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OfflineChakra Shock
Waxing Prophetic


Registered: 02/22/13
Posts: 2,514
Loc: The Enterprise
Last seen: 3 years, 8 months
Can you handle the fail? One more love story gone wrong
    #22356988 - 10/09/15 11:11 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Hey shroomfam, it's been a while since I made a post here.
I've always valued the opinions of the Sexuality and Relationships forum, you've sent me on the right path before :sun:, so now I have a question:

Should I tell this person what I really think? :shrug:

First some background - I fell in love with a young woman I had a college class with, and we bonded very closely. She decided that wasn't what she wanted and chose this other guy over me. Over that time, we still spent time together, and we still acted very close and emotional, we were good friends... but it was too much for me, so I left.

A year later, I reconnected with her. She was very kind, very groovy. We talked about what we had been doing for the past year, listened to me, and never really indicated that she was upset about the past, about how i left. She was even physically affection, held my arm and looked into my eyes as I was leaving the scene and stuff like that. She sent me a text message saying "sending love, love you" one day when I asked her if she had listened to the CD of some of my original music.

And then it all blew up a few weeks later when I went to see her at her house. She confronted me about the past, things I had said and how I had just up and left for a year, said I was wrong for leaving then, and called me an energy rapist for being emotionally intense around her and her boyfriend. 
:dafuq:
That really hurt, man, I even believed her for a while and thought I was a terrible person.
I don't anymore, but that night it was like a nightmare. However, since I had come into the conversation that night riding off the waves of euphoria from her message of love, I walked into that damn house with a love letter. I gave it to her, and that was the final straw.

Two days after that, I left for India. I sent her a message, asked if we could talk, and she said yes. She proceeded to completely ignore me for the next two months, during which time I sent her about 3-4 messages and called her phone on a few nights, with no answer.

When she finally got back in touch with me,

She said, "how could you give me that letter after everything we had just talked about?"
indicating once again that for some reason, my feelings for her were an affront on her personal safety, like saying i love you to someone means you're gonna try to have your way with them.

I probably seem like a delusional person for even wanting to be involved with her whatsoever, but I promise you, she has an immense wealth of positive aspects, characteristically and spiritually. She was a great friend for a while,

but she made it seem as though it was wrong for me to even be in touch with her.
She removed me from her facebook friends.

I wrote out a long letter which basically explains how she was incredibly confusing to me, and how saying shit like that I'm an "energy rapist" was horribly mean and unfounded. It seems important to me that she knows that I think this, as a way to stand up for truth and common decency. It's not right that she could treat me this way and then also demand that I just walk away from the whole thing without getting my say in the matter.

thank you to anyone who actually read all that!


I just want to know if i should try to explain this stuff to her, even though i know she probably doesn't want to talk to me anymore. I just don't think it's right that she could accuse me of those things and just walk away from it like it was true.

For all of this, I've gotta say the most important things in life come from within ourselves: the love we have for ourselves, our family, and everyone we've ever had the chance to meet well: our ability to meditate on what's really happening, and be grateful, instead of wallowing in the past.

On that note, does it seem inappropriate to send her a message explaining, respectfully, how I feel about what she said to me back then, even though she made it somewhat clear that she doesn't want me to contact her?

Thoughts?

:squirrelnut:


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InvisibleMasked
The Nutter
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Registered: 11/26/12
Posts: 8,979
Loc: Canada Flag
Re: Can you handle the fail? One more love story gone wrong [Re: Chakra Shock] * 1
    #22357163 - 10/10/15 12:06 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Truthfully man, you are much better off just cutting the chord and walking away


It may seem like it may make you feel better by getting your "last word" in, but be the bigger man and just walk away


And if she messages you ever again....and she will...don't respond. 

There is an awful lot of drama from a woman you've never officially even been with or lived with yet :eek:

Get out, cut it clean and don't look back.


