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Invisibledanielx
whatup!
 User Gallery

Registered: 10/13/08
Posts: 6,500
post hilarious dating profiles * 4
    #22352787 - 10/09/15 12:21 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

For those of you single folks out there who use online/app dating on here, I thought it would be fun to have a thread where you post entertaining profiles while you are doing your daily browsing. Prob best you edit out personal info.


This little beauty thinks very highly of herself. A real catch.



Quote:

About Me
Hey you are looking at my profile obviously which means I got your attention. Good, let me tell you alittle about me

I was the wild party girl who dressed like a whore and was content with being single. Not anymore. Never again either so if you try to message you thinking you are getting into these panties, you're wrong.

I want to find someone as serious as me. I don't really have a type as far as dating goes. I either like you or I don't so please don't get upset if I message you saying not interested. Atleast I replied right? Instead of waiting and hoping I reply because trust me it sucks when that person doesn't even read your message whether it's a simple hi or a novel worth. Rejection isn't fun but it's a part of dating.

Wanna know my name and more about me? Message me. And just a wondering if you ask me what I like to do for fun I probably will avoid replying. Nothing personal I just hate that question. Big pet peeve sorry.

If I seem like a stuck up.....ya know....lol it's because I'm a lady who knows what she wants and I do not settle for less. Strive to reach the top type of girl. I'm motivated and have a lot of drive for my age. I don't like wasting time




--------------------
Long live kratom :kratom:


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InvisibleMasked
The Nutter
Male User Gallery


Registered: 11/26/12
Posts: 8,979
Loc: Canada Flag
Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: danielx] * 15
    #22352826 - 10/09/15 12:34 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)



--------------------
.


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OfflineArctic W. Fox
 User Gallery
Registered: 09/23/14
Posts: 1,357
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: danielx] * 1
    #22352832 - 10/09/15 12:35 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

POF: plenty of freaks


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Invisibledanielx
whatup!
 User Gallery

Registered: 10/13/08
Posts: 6,500
Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: Arctic W. Fox] * 3
    #22352841 - 10/09/15 12:38 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

more like plenty of single mothers these days.


--------------------
Long live kratom :kratom:


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Offlinemollymadman
love each other :)


Registered: 08/12/15
Posts: 456
Last seen: 8 years, 3 months
Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: danielx] * 6
    #22352842 - 10/09/15 12:39 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Man it's pretty shitty to make fun of people like this.


--------------------
:heart::grin::heart: Finding the answer... Finding that there ain't no answer to find.


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Invisiblevandago
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Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 20,917
Loc: .
Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: Arctic W. Fox] * 1
    #22352844 - 10/09/15 12:39 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Masked said:
http://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/22201294#22201294

:smug:





Did he really give them time to google a word that was on "Doug" when I was 8?

Quote:

Arctic W. Fox said:
POF: plenty of freaks





By freaks do you mean extremely large christian country girls that live with their family and don't play no games?


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InvisibleBodhi of Ankou
*alternate opinion blocks path*
Other

Registered: 06/02/09
Posts: 24,778
Loc: Soviet Canukistan Flag
Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: Masked] * 2
    #22352857 - 10/09/15 12:42 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)



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Invisibledanielx
whatup!
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Registered: 10/13/08
Posts: 6,500
Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: mollymadman] * 1
    #22352858 - 10/09/15 12:42 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

mollymadman said:
Man it's pretty shitty to make fun of people like this.




let me have this brah, I need it to boost my own self esteem.

caveat emptor- im not making fun of physical appearances or things people cant change, I'm making fun of batshit things the profiles say. Leave the thread if you don't like it.


--------------------
Long live kratom :kratom:


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Offlinemollymadman
love each other :)


Registered: 08/12/15
Posts: 456
Last seen: 8 years, 3 months
Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: danielx] * 1
    #22352865 - 10/09/15 12:44 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

ahh, whatever man. I'm not so uptight that it really bothers me. So long as you're just having fun and no ones feelings are hurt whatever.


--------------------
:heart::grin::heart: Finding the answer... Finding that there ain't no answer to find.


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Invisibledanielx
whatup!
 User Gallery

Registered: 10/13/08
Posts: 6,500
Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: vandago] * 1
    #22352881 - 10/09/15 12:48 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

vandago said:
By freaks do you mean extremely large christian country girls that live with their family and don't play no games?




dude, im glad you said this. Whats with all these big country broads that "need a real man". I thought it was just me because I moved to a small town :lol:

Can't forget the ones that post pictures of their kids, and tell you their kids come first, deal with it.


--------------------
Long live kratom :kratom:


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Offlinemollymadman
love each other :)


Registered: 08/12/15
Posts: 456
Last seen: 8 years, 3 months
Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: mollymadman] * 1
    #22352884 - 10/09/15 12:49 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

lol wow i'm such a buzzkill. Sorry guys. Ignore me.


--------------------
:heart::grin::heart: Finding the answer... Finding that there ain't no answer to find.


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Invisiblevandago
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Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 20,917
Loc: .
Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: danielx] * 4
    #22352907 - 10/09/15 12:56 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

danielx said:
Quote:

vandago said:
By freaks do you mean extremely large christian country girls that live with their family and don't play no games?




dude, im glad you said this. Whats with all these big country broads that "need a real man". I thought it was just me because I moved to a small town :lol:

Can't forget the ones that post pictures of their kids, and tell you their kids come first, deal with it.






"Looking for a real man that don't play no games.  Not afraid to get dirty, and by that I mean I LOVE muddin and campin!  NOT LOOKING FOR A HOOK UP!!!! If you wanna get with me, you better have a job and a car, not looking for any boys.  Remember, my kids come first!  Currently not working, and lost my license so I'm living at home with my parents, so not looking for any games.  I'm into watching movies, RnB and country, and having strong christian morals.  If you use drugs move along, and grow up"


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Invisibledanielx
whatup!
 User Gallery

Registered: 10/13/08
Posts: 6,500
Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: vandago]
    #22352920 - 10/09/15 01:01 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

:rofl2:


--------------------
Long live kratom :kratom:


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InvisibleSrirachi
Mold Hand
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Registered: 10/18/05
Posts: 11,411
Loc: Fare Thee Well.
Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: danielx] * 1
    #22352936 - 10/09/15 01:09 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

"Remember, my kids"

and then I stopped reading.


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OfflineBig Worm
Perf
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Registered: 04/20/09
Posts: 7,642
Last seen: 3 years, 9 months
Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: Srirachi] * 1
    #22352938 - 10/09/15 01:10 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

"IF U DON'T WANT TO HANG WITH ME AT THE BAR DON'T HIT ME UP PLEASE THANK YOU. Ok guys I have ptsd I am a big woman I am very active in my church I love to sing I do go to the bars to sing only. I do love the outdoors i love to camp and hiking and fishing I am looking for someone to just hang with go to the bar with or a movie. guys i would like to have a friendship before we date

Guys u have to be willing to go to the bars or just hang out and get to know eachother GOT TO BE ABLE TO GO TO THE BAR GUYS SORRY
surprise me with flowers i want the friendship before we date"




--------------------


Edited by Big Worm (10/09/15 01:13 AM)


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Invisiblevandago
 User Gallery


Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 20,917
Loc: .
Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: Srirachi] * 1
    #22352956 - 10/09/15 01:16 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Srirachi said:
"Remember, my kids"

and then I stopped reading.





