Home | Community | Message Board

MRCA Tyroler Gluckspilze
This site includes paid links. Please support our sponsors.


Welcome to the Shroomery Message Board! You are experiencing a small sample of what the site has to offer. Please login or register to post messages and view our exclusive members-only content. You'll gain access to additional forums, file attachments, board customizations, encrypted private messages, and much more!

Shop: Unfolding Nature Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order   Left Coast Kratom Buy Kratom Capsules   North Spore North Spore Mushroom Grow Kits & Cultivation Supplies   Kraken Kratom Kratom Capsules for Sale   Mushroom-Hut Substrate Mix   Original Sensible Seeds Autoflowering Cannabis Seeds   Bridgetown Botanicals Bridgetown Botanicals   PhytoExtractum Buy Bali Kratom Powder

Jump to first unread post Pages: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4  [ show all ]
Offlinehalo
Tripper
Male


Registered: 11/01/07
Posts: 1,169
Last seen: 2 months, 9 days
Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption
    #22352016 - 10/08/15 09:03 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Hey everyone, I had a very awful trip one month ago. I took LSD at a concert two nights in a row.

The first night I became paranoid that I was gay based off of a comment some girl said to me. It was very weird, and felt like my 3rd chakra reversed. I Really did not like the feeling at all. Instead of rolling with the punches I got trapped in my head about it.

Didn't sleep that night. Took more acid and mdma the second night. Also didn't sleeep. Just got drunk the 3rd day, didn't sleep then either. Didn't sleep for 4 days total. Basically felt incredibly psychotic on the ride home. Finally got xanax and fell asleep but have had horrible sleep since. A couple good nights.

I think I'm realizing what's going on. I've tripped many, many many times before. Probably 50 or 60 times. I'd been living my life wrong, and was confronted with that and I think it manifested sexually.

I also want to talk about the Kundalini. Basically since this happened I've had a few instances in which the synchronicities have been very strong. Very strong. Last weekend I was reading an article about Pan/Lucifer and the next day there were many references to this in my daily life. It really freaked me out.

The thing is, I've had kundalini awakenings before. Once, years ago, I had this experience and felt immense love for the mother Goddess. It was an incredibly profound love and one of my best psychedelic experiences ever. I often feel like the kundalini rises in my spine to my head when I take acid.

This has never been a bad thing before.

However, I can still feel it in me, and things have not been good. They've been very negative the past month. I finally thought I was over it, and then some things happened to me earlier today. I felt out of place at work, and then volunteered tonight at a shelter type place and during a prayer (I've kind of gone back to Catholicism here) this one guy started talking about casting out demons, and this other women talked about a Wiccan guy who lives near her and stalks her basically. Just very very creepy stuff I'm not down with. I'm a child of the light through and through, or at least I try to be.

I've been seeing a psychologist who has been very helpful, but he's not familiar with psychedelics very much. Still, I've told him about all of these synchronicities and he has not said I was schizophrenic or anything. I also saw a psychiatrist, who was less wholistic and IMO less knowledgable, who prescribed me a low dose of seroquel for sleep.

Basically my chakras feel all out of alignment, and I feel like I fucked up sexually. Big time. Nothing has been right since this trip, I've barely been able to get hard, and its weaker than normal. My digestive system is screwed up. My heart feels closed and hard. My thinking is not working properly, I'm forgetting many things etc.

All of this has me profoundly distressed. On other forums, the advice I've gotten has been to work out and exercise and so forth.

What's especially troubling me is it it now feels like this kundalini is an evil force, whereas beforehand I thought it was mostly good, or rather, neutral. But it seems like I screwed up somewhere, and I just want to get things back on track.

I can't even listen to Phish or the Dead and enjoy the music because it kind of freaks me out too much. The worst is I've tripped so many times, so many times, and never had this problem. I know it was because I didn't fully let go, but that's hard to do when such a fundamental part of your identity seems to shift or reverse.

I'm scared I'll be stuck like this forever and I really don't want to be. I want to heal my soul, and get back to the happy loving person that I think of myself as.

I want to learn from this, I want to have a healthy relationship with my soul, the world, and my loved ones.

I'm wondering if anyone here has any spiritual advice or anything. One another forum someone suggested bikram yoga but at this point I'm almost scared of yoga because of the kundalini forces involved.


--------------------
All drugs should be legal


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineLaughingcowwa
Your mum loves it.
Male


Registered: 05/02/15
Posts: 418
Last seen: 7 years, 9 months
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: halo]
    #22352033 - 10/08/15 09:06 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Just have another one


--------------------
Those who doubt me, suck cock by choice


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlinehalo
Tripper
Male


Registered: 11/01/07
Posts: 1,169
Last seen: 2 months, 9 days
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: Laughingcowwa]
    #22352078 - 10/08/15 09:15 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Another trip? I need serious advice here, I've nearly gone insane and as much as I would love to trip in the future I'm not sure if that's a possibility right now. Maybe in a few months if I manage to get my shit together, but now it seems like it would not be a good idea. I need more information than just "take another trip". I've tripped a lot, and if I had another bad trip I think it would be even worse than this one. I need to heal myself.


--------------------
All drugs should be legal


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlineyabbahabba
Stranger
Registered: 06/16/09
Posts: 589
Last seen: 4 months, 16 days
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: halo]
    #22352316 - 10/08/15 10:21 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

First understand the biggest demon you're facing right now is the demon that makes you uneasy about who you are. Who cares? What if you were gay? Are you just dying to get out there and get your homo on? Probably not, but if you were you should be like, eh, whatever.

Don't hold yourself to what you expect yourself to be.

This head fuckery is holding you down and you've been separated from comfort, which is strange. You're also getting your brain chemistry back in order.

Take your mind off of things. Have a few cold ones, watch a comedy, make a nice meal, learn a new dish to make, pet a cat, just stop thinking so much. You'll be re-integrated. Trust me.

Just don't smoke weed or trip for a long time. s'all good.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisibleJufin
Male User Gallery

Registered: 03/31/08
Posts: 5,116
Loc: Australia
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: halo]
    #22352334 - 10/08/15 10:28 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

You will get out of it, and it takes a certain degree of courage and persistence.  Working out and exercise is good because it re-balances the chemicals in your body.  I have to regularly exercise to constantly get my body in balance.  Weight lifting can be good because it gets the testosterone pumping, which honestly feels fucking awesome.  Yoga also re-balances yourself with relative ease.  There's nothing harmful or risky about it.  Also, sometimes I tell myself to stop being a pussy.  This doesn't work for everyone but it works for me.  For example, I'm worried about something that seems like a huge problem, then I say stop being a pussy Paul, and then I go, oh yeah, I am being a pussy, and it all seems a lot easier.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlinehalo
Tripper
Male


Registered: 11/01/07
Posts: 1,169
Last seen: 2 months, 9 days
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: Jufin]
    #22352449 - 10/08/15 11:01 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Thanks for the responses. I think what initially worried me was I saw on a reddit post something about some stages of kundalini awakening being irreversible etc.

And this is what worried me in my situation. I felt like I had raised this energy up, not properly dealt with it, and now I'm stuck with it some ways. I don't want to feed the negative energy.

There's so much personal stuff involved. I even ended up posting my whole story on another forum and I found out some friends found about it. Kind of made me embarassed but whatever.

I'm just wondering if anyone else has been through a mildly psychotic experience that lasted a little over a month and then came back down to earth. For the record I'm still functional it's just been weird. No sex drive, digestion is weird, forgetting things, etc.

I know I'll get better, just wondering if there are certain steps I should take.


--------------------
All drugs should be legal


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisibleJufin
Male User Gallery

Registered: 03/31/08
Posts: 5,116
Loc: Australia
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: halo]
    #22352872 - 10/09/15 12:47 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

I have, heaps of times.  A friend of mine after an acid trip was severely paranoid for probably a year or so, thought a bikie gang was out to kill him, thought his mum and brother were in on it, etc.  Now he's married and just bought a house, really solid guy.  He completely got over it.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlinehalo
Tripper
Male


Registered: 11/01/07
Posts: 1,169
Last seen: 2 months, 9 days
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: Jufin]
    #22353537 - 10/09/15 07:49 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Thank you!! Do you know what he did to get over it or did it just take time?


--------------------
All drugs should be legal


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlinehalo
Tripper
Male


Registered: 11/01/07
Posts: 1,169
Last seen: 2 months, 9 days
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: halo]
    #22353718 - 10/09/15 09:03 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

It basically feels like this kundalini energy took me to the dark side and I don't like that. My heart feels dark and this is all awful.

Even when I went volunteering last night I felt out of place. It wasn't so much volunteering as just hanging out and talking with the people there. I'm trying to maintain a positive outlook but I'm completely failing at that.

I've never had anything like this happen in all my years of tripping. And that the negative effects have lasted this long is troubling. I want to be a good person and be full of love like I used to be. Even smiling is hard now and when I do it feels forced.

I don't like this. I've been reading on other sites online and it says not to resume meditation or yoga that works with this energy until it has totally dissipated again. I just worry that since I used a psychedelic, after having positive experiences of this in the past, that this is somehow unchangeable. And quite frankly I'm very afraid of hell right now.

