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Invisibleluvdemboomers
loner with a boner
Registered: 01/11/13
Posts: 5,054
Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: 4HO-DMT]
    #22897076 - 02/12/16 07:17 PM (7 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

4HO-DMT said:
Quote:

luvdemboomers said:
I'm a single mother of five sweet children. They're fathers are not in the picture so you better not be a deadbeat like them! I'm a strong, independent woman currently working part time for one of the nations largest fastfood chains. I like reading, walks on the beach, and country music. I
m a little big boned as I have no desire to be like those unhealthy anorexic women if you can't appreciate a healthy 165 pounds look elsewhere! Don't even bother replying if you don't make 6 figures, like children, are less than 6 feet tall, don't own a car, or just want to get into my pants! I deserve a real man!




Sounds more like she deserves a sharp dose of reality. "I deserve a real man." Give me a fucking break.




Not a real profile I was just making a satirical generalization of POF


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Invisibledanielx
whatup!
 User Gallery

Registered: 10/13/08
Posts: 6,500
Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: luvdemboomers]
    #22897466 - 02/12/16 09:02 PM (7 years, 11 months ago)

You know things are bad when your satire didn't make me think twice. Sounded about right.


--------------------
Long live kratom :kratom:


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Invisible4HO-DMT
 User Gallery

Registered: 01/11/11
Posts: 5,073
Loc: County Line Road
Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: luvdemboomers]
    #22899285 - 02/13/16 10:44 AM (7 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

luvdemboomers said:
Quote:

4HO-DMT said:
Quote:

luvdemboomers said:
I'm a single mother of five sweet children. They're fathers are not in the picture so you better not be a deadbeat like them! I'm a strong, independent woman currently working part time for one of the nations largest fastfood chains. I like reading, walks on the beach, and country music. I
m a little big boned as I have no desire to be like those unhealthy anorexic women if you can't appreciate a healthy 165 pounds look elsewhere! Don't even bother replying if you don't make 6 figures, like children, are less than 6 feet tall, don't own a car, or just want to get into my pants! I deserve a real man!




Sounds more like she deserves a sharp dose of reality. "I deserve a real man." Give me a fucking break.




Not a real profile I was just making a satirical generalization of POF





You got me there. It was similar enough to the real profiles in this thread that I thought it was real. I'm sure there there are profiles that say pretty much what you said.


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Invisibledanielx
whatup!
 User Gallery

Registered: 10/13/08
Posts: 6,500
Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: danielx]
    #23055375 - 03/28/16 03:09 PM (7 years, 9 months ago)

I kept hoping this profile was a joke:



About me:

Quote:

Hello Gentlemen I'm Maria I'm 22. My birthday is in March. I've been through alot that other moms have told me they wouldn't been able to still be alive in my shoes. I've been abused physically and emotionally and verbally abusive an still am. My moods change because of how I get treated in My life. I became a rape victim in 2010. My rapist is still out there I never got justice served. I gave birth twice alone both c-sections. I'm a girl that never once got flowers from a man before. I'm a really sweet girl that gets treated like crap from others. I've been builled my whole life growing up and still this day I still get bullied in life. I enjoy swimming, dancing, listening to music, throwing family bbqs, hanging out with friends and family, watch sports or comedy movies. My goals in life is to become a Registered nurse, buy a house in moreno valley, have more children, buy myself a minivan and a F-150 Ford tinted window truck, I was dreamed about getting my permit to build something as I want to help by building a really big homeless shelter for the homelessness all over Orange County. I care about others as people have said I have a golden warming heart. I have a good sense of humor I was an honors student in junior high even though I was a special education child I was able to pull it off and be a honor student. I get along with others. I'm really sweet and chill once you get to know me. I am a single parent of two boys. I appreicate the little things in life. One life to live so live up to the fullest! I am into hip hop, rap, r&b, old school and mexican music.




First date:

Quote:

A lovely dinner set close to the beach with a picnic basket inside will be verde enchiladas topped off with some fried onions inside will be grilled shrimp dipped in a little bit of vinegar, lemon pepper and fijata seasoning, with mexican rice, refried pinto beans, an for dessert I'll bake a homemade cinnamon apple dutch pie topped off with light whip cream an for to drink it can be wine, or a cold beverage with ice is what I like to call soda!:smile: I'm a huger so you'll definitely get a warming bear hug and a kiss on the cheek for appreciating your time taking me out on your free time.




