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Anonymous #1
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LDR Visit
#22368290 - 10/12/15 01:38 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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So a little background.. my lady (22) and I (24) have been on & off (mostly on) dating for 4 years. She is one of the closest people to me in my life-- she basically taught me what it truly means to love. A few months ago, she had to move out of state because she couldn't afford to live here anymore. I had to stay because my job is here. When she left, we opened up our relationship because we are both young.. the last few months had put a lot of stress on the relationship and we both wanted the ability to explore. About a month in, we had to call off our relationship because I got robbed for all of my money and thousands of dollars of my friend's glassware.. My life fell apart and I couldnt really deal with my girlfriend hooking up with other people while my life was spiritually, emotionally, and sexually in shambles. I said some shitty things to her and we didnt talk for about a month. It was really difficult for me because shes basically my best friend and when I didnt have money anymore, most of my friends ditched me.. Quite a learning experience.
Well we started talking again after about a month.. after all nobody else can understand either of us like the other does. Shortly after this, my house got broken into and they stole my computer, all of my equipment, hard drives.. everything that I have used to create art. Basically my lifes work. She offered for me to come live with her to get a break from my life. Ive thought about it over a few weeks and I am leaning toward visiting her but I dont know exactly what to do. I have lots of fears regarding the visit. First and foremost, Ive finally been getting used to living alone (when she left, it was the first time I had been alone since I was 16). I am worried about the pain I may experience during the visit or after the visit. Also, I know she has been hooking up with other people.. that doesnt bother me from where I am now, esp considering I have a few partners myself here at home. However, I dont know how it would be when I come to visit her. Would it be unfair of me to request that we be exclusive while I am there? Should I even bring it up? Do I ask her about her other partners? If so is that something I should do before I buy a ticket to see her? These are all questions that have been continuously bouncing around in my head... Help me my fellow Shroomites!!
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Mr.GuessWork
Stranger

Registered: 03/30/13
Posts: 4,563
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If she's your friend then tell her you're going crazy and ask her for her advice. Let her know that you're feeling like you might get jealous but that you don't want to and that you don't want to be unfair with her, especially since she's going out of her way to help you out and be a good friend. Talking with her openly is your best bet. That's one of the benefits of having a good friend who gives a shit.
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bloodsheen
ChemChaplin



Registered: 09/24/08
Posts: 7,659
Last seen: 4 years, 13 days
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Dude, you're fucked basically. I'm gonna be straight up honest, when your life falls completely apart and somebody cares, its the best feeling in the world. But you two have too much baggage. Its just too late for you two. You are almost definately not going to listen to me, and thats fine because I probably wouldn't listen to me either. But after this is all over you are going to wish you had just made it all on your own and never made contact with her. The other partners are going to bother you, the past hurt will bother you, at some point every moment is going to bother you. Don't see her, cut her out of your life and start over. I'm not even blaming you or her, but both of your lives will be worse for getting back together. Ive seen it before and I'll see it again, you two have no chance.
But good luck anyway, someone wins the lottery occasionally, the fact that the odds are less than getting struck by lightning twice in a lifetime doesn't stop millions from playing every day
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A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog
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rackem



Registered: 11/27/09
Posts: 14,024
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good god man.. i take you have been fucked over?
op: typically i would say the same.. but some recent shit has change my mine. but yo dude, love hard.. see where it goes.
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Anonymous #1
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Edited by Anonymous (10/13/15 03:26 PM)
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Mr.GuessWork
Stranger

Registered: 03/30/13
Posts: 4,563
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Can you stay at your parents' place for a couple months, OP?
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bloodsheen
ChemChaplin



Registered: 09/24/08
Posts: 7,659
Last seen: 4 years, 13 days
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The problem is that you still love her. My ex told me that she had a guy really hurt her, so she planned on getting back with him, waiting until he really fell for her, then dash his heart against a rock (Yea, I know, thats fucking sick and I really feel embarrassed for not seeing that as a giant red flage). However, even someone with such ill intent ended up accidentally falling back in love with him. You two living together sounds like playing with fire. Especially when you are this vulnerable
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A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog
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Still_tripping
Lord yes!


Registered: 10/07/15
Posts: 747
Loc: A small hot country
Last seen: 7 years, 5 months
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So your life is the pits at the moment and your plan is to run back to her and hope she'll make it all good for you.
Bad, bad, bad plan. You are simply going to get hurt and left feeling like the pits was actually Shangri La, compared to where you end up after that.
Get your shit back together and then think about whether she is the one you want to connect with. It wasn't before.
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Anonymous #1
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Actually my plan was to go somewhere I don't have to pay rent or deal with anyone while I make everything good for me again.
Well, our mutual friend offered her work in town so she is coming to visit for a week or two. So I guess this will give me an idea of whether or not its a good idea to leave town.
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Shining Cosmos
Space Nomad


Registered: 06/18/13
Posts: 1,808
Loc: PHX
Last seen: 5 years, 3 months
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Move or not. I could see this working tout. Between the two of you. Might not be easy.
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