Millions of future kids are prevented through reading POF profiles.


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OfflineNorthernerM
splelling chceker
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Registered: 07/29/12
Posts: 14,149
Loc: FNQ
Last seen: 30 minutes, 25 seconds
Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: Big Worm] * 11
    #22352961 - 10/09/15 01:18 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)



--------------------
The nearest we ever come to knowing truth is when we are witness to paradox.


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Invisibleluvdemboomers
loner with a boner
Registered: 01/11/13
Posts: 5,054
Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: danielx] * 1
    #22353227 - 10/09/15 04:54 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

danielx said:
For those of you single folks out there who use online/app dating on here, I thought it would be fun to have a thread where you post entertaining profiles while you are doing your daily browsing. Prob best you edit out personal info.


This little beauty thinks very highly of herself. A real catch.



Quote:

About Me
Hey you are looking at my profile obviously which means I got your attention. Good, let me tell you alittle about me

I was the wild party girl who dressed like a whore and was content with being single. Not anymore. Never again either so if you try to message you thinking you are getting into these panties, you're wrong.

I want to find someone as serious as me. I don't really have a type as far as dating goes. I either like you or I don't so please don't get upset if I message you saying not interested. Atleast I replied right? Instead of waiting and hoping I reply because trust me it sucks when that person doesn't even read your message whether it's a simple hi or a novel worth. Rejection isn't fun but it's a part of dating.

Wanna know my name and more about me? Message me. And just a wondering if you ask me what I like to do for fun I probably will avoid replying. Nothing personal I just hate that question. Big pet peeve sorry.

If I seem like a stuck up.....ya know....lol it's because I'm a lady who knows what she wants and I do not settle for less. Strive to reach the top type of girl. I'm motivated and have a lot of drive for my age. I don't like wasting time







she's pretty picky to be looking like that

The angles don't even make her look good Lol


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Invisibleluvdemboomers
loner with a boner
Registered: 01/11/13
Posts: 5,054
Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: vandago] * 1
    #22353228 - 10/09/15 04:56 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

vandago said:
Quote:

danielx said:
Quote:

vandago said:
By freaks do you mean extremely large christian country girls that live with their family and don't play no games?




dude, im glad you said this. Whats with all these big country broads that "need a real man". I thought it was just me because I moved to a small town :lol:

Can't forget the ones that post pictures of their kids, and tell you their kids come first, deal with it.






"Looking for a real man that don't play no games.  Not afraid to get dirty, and by that I mean I LOVE muddin and campin!  NOT LOOKING FOR A HOOK UP!!!! If you wanna get with me, you better have a job and a car, not looking for any boys.  Remember, my kids come first!  Currently not working, and lost my license so I'm living at home with my parents, so not looking for any games.  I'm into watching movies, RnB and country, and having strong christian morals.  If you use drugs move along, and grow up"





so true


:rofl:


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OfflineHandslikehouses
Lion Skin

Registered: 09/26/15
Posts: 201
Last seen: 2 years, 7 months
Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: luvdemboomers]
    #22353230 - 10/09/15 05:00 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Dude I fucking love this, what a great idea. Favoriting this post for sure.


--------------------
Considering spores can survive the vacuum of space, I would assume it's safe to say that mushrooms are on every planet waiting for the right conditions to present themselves. What it all boils down to, is aliens are on shrooms.


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Invisibleluvdemboomers
loner with a boner
Registered: 01/11/13
Posts: 5,054
Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: Handslikehouses] * 14
    #22353232 - 10/09/15 05:02 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

pretty old but still hilarious:



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Offlinekoods
Ribbit
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Registered: 05/26/11
Posts: 106,059
Loc: Maryland/DC Burbs
Last seen: 25 minutes, 16 seconds
Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: luvdemboomers]
    #22353435 - 10/09/15 07:13 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

sheekle needs to post in this thread. his technique is unusual.


--------------------
NotSheekle said
“if I believed she was 16 I would become unattracted to her”


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Invisibledanielx
whatup!
 User Gallery

Registered: 10/13/08
Posts: 6,500
Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: Big Worm]
    #22354324 - 10/09/15 11:33 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

My god, how many times did she say you need to take her to the bar? :lol:


--------------------
Long live kratom :kratom:


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Invisibledanielx
whatup!
 User Gallery

Registered: 10/13/08
Posts: 6,500
Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: danielx]
    #22354516 - 10/09/15 12:41 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

I really enjoyed the illiteracy with this one. Sometimes I wonder if people are really this illiterate or they type like that because they think its cute.

Pretty obvious she "quite" school a long time ago.




Quote:

About Serina
Hello,well im a single mom of two girl that are my world. I have a 4 year old, and a 1 year old. Iam 21 years. I was going to school for awhile but had to quite cuz i needed money.i work hard and come home to my kids.right now i am looking for friends then maybe someday in the future friends can turn into more.i love the out doors. Especially in the summer time. I just want someone who loves kids




--------------------
Long live kratom :kratom:


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InvisibleMr.PhilCybin
Master Baiter
I'm a teapot

Registered: 06/13/11
Posts: 11,642
Loc: Gnarnia
Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: danielx]
    #22354577 - 10/09/15 01:00 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

:popcorn:


--------------------
I'm stupid, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is smart.
I'm ugly, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is beautiful.
I'm a loser, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is a winner.
Someday, I hope to be like Falcon91Wolvrn03 but secretly know I never will.


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OfflineEnvix
Avoidant Disorder
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Registered: 11/04/08
Posts: 18,206
Last seen: 9 months, 25 days
Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: danielx]
    #22354651 - 10/09/15 01:30 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

danielx said:
I really enjoyed the illiteracy with this one. Sometimes I wonder if people are really this illiterate or they type like that because they think its cute.

Pretty obvious she "quite" school a long time ago.




