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Offlinetechnotree
psychic warfare is real
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Registered: 09/07/15
Posts: 24
Last seen: 8 years, 1 month
Thoughts on polyamory?
    #22376540 - 10/13/15 11:49 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Hi.

this is somethin i've been thinking about recently when i've been tripping on acid, and is heavily influenced by the emotional connection i got from listening to unknown mortal orchestra's album "multi-love" (so fucking dope_

and... i think that polyamory should be more widely accepted. to think that one person is just supposed to love one other person for their lifetime seems a little ridiculous... considering how primal and sexual the human is at its roots. to me, polyamory is a way to show genuine love to multiple people without having to run the risk of fighting temptation and the like. it's sort of a forward way of thinking but i really have been embracing it recently. what do you guys think


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Offlinegnrm23
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Registered: 08/29/99
Posts: 6,488
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david crosby --- triad [Re: technotree]
    #22380131 - 10/14/15 06:37 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)



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old enough to know better
not old enough to care


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Offlinegnrm23
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Registered: 08/29/99
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good book on human biology [Re: gnrm23]
    #22380187 - 10/14/15 06:48 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)



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old enough to know better
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Offlinebloodsheen
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Registered: 09/24/08
Posts: 7,659
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Re: good book on human biology [Re: gnrm23]
    #22380334 - 10/14/15 07:21 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

I disagree not from a moral standpoint but from a human standpoint. I think in a perfect world polyamory would be ideal, it would allow you to satisfy all aspects of your social interaction. Imagine if we lived in a world where you were only allowed to have one friend? I have friends who love gaming, friends who love science, and friends who just make me laugh, and all of them make me happy in a different way.

However, I know I am completely and totally incapable of a poly-amorous relationship. I'm not a super jealous type, but only because I know logically that being jealous just pushes people away. Deep down the idea of a gf hanging out with any other guy alone is maddening, let alone being well aware they have a romantic and/or sexual relationship.

I don't believe this is social conditioning. I think a romantic relationship is attractive because you get to feel special. You get to feel unique, like someone on this cold and dark earth actually thinks you are worth entering a relationship with you and only you.

I have a bunch of girls I flirt with at work, but I think thats more like friendship with understood attraction. Its more like subtly acknowledging that you both find the other attractive and are also friends. But there are things that I would never ever do with a friend that aren't even necessarily sexual. Long periods of eye contact, for instance, are a big no-no for me. There is something about it that if I believed my partner shared with someone else... I just couldn't do it.

I think our need to own "stuff" is related. Hell, look at land ownership. How the fuck do you own land? The native americans thought it was ridiculous because it is. We invented it because we have such a strong desire to have something that is ours and only ours. I think its biological to desire to have something unique, it makes our place in the world seem worthwhile. Think of how many people think their crowning achievement is two things: a spouse and a house. Both things that you can claim as your own, or more accurately, shared with only one other special individual.

However, I support polyamory because theoretically it is beautiful and preferred. But tons of things in this world are beautiful and preferred and just aren't realistic.


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A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog


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OfflineStill_tripping
Lord yes!


Registered: 10/07/15
Posts: 747
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Re: good book on human biology [Re: bloodsheen]
    #22382021 - 10/15/15 05:45 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Without even looking at your profile I knew you were young and male and chock full of hormones. Yeh it is a lovely thought but practically not so good. Have fun while you are young because once you do settle with someone you will quickly learn that being truly intimate demands a degree of exclusivity and for most of us that means just two and not more.


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InvisibleOsculateOfDemise
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Registered: 06/24/05
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Re: good book on human biology [Re: Still_tripping] * 1
    #22382982 - 10/15/15 11:17 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

I'm currently in a polyamorous relationship with a married couple. It seems to work well for them. I have play dates with the husband while still maintaining a close friendship with the wife. In fact, we are having lunch today. There's been talks of a three way play time since we have bdsm type play and she's been wanting to top for a while. Though I don't feel like my involvement should be long term, I am enjoying the time I spend with them.


