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InvisibleOsculateOfDemise
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Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 2,879
Re: good book on human biology [Re: yogabunny] * 1
    #22491266 - 11/07/15 03:02 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

yogabunny said:
Quote:

OsculateOfDemise said:
I'm currently in a polyamorous relationship with a married couple. It seems to work well for them. I have play dates with the husband while still maintaining a close friendship with the wife. In fact, we are having lunch today. There's been talks of a three way play time since we have bdsm type play and she's been wanting to top for a while. Though I don't feel like my involvement should be long term, I am enjoying the time I spend with them.





You are the unicorn that all couples who want to open up are looking for, haha. Where can we find more of you :wink:

Seriously though, I think being in a triad with another woman long term would be an ideal situation for me and my partner because I'm bisexual. We had a pretty successful threesome with a friend of mine last Spring,  but I would like it to be more of a loving/committed type thing rather than just playing.




Haha awww thanks just saw this comment. Ya know, at first I was very against it. I had only been in long term monogamous relationships. I had a 'test run' with someone I guess you could call it before and it didn't end well. I am really liking my new situation now. It's fun, new and exciting and really fits my life at the moment. The tricky part is knowing a balance of how to move forward without the wife feeling like she is inadequate or jealous, which is why we get together and reflect our feelings and make sure everyone is on the same page.


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InvisibleyogabunnyM
fancy cat
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Registered: 11/01/09
Posts: 11,281
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Re: good book on human biology [Re: bloodsheen]
    #22491286 - 11/07/15 03:04 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

bloodsheen said:


I don't see how filling your life jam packed full of people will somehow fill the void in your heart more effectively than just one.





Well, for one thing, a lot of people who practice polyamory approach relationships from a completely different perspective than the above statement. A relationship is not to fill a hole or a void, it is to INCREASE the love and magic that is already present in an individual who is completely WHOLE to begin with. Love is a state of being, not a goal to be achieved through romantic partnership.


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Offlinebloodsheen
ChemChaplin
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Re: good book on human biology [Re: yogabunny]
    #22491304 - 11/07/15 03:09 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

yogabunny said:
Quote:

bloodsheen said:


I don't see how filling your life jam packed full of people will somehow fill the void in your heart more effectively than just one.





Well, for one thing, a lot of people who practice polyamory approach relationships from a completely different perspective than the above statement. A relationship is not to fill a hole or a void, it is to INCREASE the love and magic that is already present in an individual who is completely WHOLE to begin with. Love is a state of being, not a goal to be achieved through romantic partnership.



I'll never be whole. Maybe thats the piece of the puzzle I'm not able to comprehend. Fuck you and your greedy hedonism, you get to be happy AND have a bunch of romantic partners?! Fuckin bullshit :lol:


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A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog


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InvisibleyogabunnyM
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Re: good book on human biology [Re: bloodsheen]
    #22491390 - 11/07/15 03:26 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

:rofldrunk:


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OfflineMachiavelliavore
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Re: good book on human biology [Re: yogabunny]
    #22491425 - 11/07/15 03:33 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

I can see how it work well for the couple.  It's their 3rd person where it seems like it would get iffy.  Seems like it might not offer the kind of stability and support that she would need, and also make it difficult for her to develop anything on her own, since I would assume there isn't an open door to any boy she might want to bring along.  What she can develop is most likely non-committed relationships which would probably be inferior to what she even has with the couple.

I'm not the sort of person that likes to spend any time in emotional flux though, I find it disruptive to the things I actually care about (skill development/knowledge.)  I can understand how people have different priorities about life experience.


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I spawned some popcorn casings and had double-overlay cause I didn't put enough hydrogen peroxide in my automated aquarium mister.  I only got one mushroom so I cut off the head part where the seeds fall from and put it in a jar of LC and sprayed it all over a tin of PF cakes I made with gravel, cardboard, and bisquick in my microwave.  I think it will be good cause B+ is so potent.
Triggered yet?

