I know the feeling, dear FishOil. I've found lately, for me, the solution is simply to read a book - of course at some point, even the very best books are not as lovely as just living, not writing or reading, just being; but then i found later on that reading a book is a remarkable protection against that type of stuff.
Peace and love, J.
-------------------- Innocent, Oldfield & Hegerland Julia Delaney, Bothy Band Rasta Girl, Sister Carol Genesis, Jorma K I Wish You Peace, Lawrence Laughing Do Your Thing, Moondog large . . music garden . . veryall peace them hiStarhouse - main Time Traveler's Guide
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Step outside of yourself for a few minutes. Don't worry about the past. Let go of childhood hang ups. There is someone out there, someone you know that has probably had horrors done to them that you couldn't imagine. I think it's strange how most childhood issues don't become issues until we are grown and they no longer matter. I remember looking in the mirror and hating what I saw. I remember wishing I was just a little more ripped, a little better looking. I remember leaving my family and friends to go play soldier. I hated the choice I made. I hated being so far away from all the issues that I used to stress over. I remember sitting in a crumbling house with my rifle in my hand wishing I could go back to that panic attack I got the day I gave a oral report I wasn't prepared for in science class. I wished I could trade places with the kid that was paralyzed with fear and dispair the day he was molested by a family friend. I still remember that day in that crumbled old house. The day I lost my legs and the ability to use my arms. Now when I look in the mirror I am happy. Happy that all the trivial issues I thought I had, that I used to worry about are gone. Happy that it wasn't me that died that day. Happy that I am alive.
Peace be upon you.
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So much love 
That was truly - beyond beautiful of you to share; thank you for posting that, friend. Lately I have been watching Dharma and Greg when I see it, and the love in that show, is much more beautiful to me, these days... I almost never had any chance to watch television when I was a kid, which was good for me, in fact one of the best things about my life. Instead I got to listen to my dad play guitar in his woolly sweater, melt into the summer warmth, enjoy the sun and trees... hehe, later I learned deep stillness, peace, and devoted my life to writing for peace, to share encouragement to help for peace and the ecology, simply to do my utmost with all my heart to help heal our nation and world - for which, fortunately, I eventually found the right tools.
Later I learned, there is vastness within; well, full vision of the infinite at a young age; and during the vision, I knew - without shadow of doubt - that light, peace and love would spread over the earth nigh instantly - as what is illusion, it is merely a fine mist; and during my vision i knew it would vanish instantly - and many other things. . . Later on I read Whitman write of that too, expressed it beautifully - that there is a palace within the h'art, to which the sumptuous feast of kings are but a crumb. . . well, let me just quote it.
Hehe, ah, my computer today is being funny with me, not letting me copy some things; so I will type it briefly,
'It is a beautiful truth that all men contain something of the artist in them. And perhaps it is the case that the greatest artists live and die, the world and themselves ignorant alike what they possess. Who would not mourn that an ample palace, of surpassingly graceful architecture, fill'd with luxuries, and embellish'd with fine pictures and sculpture, would stand cold and still and vacant, and never been known or enjoy'd by its owner? Would such a fact as this cause your sadness? Then be sad. For there is a palace, to which the courts of the most sumptuous kings are but a frivolous patch, and though it is always waiting for them, not one of its owners ever enters there with any genuine sense of its grandeur and glory.
I think of few heroic actions, which cannot be traced to the artistical impulse. He who does great deeds, does them from his innate sensitiveness to moral beauty.'
Love and Peace J.
May all beings be safe and well always,
May all be happy, May all be healthy, May all be at peace.
-------------------- Innocent, Oldfield & Hegerland Julia Delaney, Bothy Band Rasta Girl, Sister Carol Genesis, Jorma K I Wish You Peace, Lawrence Laughing Do Your Thing, Moondog large . . music garden . . veryall peace them hiStarhouse - main Time Traveler's Guide
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