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OfflineLucisM
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Registered: 03/28/15
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Re: Thoughts on polyamory? [Re: technotree]
    #22383504 - 10/15/15 01:31 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

I don't think mankind was meant to be monogamous.

I think people should be happy, and also keep things in the bedroom spicy for all parties involved.

I would love to have people around that I could share a place with, talk to about anything, and have their emotional support in my life, but when it came to sex sure we could have sex from time to time, but it would not be an issue if they wanted to have sex with someone else.  I think this would be being a good partner or friend, because you wanted that person you cared so much about to be able to express themselves sexually however they wanted to, which is nice.

I think when one person tries to dominate the sexual side a relationship, this causes huge problems.  It's just sex, it's no bid deal.


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Invisiblekoraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,672
Re: Thoughts on polyamory? [Re: Lucis]
    #22383887 - 10/15/15 03:14 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Well, polyamory isn't necessarily only about sex, and strictly speaking, it's about more than that. If it's only about sex, the term used usually is swinging.

Having said that, I don't think there are absolutes in this. What works for one person or group of people doesn't work at all for others. I'm all for the freedom of every person to find out how they want to live their life, with whomever they choose provided that those people consent.


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Offlinebloodsheen
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Re: Thoughts on polyamory? [Re: koraks]
    #22384196 - 10/15/15 04:17 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Yea, swinging is a little different. I think if two people can be OK with it swinging is fine, especially if one partner wants to explore something the other cannot/wont satisfy (such as the same/opposite gender or bdsm)

I can't be in the minds of anyone but myself but I think deep down people are lying to themselves about polyamory. I think people want to have their cake and eat it too, they want the emotional connection of a monogamous relationship with the sexual satisfaction of screwing around. In the end this is not a sustainable model for relationships IMO. Its more like...a phase. Like the classic "girls experimenting with other girls in college" thing. They might like the occasional pussy but overall they prefer dick, i.e. a 1 or 2 on the kinsey scale.

Or, conversely, its for people who are mildly autistic/sociopathic. People who don't quite connect with people the way everyone else does. Which again is totally fine, but I can only really speak for myself and I know that I have absolutely no interest in polyamory, and I've found if you talk to people about it they don't even really understand what it is.

I should note that I'm fascinated by polyamory because I don't understand it. Ive had long conversations with people who are living a polyamorous lifestyle and at the end I was more educated but didn't understand it any better. Its just not in me


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A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog


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Invisiblekoraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,672
Re: Thoughts on polyamory? [Re: bloodsheen]
    #22386679 - 10/16/15 12:50 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

I think you make a few valid points. Perhaps they're not true in all cases, but especially if you look at people in their twenties, my impression is that your observations are quite true for a large portion of the poly people.


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InvisibleCosmic_Flame
THE BREAKFAST EMPRESS
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Registered: 11/16/12
Posts: 4,184
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Re: Thoughts on polyamory? [Re: bloodsheen]
    #22386994 - 10/16/15 04:38 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

bloodsheen said:
Yea, swinging is a little different. I think if two people can be OK with it swinging is fine, especially if one partner wants to explore something the other cannot/wont satisfy (such as the same/opposite gender or bdsm)

I can't be in the minds of anyone but myself but I think deep down people are lying to themselves about polyamory. I think people want to have their cake and eat it too, they want the emotional connection of a monogamous relationship with the sexual satisfaction of screwing around. In the end this is not a sustainable model for relationships IMO. Its more like...a phase. Like the classic "girls experimenting with other girls in college" thing. They might like the occasional pussy but overall they prefer dick, i.e. a 1 or 2 on the kinsey scale.

Or, conversely, its for people who are mildly autistic/sociopathic. People who don't quite connect with people the way everyone else does. Which again is totally fine, but I can only really speak for myself and I know that I have absolutely no interest in polyamory, and I've found if you talk to people about it they don't even really understand what it is.

I should note that I'm fascinated by polyamory because I don't understand it. Ive had long conversations with people who are living a polyamorous lifestyle and at the end I was more educated but didn't understand it any better. Its just not in me





unless you're poly yourself you really won't ever truly know :shrug: It's not for everyone obviously. If you really respected polyamory you wouldn't believe in that silly stereotype that "its just an excuse to screw around" cause you're way off base with that opinion. That's like saying bi people can't be monogamous and have the right to screw around. People can cheat on each other in a poly relationship, cheating isn't exclusive to just monogamy you know.


