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vandago



Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 20,917
Loc: .
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I'm becoming increasingly socially awkward around women.
#22361275 - 10/10/15 11:30 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Like all of them. It doesn't matter what age.....I just can't make eye contact, or form a word without stuttering. If I do talk to a girl it's like straight coffee talk....shit about the weather...just solid going through the motions. I rarely even seek out conversation with a woman anymore......which sucks because when I actually find one I can talk to, flirt with, divulge info too, I am happier overall and time goes by easier. I have like 0 female friends, I don't talk to my sisters any more, I hear from my mom once or twice a month......I mean I rarely talk to guys either.....its not like I don't want to, I just can't remember how to be the person I enjoy being. When I talk to a woman I instantly start judging myself, my life, my words, everything but her and just think RUN.
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LunarEclipse
Enlil's Official Story


Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 21,407
Loc: Building 7
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Re: I'm becoming increasingly socially awkward around women. [Re: vandago]
#22362444 - 10/11/15 09:57 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
vandago said: I just can't remember how to be the person I enjoy being.
Maybe it's time to join the army, to be all that you can be. Oh wait, you said Enjoy...
Personally I've pretty much forgotten how to socialize and have fun with people. Maybe if I liked people more it would be more of a concern and a priority. I mean, I want to like people, but nowadays people are pretty much a drag. Too much texting, cell phoning, yakity yak but never listen or observe what's really going on.
And what is going on? To anyone observing even half eyes open, we can see the start of WWIII and an economic collapse unlike the world has ever seen. Or, we can wonder who will win the football games today, and if their Fantasy Team will win money against insiders stealing from them.
I mean, what's not "rigged"??? Social interactions are rigged as well, rigged by social convention, status, money, power, control, jealousy, greed and fear.
So get out there, have some fun, life is short!
-------------------- Anxiety is what you make it.
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rewind
cufk tish sips


Registered: 11/13/04
Posts: 162
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Re: I'm becoming increasingly socially awkward around women. [Re: LunarEclipse]
#22364562 - 10/11/15 05:40 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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You should maybe try a benzodiazepine like Klonopin. I've been prescribed it on and off since 2009. For me it does wonders in the hitting it off with girls department.
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Lucis
Nutritional Yeast

Registered: 03/28/15
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Re: I'm becoming increasingly socially awkward around women. *DELETED* [Re: vandago]
#22364676 - 10/11/15 06:05 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Post deleted by FennarioReason for deletion: er
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Anonymous #1
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Re: I'm becoming increasingly socially awkward around women. [Re: Lucis]
#22366728 - 10/12/15 04:44 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Vandago. Sounds like a confidence problem to me. It sounds like you have taken a serious look at who you are and what you want. It also sounds like you have no idea how to get there...
You are obviously not a "natural" with women, maybe 10 percent of guys are? IDK. Most men need to really learn and teach themselves how to be confident which unlocks the key to being successful with women and as a bonus with men too... Funny how that one works. But of course the goal here is really to be more confident, successful, and an overall more attractive person right? I would suggest looking up guides on this type of thing. I am guessing your father or older brothers or cousins never taught you. So the reality is you need to teach yourself. Yes it will take time.
What I did was I went to bars every night I could for a long time and naturally you get better with people. But if you also practice the art of attraction which you will learn if you read books, watch youtube videos, ect, WHILE you do the bar scene (or whatever scene you choose) your progress will be much quicker.
At least this is what I did and am still currently doing. The benefit in the end is in every area of your life though as you will notice.
All I can say is what I have experienced so far. I notice when I go out now that there are very few men who actually approach the women (especially the attractive ones), and if they do they strike out most the time. Well this actually makes it easier for the guy who has confidence because he knows he has a better chance than most the other guys there.
All I am saying is that this is actually more of a learned trait/skill than something you are born with...
And sure, Xanax just like alcohol can loosen your nerves and get you out of your comfort zone and allow you to be more natural, but at the same time it will FUCK up your life if you let it... And you see where I am going with this? I have done some xanax in the same situation. I have come to find out that xanax is really only supposed to be used for when you NEED it... You need to be talking to women at least every weekend (and a LOT of them) but probably throughout the week as well. What happens when you have a xanax addiction lol?
As far as the heroin/drug problems I would just worry about not ruining your life and maybe find someone a little lower in the looks department while you do the same steps?
.2 cents
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bloodsheen
ChemChaplin