Quote:

About Serina
Hello,well im a single mom of two girl that are my world. I have a 4 year old, and a 1 year old. Iam 21 years. I was going to school for awhile but had to quite cuz i needed money.i work hard and come home to my kids.right now i am looking for friends then maybe someday in the future friends can turn into more.i love the out doors. Especially in the summer time. I just want someone who loves kids






this is what happens when poor people have kids they aren't prepared to be responsible for.

the kids go to a public school and the parents view them as a nuisance their entire lives. the kids grow up disdainful of the parents and live promiscuous lives full of sex and risky behavior. as a result, these children become pregnant early, without any sort of guidance or financial structure to support the family. with the way our current socio-economic system is in place, this makes it impossible for financially unfit parents to properly raise children without government support. not to mention the lack of education from a life of hasty decisions and procrastination is not enough to qualify an individual to teach a child proper guidance and it will just continue the cycle for as long as the system is in place.

these social media networking sites are cropping up as an opportunity for young single mothers to reach out in a desperate plea for help because there's no fucking way they're capable of raising kids on their own


--------------------
smack a hoe out this dimension
continue my ascension
-bhad bhabie

rip. todcasil, acid sloth, st1llnox, zappaisgod, big worm (sketch), tim b


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Invisibledanielx
whatup!
 User Gallery

Registered: 10/13/08
Posts: 6,500
Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: Envix]
    #22354698 - 10/09/15 01:46 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

:feelsbadman:


--------------------
Long live kratom :kratom:


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Offlinenicechrisman
Interdimensional space wizard
Male User Gallery


Registered: 11/07/03
Posts: 33,241
Last seen: 4 years, 6 months
Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: danielx] * 10
    #22355131 - 10/09/15 03:59 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

My dating profile in a nutshell


--------------------
"Cosmic Love is absolutelely ruthless and highly indifferent:
it teaches its lessons whether you like/dislike them or not."

John C. Lily

 


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OfflinePatlal
You ask too many questions
Male User Gallery


Registered: 10/09/10
Posts: 44,797
Loc: Ottawa Flag
Last seen: 7 hours, 50 minutes
Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: Masked] * 1
    #22355353 - 10/09/15 04:54 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Masked said:
http://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/22201294#22201294

:smug:




I kinda like that one to be honest.


--------------------


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Invisibledionysiandame
Mischievous Maenad
Female

Registered: 08/27/13
Posts: 324
Loc: Samothrace
Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: nicechrisman]
    #22355371 - 10/09/15 04:58 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

"Hay ws up. Sexy new Red boned Tgirl Transgender Virgo. Very independent, out going jst trying to live and enjoy life, with goals. I'm single, sre stay away from the bs or games. True R&B soul, Travel, Movies, Gd meal and mst of all some real gd VIP time wit my man."

I don't care that she's transgender or even a Virgo (because Virgos rock.) but one of those goals should be spelling and forming coherent sentences. And holy shit, people still say "red boned?"

*sigh* My people.


--------------------
He (Dionysos) keeps me with all of his other pretty things for I am just another pretty thing in a long list of acquisitions. :psychsplit:
Yes! And their brains are releasing adrenaline, dopamine, even dimethyltryptamine from the pineal gland! This has serious educational value! Thanatophobia and this N.D.E. is giving us euphoric altered awareness! Don't you see, Princess? We were all born to die! – Finn the Human
Pay me what you owe me. Don't act like you forgot. BBHMM.


Edited by dionysiandame (10/09/15 05:00 PM)


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Invisibledanielx
whatup!
 User Gallery

Registered: 10/13/08
Posts: 6,500
Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: danielx]
    #22580373 - 11/26/15 11:08 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Well, im back on that online dating train again. Thought id post up some more good profiles. Not sure what the influx is with preggo chicks on these dating apps, but I just saw three of them in the five minutes I was looking. Most have another baby. Can these chicks seriously not wait a few months to date, and do they have no fucking concept of contraceptive whatsoever?

---



Quote:

I'm Caitlyn. I'm 20. I'm a single mom to a 1 year old, and I'm 8 months pregnant by the same douche bag. When I moved here to California I came here for family, but I also came here to escape an abusive relationship one of which if I would've stayed he would've killed me. I'm not into partying anymore. I'm not into drugs or any of that. I'm not into casual sex or one night stands. I'm looking for my Prince Charming. Someone who loves me and my kids. Someone who is honest and loyal and has ambition in life. I can't date another druggy and I can't date someone who only cares about themselves. I need a man. Not a boy. Please do not hit me up if you just want to get in my pants. Please don't hit me up unless you have intentions on possibly dating me and later on marrying me. Also, I'd rather you not message me if you haven't even read my profile. So if you have, when you message me, mention that you have please.


A perfect man for me, would have to be someone who is family oriented. Someone who would rather cuddle and watch a movie on a Saturday night rather than go party or drink. Someone who's idea of a Saturday morning is cuddled up on the couch with me and my daughters (and his kids if he has them) watching cartoons while eating pancakes. Someone who is my bestfriend first, and my lover second. Someone who will laugh and get all my corny jokes, and someone who wants to know as much about me as I want to know about them. In a relationship, I'd want to know everything about my man. Where was his born? How much did he weigh? His favorite color, the way he likes his coffee. Those are just a couple but I want a relationship where we can be open and honest with each other and be genuinely happy. Side note : I can't date another mommas boy. It shouldn't feel like your mother is laying in between us in bed at night. I want a man. Someone who will work for what he wants, and someone who will put as much effort in our relationship as I will, which is 110%.
If this sounds like you, please message me. Id love to meet the man of my dreams and raise a happy healthy family.





More to come if ya'll are into them.


--------------------
Long live kratom :kratom:


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Offlinegbeau9080
WUBBA LUBBA DUB DUB
Male

Registered: 11/01/15
Posts: 204
Last seen: 8 years, 30 days
Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: danielx] * 7
    #22580393 - 11/26/15 11:12 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Oh man I've been waiting for a chance to show this pic


--------------------


"I'm like a catholic chasing a dreidel. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caugh it!"

"It's simple: we, uh, circumcise the Batman."

"If you're good at something, never do it for free."


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Invisibledanielx
whatup!
 User Gallery

Registered: 10/13/08
Posts: 6,500
Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: gbeau9080] * 2
    #22580396 - 11/26/15 11:14 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

:doge:


--------------------
Long live kratom :kratom:


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InvisibleMr.PhilCybin
Master Baiter
I'm a teapot

Registered: 06/13/11
Posts: 11,642
Loc: Gnarnia
Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: danielx]
    #22581390 - 11/27/15 09:11 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

danielx said:
Well, im back on that online dating train again. Thought id post up some more good profiles. Not sure what the influx is with preggo chicks on these dating apps, but I just saw three of them in the five minutes I was looking. Most have another baby. Can these chicks seriously not wait a few months to date, and do they have no fucking concept of contraceptive whatsoever?

---



Quote:

I'm Caitlyn. I'm 20. I'm a single mom to a 1 year old, and I'm 8 months pregnant by the same douche bag. When I moved here to California I came here for family, but I also came here to escape an abusive relationship one of which if I would've stayed he would've killed me. I'm not into partying anymore. I'm not into drugs or any of that. I'm not into casual sex or one night stands. I'm looking for my Prince Charming. Someone who loves me and my kids. Someone who is honest and loyal and has ambition in life. I can't date another druggy and I can't date someone who only cares about themselves. I need a man. Not a boy. Please do not hit me up if you just want to get in my pants. Please don't hit me up unless you have intentions on possibly dating me and later on marrying me. Also, I'd rather you not message me if you haven't even read my profile. So if you have, when you message me, mention that you have please.