--------------------
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OfflineDTCharlieB
yum yum fish.
Male

Registered: 08/31/07
Posts: 1,027
Loc: Yak attack Flag
Last seen: 5 years, 8 months
Re: Can you handle the fail? One more love story gone wrong [Re: Masked]
    #22364686 - 10/11/15 06:06 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

You live, you love, you learn.  Life experiences can be confusing and hurtful sometimes.  I personally think that you should just walk away from the situation and leave it alone.

Just my 2 pennies.


--------------------
I like lasagna.



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Offlinebrokentv
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Registered: 03/02/12
Posts: 2,417
Last seen: 6 years, 8 months
Re: Can you handle the fail? One more love story gone wrong [Re: Masked]
    #22365005 - 10/11/15 07:07 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Masked said:
Truthfully man, you are much better off just cutting the chord and walking away


It may seem like it may make you feel better by getting your "last word" in, but be the bigger man and just walk away


And if she messages you ever again....and she will...don't respond. 

There is an awful lot of drama from a woman you've never officially even been with or lived with yet :eek:

Get out, cut it clean and don't look back.




I agree with this completely. Look at the patterns and ask yourself as logically as possible if it will really be of any benefit. No one deserves the strange drama she has caused you. Its toxic. I think putting your energy towards somebody who would actually appreciate it is the only way to go.


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OfflineChakra Shock
Waxing Prophetic


Registered: 02/22/13
Posts: 2,514
Loc: The Enterprise
Last seen: 3 years, 8 months
Re: Can you handle the fail? One more love story gone wrong [Re: brokentv]
    #22367743 - 10/12/15 11:32 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Thank you all for the responses, I agree with you all.

I suppose I needed some input to remember just how sketchy that whole, dramatic show was. I think I'm much better off appreciating myself here and now, knowing that I'm okay on my own, and it's possible that someday I'll find a woman who's got a level head and can really groove with me.

I've decided not to contact her. It's not worth it to relive the same cycles of being led on, which I know I would if I were to get back in touch with her.

It's true, sometimes lessons are learned through difficult experiences, but it just prepares us for the ensuing wonder and beauty of seeing with a fresh perspective.

Yet again, thanks for the advice! :sun:


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InvisibleSham87
mashAllah
Male

Registered: 05/16/11
Posts: 9,818
Re: Can you handle the fail? One more love story gone wrong [Re: Chakra Shock]
    #22367816 - 10/12/15 11:46 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Dude from your post she seems like the energy rapist.

You've made a wise choice.


--------------------
:mushroom2::sun::crazy2::leaf:




...once in a while you get shown the light in the strangest places if you look at it right...



:feelsgoatman:


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InvisibleMr.GuessWork
Stranger
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Registered: 03/30/13
Posts: 4,563
Re: Can you handle the fail? One more love story gone wrong [Re: Sham87]
    #22367938 - 10/12/15 12:10 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

I wouldn't contact her, but I also wouldn't ignore her if she contacted you now that you're clear about what your boundaries are. If she gets back in touch with you then make it clear that you have problems with the way you were treated, and that those problems need to be addressed before you can feel comfortable with being friends again. It sound's like she treated you pretty unfairly and didn't even bother to give a shit about how what she said affected you. There's no reason to abide that kind of treatment, but you shouldn't let it make you bitter or anything like that either. You're perfectly capable of handling that bullshit without compromising your integrity of character. She sounds like a temperamental self-absorbed flake to me though. I probably wouldn't have the patience to be nice to her if she kept up with the bullshit.


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OfflineStill_tripping
Lord yes!


Registered: 10/07/15
Posts: 747
Loc: A small hot country
Last seen: 7 years, 5 months
Re: Can you handle the fail? One more love story gone wrong [Re: Chakra Shock]
    #22382041 - 10/15/15 06:00 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

From your post she dosen't sound all that positive to me, of course a pic would probably help. I agree with everyone else that you should walk.

Quote:

Chakra Shock said:
It's not right that she could treat me this way and then also demand that I just walk away from the whole thing without getting my say in the matter.