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Pull the blinds and change their minds....


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OfflinelillFish
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Registered: 01/18/09
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Re: Thoughts on polyamory? [Re: Cosmic_Flame]
    #22387532 - 10/16/15 09:09 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

I think some people can love two people wholeheartedly and genuinely at the same time. There are others who just aren't capable of it. I like the idea of Polyamory.


Edited by lillFish (10/16/15 09:10 AM)


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OfflineTheMovement
faeirie princess in training
I'm a teapot


Registered: 07/30/12
Posts: 6,781
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Re: Thoughts on polyamory? [Re: technotree]
    #22389000 - 10/16/15 03:46 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

I love the idea of Polyamory.  I have practiced it with success in the past.  A lot of people assume polyamory is about being able to fuck whoever you want and that is not the case.  Polyamory, in my view, is about being able to be intimate with more than one person.  Every polyamorous relationship has different rules that need to be set out at the start though. 

I don't think I will ever find one person or be able to be the person able to satisfy every need or desire of a partner.  That being said, it would be selfish, even possessive, to tell them that they could not fulfill their desires elsewhere.  My last polyamorous relationship was with a girl who was bisexual, so obviously I could not fill those desires of hers, but why would I want to prevent her from fulfilling them herself if I supposedly 'love' her?  It doesn't make much sense to me.

I'm not possessive, I don't get jealous and polyamory works for me.  I've been both the primary partner and secondary partner and I can honestly say that the most important thing about a polyamorous relationship, hell, any relationship in general, is open and honest communication.


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Offlinebloodsheen
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Registered: 09/24/08
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Re: Thoughts on polyamory? [Re: TheMovement]
    #22389133 - 10/16/15 04:12 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

TheMovement said:
I've been both the primary partner and secondary partner and I can honestly say that the most important thing about a polyamorous relationship, hell, any relationship in general, is open and honest communication.



Yea, this is the impression Ive been given. Do to the labyrinthine nature of polyamory total honesty is key to making it work. Which in some ways makes it more healthy then a large portion of relationships out there.

I know a polyamorous family actually. There is a husband and wife living in a house with their child, and my friend is her secondary partner. He helps raise the kid and everything. And they have two room mates who are partners, and I believe her husband sleeps with the female of the other couple.

Anyway, I didn't mean to make it sound like I thought it was a merely sexual thing. Screwing around isnt just about sex either, its about drama, another partner giving them something their current partner doesn't have, all while still enjoying the benefits of their 'primary' partner (although admittedly Ive never heard this terminology before it fits both in its description and my own personal feelings of 'wrongness.' I don't want to be secondary to anyone... but that is neither here nor there).

And I also disagree that being bisexual is similar in any way. Liking penises and vaginas is, in the end, no different than liking asians and caucasians. Just because I settle down with a white girl doesn't mean Im gonna be like "Yea, you got pale skin, so I'm gonna go ahead and fuck that chinese girl that lives down the street, if thats cool with you."

Plus, with my poly friend, as far as I know hes never had sex with another girl outside of the one hes with. Which leads me to believe that hes just going along for the ride because he thinks its cool and he enjoys the company of his girlfriend and her husband (I mean jesus that just sounds fucked doesn't it?)

Ive thought about this long and hard and decided that if we lived in a world where everyone was poly, monogamy would seem equally insane. But I know that for me, when I'm with a girl a HUGE part of my enjoyment is exclusivity. I actually enjoy that with friends to a certain extent as well. I like my alone time with my friends, and Id like to think when I'm discussing my life with them that it basically stays between us. At least when its important and personal things. And I consider sex to be pretty personal, possibly the most personal thing ever. The idea that the next night the guy living next door is going to have the same thing just... yuck. No thanks.