A perfect man for me, would have to be someone who is family oriented. Someone who would rather cuddle and watch a movie on a Saturday night rather than go party or drink. Someone who's idea of a Saturday morning is cuddled up on the couch with me and my daughters (and his kids if he has them) watching cartoons while eating pancakes. Someone who is my bestfriend first, and my lover second. Someone who will laugh and get all my corny jokes, and someone who wants to know as much about me as I want to know about them. In a relationship, I'd want to know everything about my man. Where was his born? How much did he weigh? His favorite color, the way he likes his coffee. Those are just a couple but I want a relationship where we can be open and honest with each other and be genuinely happy. Side note : I can't date another mommas boy. It shouldn't feel like your mother is laying in between us in bed at night. I want a man. Someone who will work for what he wants, and someone who will put as much effort in our relationship as I will, which is 110%.
If this sounds like you, please message me. Id love to meet the man of my dreams and raise a happy healthy family.





More to come if ya'll are into them.





"don't message me unless you wanna marry me "

this bitch
:trololol:


--------------------
I'm stupid, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is smart.
I'm ugly, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is beautiful.
I'm a loser, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is a winner.
Someday, I hope to be like Falcon91Wolvrn03 but secretly know I never will.


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InvisibleLsDreamin
Stranger
 User Gallery


Registered: 10/23/10
Posts: 492
Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: Mr.PhilCybin] * 9
    #22581968 - 11/27/15 11:36 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)



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InvisibleSalomon
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: LsDreamin] * 4
    #22582082 - 11/27/15 12:05 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

rob207 said:




:pm:


--------------------
EVERYTHING EVENTUALLY BECOMES A DESERT



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Invisibledanielx
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: LsDreamin]
    #22582220 - 11/27/15 12:46 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

def the woman of my dreams right there


--------------------
Long live kratom :kratom:


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InvisibleLsDreamin
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: danielx] * 3
    #22582667 - 11/27/15 02:37 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)



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Offlinemusiclover420
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: LsDreamin]
    #22582704 - 11/27/15 02:46 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

:lolsy:

Great thread idea!

I may have to add to it eventually...


--------------------
Don't worry about me, I've got all that I need. And I'm singing my song to the sky

You know how it feels, With the breeze of the sun in your eyes. Not minding that time's passing by

I've got all and more, My smile, just as before. Is all that I carry with me

I talk to myself, I need nobody else. I'm lost and I'm mine, yes I'm free



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Offlineorison
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: musiclover420] * 4
    #22582883 - 11/27/15 03:22 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

oldie



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Invisibledanielx
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: orison]
    #22583659 - 11/27/15 06:53 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

:lol:

sucks to be the guy who got his picture stolen off the web to make that fake profile. Does look like a creeper tho


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Long live kratom :kratom:


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Offlinebloodsheen
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: LsDreamin]
    #22583788 - 11/27/15 07:37 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

rob207 said:




I wonder if this is meant to be a weird funny way of finding a hookup or if this is like some sort of revenge profile on an ex gf

Gotta admit, kinda hard not to at least read this twice to be sure you actually read that


--------------------


A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog


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Invisiblephilopian_tube
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: Salomon]
    #22583840 - 11/27/15 07:51 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Salomon said:
Quote:

rob207 said:




:pm:




back off salomon


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InvisibleLsDreamin
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: philopian_tube]
    #22583869 - 11/27/15 07:57 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Maybe she just wants to be a single mom, collect child support and take herps meds


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Invisibledanielx
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: danielx] * 2
    #22584664 - 11/28/15 12:41 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Good lord, this one has no shame in making it abudantly clear shes looking for a man with money. And bonus points if you give her a job too. (shes broke, but you def can't be broke, how else would you take care of her?)



Quote:

I want FINANCIAL STABILITY but also looking for a guy to spend my time with. If you've got a good job and willing to spend some cash on someone loyal and cute, then I'm the gal for you!

On a more serious note, I am looking for a connection. I like movies, animals, science, space, biology, video games, cartoons, and nice dinners. Bonus points if you like any or all of these things too! I'm currently a vet tech student with a long school life ahead of me (considering being a vet). Also bonus points if you're in the vet field because I need a full-time job (I'm kidding. Kind of). I'm open to having a kid someday, but after I've passed the VTNE boards.

I am very internet savvy. Maybe a little too much so.

I've never been in a relationship before, so I'm just trying something new. What I like in a guy is someone with a good sense of humor, clean and neat, and also likes animals. If you're in a science-y field, that's a huge plus I think, but probably not that important. I also like a guy with dinero.

I have a chihuahua who is like my daughter. If you do not like dogs, we will probably not work out (but I may make some exceptions).




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Long live kratom :kratom:


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InvisibleHobozen
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: danielx]
    #22584680 - 11/28/15 12:48 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

GIVE GIVE GIVE ME YOUR SOULLL


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Invisibledanielx
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: danielx]
    #22584686 - 11/28/15 12:53 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

This one has no free time, whatsoever. And all you need to know is she has kids. Not sure why shes on a dating app, but I bet there is a huge line of men just dying to date this catch.
---



Quote:

About Me
Single parent Mom who takes care of her son 24/7 so I have no free time for myself!




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Long live kratom :kratom:


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Offlinegbeau9080
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: danielx] * 1
    #22584694 - 11/28/15 12:58 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

lol we need to legalize prostitution so women like these can get a proper title.


--------------------


"I'm like a catholic chasing a dreidel. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caugh it!"

"It's simple: we, uh, circumcise the Batman."

"If you're good at something, never do it for free."


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Invisibledanielx
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: gbeau9080]
    #22584702 - 11/28/15 01:05 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

a prostitute would be alot cheaper and less of a headache than that broad, thats for sure.

How does a woman come to expect to be taken care of by a man? If they're super banging it makes sense, but some generic chick like that, is daddy rich so she learned it from a young age? Is it just in their genes? Product of their enviorment?

Most woman be shoppin and are gold diggers to a subconscious level, but one that is so blatant like her is outrageous. Like do guys even talk to her? I bet she says that shit, but she'll fuck any good lookin guy that comes knocking on that door.


--------------------
Long live kratom :kratom:


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Offlinegbeau9080
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: danielx]
    #22584724 - 11/28/15 01:25 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

I think it's a combination of us men being natural providers and/or being downright desperate for that pootang. Women like her know this and take advantage of it. It's come to the point where they don't even have to hide it anymore because men will spend money and time just for a chance to get some pussy. All they have to do is make a living off the suckers till "prince charming" comes.


--------------------


"I'm like a catholic chasing a dreidel. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caugh it!"

"It's simple: we, uh, circumcise the Batman."

"If you're good at something, never do it for free."


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Offlinebloodsheen
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: danielx]
    #22585023 - 11/28/15 04:54 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

danielx said:
Good lord, this one has no shame in making it abudantly clear shes looking for a man with money. And bonus points if you give her a job too. (shes broke, but you def can't be broke, how else would you take care of her?)



Quote:

I want FINANCIAL STABILITY but also looking for a guy to spend my time with. If you've got a good job and willing to spend some cash on someone loyal and cute, then I'm the gal for you!