Registered: 09/24/08
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Re: I'm becoming increasingly socially awkward around women. [Re: Anonymous #1]
#22366996 - 10/12/15 08:01 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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So OP, what else is going on in your life? Are you doing a lot of drugs, living in a shitty situation, etc? While I agree that forcing yourself to talk to women helps, it sounds like the fact that its only getting worse for you might be a symptom of a bigger problem
Just saying, real confidence is the best, if you're ok with your life it will show naturally. However, fake confidence works surprisingly just as well. Like seriously, have a few drinks and just imagine you are a confident person. The best and coolest women out there will probably pick up on your bullshit immediately, but more than fifty percent of women will fall for it hook line and sinker. And its not just confidence in the sense that you walk up to her and talk, its everything. If you are going to touch her arm, dont hesitate or do it awkwardly, just do it like its the most natural thing in the world.
I spent most of my life being afraid of women and it sucks. My ex is an evil cunt but she did give me the practice I needed to learn how suave and cool I can really be. I decided right at the beginning I wasn't going to be a little bitch. I was going to take what I wanted and fuck the consequences... And honestly it worked. Part of the reason she dumped me is because I got too close and stopped being that cool confident guy who first started hitting on her. She saw the person I really was too soon and she lost interest. I'm glad she got rid of me as early as she did because after it was all over I realized how blind I was to how awful of a person she was, but if I had just kept up my charade of confidence and basically being a genius badass with a soft side (women fucking adore that shit) we would have lasted a lot longer.
So anyway, moral of this story is that if you start faking it now, it might turn into real confidence later on, but if you're life is absolute shit you need to just stop worrying about women and take care of that first. Get mental help, get a better job, whatever it is you need to get your life together. I'm moving across the country in December because my life is shit, and even just knowing I have a new and exciting experience on the horizon has made me feel better about myself and less depressed
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A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog
Edited by bloodsheen (10/12/15 08:13 AM)
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circastes
Big Questions Small Head



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Re: I'm becoming increasingly socially awkward around women. [Re: bloodsheen] 1
#22374918 - 10/13/15 06:27 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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After many years of struggle I've more or less attributed ALL my anxiety to brain dysfunction. About to start a new medication that may help said brain dysfunction, called clozapine. It might be a similar situation for you. Maybe not clozapine but maybe some of the SSxx medications (unless you're paranoid?)
Well that's more a statement coming from the fact that I'm sick of it. There are actually some psychological approaches that are beginning to help me.
- take it easy in all aspects of life. Try not to stress over what you're like around women, and try not to stress that there's no milk in the fridge. Just go up and get some more milk. Don't stress over money, education, THINK IT THROUGH... how seriously am I taking this? How hard should I try? How important is the outcome, really? If you reduce anxiety in general in your life, and have long enjoyable anxiety-free moments, you won't feel so intense about failures or possible failures... and the overall excitement range of the body/brain will decrease, making talking to women easier, perhaps...
- look at the anxiety-producing event (talking to women) as an anomaly in your life, it starts here, I'm talking now, then the anxiety hits, then it's over. So then it's over... get on with something else, and let the anxiety pass. Make sure you let the anxiety pass. Then next time the anxiety comes on, oh it's this weird shit again, there is no personal judgment to be made, there is no real failure, there is only some anomaly.
- if you have anxiety issues at all you should always be stopping and questioning the big question of, "What am I afraid of?" ... you may or may not take it further: "this isn't Compton, this isn't Iraq, there are police around, people are busy with their own lives, even if they judge me I'm sure it's kinda a funny look on my face anyway, what's the big deal, tomorrow is another day..." etc. But usually just calmly inquiring what you're afraid of is enough. Do it as much as you want.