Only a square would say "a cube is a cube."


No, this does not look right...


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InvisibleyogabunnyM
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Re: good book on human biology [Re: Machiavelliavore]
    #22494767 - 11/08/15 08:54 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

I totally get your point. It is much harder being the 3rd person coming into an already established partnership, for sure. I know because I've been that person, a couple of times. For me the most difficult part was that in both instances I was mainly attracted to just one person in the couple - in one case the man, and in one case the woman. Polyamory certainly presents a host of unique challenges that you won't find in a monogamous relationship, but if one is up for the challenge, the rewards can be really extraordinary. 

For certain people it is worth the challenge, for others not. I respect both ways. 

:happyheart:


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InvisibleBobaJones
Good Trip Gurpgork
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Re: good book on human biology [Re: yogabunny]
    #22497473 - 11/08/15 07:14 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

It takes such strong communication skills to make a polyamorous relationship work. I got out of my last relationship, which started out as a triad, and dwindled down to just me and one other partner.

There's a lot of work that goes in to keep jealousy at bay. Mostly when I told people I was in a relationship with two people, they were envious and imagined my life was nothing but threesomes all the time; but in truth, I spent so much time communicating feelings with the other two that it was without a doubt the least amount of physical intimacy I have experienced in any relationship.

Also towards the end of it my partner would encourage me to romp around with other people, but never wanted to do so themselves. Not really with me, or anyone else. It was a was for me to have emotional fulfillment (with my partner) and get laid elsewhere. At first I was okay with it, but eventually I started feeling more emotionally attracted to outside parties.. which didn't really sit right with me. Eventually I left because I decided monogamy was more fulfilling (for me), because there's just a lot less guilt involved when you're investing your physical and emotional energy into one being.

Buuuuut that's just my experience with it. Different strokes for different folks.


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Woah


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Invisiblemillzy
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Registered: 05/12/10
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Re: good book on human biology [Re: BobaJones]
    #22499139 - 11/09/15 06:33 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

i think consenting adults should be allowed to do what they want in this regard; but one woman is enough for me.


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I'm up to my ears in unwritten words. - J.D. Salinger


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Offlinenicothoe
Trained Monkey
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Re: good book on human biology [Re: millzy]
    #22552847 - 11/20/15 07:12 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

It works for me!  Culturing some shrooms for the GF, so it must be love.  Perhaps the wife will finally try them too.


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OfflineChakra Shock
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Re: good book on human biology [Re: lillFish]
    #22557452 - 11/21/15 09:14 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

insecurity and jealousy are not synonyms for monogamy :tongue2:

I completely agree, relationships should be based on freedom and authenticity rather than fear and possessiveness. However, freedom is an inner quality, the knowledge of the spirit and being able to tap into our own inner resources for happiness: not a stipulation based on your methodology of relationships. It's misleading to say that polyamorous people are more free than monogamous people.

I prefer monogamy, in theory, because it's an immense commitment, much like devotion, in which the virtues of romance flourish within a couple as a testament to the power of love. It's groovy, like living in a beautiful cabin in a redwood forest with your spouse and you can forget the troubles of the world and really tap into inner peace. There's something so sweet and fulfilling in the concept of two people loving each other and reserving a special part of themselves for only each other.

I think Bloodsheen explained it really well.


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InvisibleMadcaps
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Re: good book on human biology [Re: Chakra Shock]
    #22558542 - 11/22/15 07:29 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

I say if you can afford it, its a winner..


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InvisibleMojo
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Registered: 07/12/07
Posts: 1,676
Re: Thoughts on polyamory? [Re: technotree]
    #22573786 - 11/25/15 03:35 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

I spend a lot of time thinking about why society frowns on Poly.. Obviously theistic and political powers are at work.  Tragedy associated with polygamy in popular media certainly has not helped.  The average person probably does not bother discerning between the various Poly definitions.