On a more serious note, I am looking for a connection. I like movies, animals, science, space, biology, video games, cartoons, and nice dinners. Bonus points if you like any or all of these things too! I'm currently a vet tech student with a long school life ahead of me (considering being a vet). Also bonus points if you're in the vet field because I need a full-time job (I'm kidding. Kind of). I'm open to having a kid someday, but after I've passed the VTNE boards.

I am very internet savvy. Maybe a little too much so.

I've never been in a relationship before, so I'm just trying something new. What I like in a guy is someone with a good sense of humor, clean and neat, and also likes animals. If you're in a science-y field, that's a huge plus I think, but probably not that important. I also like a guy with dinero.

I have a chihuahua who is like my daughter. If you do not like dogs, we will probably not work out (but I may make some exceptions).






This is one is kinda sickening. Basically shes an internet nerd who cares more about animals than people, but is willing to let you take her virginity if you'll help her get through school

I disagree thats is cruel to make fun of these people. Its one thing to be like "Lolz, this girl is such a loser, trying to get laid on the interwebz" ...But if you choose to portray yourself this way for the world to see, you deserve all the derision you get


--------------------


A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog


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Invisibledanielx
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: bloodsheen]
    #22586615 - 11/28/15 02:15 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

the sad part is there are some thirsty mother fuckers out there. I bet every woman in this thread had hundreds of messages.

This ultimately reinforces the behavior. These woman think acting this way is acceptable, and it reinforces they are the queen of the world, and deserve all of the above. I mean, look at the line of men looking to date me.

They will never find anyone good enough for them because they've built these expectations up so high.


--------------------
Long live kratom :kratom:


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Offlinegbeau9080
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: danielx]
    #22586686 - 11/28/15 02:30 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Yeah, it's pretty fucking sick. I feel bad for the dude that she's eventually going to settle for when she's all used up.


--------------------


"I'm like a catholic chasing a dreidel. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caugh it!"

"It's simple: we, uh, circumcise the Batman."

"If you're good at something, never do it for free."


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InvisibleShiithead
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: danielx] * 4
    #22587110 - 11/28/15 04:16 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)



--------------------

Ephesians 6:12
For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
Psalm 12:6
The words of the Lord are pure words: as silver tried in a furnace of earth, purified seven times.
Hebrews 11:3
Through faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that things which are seen were not made of things which do appear.
Revelation 3:11
Behold, I come quickly: hold that fast which thou hast, that no man take thy crown.


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OfflineCrystal G
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: Shiithead]
    #22587359 - 11/28/15 05:21 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Woman Makes Worst Online Profile Ever, Gets Tons of Responses from Desperate Men


http://gawker.com/woman-creates-worst-online-dating-profile-ever-gets-1495674285


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OfflineCrystal G
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: Crystal G]
    #22587380 - 11/28/15 05:26 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Some guys on the internet are strangely psychotic. Don't return their affections with immediate haste, and they sometimes have the capacity to go bezerk on you.




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OfflineCrystal G
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: Crystal G] * 1
    #22587400 - 11/28/15 05:34 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

I also found a POF and OkCupid profile one time (2 separate guys), who both said "WHITES ONLY" on their page.

The only one that I would accept is the raw-eating rabbit guy, cause that sounds like something I would totally do. Except rabbits are filled with parasites, I would probably have turned it into a stew or something.





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Invisibledanielx
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: Crystal G]
    #22587585 - 11/28/15 06:22 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Wow, that guy went from 0 to 60 real fast. Like for real, telling some strange woman over the internet you are going to beat her ass would never even cross my mind, even if I was telling and talking shit. Sounds battshit insane for sure.

Mr77 looks like a cool customer though.


--------------------
Long live kratom :kratom:


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InvisibleAlexestalex
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: danielx]
    #22587592 - 11/28/15 06:24 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

this thread has convinced me to never join a dating site:thumbup:


--------------------

Stay far from timid, only make moves when your heart's in it.


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InvisibleDark_Star
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: Alexestalex]
    #22587674 - 11/28/15 06:41 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Nothing like mixing romance & sex with the internet to bring out the loony toons. Sometimes I think about giving the online thing a shot, but then I see shit like this.....


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Invisibledanielx
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: Alexestalex] * 2
    #22587810 - 11/28/15 07:10 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Honestly, its a numbers game. Sure, theres alot of psychos, but I've dicked down some good looking woman and even dated a few for awhile because they were cool people.

Depends on the area though. I'm in a big city right now with alot of options, when I was living in a small mountain town the pool of single woman was small and trashy.

Both my brother and sister right now are in committed relationships to cool people they met on tinder, so its definitely possible. Your milage may vary.


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Long live kratom :kratom:


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Offlinegbeau9080
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: danielx] * 2
    #22588262 - 11/28/15 08:58 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

milksteaks and jelly beans


--------------------


"I'm like a catholic chasing a dreidel. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caugh it!"

"It's simple: we, uh, circumcise the Batman."

"If you're good at something, never do it for free."


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Invisibledanielx
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: danielx] * 3
    #22894040 - 02/11/16 11:51 PM (7 years, 11 months ago)

Back on the hunt again, the women really bite this time of year.

The newest trend im seeing in my area are pictures of them wearing the guy fawks mask and saying they're activist. When did being "anon" become cool? No sweetie, owning a mask and retweeting kony 2012 posts doesn't make you an activist.


...funny screenshots soon to come.


--------------------
Long live kratom :kratom:


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InvisibleJollyMan
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: danielx] * 1
    #22894105 - 02/12/16 12:16 AM (7 years, 11 months ago)

I made this profile just to fuck around the other day lol its been interesting :laugh:



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Invisibledanielx
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: JollyMan] * 1
    #22894117 - 02/12/16 12:19 AM (7 years, 11 months ago)

haha anything funny? I wanted to make a female profile just to see how many men hit you up, and the outrageous dumbass shit they say.

Im imagining telling these guys I have aids and them trying to meet up that night.


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Long live kratom :kratom:


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InvisibleJollyMan
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: danielx] * 1
    #22894156 - 02/12/16 12:29 AM (7 years, 11 months ago)

Nothing much on this account, but i made a different one with a supermodel lookin guy as my profile picture so lots of girls were messaging me. Then I directed them to meet at olive garden. Not sure how many acrually went there.


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InvisibleJollyMan
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: danielx] * 1
    #22894164 - 02/12/16 12:32 AM (7 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

danielx said:
haha anything funny? I wanted to make a female profile just to see how many men hit you up, and the outrageous dumbass shit they say.

Im imagining telling these guys I have aids and them trying to meet up that night.




And yeah haha, im sure plenty of guys would risk getting aids to quench their thirst.


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OfflineTheMovement
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: danielx] * 1
    #22894679 - 02/12/16 06:17 AM (7 years, 11 months ago)

Where do you find these profiles?  I've never seen anything nearly this bad on OKC, but I have heard horror stories from women ive met with.


--------------------
Utwiddle.net

In order to act like a king, one need only treat everyone else like one.