I'm in the same boat.
-------------------- My solitude... My shield... My armour... TESTED WITH FULL FORCE
Edited by circastes (10/13/15 06:39 PM)
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vandago



Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 20,917
Loc: .
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Re: I'm becoming increasingly socially awkward around women. [Re: LunarEclipse]
#22380953 - 10/14/15 09:25 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
LunarEclipse said:
Quote:
vandago said: I just can't remember how to be the person I enjoy being.
Maybe it's time to join the army, to be all that you can be. Oh wait, you said Enjoy...
Personally I've pretty much forgotten how to socialize and have fun with people. Maybe if I liked people more it would be more of a concern and a priority. I mean, I want to like people, but nowadays people are pretty much a drag. Too much texting, cell phoning, yakity yak but never listen or observe what's really going on.
And what is going on? To anyone observing even half eyes open, we can see the start of WWIII and an economic collapse unlike the world has ever seen. Or, we can wonder who will win the football games today, and if their Fantasy Team will win money against insiders stealing from them.
I mean, what's not "rigged"??? Social interactions are rigged as well, rigged by social convention, status, money, power, control, jealousy, greed and fear.
So get out there, have some fun, life is short!
You are high.
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vandago



Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 20,917
Loc: .
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Re: I'm becoming increasingly socially awkward around women. [Re: rewind]
#22380977 - 10/14/15 09:29 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
rewind said: You should maybe try a benzodiazepine like Klonopin. I've been prescribed it on and off since 2009. For me it does wonders in the hitting it off with girls department.
I've been on and off benzos since 2009. I hate them. I have been trying more to get off them, but honestly the times where I had the most out of life, and was together the most, was while on them.....I just kept mixing them with alcohol....and made really shitty decisions. The mix of those two drugs wrecked my life....and I got it back, but then just went straight downhill again.
The only social interaction I get is comedy, and that's not exactly inviting as much as it is a constant uphill social struggle to interact with witty people.
I don't even think it's a confidence issue. I think I have this built up imagine of what I want in a woman and I can't find it anywhere. I still think about a few of my ex's all the time, and I have that "I can't find what I had" again mindstate, but it's been fuckin years. I almost don't believe in love in general anymore.
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rewind
cufk tish sips


Registered: 11/13/04
Posts: 162
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Re: I'm becoming increasingly socially awkward around women. [Re: vandago]
#22381664 - 10/15/15 12:56 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Obviously, I meant taking them as prescribed and not abusing them to get high, which means not mixing them with alcohol. A benzodiazepine combined with an antidepressant (an SSRI like Effexor or Celexa) and maybe an antipsychotic (like Zyprexa or Seroquel). It has worked for me.
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Rebelutionsssss
Mdmazing



Registered: 07/23/14
Posts: 13,137
Loc: San Francisco
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
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Re: I'm becoming increasingly socially awkward around women. [Re: rewind]
#22381675 - 10/15/15 01:03 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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I'm the same way but lately I've just stopped giving a shit what people think of me. I'll just go up to people and talk and speak my mind weather I annoy them or not (most of the time I do) but I don't give a shit because I'm living my life and if they don't like me they can simply just walk away. Stop caring and those that enjoy your company will stay
-------------------- : To define is to confine.
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vandago



Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 20,917
Loc: .
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Re: I'm becoming increasingly socially awkward around women. [Re: rewind]
#22381691 - 10/15/15 01:17 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
rewind said: Obviously, I meant taking them as prescribed and not abusing them to get high, which means not mixing them with alcohol. A benzodiazepine combined with an antidepressant (an SSRI like Effexor or Celexa) and maybe an antipsychotic (like Zyprexa or Seroquel). It has worked for me.
I take them as prescribed now. They help when I am on them.....but when I try to abstain from taking one I go catatonic. I just lay in bed staring at the ceiling tense as fuck. I stopped taking them for 3 years total and switched to nothing but exercise and healthy diet and I felt amazing....even when I'd get high off what have you...I would feel fine within a day or two. Now I look at my weights and just sigh.....back to eating pickles and pretzels all day ( I find the time for healthy stuff sometimes, but not 3-5 squares a day ).
I hate anti psychotics. They have done horrid things to me. I don't mess with SSRI's either.
I don't even like being on Kpins. The only reason I got back on them was because I was at rock bottom and not sorting anything out because I had extreme anxiety. I knew if I had something to alleviate that, I would start to do the shitty task of finding a better job and wearing the storm I was in.....and it worked.....but now I am hooked on the damn things again and I don't feel I need them.
I guess I have all this reputation social stigma thing going on again now that I am doing entertainment. I worry about every little thing I say to a person, and am living in total dogma. If someone even cracks the slightest joke at me I buckle and go white in the face. I can't take a prison or cop joke for the life of me anymore, I have a deep rooted fear of being locked back in a cell. I guess I am extremely worried about making more connections that I will just lose. I spend all my free time with my dogs....doing dog stuff.....and just letting my mind race.
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Enjoywho
Rags to Bitches