The experience has been so visceral. Its like I was shown the proper spiritual way in years past but I only vaguely tried to be good and didn't fully commit myself to service. Instead I just worked my job which I've disliked, even though it's a great organization, and became self indulgent the past two years. It seriously felt like a punishment bfornuow I was living my life and now I'm scared. I love goodness, I love love, I love the positive in the world. Its been hard to truly feel that since this happened.

I need serious spiritual help and guidance. I will go ahead and exercise and try to take it easy and I've been praying to God as well. I just never thought this type of judgement would happen like this. Part of me thinks it's all in my head, but if anyone has had serious experience with the kundalini please comment.


--------------------
All drugs should be legal


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Invisiblechampinhom
Lord Justhappensness
Male User Gallery

Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 987
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: halo]
    #22353924 - 10/09/15 09:52 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

halo said:
Hey everyone, I had a very awful trip one month ago. I took LSD at a concert two nights in a row.

The first night I became paranoid that I was gay based off of a comment some girl said to me. It was very weird, and felt like my 3rd chakra reversed. I Really did not like the feeling at all. Instead of rolling with the punches I got trapped in my head about it.

Didn't sleep that night. Took more acid and mdma the second night. Also didn't sleeep. Just got drunk the 3rd day, didn't sleep then either. Didn't sleep for 4 days total. Basically felt incredibly psychotic on the ride home. Finally got xanax and fell asleep but have had horrible sleep since. A couple good nights.







Acid. MDMA. Alcohol. Xanax. Day after day. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

Your problem is solved: No more acid (for a while at least). No more MDMA (ever). No more Alcohol (in combination with anything else). No more Xanax (ever, unless prescribed).

Cause: Nano-brained use of psyches combinated with a grandiose interpretation of trip results--kundalini rising, etc.-- ends in prepsychotic behavior.
Cure: STOP IT.

PS: By the way, kundalini can be a terrific fucker. Read Gopi Krishna.


--------------------
My father used to say: I don't care what else you do in life, just don't be an asshole. People, forgive me when I forget what my daddy said.

Cut back the proliferating list of people whose opinions can hurt you. Unless they have done or want to do you some good, their views are just not worth tracking.
Saul Bellow

“People are just cannibals unless they leave each other alone.” Doris Lessing

Those whom the gods would save, they dower with compassion. Mr. P.  Silocybin


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlinehalo
Tripper
Male


Registered: 11/01/07
Posts: 1,169
Last seen: 2 months, 9 days
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: champinhom]
    #22354081 - 10/09/15 10:28 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Thank you. I know my actions were stupid. That's what was so odd about the weekend. I've gone to numerous shows and have tripped numerous times and never lost control in a negative way like I did that weekend. Things have always been pretty positive for me. And I've always been very careful. It was almost like I was on autopilot. I truly wasn't thinking rationally.

And yeah I have been presychotic. Lots of synchronicities everywhere. Though they seem to fade the less I focus on them.

I do not plan on using any psychedelics for a long long time. It just sucks, I succumbed to the fear and had an awful weekend and have continued to have a hard time the past month. Bad luck and stuff seems to be following, whereas before things usually worked in my favor.

I'm just afraid I might not be able to listen to phish again without freaking out. It's just like everything took on a dark feel. Like I slipped to the dark side.

And tbh I'm kind of afraid to research more on the kundalini. I'd had experiences with it in the past and they were beautiful. But I never really pursued things farther because I was focused on school.

Tbh it felt like I allowed myself to be distracted from the truly spiritual path. And that because of this I have been dealt this heavy psychic blow. I just hope its not something permanent.

I consider myself a spiritual person, and I just want to get back on the right track again.


--------------------
All drugs should be legal


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Invisiblecez
 User Gallery
Registered: 08/04/09
Posts: 5,854
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: halo]
    #22354151 - 10/09/15 10:43 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

You are taking this spiritual thing way to seriously imo.  Everything is ok :thumbup:


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlinehalo
Tripper
Male


Registered: 11/01/07
Posts: 1,169
Last seen: 2 months, 9 days
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: cez]
    #22354275 - 10/09/15 11:20 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Thanks for posting that. I agree I'm taking things too seriously. But all of this has felt so real. I've never been more scared in my entire life.

I'm trying to turn the corner, but it's tough.


--------------------
All drugs should be legal


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflinePeyote Road
Stranger
Male
Registered: 09/02/15
Posts: 3,527
Loc: Great Lakes State
Last seen: 1 year, 3 months
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: halo]
    #22355319 - 10/09/15 04:47 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

My advice would be to read LSD psychotherapy by Stanislov Grof. This book helped me following a bad trip.


Also if you do trip again (which I recommend, I feel like it is necessary go back and face whatever fears and unresolved issues caused the prior bad trip) I would use a natural psychedelic. I am not against LSD but it will never hold the same value for me as the natural psychs.


--------------------
The path of the herbalist is to open ourselves to nature in an innocent and pure way. SHe in turn will open her bounty and reward us with many valuable secrets. May the earth bless you. - Michael Tierra


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineMarkostheGnostic
Elder
Male User Gallery


Registered: 12/09/99
Posts: 14,279
Loc: South Florida Flag
Last seen: 3 years, 2 days
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: halo] * 1
    #22355384 - 10/09/15 05:00 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Cease taking all psychedelics including cannabis until you're stabilized. I'v tripped at least 10 times more than you have over a 44 year period, so don't beat yourself up for past experiences. You need to ground whatever energies that might have been liberated. And btw, at VERY high dose trips, only slow Ravi Shankar ragas work to smooth out my nervous system when even Hatha Yoga asanas (which are VERY VERY helpful!) aren't doing it. This is when even the most sublime Dark Star isn't working.

I will not attempt to practice medicine without a license, or countermand your psychiatrist's advice, but I would warn you away from psychotropics including Seroquel® ASAP.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quetiapine This IS an anti-psychotic medication, and sleep would be an off-label use. Melatonin even in multi-milligram doses is not harmful. Valerian root capsules or tea, 5-HTP and/or L-Tryptophan (I like the former better)  may help unbalanced your serotonergic system and bring sleep. I've used or currently use all of these products with good results, but check with your psychiatrist (my own disclaimer :wink:).

Your writing is lucid and you have thought things out, suggesting to me (and I am licensed as a mental health provider) that you are not at the time of writing this post in the throes of a psychotic episode. Kundalini gone awry was described by Gopi Krishna in his book Kundalini: The Evolutionary Energy in Man, which occurred to him in the 1930s. Stan Grof, M.D., speaks to such unrecognized conditions (by allopathic medicine) as a 'spiritual emergency' or 'spiritual crisis.' You need not personify it as the goddess Kundalini-Shakti, nor do you need to listen to any guilt-related explanations of demonic possession, especially from fundamentalist Christian sources (I am a Christian of a type, hold a reputable seminary degree, and can locate Kundalini-related phenomena in detail in Genesis with Jacob's dream, as well as in Luke Acts, and I defy any of those Hell-fire and brimstone heretics who would seek to make you feel guilty for whatever you're experiencing).

You are apparently experiencing (based on your description) elevated degrees of anxiety (for which I take 100-200 mg of L-Theanine daily, and 500 mg of L-Taurine if I'm really anxious on top of the L-Theanine). You have not mentioned HPPD (Hallucinogen Persisting Perceptual Disorder), which is a good thing! :yesnod: Synchronicites are going to include an Archetype of the Collective Unconscious or else it will merely be a common coincidence which has more of a probabalistic nature than a truly Synchronistic one. Lucifer or Pan are both horned archetypal images, the former only being described as "an angel of light" insofar as Lucifer means 'light-bearer' in Latin (in Greek it is Phosphorus, for which the element was named). Just saying, lest you develop spiritual paranoia. :nono: Horns were a symbol of divinity in pre-Christian times, and of course, the lunar crescent that horns are associated with were associated with femininity and Goddess worship. Christianity merely identified the old deities with new devils. Pan mean 'All' in Greek, and refers to 'All of nature.' He is a fertility deity, not an evil entity.

I hope you feel better soon.



--------------------
γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlinerazorman
Stranger
Registered: 01/11/13
Posts: 66
Last seen: 7 years, 11 months
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: MarkostheGnostic]
    #22356507 - 10/09/15 09:16 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Hey halo,

Kundalini awakened as a result of psychedelics or any other life trauma can be very hard to deal with. I can point you to an initiation video by a real Guru that may alleviate some of your bad symptoms.

Instructions: Just watch the video and start chanting the mantra.
Video:


You can read about my experiences with this Guru in my previous thread:

http://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/17536576#17536576

I hope this helps you!

Peace.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisiblezZZz
jesus
I'm a teapot User Gallery

Registered: 12/28/07
Posts: 33,478
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: halo]
    #22356561 - 10/09/15 09:31 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

so was this all because of comment that made u feel gay?, is this correct?..

i'd like to hear more about it :strokebeard:

seems there are some things u are keeping inside and it's killing u, maybe it would help u to share them as best as u can, of if they are too personal to share in public maybe u can share them with a close friend u can trust. i am also available through pm if it has to come to that, i'm all ears.