BUMP THIS THREAD EVERYTIME YOU SEE IT

Join the Anarchy Camp!  Down with Oppression!!


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InvisibleCowb0yNeal00
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: TheMovement]
    #22894860 - 02/12/16 07:54 AM (7 years, 11 months ago)

:smugjerry:


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Offlinekoods
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: Cowb0yNeal00] * 2
    #22894885 - 02/12/16 08:04 AM (7 years, 11 months ago)

Neal post your online dating profile. Let's see what kind of game you got. Also.. Hi.


--------------------
NotSheekle said
“if I believed she was 16 I would become unattracted to her”


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OfflineTheMovement
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: koods]
    #22894905 - 02/12/16 08:11 AM (7 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

koods said:
Neal post your online dating profile. Let's see what kind of game you got. Also.. Hi.





Heres mine:

Quote:



My self-summary

I am a hippie masquerading as an intellectual.. Or am I an intellectual masquerading as a hippie?

Sometimes I follow my cat around in order to understand his thoughts. Sometimes I watch the wind hoping to understand it. Every night I watch the moon, hoping to learn its essence.

What I’m doing with my life

Flowing like a river, Floating on the wind, and Flying like a butterfly.

Digging in the dirt and rising towards the sun pretending to be a flower.

I’m really good at

I can touch my tounge to my nose baby!


Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food:


I love fantasy novels, sorry i'm a huge nerd. The Wheel of Time, Dune, The Kingskiller Chronicles etc.,

Outside of fantasy I enjoy a wide range of literature. On my shelf I currently have: Henry David Thoreau, Kurt Vonnegut, Herman Hesse, Alan Watts, Slavoj Zizek, Douglas Hofstadter, Jack Kerouac, Etgar Keret, C.S. Lewis, Vladimir Nabokav, and Haruki Murukami. That's just the beginning though, one of my passions is reading and I enjoy giving books to friends.

Music: Jazz and Twiddle and Grateful Dead, Pink Floyd, Gramatik, Odesza, Alt J; and pretty much anything I listen to. I go to a lot of concerts and music festivals. Thats kind of what I do. I appreciate music in all flavors, but have a particular interest in music that I can see live.

Most movies are rather dull, I'd rather get lost in a book, a song, or a lovers arms. That being said I enjoy Miyazaki, Wes Anderson, and adventure time.


The six things I could never do without

1. Water:Honestly, I have an obsession with it. I think staying hydrated is one of the keys to happiness.

2. Spirituality: This is very important to me and guides me through my life. My beliefs are mostly Taoist/Nature based. Thoreau had tremendous influence on me.

3. My Family: This include my close friends. I do not know what I would do without my crew.

4. My Cat: So I have someone to talk to when the homies get sick of me.

5: Dancing: It is an expression of the infinite.

6. The key to your heart :smile:

I spend a lot of time thinking about

Existence. The difference between Political Correctness and Censorship. Creating a purposeful life. Nature. Music. Women =D. Dancing. Aesthetic.

On a typical Friday night I am:

Planning world domination with the almighty Oz.

You should message me if
You dance through the tree's like a fae, laughing as I try to catch you in my hands.




Give me your worst.


--------------------
Utwiddle.net

In order to act like a king, one need only treat everyone else like one.

BUMP THIS THREAD EVERYTIME YOU SEE IT

Join the Anarchy Camp!  Down with Oppression!!


Edited by TheMovement (02/12/16 08:11 AM)


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Offlinekoods
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: TheMovement]
    #22894916 - 02/12/16 08:14 AM (7 years, 11 months ago)

I want your cat


--------------------
NotSheekle said
“if I believed she was 16 I would become unattracted to her”


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OfflineTheMovement
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: koods]
    #22894946 - 02/12/16 08:26 AM (7 years, 11 months ago)

He's mine, step off!!

:kincrankey:

:minigun::minigun::minigun:


--------------------
Utwiddle.net

In order to act like a king, one need only treat everyone else like one.

BUMP THIS THREAD EVERYTIME YOU SEE IT

Join the Anarchy Camp!  Down with Oppression!!


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Invisibletrekie
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: TheMovement] * 1
    #22894988 - 02/12/16 08:50 AM (7 years, 11 months ago)

I was thinking about getting a devroice but now that i see whats out there  :thisisterrible:


--------------------
I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.



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Invisibledanielx
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: JollyMan]
    #22895760 - 02/12/16 12:40 PM (7 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

TheMovement said:
Where do you find these profiles?  I've never seen anything nearly this bad on OKC, but I have heard horror stories from women ive met with.




POF, probably just depends on your area though.
Quote:

JollyMan said:
Nothing much on this account, but i made a different one with a supermodel lookin guy as my profile picture so lots of girls were messaging me. Then I directed them to meet at olive garden. Not sure how many acrually went there.




haha damn man you're ruthless! All these woman getting all dolled up for olive garden stoked for some free bread sticks and then you never show.  Truth be told I bet most of them never showed anyway.


--------------------
Long live kratom :kratom:


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Invisibledanielx
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Posts: 6,500
Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: trekie]
    #22895775 - 02/12/16 12:43 PM (7 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

trekie said:
I was thinking about getting a devroice but now that i see whats out there  :thisisterrible:




to be 100% fair, this is the thread to scope potential mates. This is the thread to post all the train wrecks. There are good looking women on these websites who come off normal, take look for yourself.

...getting them to talk to you is a whole different ball game. Are you by any chance rich or handsome? :lol:


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Invisibledanielx
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: danielx] * 1
    #22895802 - 02/12/16 12:48 PM (7 years, 11 months ago)

The part of her profile I put in bold really creeped me out..



Quote:

Interests

    Rapping
    Psychology
    Assessment
    Cuddling
    Animals

About Melissa
I am a college senior whom is anticipating graduating with a Bachelor's in psychology and minor in child and adolescent development this spring at Cal State Fullerton. I have no need to settle for someone who is going to manipulate me into inappropriate touch that I don't want. My life is no joke and I know what I deserve. I crave comfort, patience, respect, understanding, communication, and consistency.






DA FUCK?


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Offlinebloodsheen
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: danielx]
    #22896558 - 02/12/16 04:40 PM (7 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

danielx said:
The part of her profile I put in bold really creeped me out..



Quote:

Interests

    Rapping
    Psychology
    Assessment
    Cuddling
    Animals

About Melissa
I am a college senior whom is anticipating graduating with a Bachelor's in psychology and minor in child and adolescent development this spring at Cal State Fullerton. I have no need to settle for someone who is going to manipulate me into inappropriate touch that I don't want. My life is no joke and I know what I deserve. I crave comfort, patience, respect, understanding, communication, and consistency.






DA FUCK?



Yea dude, I've noticed little tidbits like that one all over. You're just like WTF why?!

I also tire of the profile just being a list of people she won't respond to. Just makes you sound like a cunt, talk about throwing the baby out with the bathwater


--------------------


A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog


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Invisibleluvdemboomers
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: bloodsheen]
    #22896877 - 02/12/16 06:13 PM (7 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

bloodsheen said:
Quote:

danielx said:
The part of her profile I put in bold really creeped me out..



