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nuds



Registered: 03/28/15
Posts: 578
Loc: Australia, NSW
Last seen: 5 months, 30 days
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Re: Rules of comedy. [Re: vandago]
#22357537 - 10/10/15 03:08 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Keep it tactful. Go on a side note for 5 minutes or something that can constantly be brought back to him and his shittiness without ever mentioning him. Bring it round full circle with one big kick in the teeth and bask in the savage vitriol. Keep giving him prolonged glances, holding it after a nice punch line, sarcastic smiles toward him, that sorta jazz. Eventually just move on and dominate your set with other stuff, I'm sure people are aware he needs and deserves a good roasting, but they don't wanna see you devote your entire set to it, squash the roaches and move on.
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vandago



Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 20,917
Loc: .
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Quote:
Burke Dennings said: It sounds like this guy is intimidated by you.
A lot of the comedians are. I have had some of the ones that have been doing it for years instantly tell me I have a lot of promise ahead of me if I keep it up and tighten ship a little bit. A lot of the local ones that are cliqued up like a 16 year old lunch table shoot me a lot of negativity....until I completely disregard it and go about my acts like they don't exist and impress.
I have too much heart is the problem. I started balls out and didn't give a fuck andrew dice clay style, but then I would sit at home and wonder exactly what I was trying to do with comedy, and I decided it was to help people avoid my shit show of decisions, on top of really punny sheesy one liners that you could just ramble off at parties.
The change I made was HUGE. It started bringing people out of their houses show after show.....until this last one.....
I host all the shows I am doing with this promoter ( he is the one in charge of booking, money, and dealing with the owners of bars ).....he hasn't been paying me so he can book "bigger names" which are just guys from bigger cities around here that have a podcast or something. But as a host you wanna keep things flowing, but not kill it with your material.....more like lead the next guy up to kill it and then make him look good after, then follow up to the next guy.....
The joke thief was in the middle of a bit he stole off another comedian, I can't remember who.....the bit that's "If you are the michael jordan of something, you are the fucking BEST at it...." bit.....where he can talk about bill clinton being the michael jordan of impeachments....etc......but he went right with the michael jordan bit into "And vandago is the michael jordan of killing momentum and ruining comedy shows".......just opened up with that.....
I've had 5 people message me and literally tell me how much they hated this dudes HOUR LONG set ( he was supposed to do 20 fucking minutes ) and said how he opened was partially what killed it for him.
I think with how racist he is and how much jokes he steals he will hack himself out soon.....but maybe not.....he's riding on the "black lives matter" shit right now and hes riding hard.
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akira_akuma
Φύσις κρύπτεσθαι ὕψιστος φιλεῖ


Registered: 08/28/09
Posts: 82,455
Loc: Onypeirophóros
Last seen: 4 years, 1 month
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Re: Rules of comedy. [Re: vandago]
#22357551 - 10/10/15 03:14 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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damn, why is the promoter hiring this douchenozzle?
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vandago



Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 20,917
Loc: .
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Because my promoter is an idiot. He is one of the promoters for mushroom head, he runs infektid productions and the metal maffia.
He instantly saw no money coming in from music, heard about me, and decided to run on my coat tails.
A friend from gradeschool hit me up and asked me to perform with him for his first time, so I obliged. This promoter showed up with him and did a set himself.....then he did two more sets....next thing I know he is going from club to club telling people he runs a comedy group and we do shows.
I can pull 20-25 people myself, and so can he, and another comedian in the group....75 people for a comedy show is big for a local show.....like theres usually 20 or so.
He has no idea what hes doing. He watches a performance, gauges out laughs, and asks who he thinks will pull in a crowd to come back. He even asked me "Should we stick with local free comedians, or pay bigger comedians" I told him plain and simple keep it local and build, they will come out on their own.
He defied exactly what I said, and my next shows pay went to paying bill squire 500 bucks.
I don't want to fully quit this group, because I like the other 2 comedians...and my promoter is actually funny.....but he's keeping the cash thats extra....even the charity money.....I'm almost positive.
I think I am going to have to fully start my own thing.....promoting, hosting, and booking. Cut out the guy that has no passion in what he's doing.
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Amanita86
OTD Keymaster


Registered: 09/26/12
Posts: 89,464
Loc: hades
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Quote:
akira_akuma said: just tell him
stfu you dogged miscreant. you are nothing but a garbled mess of redundant recycled comic relief and misconstrued in-jokes, for some reason. makes you wanna just cringe and vomit.
you upstairs jerking-off in the dark with a fluffy cupid's arrow dildo up his ass chained inside an electric fence faggot.
you amount to an amoebas neuronal discharge, STFU and get lost you fucking retarded bounder of cockstuffing homoage.
....
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Orange clock, pencil "They threw me off the hay truck about noon..."
*Mark 15:34  Gam zeh ya’avor...
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akira_akuma
Φύσις κρύπτεσθαι ὕψιστος φιλεῖ