--------------------
https://discord.gg/NHHd5y2Uyv


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlinehalo
Tripper
Male


Registered: 11/01/07
Posts: 1,169
Last seen: 2 months, 9 days
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: zZZz]
    #22356973 - 10/09/15 11:08 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

I can maybe post a more detailed account here later. I had typed it out but I have this fear that talking about the negative aspects of what happened makes it more real.


--------------------
All drugs should be legal


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisiblezZZz
jesus
I'm a teapot User Gallery

Registered: 12/28/07
Posts: 33,478
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: halo]
    #22357004 - 10/09/15 11:14 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

quite the contrary ime, it really helps to write it out or talk about it as much as possible. even if it's just for urself.


--------------------
https://discord.gg/NHHd5y2Uyv


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineElff
Abyss Full of Love
 User Gallery

Registered: 08/20/14
Posts: 398
Last seen: 5 months, 19 days
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: halo]
    #22357344 - 10/10/15 01:04 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

How much Lsd did you take,how many tabs? Going nights without sleep tripping can wreck havoc on your psyche

I can relate to a trip being very sexual in nature and make you switch your masculinity/feminity otherway during the trip and make you doubt your sexual identity post-trip, I've been on that ride and it gets very confusing to the whole idea of who am I sexually attracted to?

None of these occurences are pemanent and they all will fade eventually, give it time, spend more time in nature, talk, write, sing, dance out that energy, you'll be good and dont go believing in all those thoughts in your head :smile:


--------------------


"No drug causes the fundamental ills of society. If we’re looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn’t test people for drugs— we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed, and love of power."  - PJ O’Rourke


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlinehalo
Tripper
Male


Registered: 11/01/07
Posts: 1,169
Last seen: 2 months, 9 days
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: Elff]
    #22359865 - 10/10/15 04:30 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Took like 3 tabs the first night. Maybe 1 the second with some mdma.

I had this incredibly long post earlier but was hesitant to post it so I copied it. Here is the post.  Thank you. And yes Markos I have been aware of that but it didn't mean it didn't scare me.

Monday was when I had the strong pan/Lucifer imagery synchronicities in my day to day.

It freaked me out but I know that pan was coopted by Christianity and portrayed as the devil. I told my psychologist on Tuesday about this and he encouraged me to explore these ideas and said Pan was wild as in wilderness and perhaps was my subconscious pulling me in that direction. I agreed completely.

I also saw a psychiatrist on Wednesday. I didn't feel like I needed to go after Tuesday, but I had the appointment and succumbed to paranoia. What if I do need drugs and I can't get another appointment until December etc? So I went, psychiatrist was way less knowledgeable than psychologist and prescribed me seroquel. After doing research on it I have decided not to take it.

Tbh though I've taken 5HTP and all that and melatonin and it barely works. Sometimes I've resorted to taking benzodiazepines to sleep.

I left out part of the story. What freaked me out during the initial trip was that 3rd chakra feeling I spoke of. But the other symptom of that was it felt like my gender changed. Like I felt like I was so worthless I could only "take it" because I'm not cool enough to attract women. During the trip this was extremely metaphorical. I asked a girl in my group if she had a lighter as she walked by me. She said no and to ask "one of the boys". I internalized this to mean she was accusing me of not being a man.  Tried to smoke joints w girls and lost my lighter. All in all very embarrassing and it culminated with this loss of 3rd chakra feeling and then after the show I thought people were making gay jokes etc. This was the crux of the psychosis.

Even on the drive home it felt like I was hearing songs from a female perspective, something I didn't even realize was possible.  I've since come to realize this as a crisis of masculinity.

Then it was about a month later, earlier this week, that I really got the Lucifer pan imagery synchronicity. But I resisted that and even prayed to God to take it away from me etc. Even though I know I only think it's evil due to cultural programming. Still, it scared me. Then I volunteered and participated in the small mass at the holy homeless shelter house type place. I felt good but the comments of others there freaked me out.

I went home, told my parents about what happened and my dad said I could stay home this weekend if I wanted. Previously I had planned to go to our cabin with him. Figured it help clear my mind. Well, I didn't want to go back on my commitment so I decided to come to the cabin with him.

And on the ride here it was like I was back to square one. Though I had previously reaffirmed my heterosexuality I started to get all these weird thoughts about being transgender again and all of the songs on the radio were freaking me out. It even seemed like listening to baseball games synced up with my thoughts.

Now I'm worried that avoiding pan has further regressed me. I felt better on Wednesday before the psychiatrist. It felt like my dick was starting to work and so forth. Now I'm back in confusion.

I'll check out the Ravi shankar but even I'm a bit worried about it. I know its just music. But I was quite secure in my gender and sexuality before this and this flip has been most unpleasant and unwelcome.

I feel like a big problem is that internally I'm quite creative but often lack the confidence to go through with things. I've spent the past number of years just getting high and partying and not really pursuing my passions. Now I worry that it's too late or that I've totally lost that spark. It's very scary.

Also I just feel way dumber. Not as sharp at all. Previously I could crack jokes and was good at trivia and so forth and now it's like my brain is mush. I'm just really hoping that I can somehow get back to normal.


--------------------
All drugs should be legal


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisiblezZZz
jesus
I'm a teapot User Gallery

Registered: 12/28/07
Posts: 33,478
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: halo]
    #22359946 - 10/10/15 05:01 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

i think u just need some time to relax man, get ur mind off things. then u can pursue these thoughts of urs again after u feel more at ease. cuz the way things seems right now is like ur just running around in circles.

i understand how confusing this must be for u and u want answers asap, u want to be heard, and i;ve heard u so far, but i think u should really consider putting down the hammer, so to speak, and chill out for a bit. like i said u can always go back when u feel better, stronger.

easier said than done, as always, but i think it's worth a shot.

u mentioned u havent pursued ur passions in while, well i think u should really get back to them, art is a blessing. draw something, make a song, paint, wutever, anything that will help u take ur mind off ur mind..

i personally like to dumb myself down after a really rough trip, like i'll watch movies, mindless television, eat a bunch of junk food, just really get in the groove. it really helps.


--------------------
https://discord.gg/NHHd5y2Uyv


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlinehalo
Tripper
Male


Registered: 11/01/07
Posts: 1,169
Last seen: 2 months, 9 days
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: zZZz]
    #22359962 - 10/10/15 05:07 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Thanks man. And yeah I'm kind of feeling Vetter now.

Actually just saw this website after a search:

http://tantramag.com/man/art38.html

Talks about reversed kundalini which is kind of how I felt. Luckily I never really acted on some of the negative thoughts I was having.

Also it sounds positive in that you can UN-reverse the so called reversed kundalini. And I've definitely been cynical and especially after this trip have been neurotic and psychotic.

I am feeling better as of a an hour or so ago but it still feels like that "fire" has left which is scary. Hopefully it can return.


--------------------
All drugs should be legal


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisiblezZZz
jesus
I'm a teapot User Gallery

Registered: 12/28/07
Posts: 33,478
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: halo]
    #22359986 - 10/10/15 05:20 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

interesting :strokebeard:, makes sense

i feel like a might have reversed some of my kundalini too, def havent really been taking care of myself. maybe i'll try some of this meditation tonight :hippie:


--------------------
https://discord.gg/NHHd5y2Uyv


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlinewithoutlabel
Stranger

Registered: 06/09/15
Posts: 33
Last seen: 8 years, 1 month
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: zZZz]
    #22363363 - 10/11/15 01:38 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Perhaps all it is is that you are putting too much emphasis on being male, heterosexual, female, homosexual, bisexual, trans, whatever. Then something happens that puts you out of those categories and whoops, there your ego goes for a ride.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlinehalo
Tripper
Male


Registered: 11/01/07
Posts: 1,169
Last seen: 2 months, 9 days
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: withoutlabel]
    #22363752 - 10/11/15 03:02 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

I mean yeah, that's part of it for sure. But it just is so strange.

I've never cared much about my sexual orientation before this. Always have felt pretty straight my whole life. However I've definitely been a more feminine guy. But I've always been okay with who I was, never felt like I needed to be super macho. This year has just been really bad for me in terms of relationships or lack thereof.

Which I think is due to how I am. I'm lazy, out of shape, don't have any productive hobbies really, just go out and drink and party and stuff.

And while I have been pretty depressed for a while I wasn't really depressed. Not like now. I would get sad, but had no problems relating to other people or whatever.

This whole experience has been so traumatic and scary. It basically felt like I failed at being a man and so the universe is punishing me by changing this orientation. And it's not even like I'm all of a sudden attracted to guys, I'm not, but it feels like I'm understanding the female side of things way more. Hopefully I can use this to strengthen my manhood but I worry that the psychological trauma is so great that I'll never recover.

Everyone's telling me I'll be fine, and I'm doing my best to trust that. I just want to be able to pursue relationships with women again And so forth.