Absolutely nothing you could say will change her in any way so why bother giving yourself the grief. There are lots of people in this world that need fixing but guess what? You can't fix them! The best you can do is find someone who dosen't need fixing.

Quote:


For all of this, I've gotta say the most important things in life come from within ourselves: the love we have for ourselves, our family, and everyone we've ever had the chance to meet well: our ability to meditate on what's really happening, and be grateful, instead of wallowing in the past.




Now go find someone who feels the same way you do.


--------------------


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OfflineStill_tripping
Lord yes!


Registered: 10/07/15
Posts: 747
Loc: A small hot country
Last seen: 7 years, 5 months
Re: Can you handle the fail? One more love story gone wrong [Re: Chakra Shock]
    #22382085 - 10/15/15 06:21 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Chakra Shock said:
Yes I love a transsexual woman. I am bisexual honestly.




Of course this could always be part of the problem and maybe it's you needing fixing?


--------------------


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OfflineChakra Shock
Waxing Prophetic


Registered: 02/22/13
Posts: 2,514
Loc: The Enterprise
Last seen: 3 years, 8 months
Re: Can you handle the fail? One more love story gone wrong [Re: Still_tripping]
    #22404742 - 10/19/15 06:15 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

If I had actually posted that then perhaps it would be part of the complications, but as it just so happens, that's quoted from a different shroomerite.

I've definitely taken the advice of the shroomy council and have decided not to contact her now or in the near future. Thanx for the reply!


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Offlinebloodsheen
ChemChaplin
Male User Gallery


Registered: 09/24/08
Posts: 7,659
Last seen: 4 years, 13 days
Re: Can you handle the fail? One more love story gone wrong [Re: Chakra Shock]
    #22405083 - 10/19/15 07:21 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

So Ive been on the other side of this in a somewhat similar way, so let me espouse some bullshit for a minute

I've got some depression issues, normally relatively easy to control, but sometimes it gets really out of hand. When it gets out of hand I have a tendency of smearing it all over my friends and loved ones. I try not to, but it happens. The people who really care about me understand

My friend of 3 years understands nothing of this. She thinks she does, she really cares about me, but honestly when I try to talk about it her face is like... looking at a painting of a human. Absolutely no comprehension what so ever. So I tried to be more... graphic in my explanations. Still nothing. Then the final real interaction the two of us had I confessed something to her that I had never told anyone else in my life, that I occasionally hurt myself. The look of utter distance on her face was just... too much to bear. It wasn't that she didn't care, it was like as if somebody told me that sometimes they like to dress up like a banana and dance on the roof. Just so utterly unconnected to me.

And I couldn't take it anymore. We had a very complicated past. To make matters worse, I dated her best friend behind her back, during which period she realized she didn't really give a fuck about our mutual friend anymore. She dumped me in a very painful way, and afterward I told this friend of mine all the shitty things this girl had said about her, and confessed that I did nothing to defend or stop it, and apologized profusely. She seemed to forgive me, but still hung out with this girl. So what did her forgiveness even mean? If shes willing to hang out with someone who basically uses her for a good time when shes bored but deep down has zero respect for her, what does her opinion of me even matter?

So anyway, like I said, I couldn't take it anymore. I told her how much I loved her, but she was such a shitty friend. I told her how painful it was to have her look at me like an alien when I tell her one of the darkest truths about myself Ive ever told anyone. And none of it felt very good, I did quite a bit to try to protect her over the last year or so.

Sometimes theres just too much damage, too much hurt, too much bullshit. To say love conquers all is absolute bullshit. I loved her to death but I knew that deep down the pain she put in me wasn't worth it. Incidentally, just like you, I had strong feelings for this girl, but that wasn't the source of my need to get away, it was just one more complication.

Anyway, I'm not sure if I'm defending you, defending her, or just blathering on, but for what its worth, I get how fucked up what you're going thru is


--------------------


A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog


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