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A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog


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InvisibleyogabunnyM
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Re: good book on human biology [Re: OsculateOfDemise]
    #22392264 - 10/17/15 08:32 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

OsculateOfDemise said:
I'm currently in a polyamorous relationship with a married couple. It seems to work well for them. I have play dates with the husband while still maintaining a close friendship with the wife. In fact, we are having lunch today. There's been talks of a three way play time since we have bdsm type play and she's been wanting to top for a while. Though I don't feel like my involvement should be long term, I am enjoying the time I spend with them.





You are the unicorn that all couples who want to open up are looking for, haha. Where can we find more of you :wink:

Seriously though, I think being in a triad with another woman long term would be an ideal situation for me and my partner because I'm bisexual. We had a pretty successful threesome with a friend of mine last Spring,  but I would like it to be more of a loving/committed type thing rather than just playing.


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OfflineTheGreenArrow
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Re: good book on human biology [Re: yogabunny]
    #22478631 - 11/04/15 10:07 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

See I think in all honesty either one of us would be too jealous.  But I'm proud of people that can shake this stigma and pursue their happiness.


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A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an
invasion, butcher a hog, design a building, conn a ship, write a
sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the
dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve an
equation, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a
computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly.
Specialization is for insects.- Robert A. Heinlein
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OfflineMachiavelliavore
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Re: good book on human biology [Re: TheGreenArrow]
    #22484455 - 11/06/15 05:01 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

The chances of acheiving equilibrium in a >2 vector system in more than one dimension are not promising.  I suppose it depends on if you enjoy security/comfort/familiarity or being in a constant state of emotional flux/discovering people.


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I spawned some popcorn casings and had double-overlay cause I didn't put enough hydrogen peroxide in my automated aquarium mister.  I only got one mushroom so I cut off the head part where the seeds fall from and put it in a jar of LC and sprayed it all over a tin of PF cakes I made with gravel, cardboard, and bisquick in my microwave.  I think it will be good cause B+ is so potent.
Triggered yet?

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InvisibleyogabunnyM
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Re: good book on human biology [Re: Machiavelliavore]
    #22484677 - 11/06/15 07:13 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Machiavelliavore said:
The chances of acheiving equilibrium in a >2 vector system in more than one dimension are not promising.  I suppose it depends on if you enjoy security/comfort/familiarity or being in a constant state of emotional flux/discovering people.




Looking at divorce statistics, the chances of achieving it in a 2 person system are not that promising either.

:shrug:

All the right factors really have to be there in order for it to work. If one person is kind of just "muscling" through it to please the other then it will never work out in the long run.

Ironically I feel like there has been considerably LESS jealously in my relationship since we opened up and had a threesome last Spring.


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OfflinelillFish
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Re: good book on human biology [Re: yogabunny]
    #22489530 - 11/07/15 08:12 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Relationships become so much more fulfilling when you "let go" and allow freedom. Give up Jealousy and insecurity. Of course there are some things that will not fly, but you should have a relationship that was established with trust and respect. My thing is, I already know I cannot fulfill everything my man needs so If he finds something that makes him happy in someone else, by all means go be happy. I want him to be happy at any cost. Please go live the most fulfilling life you possibly can, I will not let selfish shit like jealousy and insecurity control his life. :feelsjohngoodman:


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Offlinebloodsheen
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Re: good book on human biology [Re: lillFish]
    #22491222 - 11/07/15 02:53 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Ive done painkillers recreationally quite a few times. Its something I like, especially if Ive got nothing better to do in the world. But if I never had another painkiller again in my life, I wouldn't even notice the difference. Couldn't care less. Weed, on the other hand... I would be very sad to know I would never get to smoke weed again.

I guess this is what polyamory is to me. I can see the appeal, but its just totally not my thing. I don't see how filling your life jam packed full of people will somehow fill the void in your heart more effectively than just one. If anything it seems like it would just increase the probability of people hurting you. You let so many people in, odds are one of them is going to be a piece of shit or is gonna "leave" you, if its possible to leave someone in a polyamorous relationship...

Its just fucking anarchy. And like anarchy, it sounds great on paper, but human nature does not abide it in the vast majority of cases


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A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog


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