Registered: 07/06/09
Posts: 20,880
Last seen: 2 years, 6 months
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Re: I'm becoming increasingly socially awkward around women. [Re: vandago]
#22381804 - 10/15/15 02:29 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Wait op how old are you?
-------------------- "I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." "In the days of kings and queens I was a jester." "And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies "Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"
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vandago



Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 20,917
Loc: .
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Re: I'm becoming increasingly socially awkward around women. [Re: Enjoywho]
#22381834 - 10/15/15 02:59 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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29. 30 in like 3 weeks. My birthday is filled with doom too. One of my good friends and his 2 year old daughter died on their way to my house, hit a deer and lost control head on into a semi on my birthday when I was 22. Then when I was 25 on my bday we tried celebrating it again....took a few years off grieving at that time of year....and I am on my way to his brothers house and I hit a fucking deer.....totaled my car. So now every time around this time of year I just get mentally wrecked and nervous as fuck. I actually was starting to plan out my bday this year and do a big comedy music thing.....but everyone I tried planning it with just isn't down.
Getting to the point with age, trauma, and bitterness I just gave up on things and work all the damn time. I was grinding out 72 hours a week until last week when I finally decided to tell a job goodbye due to lack of safety and a good schedule. Not I am stuck doing midnights and just stressed and lonely.
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Enjoywho
Rags to Bitches



Registered: 07/06/09
Posts: 20,880
Last seen: 2 years, 6 months
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Re: I'm becoming increasingly socially awkward around women. [Re: vandago]
#22381951 - 10/15/15 04:50 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Well fuck man I can't even remember what I was going to say. I'm sorry.
Oh ya. Just keep talking man who cares. They're just people.
Shit a girl I immediately started talking to as she was pretty as puck just quit. I messaged her on the face as she quit. I'm going to be completely honest I was crushing on you. She was like I really did too. But I'm gonna try to keep my family together. She had just got back with her baby daddy but it never hurts to through in an application. I know your not hiring ATM but keep my resume on file. :
I just love talking to pretty girls. Just Talk to them man find a way to break the ice.
I'll give you an example. Her sister which is actually hotter 
I was taking the bus and its a 45 minute ride. I got off at the corner store which is about a 15-20 minute walk from work. I thought she was a completely different girl. Oh wait your girl a's sister the one I was crushing on. Oh hello I'm me can I catch a ride to work. Anything to get an in I dont care when things don't work out me and the 2 sisters are friends and talk all the time now.
The end goal isn't sex fuck ill take all the friends in general I can get.
Just talk to them op I fail constantly but I keep doing it. Don't be afraid of rejection it happens.
-------------------- "I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." "In the days of kings and queens I was a jester." "And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies "Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"
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Still_tripping
Lord yes!


Registered: 10/07/15
Posts: 747
Loc: A small hot country
Last seen: 7 years, 5 months
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Re: I'm becoming increasingly socially awkward around women. [Re: vandago]
#22381983 - 10/15/15 05:19 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
vandago said: Like all of them. It doesn't matter what age.....I just can't make eye contact, or form a word without stuttering... ...I just can't remember how to be the person I enjoy being. When I talk to a woman I instantly start judging myself, my life, my words, everything but her and just think RUN.
I suspect you need to make peace with yourself first. That means doing what is necessary to become happy with who you are, and that usually means what you've accomplished, where you are going, and what your hopes are. When you've found that inner peace and become happy with yourself, then people will want to be around you and will want you as a friend.
Small bit of advice when talking to women. Break the ice by simply complimenting her on her most outstanding asset. Every woman has one and is aware of it and likes being complimented on it. Then be truthful by stating you wanted to meet/talk to her because you find her attractive. If she dosen't respond positively then that's her loss and you simply go find someone else.
The other thing to remember is that it is not up to you to carry the conversation, rather ask questions and listen. Everyone likes being listened to and women normally complain men don't listen to them. Ask her questions, look and act like you are interested and she'll talk your ears off. If you can survive that and still look interested she'll think you are the best man she's ever met.
It is a very full sea you are fishing in and luck will come eventually but the more self possessed and confident of yourself you are (and therefore the more you really do like yourself) the better it will work for you.
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LunarEclipse
Enlil's Official Story


Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 21,407
Loc: Building 7
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Re: I'm becoming increasingly socially awkward around women. [Re: circastes]
#22381989 - 10/15/15 05:23 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Describes beautifully "Anxiety is what you make it".
-------------------- Anxiety is what you make it.
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Malcolm_Xtasy
Oh baby what Is you doin??



Registered: 04/04/12
Posts: 13,851
Loc:
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Re: I'm becoming increasingly socially awkward around women. [Re: Enjoywho]
#22382497 - 10/15/15 09:04 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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EnjoyWho, STFU
@Vandago
It sounds like you're putting way too much pressure and stress on the situation. Women are people just like anyone else. Don't make the end goal "to bang" and you'll find that a lot of chicks are pretty easy to talk to. Just my two cents
-------------------- I'm stupid, Enlil is smart. I'm ugly, Enlil is beautiful. I'm a loser, Enlil is a winner. Someday, I hope to be like Enlil but secretly know I never will.
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Enjoywho
Rags to Bitches



Registered: 07/06/09
Posts: 20,880
Last seen: 2 years, 6 months
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Re: I'm becoming increasingly socially awkward around women. [Re: Still_tripping]
#22385366 - 10/15/15 08:14 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
Still_tripping said:
Quote:
vandago said: Like all of them. It doesn't matter what age.....I just can't make eye contact, or form a word without stuttering... ...I just can't remember how to be the person I enjoy being. When I talk to a woman I instantly start judging myself, my life, my words, everything but her and just think RUN.
I suspect you need to make peace with yourself first. That means doing what is necessary to become happy with who you are, and that usually means what you've accomplished, where you are going, and what your hopes are. When you've found that inner peace and become happy with yourself, then people will want to be around you and will want you as a friend.
Small bit of advice when talking to women. Break the ice by simply complimenting her on her most outstanding asset. Every woman has one and is aware of it and likes being complimented on it. Then be truthful by stating you wanted to meet/talk to her because you find her attractive. If she dosen't respond positively then that's her loss and you simply go find someone else.
The other thing to remember is that it is not up to you to carry the conversation, rather ask questions and listen. Everyone likes being listened to and women normally complain men don't listen to them. Ask her questions, look and act like you are interested and she'll talk your ears off. If you can survive that and still look interested she'll think you are the best man she's ever met.
It is a very full sea you are fishing in and luck will come eventually but the more self possessed and confident of yourself you are (and therefore the more you really do like yourself) the better it will work for you.
I agree. I was a very timid kid in high school. After I got out I realized fuck this I really like talking to pretty girls and I'm actually pretty funny and likeable. I treat them the same as any other person. Sure I guess I'll get a little anxiety asking a girl out but it doesn't start there. It's starts with banter.
-------------------- "I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." "In the days of kings and queens I was a jester." "And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies "Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"
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Enjoywho
Rags to Bitches



Registered: 07/06/09
Posts: 20,880
Last seen: 2 years, 6 months
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Re: I'm becoming increasingly socially awkward around women. [Re: Enjoywho]
#22385377 - 10/15/15 08:17 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Complimenting on an asset I love that shit. I do it all the time. Hey I like your shoes. When there like thank you and I had no intention of taking the conversation further. I walk down the street and do it. Because why not and they always thank me. Your welcome have a great day. As were both smiling and we both continue our journeys.
-------------------- "I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." "In the days of kings and queens I was a jester." "And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies "Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"
Edited by Enjoywho (10/15/15 08:18 PM)
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