social situations both at work and with family, I don’t feel like I can speak about her freely, I am very guarded because I have a daughter, and a professional job.  It truly bums me out; it makes it feel like im doing something wrong, when to me personally it feels so right. 

Poly relationships are a blast, but obviously not for everyone.  As mentioned previously the required communication can be exhausting.  But if you are going to share yourself with multiple people, (or with any single person for that matter), you owe it to yourself to master your own insecurities.  You shouldn’t need constant reassurance from anyone.  Boundaries, intentions, and insecurities are all things that should be discussed, but none of them should need to be revisited regularly…

Like I said, I have had a partner outside my primary relationship for years now.  At first the situation had to be fostered with constant attention to everyone’s feelings…  Now, years later, none of that is necessary.  It never comes up, just like any relationship you have to become acclimated to it, and that takes time and communication.  Eventually, three people should be able to have confidence in one another, and understand exactly where everyone stands.  At that point, holy fuck is it amazing!


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OfflineChakra Shock
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Re: Thoughts on polyamory? [Re: Mojo]
    #22574136 - 11/25/15 04:40 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Everything you said resonates with me. People-at-large like to shame promiscuity, but they secretly crave it and act on it behind closed doors. I say open the doors wide open, remove the shame from sex, let love flow from one to another.

If someone wants to be monogamous, that's fine, but it's not a moral high ground on people who are polyamorous.


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Offlineempty space
the void


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Re: Thoughts on polyamory? [Re: Chakra Shock]
    #22574346 - 11/25/15 05:23 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

I like the idea of polyamory but its very difficult for me. I have very high standards when it comes to partners.. My recent ex partner and I opened up our relationship near the end of it and it kind of resulted in it falling apart. It wasnt that I was jealous but I simply did not approve of the partner(s) that she picked. It put me off from polyamory a bit... It became very complicated.

At the moment, I'm seeing a few different girls. Ive been straightforward with all of them and it works ok. Also I dont really care who they sleep with. But when it really comes down to it, none of these women are people that I would want to have a serious relationship with so it takes away a lot of the complications.


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Invisiblejahrastafareye
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Re: good book on human biology [Re: yogabunny]
    #22614158 - 12/04/15 06:25 PM (8 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

yogabunny said:
Quote:

Machiavelliavore said:
The chances of acheiving equilibrium in a >2 vector system in more than one dimension are not promising.  I suppose it depends on if you enjoy security/comfort/familiarity or being in a constant state of emotional flux/discovering people.




Looking at divorce statistics, the chances of achieving it in a 2 person system are not that promising either.

:shrug:

All the right factors really have to be there in order for it to work. If one person is kind of just "muscling" through it to please the other then it will never work out in the long run.

Ironically I feel like there has been considerably LESS jealously in my relationship since we opened up and had a threesome last Spring.



2 chicks or 2 dicks?


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