--------------------
All drugs should be legal


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisibleJufin
Male User Gallery

Registered: 03/31/08
Posts: 5,116
Loc: Australia
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: halo]
    #22366778 - 10/12/15 05:42 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Just go smash some heavy weights, you'll instantly feel better.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlinehalo
Tripper
Male


Registered: 11/01/07
Posts: 1,169
Last seen: 2 months, 9 days
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: Jufin]
    #22370367 - 10/12/15 08:15 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Thanks man, I appreciate the suggestion. I spent about 15-20 minutes lifting weights earlier. I've been pretty lazy for a while so I'm basically at a beginner's level doing 15 pound dumbbells and so on.

It does make me feel a little better, but barely. I'm not trying to be negative here, but this whole thing really feels like I blew out my circuits so to speak.


--------------------
All drugs should be legal


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Invisiblec0sm0nautt
Male User Gallery
Registered: 05/19/08
Posts: 10,303
Loc: The Astral Realm
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: Jufin]
    #22370410 - 10/12/15 08:21 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Markos gives good advise. Mindset and setting man... Multiple uses back to back, not sleeping, etc should have been red flags to take it easy. Psychedelics are very very powerful and culturally we are at an rudimentary stage in understanding them - You gotta look after yourself!


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlinehalo
Tripper
Male


Registered: 11/01/07
Posts: 1,169
Last seen: 2 months, 9 days
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: c0sm0nautt]
    #22371005 - 10/12/15 09:50 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

I know...I was so stupid.

As I said it was all in all a strange weekend. I'm normally very careful with my psychedelic usage, I normally don't take that much. This summer I have taken more than normal for sure. I tripped on a little bit all 3 days of 4th of july weekend at a series of concerts. While I almost went off the edge in hindsight, I was able to pull it together and had one of if not the best weekend of my life.

Then I tripped at a show about a month later, and had a great time until the end when I freaked out and thought I had a heart attack. I didn't. Also tripped a couple days after that at another show, didn't trip that hard but got paranoid that my ear was fucked up and I broke it. Got back home and found out I was fine, just allergies.

So this one weekend I decided I was really going to have fun and let loose, since I had had these hypochondriac episodes earlier this summer. For whatever reason my brain did not compute that each of these instances involved taking lsd. The thing that sucks too is on the way up there I wasn't even planning on tripping at all the first night. I was already sleep deprived from staying up way too late two nights before, and just took an adderall from my friend to keep me up. She kept begging me to trip with her, and I I figured why not, it'd probably help me stay awake and get into the music more, as it normally does.

And then my other friend who lives there, who I haven't seen in months, his friend gave him some dose and he was kind of aggressive in getting me to trip. Said his gf didn't want it and I said I was good but he was like come on man...so I took that one too. I think I ended up spitting out though since I had already taken one or two other hits.

It was just all too real. On a higher level it just felt like I failed a test. My female friend I was with who convinced me to trip, she had talked about wanting to stay sober since she was recently in an accident and not supposed to be drinking. I tried to get her not to drink but that's the first thing she did when we got to the show. It was my fault though for bringing the stuff with me to trip on. I let her eat it. I figured we would trip and not drink, but she ended up drinking anyway. I can't help but think if I would have really focused on being sober that first night that none of this would have happened.

It all just feels like on giant sin. I tried to sleep that first night, but I couldn't, and honestly I don't know what possessed me to take more drugs the next night, especially after feeling awful. In my head I thought that it would balance me out and make me feel better. I could not have been more wrong. It just makes me feel so dark and so wrong and I don't like it.

Prior to this weekend all of my psychedelic experiences had been wonderful, aside from earlier this summer when some anxieties came up. It's like I didn't even realize I was abusing the substance, the thought didn't even cross my mind. I was so much on autopilot, so foolish. I honestly can't believe it. I should have been able to resist my "friends" but at the end of the day every time I took drugs was my decision. I just never in a million years thought it could be this bad.

I could understand getting screwed up mentally. I figured since I had taken acid so many times before, and that since I didn't really take a dose larger than normal, that I would be fine. I forgot how powerful the substance truly is. 

I don't mean to ramble, but this whole thing is all consuming me. I'm trying to take my mind off of it, but truthfully talking about this whole strange dark experience is the only time I feel like I can think and articulate myself properly. On any other subject it's like I've become dumber than a box of rocks. Like I have mental blocks in my head, preventing me from thinking clearly and confusing me instead.


--------------------
All drugs should be legal


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Invisiblec0sm0nautt
Male User Gallery
Registered: 05/19/08
Posts: 10,303
Loc: The Astral Realm
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: halo] * 1
    #22375822 - 10/13/15 09:13 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

It's all good man, and only a sin if you don't learn from it. I believe every challenge in life contains a lesson if we are willing to work with it. Seems like you have learned a lot from it. Keep on keeping on. :thumbup:


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlinegnrm23
Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 08/29/99
Posts: 6,488
Loc: n. e. OH, USSA
Last seen: 3 months, 24 days
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: halo]
    #22380102 - 10/14/15 06:30 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)



--------------------
old enough to know better
not old enough to care


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineDevizome
A friend


Registered: 03/01/14
Posts: 140
Last seen: 8 years, 2 months
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: halo]
    #22380479 - 10/14/15 07:49 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

So, I just gotta say, what you are experiencing seems to be exactly what I experienced a little over two years ago. It's a little late right now and I don't have time to tell you everything I want to tell you, so I'll just say this for now:

You will be better than you ever were. Peace.


--------------------
Love & Respect,
Devin


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisibleJufin
Male User Gallery

Registered: 03/31/08
Posts: 5,116
Loc: Australia
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: Devizome]
    #22381187 - 10/14/15 10:22 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Devizome said:
So, I just gotta say, what you are experiencing seems to be exactly what I experienced a little over two years ago. It's a little late right now and I don't have time to tell you everything I want to tell you, so I'll just say this for now:

You will be better than you ever were. Peace.



This is why I love the Shroomery.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineDevizome
A friend


Registered: 03/01/14
Posts: 140
Last seen: 8 years, 2 months
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: halo]
    #22388872 - 10/16/15 03:14 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Jufin said:
Quote:

Devizome said:
So, I just gotta say, what you are experiencing seems to be exactly what I experienced a little over two years ago. It's a little late right now and I don't have time to tell you everything I want to tell you, so I'll just say this for now:

You will be better than you ever were. Peace.



This is why I love the Shroomery.




:biggrin: :thumbup:

Yo halo, hope you're doing well. Initially I thought I'd have a massive explanation about what happened to me so that you could compare it to your experience in the hope of finding comfort in the similarities between the two. However, I now disagree with the idea of providing a comparison, as your experience was unique and doing so could create unfounded expectations for what is in store for you in the months to come. I do still have some things to say.

I know what you mean when you say that your actions felt like a huge sin and you felt like you failed a test, big time. But it's not a test, really, it's a lesson. I received a similar lesson through a medium other than LSD. It was Salvia for me, although that was only the climactic moment. In hindsight, my (too often) recreational use of psychedelics probably led me to my ultimate crash.

Long story short, I felt like I failed The Universe because I couldn't overcome my fear of the Salvia experience by the New Age deadline of December 21, 2012. My mind wasn't very balanced at that point and I'd created a big story for myself -- a tragic one, it seemed. So it was certainly a whammy. I was depressed for months, delusional, paranoid, and overall uncertain about Reality. I didn't use any psychoactives for a while, not even marijuana, as I felt like my soul would be sucked out whenever I did. Really, I just needed to let my brain reach homeostasis again. I overcame my depression by making a six-week solo journey to Peru, meeting people, climbing mountains, reconnecting with Nature in a physical way, and showing myself that I still had some power. Also: meditation, meditation, meditation.

Presently, I am well. My worldview is still not solid, and I think that's a good thing. There's a lot we don't know. I don't know what I am or who I am (aside from, you know, Consciousness), and I don't think that's a bad thing. The self is too wiggly to worry about. I'm not saying that I have lost my identity -- no, I am very aware of "who I am" in the sense of my name, my physical form, and all that stuff we need if we want to operate fluidly in this world. I'm just less attached to it.

I don't know much about Kundalini, but I have definitely wondered about my own sexuality, much of the time during or after psychedelic experiences. My advice to you: Don't worry about it. Let go of how you thought you were and embrace uncertainty, at least for now. Everyone has a masculine and a feminine side, and a whole person, in my opinion, is very aware of both sides of him/herself. Meditation will help you discover more about where you fall on the "spectrum".

Oh, and whatever you do, don't beat yourself up over it. You can feel sorry for yourself, but even that gets old and isn't very useful. In my case, I used a narrative psychological approach and "rewrote" my story into one of personal growth and the attainment of highest potential. My (at the time) shitty experience was, in hindsight, a gift, and I have made certain to give thanks for it. Otherwise, I would have never had the opportunity to grow in the ways I have since then and will continue to every day.

Good luck, starstuff.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlinehalo
Tripper
Male


Registered: 11/01/07
Posts: 1,169
Last seen: 2 months, 9 days
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: Devizome]
    #22388945 - 10/16/15 03:33 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Thanks man.

I'm starting to feel better mentally. Less depression and confusion over sexuality. My body is still really weird though and I'm still having extreme insomnia.