Quote:

Interests

    Rapping
    Psychology
    Assessment
    Cuddling
    Animals

About Melissa
I am a college senior whom is anticipating graduating with a Bachelor's in psychology and minor in child and adolescent development this spring at Cal State Fullerton. I have no need to settle for someone who is going to manipulate me into inappropriate touch that I don't want. My life is no joke and I know what I deserve. I crave comfort, patience, respect, understanding, communication, and consistency.






DA FUCK?



Yea dude, I've noticed little tidbits like that one all over. You're just like WTF why?!

I also tire of the profile just being a list of people she won't respond to. Just makes you sound like a cunt, talk about throwing the baby out with the bathwater




I'm a single mother of five sweet children. They're fathers are not in the picture so you better not be a deadbeat like them! I'm a strong, independent woman currently working part time for one of the nations largest fastfood chains. I like reading, walks on the beach, and country music. I
m a little big boned as I have no desire to be like those unhealthy anorexic women if you can't appreciate a healthy 165 pounds look elsewhere! Don't even bother replying if you don't make 6 figures, like children, are less than 6 feet tall, don't own a car, or just want to get into my pants! I deserve a real man!


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Invisible4HO-DMT
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: luvdemboomers]
    #22896934 - 02/12/16 06:32 PM (7 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

luvdemboomers said:
I'm a single mother of five sweet children. They're fathers are not in the picture so you better not be a deadbeat like them! I'm a strong, independent woman currently working part time for one of the nations largest fastfood chains. I like reading, walks on the beach, and country music. I
m a little big boned as I have no desire to be like those unhealthy anorexic women if you can't appreciate a healthy 165 pounds look elsewhere! Don't even bother replying if you don't make 6 figures, like children, are less than 6 feet tall, don't own a car, or just want to get into my pants! I deserve a real man!




Sounds more like she deserves a sharp dose of reality. "I deserve a real man." Give me a fucking break.


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Invisibleluvdemboomers
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: 4HO-DMT]
    #22897076 - 02/12/16 07:17 PM (7 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

4HO-DMT said:
Quote:

luvdemboomers said:
I'm a single mother of five sweet children. They're fathers are not in the picture so you better not be a deadbeat like them! I'm a strong, independent woman currently working part time for one of the nations largest fastfood chains. I like reading, walks on the beach, and country music. I
m a little big boned as I have no desire to be like those unhealthy anorexic women if you can't appreciate a healthy 165 pounds look elsewhere! Don't even bother replying if you don't make 6 figures, like children, are less than 6 feet tall, don't own a car, or just want to get into my pants! I deserve a real man!




Sounds more like she deserves a sharp dose of reality. "I deserve a real man." Give me a fucking break.




Not a real profile I was just making a satirical generalization of POF


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Invisibledanielx
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: luvdemboomers]
    #22897466 - 02/12/16 09:02 PM (7 years, 11 months ago)

You know things are bad when your satire didn't make me think twice. Sounded about right.


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Invisible4HO-DMT
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: luvdemboomers]
    #22899285 - 02/13/16 10:44 AM (7 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

luvdemboomers said:
Quote:

4HO-DMT said:
Quote:

luvdemboomers said:
I'm a single mother of five sweet children. They're fathers are not in the picture so you better not be a deadbeat like them! I'm a strong, independent woman currently working part time for one of the nations largest fastfood chains. I like reading, walks on the beach, and country music. I
m a little big boned as I have no desire to be like those unhealthy anorexic women if you can't appreciate a healthy 165 pounds look elsewhere! Don't even bother replying if you don't make 6 figures, like children, are less than 6 feet tall, don't own a car, or just want to get into my pants! I deserve a real man!




Sounds more like she deserves a sharp dose of reality. "I deserve a real man." Give me a fucking break.




Not a real profile I was just making a satirical generalization of POF





You got me there. It was similar enough to the real profiles in this thread that I thought it was real. I'm sure there there are profiles that say pretty much what you said.


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Invisibledanielx
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: danielx]
    #23055375 - 03/28/16 03:09 PM (7 years, 9 months ago)

I kept hoping this profile was a joke:



About me:

Quote:

Hello Gentlemen I'm Maria I'm 22. My birthday is in March. I've been through alot that other moms have told me they wouldn't been able to still be alive in my shoes. I've been abused physically and emotionally and verbally abusive an still am. My moods change because of how I get treated in My life. I became a rape victim in 2010. My rapist is still out there I never got justice served. I gave birth twice alone both c-sections. I'm a girl that never once got flowers from a man before. I'm a really sweet girl that gets treated like crap from others. I've been builled my whole life growing up and still this day I still get bullied in life. I enjoy swimming, dancing, listening to music, throwing family bbqs, hanging out with friends and family, watch sports or comedy movies. My goals in life is to become a Registered nurse, buy a house in moreno valley, have more children, buy myself a minivan and a F-150 Ford tinted window truck, I was dreamed about getting my permit to build something as I want to help by building a really big homeless shelter for the homelessness all over Orange County. I care about others as people have said I have a golden warming heart. I have a good sense of humor I was an honors student in junior high even though I was a special education child I was able to pull it off and be a honor student. I get along with others. I'm really sweet and chill once you get to know me. I am a single parent of two boys. I appreicate the little things in life. One life to live so live up to the fullest! I am into hip hop, rap, r&b, old school and mexican music.




First date:

Quote:

A lovely dinner set close to the beach with a picnic basket inside will be verde enchiladas topped off with some fried onions inside will be grilled shrimp dipped in a little bit of vinegar, lemon pepper and fijata seasoning, with mexican rice, refried pinto beans, an for dessert I'll bake a homemade cinnamon apple dutch pie topped off with light whip cream an for to drink it can be wine, or a cold beverage with ice is what I like to call soda!:smile: I'm a huger so you'll definitely get a warming bear hug and a kiss on the cheek for appreciating your time taking me out on your free time.




--------------------
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Offlinekoods
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: danielx] * 1
    #23055383 - 03/28/16 03:13 PM (7 years, 9 months ago)

She's a fixer upper.


--------------------
NotSheekle said
“if I believed she was 16 I would become unattracted to her”


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Invisibledanielx
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: koods] * 2
    #23055391 - 03/28/16 03:16 PM (7 years, 9 months ago)

:lol:

I shouldn't be laughing but...yeah. Can't believe thats how she breaks the ice, unfortunately the only men who she will attract will abuse her more.


--------------------
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InvisibleMr.PhilCybin
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: danielx]
    #23055413 - 03/28/16 03:21 PM (7 years, 9 months ago)

wow.


nothing says take me out like, "I was recently raped"


:feelsweirdman:


--------------------
I'm stupid, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is smart.
I'm ugly, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is beautiful.
I'm a loser, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is a winner.
Someday, I hope to be like Falcon91Wolvrn03 but secretly know I never will.