What is really perplexing, and what I find a little sad is how accepting society is of cheating.  Yes cheating is frowned upon; but it is never surprising when someone cheats, is it?  Cheating is popularized in every form of entertainment that society consumes.  Whether you have friends that cheat, you have been cheated on, or you yourself have cheated on someone else, we all seem to have a personal connection to cheating in some way.  Cheating is normal; it’s a part of life.  We dismiss “cheaters” as whores, dicks, liars ect…  But in reality, it surprises no one, society as a whole is entertained by it, and the government could certainly care less..

Why is it that sleeping with another person via lying and betrayal is so socially acceptable?  While sleeping around  permissively through open and honest communication is not?  It really bothers me….

Poly can mean a lot of different things, and some situations are easier to pull off than others.  Having someone on the side is probably the easiest.  Generally speaking the relationship can maintain a lot of privacy.  Life becomes significantly more complicated if three people decide to share finances, a home, and children; you will probably get a knock on the door by the government at some point.  In this sense, Poly can be a pain in the ass and very frustrating. 

I’m doubtful that societal perceptions will change, at least in my lifetime.  I have had a partner outside my primary relationship for years.  In social situations both at work and with family, I don’t feel like I can speak about her freely, I am very guarded because I have a daughter, and a professional job.  It truly bums me out; it makes it feel like im doing something wrong, when to me personally it feels so right. 

Poly relationships are a blast, but obviously not for everyone.  As mentioned previously the required communication can be exhausting.  But if you are going to share yourself with multiple people, (or with any single person for that matter), you owe it to yourself to master your own insecurities.  You shouldn’t need constant reassurance from anyone.  Boundaries, intentions, and insecurities are all things that should be discussed, but none of them should need to be revisited regularly…

Like I said, I have had a partner outside my primary relationship for years now.  At first the situation had to be fostered with constant attention to everyone’s feelings…  Now, years later, none of that is necessary.  It never comes up, just like any relationship you have to become acclimated to it, and that takes time and communication.  Eventually, three people should be able to have confidence in one another, and understand exactly where everyone stands.  At that point, holy fuck is it amazing!


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OfflineChakra Shock
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Registered: 02/22/13
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Re: Thoughts on polyamory? [Re: Mojo]
    #22574136 - 11/25/15 04:40 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Everything you said resonates with me. People-at-large like to shame promiscuity, but they secretly crave it and act on it behind closed doors. I say open the doors wide open, remove the shame from sex, let love flow from one to another.

If someone wants to be monogamous, that's fine, but it's not a moral high ground on people who are polyamorous.


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Offlineempty space
the void


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Re: Thoughts on polyamory? [Re: Chakra Shock]
    #22574346 - 11/25/15 05:23 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

I like the idea of polyamory but its very difficult for me. I have very high standards when it comes to partners.. My recent ex partner and I opened up our relationship near the end of it and it kind of resulted in it falling apart. It wasnt that I was jealous but I simply did not approve of the partner(s) that she picked. It put me off from polyamory a bit... It became very complicated.

At the moment, I'm seeing a few different girls. Ive been straightforward with all of them and it works ok. Also I dont really care who they sleep with. But when it really comes down to it, none of these women are people that I would want to have a serious relationship with so it takes away a lot of the complications.


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Invisiblejahrastafareye
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Re: good book on human biology [Re: yogabunny]
    #22614158 - 12/04/15 06:25 PM (8 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

yogabunny said:
Quote:

Machiavelliavore said:
The chances of acheiving equilibrium in a >2 vector system in more than one dimension are not promising.  I suppose it depends on if you enjoy security/comfort/familiarity or being in a constant state of emotional flux/discovering people.




Looking at divorce statistics, the chances of achieving it in a 2 person system are not that promising either.

:shrug:

All the right factors really have to be there in order for it to work. If one person is kind of just "muscling" through it to please the other then it will never work out in the long run.

Ironically I feel like there has been considerably LESS jealously in my relationship since we opened up and had a threesome last Spring.



2 chicks or 2 dicks?


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