Registered: 08/28/09
Posts: 82,455
Loc: Onypeirophóros
Last seen: 4 years, 1 month
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Re: Rules of comedy. [Re: Amanita86]
#22357616 - 10/10/15 04:06 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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i wrote that shit...from outta my ass!
be
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mindbodysoul
the fertile


Registered: 03/10/14
Posts: 912
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that was brilliant
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vandago



Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 20,917
Loc: .
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My promoter is in the batman costume.....if this helps you understand what I have to put up with here lol
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zZZz
jesus


Registered: 12/28/07
Posts: 33,478
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Re: Rules of comedy. [Re: vandago]
#22361255 - 10/10/15 11:22 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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give em what he wants.
go full blown psycho on his ass, as an act, this is very important.
when u're on stage just start screaming at him at the top of ur lungs from the stage,
"FUCK U ASSHOLE, U STEAL JOKES, URE FUCKING PATHETHIC", but lets not forget this will all be part of the act.
hire someone, or get some fellow peeps to run up on stage as u are screaming to hold u back, and keep on yelling obscenities as they drag u off stage,
"I HOPE U DIE IN A FIRE, ROT IN HELL DICKFACE!"
make a big scene, but it is very important that everyone involved knows what u are doing, except for the asshole ofcourse.
then when he goes up to u offstage be like "yo man good shit "
do this for every show he attends
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Prisoner#1
Even Dumber ThanAdvertized!


Registered: 01/22/03
Posts: 193,665
Loc: Pvt. Pubfag NutSuck
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Re: Rules of comedy. [Re: vandago]
#22361288 - 10/10/15 11:35 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
vandago said: I had always heard two golden rules:
1. Never make fun of a fellow comedians art
it's been common practice to try and ridicule fellow comedians
he's like a very ghetto carlos mencia.
um... what?
Quote:
How should I go about this and not look like a dick head?
maybe stop bagging on other comedians just because they're funnier maybe try being funny, it's a hallmark of good comedy
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vandago



Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 20,917
Loc: .
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Quote:
Prisoner#1 said:
Quote:
vandago said: I had always heard two golden rules:
1. Never make fun of a fellow comedians art
it's been common practice to try and ridicule fellow comedians
he's like a very ghetto carlos mencia.
um... what?
Quote:
How should I go about this and not look like a dick head?
maybe stop bagging on other comedians just because they're funnier maybe try being funny, it's a hallmark of good comedy
Are you dense as a brick or what pris? I haven't bagged on him.....he's personally attacking me on stage and stealing jokes directly from reddit. From my understanding you know about as much as art as you do politics, so your opinion here is about as valid as it would be if I saw you at the gym.
Those two rules are very prevalent in most comedy scenes. I don't bag on other comedians, and I don't steal jokes, and considering loser wooks like fee run around the country spouting my jokes like they wrote them, I can only assume the money I've been helping pulling in means something.
Your reading comprehension is very select.
Edit: And I also noticed you took my first quote highly out of context. Those two rules applied until hannibal buress whipped his dick out on stage and changed the game. You'd never hear carlin ragging on hicks, or carey ripping on saget....unless it's a roast.....there's set and settings for shit like that.
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Prisoner#1
Even Dumber ThanAdvertized!


Registered: 01/22/03
Posts: 193,665
Loc: Pvt. Pubfag NutSuck
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Re: Rules of comedy. [Re: vandago]
#22361472 - 10/11/15 12:43 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
vandago said:
Are you dense as a brick or what pris? I haven't bagged on him.....
see, now I was funny and you didnt get it
have you tried introducing him as "straight from the ghettos of beverly hills, our very own Carlos Mencia" or some other idiotic shit that ends with you calling him carlos mencia... the audience will get it even if you dont
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vandago



Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 20,917
Loc: .
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Having the intuition of a newt does not help me in comedy what so ever. I have to do it completely sober or I everything just flies over my head.
I dish it out but it's hard for me to take it. I've kinda drawn too many lines at what I accept. I think just railing him with carlos mencia and "SOOooo here's another one from reddit" jokes will probably do the trick.
The crazy thing is this dude makes a living off this. He doesn't have to work, he just plays back up guitar in a blues band, and rips off comedians.
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Masked
The Nutter



