I'm writing this about a year after the experience, so many details are probably forever lost from my mind. This might be a bit of a long read. You don't need to read it and I don't know if there's any value in it, I'm writing it mostly for myself.
I have had some prior experience with psychedelics, I've done LSD dozens of times, and I have experience with mescaline and DMT. The setting was a psytrance party in the forest. I got there with three friends whom I had only met about two weeks before, but felt rather comfortable with. We were two guys and two girls, and one of the girls and I really liked each other, it felt like we were on a verge of a new relationship. The party itself was awesome. The music was great and everyone was very friendly, when we got there I just went to dance and was really enjoying myself.
About 30 minutes after we got there, one of the friends I came with comes up to me and tells me everyone wants to trip, and since I had no money, she was gonna pay for me. So I'm thinking "cool, free acid, why not?". She takes me to this guy and all four of us take a hit of what was supposed to be LSD.
About 10 minutes after we drop we can already feel the come up. Usually when I come up on LSD I feel somewhat uncomfortable, very energetic and nervous. This was no exception, but maybe my motor skills got a little more fucked up then usual. Someone suggests we go wait it off in the car (might have been a bad idea in retrospect, but we didn't think much of it) By the time we get to the car (less then 5 minute walk) I'm already tripping balls. The trip seemed to have had a dark, mechanical edge to it, but I just blamed it on the intense music and the fact we were in the parking area. The minutes go by and the trip is getting more and more intense, 30 minutes in and I'm already tripping harder then I ever have on anything but DMT. I'm also feeling that my body is going numb, I'm trying to touch things and can barely feel anything under my hands. that's when I was sure that we we did not take on LSD. Thoughts are racing in my head. What did we take? Is it going to keep getting stronger? Should I say something? For a while I kept my mouth shut, trying to calm myself down. You've tripped before, you've done RC's before, everything always ends up ok. You took whatever the hell it was and now there's nothing you can do about it but enjoy it. The girl I was "with" was tripping for her first time and was already nervous, I didn't want to needlessly freak her out. But slowly paranoia clouded my whole world. We've been poisoned. I can't feel my body. I'm cutting myself with my nails until I'm bleeding, and I can't feel a thing. The whole world turns evil and sinister. The moon is staring at me with its wicked light. I finally say it out loud and the other girl, who's very experienced with psychedelics, agrees with me. At that point everyone's panicking.
The next few hours were blurry, but I can recall the more dramatic events. Some guys come to our car and say they are security. They were speaking Russian or Arabic between them (not that I find the two similar, but I was completely fucked up) One of them tries to calm us down for a bit, he mainly talks to one of the girls. I remember getting out of the car, immediately throwing up and convulsing. I could not feel anything, I couldn't move, I couldn't think and I couldn't breathe. I was dying, simple as that. I could feel how every muscle in my body ceases to move, how every internal body system shuts down. I could feel a million little maggots crawling inside my brain. I suddenly fell flat on the ground. The fall seemed to last an eternity. I knew that once I hit the ground I will be dead. I thought with great grief about my family and friends, and about the future that I will never get to see. Next thing I remember is one of the "security" guys telling me to come with him and that he would get me a glass of water (we had water right there in the car) I immediately recognized in his tone and eyes that his intentions are ill. I was tripping hard and paranoid, but I simply knew that my judgement was correct. In retrospect I can say, thank god my instincts still worked. He tried to persuade me. When I declined again he got aggressive. He grabbed me by the shoulders and yelled at me to come with him. I pushed him with all my strength. He starts yelling at me in his language and as I looked around I realized my friends are not there, instead I'm surrounded by 4-5 of his friends. I turn around and run as fast as my legs would carry me. They immediately started chasing me, cursing and yelling. It seemed to me that my fear gave me inhuman speed. I'm running through a labyrinth of cars without once looking back. My whole existence is reduced to fear at this point. I know that I've been poisoned and I can drop dead any second, and I know that if I stumble even for half a second they would get me and stab me to death. I get to an open field and see the dance floor about 500 meters from me. I still here them yelling behind me but I don't dare to look back, I just keep running. If I can get to the party where there's more people I'll be safe.
I get to the party and look around me, they're gone. I forget about them almost instantly, but I still feel poisoned and all the fear about that, which somewhat faded to make room for the fear of getting beaten to death, comes back. I throw up again. I try to ask people for help, begging them to call an ambulance. Everyone tries to calm me down, but nobody agrees to call an ambulance. I was screaming and crying and convulsing violently, I must have spent at least 2 hours asking people for help. Aside from being terrified, I was now so angry and frustrated. I was dying and nobody believed me, there was nothing I could do. I remember running around, rolling on the sharp stones and thorn bushes. Sometimes it was because I completely lost control over my body, and sometimes I deliberately tried to cause myself pain because I was so desperate to feel something.
At some point (must have been 6-8 hours after dosing, still tripping very hard) I meet my friend (the girl that I liked), I was so glad and so surprised to see she's alive and gave her a huge hug. I then looked at her and realized I can't bear her presence. I still don't know what caused it, but suddenly I saw a version of her consisting only of her flaws. She seemed distant and irritating, pathetic even (in reality, she is a truly amazing person)
I then met the other girl from our group, after a long talk she manages to do the impossible. After countless people tried to do the same, she manages to calm me down. We walk hand in hand toward the sunrise, and for the first time in what seems like eternity, I'm able to enjoy the world.
Eventually we all get back in the car and drive away. The other girl, the one I liked (I realize now I should have named them to make it easier to read, but fuck it) says she can't be around us. I still feel like I can't be around her. But we were far away from home and she was too scared to go on her own, so she stayed. She wanted me to talk to her and tell her everything will be ok, I deeply wanted to comply, but I couldn't even look her in the eyes. I felt love and hate for her at the same time, and this made me hate myself. The whole situation seemed to cause me physical pain.
We go to the beach and I go in the water. I can feel the water cleansing me. Both physically and mentally, washing away the mud and blood I was covered with, and washing away the memories from the horrible night. The fear and sadness faded, but I felt empty and hollow, and this feeling took quite some time to overcome. I get out of the water and start walking toward the road, hitchhiking my way home. Took me about 8 hours to get home.
This experience has put me off of psychedelics for a while, but I've tripped twice since then, both times were good experiences. There is no doubt that my panic added to the intensity and realness of the experience, but I am also sure that the substance I took was not LSD. I really did have a horrible reaction, with my whole body turning completely numb, throwing up and convulsing. I've done 25i-NBOMe, DOx's, and all kinds of other common RC's, but I've never experienced anything like this before. I am, in retrospect, thankful that nobody called me an ambulance, this would have made things end up a lot worse, no doubt. It also makes me a bit concerned. I could have just as easily really been overdosing, I doubt that I would have acted very differently, and everyone would still disregard it as merely a bad trip. All in all, I think I learned a valuable lesson about fear, and about getting drugs from unknown sources.
Edited by lordhazil (10/13/15 02:47 PM)
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