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Anonymous #1

Self-loathing & Suicide
    #22365892 - 10/11/15 10:00 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Ive been depressed basically as long as I can remember.. the only time I ever havent felt depressed was for a few months earlier this year when things were actually looking up. I had good work and was incredibly productive with my hobby.. then my girlfriend (now ex) had to move out of state to find herself work, quickly followed by myself getting robbed which led to me losing my job-- my car got broken into a month after that and basically everything of value including my tools for my hobby was stolen from me. I turned to my friends and family for help and basically was chastised for not being good enough. Lately Ive found myself drifting into day dreams about suicide.. Honestly the only thing stopping me from killing myself is thinking about how many innocent people would be hurt (I most commonly think about suicide while driving on the interstate) and thinking about how my few remaining close friends and my ex would be devastated. I dont want to live like this anymore. I dont know how to move forward and I fking loathe myself in the present. I dont even know why Im posting this here because I dont know how any of you can help.. I guess I dont really trust enough to talk to any of my friends about it-- Im not really trying to make people worry about me I dont want the sympathy or attention. I guess I just feel that maybe some of you can relate...


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Offlinem4dScientist
Music Always Helps
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Re: Self-loathing & Suicide [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #22366201 - 10/11/15 11:29 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Hey there man.

I know the feels. I contemplated suicide for years but couldn't go through with it cause I knew it would cause my mother to do the same to herself. I really didn't give a shit how it would effect anyone else as horrible as that sounds.

Life does get better, but I've come to accept that I'm probably going to struggle with this for the rest of my life. I know some people here think otherwise, but there is a place for medication in cases of clinical depression, as it sounds you may have as you've struggled most of your life. Most people will tell you to "exercise and eat healthy", which shows how little some people grasp the true nature of depression. I believe it is an important piece of the puzzle, but cannot alleviate severe cases of depression.

See a therapist, take some meds if you deem necessary, exercise, journal, meditate, pick up a new and inexpensive hobby, get laid, n start breaking out of your comfort zone. Stay out of your head as much n as often as possible.

You'll be aright man


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Invisibleenlightened seed
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Re: Self-loathing & Suicide [Re: m4dScientist]
    #22366409 - 10/12/15 12:57 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

the one good thing about a successful suicide is you have nothing to worry about as the idea has passed through my mind.  as the above mentioned the reason i have decided not to move forward are the people in my life.  try to make the most of things!


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Anonymous #1

Re: Self-loathing & Suicide [Re: enlightened seed]
    #22372728 - 10/13/15 11:01 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

I dont trust therapists and I hate the pharmaceutical industry and their psychiatric meds. Id rather kill myself.

If I had enough of my drug of choice I would do just that.


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OfflineLucisM
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Registered: 03/28/15
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Re: Self-loathing & Suicide [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #22372784 - 10/13/15 11:14 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

what's your drug of choice?


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Invisibleenlightened seed
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Re: Self-loathing & Suicide [Re: Lucis]
    #22372818 - 10/13/15 11:21 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Fennario said:
what's your drug of choice?



amphetamines & opiates.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Self-loathing & Suicide [Re: enlightened seed]
    #22372880 - 10/13/15 11:32 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

K, although Ive been sober off of it for a bit now

Probably because I cant afford enough of it to kill myself with it

Sedation just aint how it used to be


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OfflineLucisM
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Re: Self-loathing & Suicide [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #22372890 - 10/13/15 11:34 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

what's the LD50 for ketamine?


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Anonymous #1

Re: Self-loathing & Suicide [Re: Lucis]
    #22372914 - 10/13/15 11:38 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

400mg/kg so a little over an ounce for me


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OfflineLucisM
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Re: Self-loathing & Suicide [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #22372951 - 10/13/15 11:44 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Well, about your thread, please don't kill yourself.  From what I gather many people have these feelings, but not everyone goes through with them.  What are you doing in your life to be productive now that your hobby is gone, can you find a new hobby, something else to fill the void?  Are you actively trying to find a new job?

I really wish you would PM me, but I understand with wanting to keep your anonymity.


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Invisibleonce in a lifetime
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Re: Self-loathing & Suicide [Re: Lucis]
    #22374017 - 10/13/15 03:39 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Peace and love.

:heart:

:peace:


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