Registered: 11/26/12
Posts: 8,979
Loc: Canada
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Re: Rules of comedy. [Re: vandago]
#22361545 - 10/11/15 01:26 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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I know if it was me, I would roast him, with tact and wit. Be funny
What's he going to do when the crowd is laughing at you making fun of him?
Lol
But if he is more clever and/or funnier, it can backfire on you
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vandago



Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 20,917
Loc: .
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Re: Rules of comedy. [Re: Masked]
#22361551 - 10/11/15 01:29 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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I just gotta pick the right set and setting. He runs his own open mic and blues night, I wouldn't do it at his show ( like he did mine ) because that's for chumps. But next time he's at my show, or I am opening for him or vice versa at an open mic I'm gonna rip him up.
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Masked
The Nutter



Registered: 11/26/12
Posts: 8,979
Loc: Canada
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Re: Rules of comedy. [Re: vandago] 1
#22361553 - 10/11/15 01:29 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Sounds like a good plan 
Let me know how it goes! Have fun with it
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RobZombie68
The Shaman's Apprentice


Registered: 06/22/14
Posts: 820
Loc: Palookaville, US
Last seen: 30 days, 6 hours
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Re: Rules of comedy. [Re: vandago]
#22361561 - 10/11/15 01:35 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Ummmm, those jokes he is stealing fucking suck, I didn't even smile, much less laugh....
If you have better jokes, don't trip on it.
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vandago



Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 20,917
Loc: .
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"they should call black people cocoa wheats.....that way they can't be beat"
"Whats the difference between a hooker and a bottle of maddogg 20/20? I can pound a hooker and slam her on the floor and still feel good about myself"
"What do you call a baby in a wood chipper? A baby shower?"
"I'm inventing a dick shaped frying pan. Calling it a peter pan"
"I read 20% of 20 dollar bills have cocaine on them. This is fucking bullshit. I went through my moms purse.....100% of 20 dollar bills have cocaine on them!.....I just wish my mom had more then a rolled up 20 to steal so I could've bought more crack"
"Christmas is coming! I have robin williams ornaments available to hang from your tree!"
"This halloween I'm thinking of going as a cunt. Looks like I'm going to have to get a hula hoop, and a very strong political stance based solely off facebook memes"
Those are some short little one liner style jokes I have.
A lot of my sets are buttoned long stories that are ridiculous and true....like stuffing DMT in my ass during a car search in TN.....and have a girl not clean her fiance out of her ass prior to cheating on him with me....so I got the shitty end of the stick.....
The jokes he steals are SOOOOO bad. Like I spend time writing those half assed jokes I just posted. He literally hits up reddit before a show and writes down like ten memes. He even does a bit about calling chicks fat destroying them "because elephants never forget" which is from like 3rd grade.
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zZZz
jesus


Registered: 12/28/07
Posts: 33,478
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Re: Rules of comedy. [Re: vandago]
#22361580 - 10/11/15 01:47 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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i still think u should go bat shit crazy on stage
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vandago



Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 20,917
Loc: .
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Re: Rules of comedy. [Re: zZZz]
#22361604 - 10/11/15 01:57 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Oh I go batshit crazy onstage. I had a heckler get so mad when I owned her she bum rushed the stage with a beer bottle to smash over my head but the bartender jumped across the bar and grabbed her and drug her out.
She was screaming at me about how "Rape jokes wernt funny, she was an OBGYN and I was a worthless piece of shit."
....I hadn't even told a rape joke
So I responded with "So you're a gyno eh? You know no one goes to the gyno because they want too....they go because they have to....that makes you WAY more of a rapist than me."......she started flipping out....I asked her " could I get a business card to hand out to people to let them know where NOT to get their cervix scraped?"....about when she bum rushed the stage shrieking.....
After she got thrown out she ran back in and started just ripping on me about my hair, my appearance, my face.....everything.....I responded with "Hey cunt, little do you know I'm a glutton for punishment, and haven't been laid in months....I like where this is going....think you could spit on me next, I'm already hard."
She starts flipping out going insane about how she is going to press charges on me.....I looked at her and said "funny you should say that, because I noticed you have been dipping off to the bathroom every 15 minutes and coming out with white powder on your nose.....do you have enough to share with me AND the cops when they come?"
She left mighty quick.....so I finished off with a few rape jokes....
"If a referee rapes a girl....who blows the whistle?"
"If someone with a foot fetish kicks you in the nuts.....is that rape?"
But I also do a bit about having aspergers and people never believing me.....so I go on this 2 minute rant about douche bags who drop change and don't pick it up, and do all the math of just passing a penny up on the ground and how much money a fuck would make every year just picking up pennies, demand that if you don't make that much a year you are scum.....this is done hyperventilating and screaming and I end it by slamming my head into the microphone.
I've never done the same set twice though.
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