I'm mainly worried about brain damage incurred from sleeping only for a few hours a night for the past month and a half. It feels like my mind is going and I feel dumb as a box of rocks. Really hoping I can improve and get back to normal or some other state. The mental craziness I can deal with but it's the physical (perhaps psychosomatic) aspect that is still worrying me.


--------------------
All drugs should be legal


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlinedurxo
Stranger
 User Gallery


Registered: 01/16/14
Posts: 113
Last seen: 2 years, 1 month
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: halo]
    #22389629 - 10/16/15 05:53 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

I also had some bad trips and they severely affected me for many months, I felt like I was in a bad trip all the time, my entire life was a bad trip and it didnt go away but then I tried Anapanasati which is a buddhist meditation and within few weeks I was back to normal you should try it


--------------------

    “The psychotic drowns in the same waters in which the mystic swims with delight.”

    ― Joseph Campbell


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineDevizome
A friend


Registered: 03/01/14
Posts: 140
Last seen: 8 years, 2 months
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: halo]
    #22392172 - 10/17/15 07:51 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

durxo said:
I also had some bad trips and they severely affected me for many months, I felt like I was in a bad trip all the time, my entire life was a bad trip and it didnt go away but then I tried Anapanasati which is a buddhist meditation and within few weeks I was back to normal you should try it




Yeah, I agree that meditation is a good thing to start practicing A LOT. When you get better at it your mind and body will get all the benefits of the deep sleep you seem to be missing out on.


--------------------
Love & Respect,
Devin


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlineeehoo
Stranger


Registered: 09/26/15
Posts: 711
Last seen: 8 years, 18 days
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: Devizome]
    #22392259 - 10/17/15 08:28 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

There are rabbit holes in your brain you just need to let go of sometimes. The mind wants to know too much


--------------------


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineDeer
Stranger
Registered: 10/17/15
Posts: 5
Last seen: 8 years, 1 month
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: halo]
    #22393822 - 10/17/15 03:23 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Kundalini is real. It isn't an issue about taking it seriously. You have no choice. People who are not going through it can't understand.

There is light at the end of the tunnel.

Here is my advice... I am going through it too...

The best thing you can do right now is stay off the LSD - there is a real reason for this. It is because everything you need to feel right now will come up in your face too quickly before you know that it is actually very useful and healing and showing you who you really are... And how knowing who you are is going to give you the blueprint to your happiness and welllbeing and survival.

You are going to need to feel your emotions in sessions that can last a couple days at first but will be shorter and shorter. Who you are is surrounded by a layer of shells like the inside of an onion. Take some time to feel your emotions completely about anything that comes up. You will have to take time to feel them completely without taking them out on anyone else and then you will need to sleep. The first time you do this will take the most time. Then that layer will come off and you will never feel upset about that issue again. The next time will be the layer under that and it will take a shorter time and so on...

One more thing... This part is key. So when you begin the session... It can begin at any time. You will need to call out of work. Here is how it will start. There is someone who pokes at your wound. You feel hurt. Let yourself cry. Really cry. About whatever it is. Feel everything. Ask yourself, when is the first time I felt this way? Then cry for that. Comfort your inner child. For as long as it takes. Make a commitment to protect yourself.

Then you will find that when someone pokes at the same wound it is healed and it no longer hurts. Then another Chakra opens.

Keep doing this and taking the time for yourself. Really really be your own best friend.

Good luck either way.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlinehalo
Tripper
Male


Registered: 11/01/07
Posts: 1,169
Last seen: 2 months, 9 days
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: Deer]
    #22394072 - 10/17/15 03:57 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Thanks for that post Deer. Yeah, things are tough right now. I feel like I've already taken so much out on those around me, especially my parents.

I hooked up with my ex the other day, cause I was still worried about the sexuality feelings. It was nice to hang and stuff but I had trouble sleeping. Then I meditated the next night and thought I hit a breakthrough but then fell back down so to speak.

Yesterday and today I've just felt brain dead. I feel like I can't think as well. Like my internal dialogue is shutting off. It's scaring me. I managed to sleep better last night, but only because of xanax and zzzquil. Still though, I slept for way longer than I have been.

It's so weird, cause I can't tell if I'm getting better or worse. Deer, I've been so sad and stressed and anxious lately, but now all of those emotions have left. I can't tell if that's good or bad. It feels like my brain is shutting down so I don't have to deal with things. Idk but it's scary. I just want my brain and body to work properly again.

And by call out of work do you mean quit? All of this is tough. I'm living at home with my parents for the first time in years, and that's stressing me out enough. I just feel like there's no way oit, or if there is it's hard to find. And I'm not used to being this depressed. I'm normally a happy go lucky guy for the most part.

I'm gonna go ride my bike for a bit. Thanks again for everyone here. I haven't given up yet.


--------------------
All drugs should be legal


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlineeehoo
Stranger


Registered: 09/26/15
Posts: 711
Last seen: 8 years, 18 days
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: halo]
    #22394265 - 10/17/15 04:48 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

You aren't resting your Brain enough. Will only get worse.,, logic is not your friend a lot of times. Just let it go dude relax


--------------------


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlinehalo
Tripper
Male


Registered: 11/01/07
Posts: 1,169
Last seen: 2 months, 9 days
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: eehoo]
    #22394805 - 10/17/15 07:01 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Thanks man.

You're exactly right. Honestly I rode my bike for about 6 or 7 miles and I'm starting to feel better.

Ive tried to relax and not think about this but truthfully its been all consuming. Ive stopped experiencing as many synchronicities, so I'm going to take that as a good sign at this point. I just worry that fighting it for so long might have prevented me from something. But it really felt like I had to fight for my sanity. It just feels like I've regained some sanity at the expense of intelligence. I'm just hoping I can get the intelligence baack at some point.


--------------------
All drugs should be legal


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlineeehoo
Stranger


Registered: 09/26/15
Posts: 711
Last seen: 8 years, 18 days
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: halo]
    #22394820 - 10/17/15 07:03 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Sometimes I just like to close my eyes and look at colors then I kind of go into a different place and sleep. I like to think it's a place we came from before we were born and it's eternity but idk... Just my emotions and feelings. But anyways, sleep is magical. Get some REM sleep and your brain will be firing 100%. I promise your brain malfunctioning right now will be immediately healed by sleep, and trying to rationalize and go back down previous rabbit holes that bring suffering just isn't the greatest thing for your biology


--------------------


Edited by eehoo (10/17/15 07:05 PM)


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlineeehoo
Stranger


Registered: 09/26/15
Posts: 711
Last seen: 8 years, 18 days
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: eehoo]
    #22394834 - 10/17/15 07:06 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

"We don't really need to find reason, out the same door it came it's leaving" -jack Johnson

There are times and places to use logic and fight. But you are activating this fight too much and I have been there and still struggle with it. You have to let go when it is time to sleep


--------------------


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineRoostertail

Registered: 09/27/15
Posts: 300
Last seen: 6 years, 9 months
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: eehoo]
    #22399666 - 10/18/15 07:40 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Listen to Ryan Montbleu 75 and sunny. Or try listening to Tool or Pink Floyd.

I have had some had trips in the past and music and talking got me out of my head. Trust me you are on your way.

I can't wait till I get lost.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlineeehoo
Stranger


Registered: 09/26/15
Posts: 711
Last seen: 8 years, 18 days
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: Roostertail]
    #22409727 - 10/20/15 03:09 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Get any sleep yet buddy??? REM sleep with dreams..,


--------------------


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlinehalo
Tripper
Male


Registered: 11/01/07
Posts: 1,169
Last seen: 2 months, 9 days
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: eehoo]
    #22419850 - 10/22/15 07:38 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Well, I mean my sleep is still very intermittent. But that's the weird thing, it feels like I'm only getting REM sleep.

I have extra vivid dreams almost every night. But it feels like that's the only kind of sleep I'm getting. Not getting the chill restful sleep that makes me feel refreshed. I wake up and it feels like my mind has just kept going and it hasn't rested. I've tried working out more than normal, taking melatonin, calms forte, other homeopathic sleep aids, as well as zzzquil. Nothing really works. I can get to sleep kind of okay, but I always wake up in the night and then wake up earlier in the morning than I want to.

Before all this happened I would almost always smoke weed before bed so that's a change as well. But right now I'm really trying not to take any psychoactive drugs, I just want to get back to normal.

I saw my primary care physician and got prescribed ambien. Really hoping it works although I don't want to become addicted to it or have to rely on it forever.

I've also briefly thought of the idea of trying to get some rick simpson oil. That's kind of my last resort at this point but I'll do just about anything to get healthy again.


--------------------
All drugs should be legal


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineRoostertail

Registered: 09/27/15
Posts: 300
Last seen: 6 years, 9 months
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: Roostertail]
    #22419886 - 10/22/15 07:45 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Roostertail said:


I can't wait till I get lost.





I've been lost lately... Contemplating how I would like my life to pan out.  I'm not going to pay attention to the noise but work proactively to fix the problem. First step is to eat better.