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Invisibledanielx
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: Mr.PhilCybin] * 1
    #23055424 - 03/28/16 03:26 PM (7 years, 9 months ago)

idk man, she was an honor student in junior high in her special ed class, plus we both like comedies and music. Definitely texting her


..im going to hell


--------------------
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InvisibleMr.PhilCybin
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: danielx] * 2
    #23055462 - 03/28/16 03:37 PM (7 years, 9 months ago)

:facepalm:

man,


i just feel bad for her.  but it also sounds like she's got that covered.


--------------------
I'm stupid, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is smart.
I'm ugly, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is beautiful.
I'm a loser, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is a winner.
Someday, I hope to be like Falcon91Wolvrn03 but secretly know I never will.


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Offlinekoods
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: Mr.PhilCybin] * 1
    #23055488 - 03/28/16 03:45 PM (7 years, 9 months ago)

She has a diploma from a "career college" but she says she has a graduate degree. I think she believes a graduate degree means you graduated and got a degree.


--------------------
NotSheekle said
“if I believed she was 16 I would become unattracted to her”


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InvisibleMr.PhilCybin
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: koods]
    #23055497 - 03/28/16 03:49 PM (7 years, 9 months ago)

I mean,




she's not the brightest crayon in the box here koods  . . . .


--------------------
I'm stupid, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is smart.
I'm ugly, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is beautiful.
I'm a loser, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is a winner.
Someday, I hope to be like Falcon91Wolvrn03 but secretly know I never will.


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InvisibleAhab McBathsalts
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: Mr.PhilCybin] * 1
    #23055521 - 03/28/16 03:56 PM (7 years, 9 months ago)

I once made a profile about a dude that had a balloon fetish after seeing a tv show about it. It was surprisingly successful, but I couldn't become that person.

I made another one about a guy that went crazy and was waiting for the apocalypse. It was very unsuccessful.


--------------------
"Nobody exists on purpose. Nobody belongs anywhere. Everybody's going to die."


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Invisibledanielx
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: Ahab McBathsalts]
    #23055598 - 03/28/16 04:18 PM (7 years, 9 months ago)

Good to know


--------------------
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Invisibledanielx
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: danielx]
    #23193265 - 05/05/16 06:41 PM (7 years, 8 months ago)

This is definitely what I imagine when I picture a modern feminist in my head.

Aggressively Femnist:


Quote:


Interests

    Hockey
    Feminism
    Photography
    NetFlix
    Aquariums
    Concerts
    Cheesy rom coms
    Cheese in general
    Cooking
    Baking
    DISNEY MOVIES
    Pixar movies
    Reading


About Becky

Hi I'm Becky! Before we go any further, there are a few very important things you need to know.

1. I'm fat! I'm not looking for reassurances that I'm not. I know I'm fat, it's ok.
2. I am bisexual, but that doesn't mean I'm going to have a threesome with you and your girlfriend, I'm completely monogamous when I'm in a relationship.
3. I'm not interested in a poly relationship.
4. If you know for a fact that you don't want to get married or have kids, keep it moving.
5. If you are in any way racist/sexist/queerphobic, I don't want to talk to you.

Still with me? Ok, moving on. I spend most of my time at work, in my apartment, or screaming about hockey. I have no patience for people who think feminism isn't important.

I would honestly rather have a few friends over for drinks than go out somewhere, but I really like going to the movies.

I laugh at people who say they're looking for their Romeo/Juliet. Really? Those kids were 13 and six people died. That sh*tain't cute y'all.

I curse like a sailor and I don't really have an "inside voice"

Not looking for anything casual and I don't do hook ups.

Cool? Cool.

First Date
Let's go to a hockey game. Or an art museum. Or the aquarium. I'm not gonna go hiking with you.





--------------------
Long live kratom :kratom:


Edited by danielx (05/05/16 06:49 PM)


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InvisibleMr.PhilCybin
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: danielx]
    #23193288 - 05/05/16 06:49 PM (7 years, 8 months ago)

lol.

no shit you aint going hiking girl.

you see those arms?

she probably needs to take breaks in between her living room and her fridge

:triggered:


--------------------
I'm stupid, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is smart.
I'm ugly, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is beautiful.
I'm a loser, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is a winner.
Someday, I hope to be like Falcon91Wolvrn03 but secretly know I never will.


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Invisibledanielx
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: Mr.PhilCybin]
    #23193296 - 05/05/16 06:50 PM (7 years, 8 months ago)

dont you dare try to take me outside for exercise.

She probably thinks people want to rape her out on the trails. Rape culture, and all that


--------------------
Long live kratom :kratom:


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InvisibleHeebie

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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: Mr.PhilCybin]
    #23193298 - 05/05/16 06:51 PM (7 years, 8 months ago)

She'd probably be attractive if she lost a few hundred pounds.

I was walking with a girl to OCF once and I told her the trail is this way and she got confirmation from someone else before going with me... wtf



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InvisibleNiffla
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: Mr.PhilCybin]
    #23193302 - 05/05/16 06:51 PM (7 years, 8 months ago)

lol i forgot we had that gif

i need to find a way to squeeze that one in more


--------------------


HAIL OUR NEW OTD KING


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InvisibleMr.PhilCybin
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: Niffla] * 1
    #23193310 - 05/05/16 06:53 PM (7 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Niffla said:


i need to find a way to squeeze that one in more



thats what he said


--------------------
I'm stupid, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is smart.
I'm ugly, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is beautiful.
I'm a loser, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is a winner.
Someday, I hope to be like Falcon91Wolvrn03 but secretly know I never will.


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Invisibledanielx
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: Heebie]
    #23193317 - 05/05/16 06:54 PM (7 years, 8 months ago)

fat girl pictures are like jedi mind tricks. If I just looked at her first picture id actually think she was cute.

Rule number one of pof never trust the girls who only show pictures of their face from an upward angle. Or the girls who only show off their fat tits. The tits are fat because she is fat.


--------------------
Long live kratom :kratom:


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InvisibleMr.PhilCybin
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: danielx]
    #23193335 - 05/05/16 06:57 PM (7 years, 8 months ago)

yup. we went over this many times bro.


remember that one chick who was like,

"damn she kinda cute.
next pic,  "aight I can get down with that,"
next pic - "wait. go back.  is that her fuckin arm!?


rockin a megaman arm n shit


--------------------
I'm stupid, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is smart.
I'm ugly, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is beautiful.
I'm a loser, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is a winner.
Someday, I hope to be like Falcon91Wolvrn03 but secretly know I never will.


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Invisibledanielx
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: Mr.PhilCybin]
    #23193373 - 05/05/16 07:08 PM (7 years, 8 months ago)

forgot about that drum stick. ill never understand obesity. food just isnt that good.


--------------------
Long live kratom :kratom:


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Invisibledanielx
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Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: danielx]
    #23193389 - 05/05/16 07:11 PM (7 years, 8 months ago)

whats the deal with girls putting question marks after every caption on social media.

Hiking???

Beach???

Dinner with bff???

Is it suppose to be cute?


--------------------
Long live kratom :kratom:


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