--------------------
Long live kratom :kratom:


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Onlinekoods
Ribbit
Male User Gallery


Registered: 05/26/11
Posts: 106,059
Loc: Maryland/DC Burbs
Last seen: 1 minute, 42 seconds
Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: danielx] * 1
    #23055383 - 03/28/16 03:13 PM (7 years, 9 months ago)

She's a fixer upper.


--------------------
NotSheekle said
“if I believed she was 16 I would become unattracted to her”


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Invisibledanielx
whatup!
 User Gallery

Registered: 10/13/08
Posts: 6,500
Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: koods] * 2
    #23055391 - 03/28/16 03:16 PM (7 years, 9 months ago)

:lol:

I shouldn't be laughing but...yeah. Can't believe thats how she breaks the ice, unfortunately the only men who she will attract will abuse her more.


--------------------
Long live kratom :kratom:


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InvisibleMr.PhilCybin
Master Baiter
I'm a teapot

Registered: 06/13/11
Posts: 11,642
Loc: Gnarnia
Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: danielx]
    #23055413 - 03/28/16 03:21 PM (7 years, 9 months ago)

wow.


nothing says take me out like, "I was recently raped"


:feelsweirdman:


--------------------
I'm stupid, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is smart.
I'm ugly, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is beautiful.
I'm a loser, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is a winner.
Someday, I hope to be like Falcon91Wolvrn03 but secretly know I never will.


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Invisibledanielx
whatup!
 User Gallery

Registered: 10/13/08
Posts: 6,500
Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: Mr.PhilCybin] * 1
    #23055424 - 03/28/16 03:26 PM (7 years, 9 months ago)

idk man, she was an honor student in junior high in her special ed class, plus we both like comedies and music. Definitely texting her


..im going to hell


--------------------
Long live kratom :kratom:


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InvisibleMr.PhilCybin
Master Baiter
I'm a teapot

Registered: 06/13/11
Posts: 11,642
Loc: Gnarnia
Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: danielx] * 2
    #23055462 - 03/28/16 03:37 PM (7 years, 9 months ago)

:facepalm:

man,


i just feel bad for her.  but it also sounds like she's got that covered.


--------------------
I'm stupid, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is smart.
I'm ugly, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is beautiful.
I'm a loser, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is a winner.
Someday, I hope to be like Falcon91Wolvrn03 but secretly know I never will.


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Onlinekoods
Ribbit
Male User Gallery


Registered: 05/26/11
Posts: 106,059
Loc: Maryland/DC Burbs
Last seen: 1 minute, 42 seconds
Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: Mr.PhilCybin] * 1
    #23055488 - 03/28/16 03:45 PM (7 years, 9 months ago)

She has a diploma from a "career college" but she says she has a graduate degree. I think she believes a graduate degree means you graduated and got a degree.


--------------------
NotSheekle said
“if I believed she was 16 I would become unattracted to her”


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InvisibleMr.PhilCybin
Master Baiter
I'm a teapot

Registered: 06/13/11
Posts: 11,642
Loc: Gnarnia
Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: koods]
    #23055497 - 03/28/16 03:49 PM (7 years, 9 months ago)

I mean,




she's not the brightest crayon in the box here koods  . . . .


--------------------
I'm stupid, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is smart.
I'm ugly, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is beautiful.
I'm a loser, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is a winner.
Someday, I hope to be like Falcon91Wolvrn03 but secretly know I never will.


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InvisibleAhab McBathsalts
OTD Windmill Administrator
Other User Gallery Ultimate Champion: Blackjack


Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 11/25/02
Posts: 35,107
Loc: Wind Turbine, AB Flag
Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: Mr.PhilCybin] * 1
    #23055521 - 03/28/16 03:56 PM (7 years, 9 months ago)

I once made a profile about a dude that had a balloon fetish after seeing a tv show about it. It was surprisingly successful, but I couldn't become that person.

I made another one about a guy that went crazy and was waiting for the apocalypse. It was very unsuccessful.


--------------------
"Nobody exists on purpose. Nobody belongs anywhere. Everybody's going to die."


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Invisibledanielx
whatup!
 User Gallery

Registered: 10/13/08
Posts: 6,500
Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: Ahab McBathsalts]
    #23055598 - 03/28/16 04:18 PM (7 years, 9 months ago)

Good to know


--------------------
Long live kratom :kratom:


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Invisibledanielx
whatup!
 User Gallery

Registered: 10/13/08
Posts: 6,500
Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: danielx]
    #23193265 - 05/05/16 06:41 PM (7 years, 8 months ago)

This is definitely what I imagine when I picture a modern feminist in my head.