As to the OP, I feel you. Just try not to give up and pay attention to what is going on around you. Maybe change how your house or apartment is set up.  What I'm saying is just to try something new.


J


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlinehalo
Tripper
Male


Registered: 11/01/07
Posts: 1,169
Last seen: 2 months, 9 days
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: Roostertail]
    #22420111 - 10/22/15 08:25 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Yeah, I mean I made a pretty significant change in my living situation after this.

Prior to this trip I had planned to move in with my parents when my lease was up in September and save money for a bit. Initially I was planning on quitting my job and travelling but that idea has taken a back seat sort of. I just want to heal right now.

Honestly though living at home is not as relaxing as I thought it would be. I used to live at home in the summers when I was in college but even that was 3 years ago. My parents are great and they love me a lot, but it's been stressful. I've been irritable towards them which I don't want to be, I can see this whole situation putting a strain on their relationship too.

Also I'm farther from all of my friends and not hanging out with people as much. It's been odd, I have the urge to just throw everything in my car and drive far far away but I know that probably wouldn't be a good idea in the long run.

My parents do have a small vacation home a few hours away, if I quit my job I've thought about asking them if I could just go live there for a while.


--------------------
All drugs should be legal


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlinehalo
Tripper
Male


Registered: 11/01/07
Posts: 1,169
Last seen: 2 months, 9 days
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: halo]
    #22451325 - 10/29/15 09:31 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Still powering through this. Some days it seems like I'm making small progress but others I feel worse than ever.

The wheel of time continues to go and it feels like I'm a slave to it rather than dancing with it as I was before.

Meditation does seem to help a little bit.

Roostertail I'll give those bands a shot.

To be honest my experience with Music right now has been perhaps the most disconcerting of this whole episode. Aside from some songs it is straight up hard to listen to music. And this makes me sad because I consider myself a lover of music. I don't really play anymore, but I would go to lots of concerts and soak up every single note that was played. But now, when I listen to songs on the radio sometimes it's downright scary. Classic rock is really the worst, if a song can have two meanings I automatically hear the darker meaning more strongly. Example: yesterday I was in the car and Live and Let Die came on..

It was downright terrifying. The dissonance hits me so hard. When "Let Die" is sung, I hear it louder than other parts of the song, it really hits me hard. It's not enjoyable at all. It was definitely never my favorite song, but I could appreciate it, now it's just downright freaky!!! I don't like it, I want to be able to listen to music without feeling like I'm listening to the opening of the gates of hell.

I know that makes me sound crazy to say it that way, but it's how I feel right now. I can't tell if I'm hearing a distorted version of things or finally hearing how things really are. The changing experience of how I hear music is by far the freakiest part of this whole thing. It just makes it seem so real .

Here's hoping it's just extreme stress and me tripping myself out.


--------------------
All drugs should be legal


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineFishOilTheKid
Ascended
 User Gallery


Registered: 11/14/10
Posts: 5,401
Last seen: 2 days, 3 hours
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: halo]
    #22452527 - 10/30/15 07:19 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

The changing experience of how I hear music is by far the freakiest part of this whole thing.




That's interesting personally to me.  I used to vibe on the heavy metal for the power trances that I could produce.  I think that is how I got into trouble.  But, now I'm numb to all kinds of music that I used to get intoxicated from.  Sucks.

I'm no doctor and I don't know if should be giving this advice but...  Niacinamide helped me feel normal when taking like 6000mgs a day.  You might look into niacin therapy and what that may have to offer you.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlinehalo
Tripper
Male


Registered: 11/01/07
Posts: 1,169
Last seen: 2 months, 9 days
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: FishOilTheKid]
    #22452882 - 10/30/15 09:44 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

What did the Niacin do?

Yeah I've never really been into metal before. I appreciated it intellectually but it was never my thing really. My main thing has been Grateful Dead and Phish. I loved those bands and I still do, but it's like all music has changed.

For a while after this when I would listen to any song involving love it was as if things were switched and I was hearing it from a girls perspective. Example if someone sang: " I love you baby" I would imagine myself as the one being loved rather than the one singing and saying I love you. This has never happened to me before.

This effect has kind of gone away, which is good, but I still just sort of feel dead inside. It's almost like a lot of music has taken on a dark and satanic tone for me. It's so sad because I LOVE music so much.

Right now the only stuff that honestly sounds good to me is gospel. Which is previously a music genre I never really considered except appreciating it in a historical context.

Fishoil how did all of this start for you?


--------------------
All drugs should be legal


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineFishOilTheKid
Ascended
 User Gallery


Registered: 11/14/10
Posts: 5,401
Last seen: 2 days, 3 hours
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: halo]
    #22453029 - 10/30/15 10:32 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

What did the Niacin do?




Just made me feel normal.
Quote:


Fishoil how did all of this start for you?




It started with a heroic dose of like 15 g cubes.  I was just laying there on the couch enjoying the cosmic bath of feminine love then I got into the idea of alien craft scanning the population for specific people who are authentically after being enlightened into...  MORE.  I got an impression that felt like it came from outside myself.  'eat more if you want to know more.'  So I did.

Then I heard a pop and felt it in my forehead and the top of my head like my crown and third eye just blew open.  My awareness swelled an amount I was amazed by like I had access to several city blocks around me.  (was in seattle at the time)  It was like I could sense that oneness was just achieved and it seemed as though the sounds were more pronounced and would drag me around town.

Then I noticed there was a population around me of spirits or what have you and they were commenting.  I didn't really know what to do.

The question was would I die for the concept of psilocybe use...  And at that time I was very serious about it not being common knowledge about our own history.  In that state I agreed that I would and I felt life immediately slipping away.  But I got a thought that I would wake up and that I should leave a note for myself reassuring myself that I was okay. 
So I did that.

When I woke up I woke up to the smell of decaying flesh and had the distinct memory of being abducted, tested, then put under mind control.  Its a matter of fact that they were a true thief in the night.

I couldn't remember anything like my mind had been wiped.  I didn't even remember I had a job to go to.



So, that's how it started.  But since then I have been trying to piece back together what exactly happened after being heavily dosed with haldol.  I got back into growing cubes after some years and I ate like a quarter of a gram and started drawing pentagrams and obelisks and things then...  Immediate entity contact.  They were like a group of bullies that claim they are Lucifer.  They wanted me to 'accept control wherever I find it!'  It was all very militant and of course they were flying over my head in full open eyed visuals demanding obedience.

So we have been in a fight over my pursuit of happiness and what I want to do vs. them demanding I do what they say.  BTW, I tried doing what they want and you get so far then they tell you to turn around and do something else then they spin you again and again until you just break down.  And they sound panicked about everything on purpose to rile you up then just laugh as they cause and hide behind the consensus view of mental illness.

I've been trying to bring awareness to this with case workers and docs and psychiatrists but at the moment I'm in the wrong area for talk of non human entities.

They torture people and since they are on the inside some of them they can regulate the way the body processes the medications.

Quote:

On the mental ward, Dr Somé saw a lot of “beings” hanging around the patients, “entities” that are invisible to most people but that shamans and psychics are able to see. “They were causing the crisis in these people,” he says. It appeared to him that these beings were trying to get the medications and their effects out of the bodies of the people the beings were trying to merge with, and were increasing the patients’ pain in the process. “The beings were acting almost like some kind of excavator in the energy field of people. They were really fierce about that. The people they were doing that to were just screaming and yelling,” he said. He couldn’t stay in that environment and had to leave.
http://www.wakingtimes.com/2014/08/22/shaman-sees-mental-hospital/




So I can see these beings and they talk all the time and are running people insane.  Something needs to be done.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlinehalo
Tripper
Male


Registered: 11/01/07
Posts: 1,169
Last seen: 2 months, 9 days
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: FishOilTheKid]
    #22453267 - 10/30/15 11:44 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Interesting.

I've definitely had the feeling that entities were involved in this but haven't had anything as dramatic as your experience.

Basically when the initial switch happened within me it felt like an outside force had taken that energy or caused the shift. The reason I say that is because it is not anything I would do on purpose. I have no desire to change my chakras and wasn't focusing on that stuff at all during this time. For me it was all thoughts and I felt confused and depressed at the time but then the chakra switch happened and it just felt like I lost some core part of myself.

Today is pretty bad too, it feels like I'm forgetting how I initially felt before this happened. And that's a terrifying prospect. I refuse to forget how I felt.

It's funny that you mention Lucifer, as I had many experiences where it felt like I was talking to him in my head. Eventually I was able to beat that back but things haven't exactly improved.

I have felt posessed at times. Like I had a voice in my head telling me to do things.

Have you seen a shaman or any other spiritual practitioners? I'm debating going to talk to a priest and/or a shaman for some kind of exorcism. I need to get rid of these spirits and rebuild my body. It's awful feeling this way.

I don't want to kill myself but I feel I'm being driven in that direction. The bad thing is I know it wouldn't solve anything. If anything I feel I'd be more tormented by these spirits if I did that.

And tbh I can't even believe I'm saying that!! WTF! I never in my life previously considered suicide seriously or felt like doing it. I'd been depressed and thought about it but never seriously. It's truly a terrifying thought. I wish to banish these demons!!


--------------------
All drugs should be legal


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineFishOilTheKid
Ascended
 User Gallery


Registered: 11/14/10
Posts: 5,401
Last seen: 2 days, 3 hours
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: halo]
    #22453421 - 10/30/15 12:26 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

I wish to banish these demons!!




I hear that.  And I feel for you and your situation.

I was actually instructed to kill myself over and over everyday.  They claimed that I would become one of them.  That scared the shit out of me cause I found myself fantasizing about being liberated truly then flying around as an angel with them.  I just chose that suicide is not an option.  They honestly wanted me dead cause they said I shattered the collective of a small city that I lived in.  With loud music...?!:sherlock: 

But it was like I was framed so that the religious elite could enact their agenda of devouring everything for a new (world?) order of MIND and consciousness and therefore individual potential.  Sophisticated consolidated psychic vampirism when the layer goes down that they build separation with, I guess. Their thing is reward for faith not experience and selective mind control for better and worse.  But it is sourced from people who already have that and those experiences.  They want to reorder and control self empowerment but be the ones regulating human consciousness such as LOVE which they just call cordial.  This is probably the root cause behind allot of unexplainable mental happenings where people feel depleted all the time, etc.

And the many Christs are often one of these entities using stolen energy and consciousness that is a trick of these puppet masters to portray a Jesus for the follower from somewhere else not for the one who would seek God in him/herself and experience it from within.  And WTF if Lucifer...  Why don't they respect a FRUIT and a union of the opposites and perhaps defiance?:tongue:

Peace to you.:peace:


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlinehalo
Tripper
Male


Registered: 11/01/07
Posts: 1,169
Last seen: 2 months, 9 days
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: FishOilTheKid]
    #22454483 - 10/30/15 05:14 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Thanks man that's quite the story.

Luckily mine has not been that extreme. Then again, tbh I would almost be okay with that if it meant my body worked like normal.

For me that's what's fucked up about my experience is the shut down of my body for lack of a better term, and the music thing too.

How did the Niacin go??

I actually watched the sixth sense earlier and started to feel better. I thought maybe I needed to love the entities I'm dealing with and wish them peace so they can go on their way and leave me. I have no desire to be a child of darkness and be a bad person.

On the flip side though that's exactly what I have done. I always considered myself good but tbh over the past year I've been incredibly self indulgent. Haven't tried to fuck anyone over or be malicious but I've definitely not gone out of my way for many people in the past year. My depression lead me to be more selfish because I thought I needed to in order to take care of myself. I didn't take care of myself though I just continued to get fucked up and party.

It's just my plan really was to finally get my shit together after that weekend. Its like my heart has hardened. It's honestly more difficult to be a good person right now. The whole thing is kind of a self fulfilling prophecy.


--------------------
All drugs should be legal


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineFishOilTheKid
Ascended
 User Gallery


Registered: 11/14/10
Posts: 5,401
Last seen: 2 days, 3 hours
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: halo]
    #22454772 - 10/30/15 06:24 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

How did the Niacin go??




Well.  I don't feel insane when on Niacinamide.  I got into a little bit of orthomolecular medicine and mega dosing vitamins just to see what would happen.  I read that 150,000mgs of Niacinamide brought a girl out of a catatonic state and that peaked my interest.  I think this was Abram Hoffer.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abram_Hoffer

I really believe in the potential benefits.

Quote:

Unlike niacin, niacinamide has no supportive effect on lipid metabolism, does not cause a skin flush, and does not negatively impact serum uric acid levels. In addition, niacinamide appears to put less stress on the liver than niacin and does not seem to have an adverse effect on blood glucose.*

As a component of the ubiquitous coenzyme nicotinamide adenine dinucleotide (NAD), niacinamide is directly involved in all vital metabolic pathways, including the synthesis of adenosine triphosphate (ATP), the body's main storage form of energy. One animal study revealed that niacinamide plays a role in the metabolism of serotonin, a neurotransmitter known to influence both mood and appetite.1*

Niacinamide also exerts a positive influence on joint function, although the mechanism of action is not known. In a double-blind study of men, administration of niacinamide (500 mg six times per day for 12 weeks) significantly increased joint range of motion and significantly decreased the erythrocyte sedimentation rate, suggesting support for healthy inflammatory balance.2*

Niacinamide has been reported to protect pancreatic beta-cell health, more specifically; it appears to preserve beta-cell function in some individuals.3 Interestingly, niacinamide is believed to work by promoting NAD levels in pancreatic beta cells.4 It has also been reported to support healthy pancreatic function and insulin metabolism.5 Thus, niacinamide may help maintain healthy blood glucose through two separate mechanisms.*

Niacinamide has the potential to make a clear impact on a plethora of health outcomes. Current literature has indicated the B vitamin supports brain, pancreatic and joint health. However, as niacinamide is the essential component of NAD -- the coenzyme found in all living cells and a vital redox agent in human metabolism -- researchers have only begun to unveil the vitamin's full potential.*
http://www.pureencapsulations.com/education-research/newscaps/newscap-11-07-11




Maybe this option would be of benefit to you and others.  I hope.

Quote:

The whole thing is kind of a self fulfilling prophecy.




I know exactly what you mean.  I feel that I have been manifesting my worst nightmare but warning myself the whole time in the back of my mind somehow.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Invisiblecez
 User Gallery
Registered: 08/04/09
Posts: 5,854
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: FishOilTheKid]
    #22454780 - 10/30/15 06:26 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

FishOilTheKid said:
Quote:

What did the Niacin do?




Just made me feel normal.
Quote:


Fishoil how did all of this start for you?




It started with a heroic dose of like 15 g cubes.  I was just laying there on the couch enjoying the cosmic bath of feminine love then I got into the idea of alien craft scanning the population for specific people who are authentically after being enlightened into...  MORE.  I got an impression that felt like it came from outside myself.  'eat more if you want to know more.'  So I did.

Then I heard a pop and felt it in my forehead and the top of my head like my crown and third eye just blew open.  My awareness swelled an amount I was amazed by like I had access to several city blocks around me.  (was in seattle at the time)  It was like I could sense that oneness was just achieved and it seemed as though the sounds were more pronounced and would drag me around town.

Then I noticed there was a population around me of spirits or what have you and they were commenting.  I didn't really know what to do.

The question was would I die for the concept of psilocybe use...  And at that time I was very serious about it not being common knowledge about our own history.  In that state I agreed that I would and I felt life immediately slipping away.  But I got a thought that I would wake up and that I should leave a note for myself reassuring myself that I was okay. 
So I did that.

When I woke up I woke up to the smell of decaying flesh and had the distinct memory of being abducted, tested, then put under mind control.  Its a matter of fact that they were a true thief in the night.

I couldn't remember anything like my mind had been wiped.  I didn't even remember I had a job to go to.



So, that's how it started.  But since then I have been trying to piece back together what exactly happened after being heavily dosed with haldol.  I got back into growing cubes after some years and I ate like a quarter of a gram and started drawing pentagrams and obelisks and things then...  Immediate entity contact.  They were like a group of bullies that claim they are Lucifer.  They wanted me to 'accept control wherever I find it!'  It was all very militant and of course they were flying over my head in full open eyed visuals demanding obedience.

So we have been in a fight over my pursuit of happiness and what I want to do vs. them demanding I do what they say.  BTW, I tried doing what they want and you get so far then they tell you to turn around and do something else then they spin you again and again until you just break down.  And they sound panicked about everything on purpose to rile you up then just laugh as they cause and hide behind the consensus view of mental illness.

I've been trying to bring awareness to this with case workers and docs and psychiatrists but at the moment I'm in the wrong area for talk of non human entities.

They torture people and since they are on the inside some of them they can regulate the way the body processes the medications.

Quote:

On the mental ward, Dr Somé saw a lot of “beings” hanging around the patients, “entities” that are invisible to most people but that shamans and psychics are able to see. “They were causing the crisis in these people,” he says. It appeared to him that these beings were trying to get the medications and their effects out of the bodies of the people the beings were trying to merge with, and were increasing the patients’ pain in the process. “The beings were acting almost like some kind of excavator in the energy field of people. They were really fierce about that. The people they were doing that to were just screaming and yelling,” he said. He couldn’t stay in that environment and had to leave.
http://www.wakingtimes.com/2014/08/22/shaman-sees-mental-hospital/




So I can see these beings and they talk all the time and are running people insane.  Something needs to be done.




Why do you think these voices are separate entities and not just a wrinkle of your mind?  I think you're story is interesting and want you to find peace but I imagine it must be difficult if you are under the impression aliens are running you're thought patterns.

Have you tried using a mantra to occupy your mindspace when stillness is difficult to observe?


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineFishOilTheKid
Ascended
 User Gallery


Registered: 11/14/10
Posts: 5,401
Last seen: 2 days, 3 hours
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: cez]
    #22455032 - 10/30/15 07:24 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

They are not just voices.  Most of them are about the size of a pea or a golf ball and they either land on me or inhabit the inside of my body then project huge amounts of energy and imagery.  When they talk they vibrate and I'm aware of what is their consciousness and what is mine.  They build out of energy/consciousness inside the body and outside the body.  I wasn't supposed to talk about it with anyone.