Aggressively Femnist:


Quote:


Interests

    Hockey
    Feminism
    Photography
    NetFlix
    Aquariums
    Concerts
    Cheesy rom coms
    Cheese in general
    Cooking
    Baking
    DISNEY MOVIES
    Pixar movies
    Reading


About Becky

Hi I'm Becky! Before we go any further, there are a few very important things you need to know.

1. I'm fat! I'm not looking for reassurances that I'm not. I know I'm fat, it's ok.
2. I am bisexual, but that doesn't mean I'm going to have a threesome with you and your girlfriend, I'm completely monogamous when I'm in a relationship.
3. I'm not interested in a poly relationship.
4. If you know for a fact that you don't want to get married or have kids, keep it moving.
5. If you are in any way racist/sexist/queerphobic, I don't want to talk to you.

Still with me? Ok, moving on. I spend most of my time at work, in my apartment, or screaming about hockey. I have no patience for people who think feminism isn't important.

I would honestly rather have a few friends over for drinks than go out somewhere, but I really like going to the movies.

I laugh at people who say they're looking for their Romeo/Juliet. Really? Those kids were 13 and six people died. That sh*tain't cute y'all.

I curse like a sailor and I don't really have an "inside voice"

Not looking for anything casual and I don't do hook ups.

Cool? Cool.

First Date
Let's go to a hockey game. Or an art museum. Or the aquarium. I'm not gonna go hiking with you.





--------------------
Long live kratom :kratom:


Edited by danielx (05/05/16 06:49 PM)


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InvisibleMr.PhilCybin
Master Baiter
I'm a teapot

Registered: 06/13/11
Posts: 11,642
Loc: Gnarnia
Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: danielx]
    #23193288 - 05/05/16 06:49 PM (7 years, 8 months ago)

lol.

no shit you aint going hiking girl.

you see those arms?

she probably needs to take breaks in between her living room and her fridge

:triggered:


--------------------
I'm stupid, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is smart.
I'm ugly, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is beautiful.
I'm a loser, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is a winner.
Someday, I hope to be like Falcon91Wolvrn03 but secretly know I never will.


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Invisibledanielx
whatup!
 User Gallery

Registered: 10/13/08
Posts: 6,500
Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: Mr.PhilCybin]
    #23193296 - 05/05/16 06:50 PM (7 years, 8 months ago)

dont you dare try to take me outside for exercise.

She probably thinks people want to rape her out on the trails. Rape culture, and all that


--------------------
Long live kratom :kratom:


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InvisibleHeebie

Registered: 02/19/16
Posts: 458
Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: Mr.PhilCybin]
    #23193298 - 05/05/16 06:51 PM (7 years, 8 months ago)

She'd probably be attractive if she lost a few hundred pounds.

I was walking with a girl to OCF once and I told her the trail is this way and she got confirmation from someone else before going with me... wtf



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InvisibleNiffla
Male User Gallery


Registered: 06/09/08
Posts: 46,489
Loc: Texas
Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: Mr.PhilCybin]
    #23193302 - 05/05/16 06:51 PM (7 years, 8 months ago)

lol i forgot we had that gif

i need to find a way to squeeze that one in more


--------------------


HAIL OUR NEW OTD KING


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InvisibleMr.PhilCybin
Master Baiter
I'm a teapot

Registered: 06/13/11
Posts: 11,642
Loc: Gnarnia
Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: Niffla] * 1
    #23193310 - 05/05/16 06:53 PM (7 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Niffla said:


i need to find a way to squeeze that one in more



thats what he said


--------------------
I'm stupid, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is smart.
I'm ugly, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is beautiful.
I'm a loser, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is a winner.
Someday, I hope to be like Falcon91Wolvrn03 but secretly know I never will.


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Invisibledanielx
whatup!
 User Gallery

Registered: 10/13/08
Posts: 6,500
Re: post hilarious dating profiles [Re: Heebie]
    #23193317 - 05/05/16 06:54 PM (7 years, 8 months ago)

fat girl pictures are like jedi mind tricks. If I just looked at her first picture id actually think she was cute.

Rule number one of pof never trust the girls who only show pictures of their face from an upward angle. Or the girls who only show off their fat tits. The tits are fat because she is fat.


--------------------
Long live kratom :kratom:


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