Quote:

if you are under the impression aliens are running you're thought patterns.




I'm not really.  I don't think they are smart enough to be ET.  They just somehow get to do what ever they want over people's heads and in their heads and bodies just beyond their perception and use UFO sightings to claim they are ETs or at least I'm supposed to be thinking about that phenomena coupled with their existence...?  For a while I have thought that they are the smoke screen to hide what is really going on with REAL ETs otherwise.:blush:

Quote:

Have you tried using a mantra to occupy your mindspace when stillness is difficult to observe?




I have.  I haven't stuck with things like that though because honestly that sounds trivial and I admit that I may be wrong on that one.  They rape you with energy and a mantra would probably make them laugh at me and shame me for being in their words, 'A PUSSY!'  I have no desire to bend to their will I think they are the ones that need to change TRUTHFULLY and I wish for them to see progress and the greater good.  They wanted to destroy what I had.  Love, compassion, tolerance, acceptance, femininity...  Because they couldn't accomplish this on their own and were jealous. 

I probably spent three years crying regularly as I was put through emotional trauma based mind control or depatterning...  Crying for something out there to help me or save me.
Man it was the cruelest thing I've seen done psychologically.

I'm not really suffering like I was and have found some peace.  Thanks for the sentiment.

And sorry if this is difficult to believe or challenging to consider.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlinehalo
Tripper
Male


Registered: 11/01/07
Posts: 1,169
Last seen: 2 months, 9 days
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: FishOilTheKid]
    #22468660 - 11/02/15 09:20 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Fishoil I think we just have to power through it.

Ugh, I had an experience over the weekend where I thought my girlfriend was trying to get me to agree to be possessed by the devil. It turned out she was just making a joke and telling me something she saw on the simpsons but at the time my mind couldn't handle it.

Also, I'm starting to feel like I'm losing my grip on thoughts. Cognitively I feel so so so dumb right now. Dumber than I've ever felt in my life. It's like I'm reacting on impulse to things and I'm not able to think things through logically at all. I have moments where I basically break down and just don't do anything.

I can still work and do my job but that's because it's always been incredibly easy for me. If I was in school right now I don't know if I could continue. My job has been so boring and so intellectually unstimulating. I talk to elderly people on the phone and do basic basic data entry and stuff letters. That's about it.

I can see exactly how this all happened, and how I fell. I just wish I had a time machine and I could slap the shit out of my past self and convince myself not to take the acid that night and to just take it easy and drink and smoke pot and have a chill weekend.

I did buy some Niacin earlier today, 500mg. I'll let you all know how that goes. For real though if anyone has any other suggestions for how to get my mind back I'm all ears.

So far what I've got is to exercise and meditate.


--------------------
All drugs should be legal


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflinePresent Day
Alchemist
 User Gallery

Registered: 06/30/13
Posts: 6
Last seen: 8 years, 2 months
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: FishOilTheKid]
    #22468912 - 11/02/15 10:35 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Halo,

You are OK. You are not going crazy. I love you.

I was drawn to your post like a moth to a light-bulb. This is one of those synchronicity things. I haven't looked at this site for months, first post I find is yours, and I wasn't even looking for it... just trying to find some new TEK ideas. hmmmm hrrmm hrrrrmmmm... so listen up :smile:

First of all. Relax. Like seriously. CHILLLL THEEE FUCCCKKK OUTT DUDE. YOU ARE OK! I went through what you went through earlier this year. You are ok. and you are going to be even better! but no pain no gain, right? hahaha

First things first, like everyone else has said: stop doing drugs, stop smokin' green, stop drinking, reduce taking meds as much as possible (unless you really feel they are necessary, I am not your doctor, so listen to him/her and make your own decision). You're gonna slip up and have a beer or a smoke every once in a while. Don't feel guilty; you're human. Just avoid situations where you might slip up ALOT. Stick to the path of clean living from here on out. This may feel like forever, but it will be over sooner than you think. It is all up to you and how clean you live for the next few years. Yes, that's right, this can take a while. Relax. You're still you. Only, the fake you is fading away, and the real you is coming through. It may happen quicker than you think if you really embrace it!

Next EAT WELL. Cut out sugars as much as you can stand to. Fruit and veggies are good. Eat some meat, but not too much (became a vegetarian this year as part of my awakening, but I still eat some meat as an honoring of the animal if I know it will be thrown out). Eat things that are alive, or were very recently killed (read: fresh). Get natural carbs (breads, granola cereals, etc), not energy drinks and other garbage from a can.

Your body is a big alkaline battery, it needs loads of potassium (fruit/veggies). Salt is bad, avoid foods over-salted as much as you can. It displaces potassium chemically and will push your pH acidic (this is bad). Potassium good; salt bad. Oh and avoid man-made chemicals and food with any kind of preservatives. It will just slow you down as its shit your body will need to constantly be working hard to flush out.

Exercise regularly, daily if you can, but be gentle. Don't go train cross fit or P90x right now. Easy does it. Walking good! Yoga good! Chigung very good! Taiji good! Meditation great! Walking more good! Why run when you can walk and take it all in? :wink: Move your body on a regular basis to keep it from becoming stagnant. Stretch every day. It is a temple after all (I really don't like that phrase, but it IS true).

Here's the bottom line with exercise: when this energy (big K) is going to finally pop, you want your spine in as near perfect alignment as possible and held steady in place with strong muscles. Exercising daily will help ensure a good chance for this when it happens. The more out of shape you are the more painful it can be (as it WILL put your body straight before it fully ascends!! and you'll feel like the wolf-man if you're a slouch and didn't prepare the body property).

Next:
Any time the world and your thoughts get to be too much, just call a time out on life and just find a quiet space and chill. Keep in contact with friends who make you feel chill. Call them up when some days/moments gets too "intense". You'll know what I mean.

You will notice people drift away in the next few months and other people come closer. This is normal. Don't fight it. The Tao is aligning you for your awakening by surrounding you will people that will help you along, and it is moving others away from you (maybe even long time friends) because at this stage of the unfolding they will only serve as a distraction. Do your best not to burn any bridges while this is happening.

NOW ALL THAT BEING SAID, ITS TIME TO UNDERSTAND WHAT IS HAPPENING TO YOU TECHNICALLY (as far as I under-stand it so far):

It sounds like you have definitely stirred up the "snake". Overdoing it with psychedelics can cause this. What most don't realize is that these "drugs" actually alter the frequency your nervous system vibrates at. Forcing your bio-electrical system to higher and higher states of frequency. Over-doing this can wake up this energy. This is why you see shit and crazy colors and patterns when you begin doing mushrooms and LSD. You ARE prying open your third eye and this imagery pours in (if your pineal gland is not calcified). I know of post kundalini-awake people who see no difference when they eat an entire bag of mushrooms. It's the same as they ALWAYS see normally now, but things maybe just get a little brighter. :wink: They can see auras and energy constantly after their awakening. But everyone has a different experience. Don't expect any certain outcome, just go along for the ride.

Commonly called Kundalini energy (there are many other names) online right now, this energy is the untamed female; it is the creative energy of the universe. It is very ACTIVE and powerful, so please respect it but realize that it is a part of you and you are a VEHICLE for it. Surrender to it and let it run it's course. You are in the process of waking up and becoming a complete human being. They say it rests dormant, wrapped around your sacrum 3 1/2 times. Once stirred up enough, a transformation of sorts will be kick-started in the person.
This energy is imprinting an energetic blue-print on your body and energy systems. This corresponds exactly to the traditional 7 pointed chakra system (perineum, dant'ien (below belly button), solar plexus, heart, throat, minds-eye (pineal), crown chakra).

Right now you are at ground zero. Chakra #1) perineum. This corresponds to raw energy and is associated with the sexual organ and sexuality. The reason you feel feminine right now is because your other half is waking up. This corresponds to right brain thinking, left eye viewing, left hand creativity. This also corresponds to GRATTITUDE, instead of LOVE. Love is YANG (goes OUT). Grattitude is YIN (comes in). This is why you had the feeling of "being loved", rather than being the one who loves. EMBRACE THE FEMININE ENERGY WITHIN YOU. Embrace the mother (earth;yin), and do your best to understand how women feel and think right now. Spend time talking with your mom, or sister, or any female friends but don't try to GET with them, just have a conversation and try your hardest to see through their eyes.
Practice doing something ambidextrous (drawing, writing, even close your right eye and try and REALLY look with your left eye for long periods at a time, 10 - 20 minutes to start. Do what you can to gently wake up the right hemisphere of the brain and use it as a primary information filter).

The lower 3 chakras are "hell" phase movements. In the sense that they will suck. They correnspond to impulse, instinct, and untempered will power. All of your dark parts will be revealed to you as you climb and activate and cleanse each chakra. old memories, feelings, emotions, things you've hung onto since child-hood will ALL come to the surface. Your job is to own those feelings, relive the experiences (in order to finally heal), and then discard them and cast them aside, never coming back to them (no need anyways). Forgive the people that wronged you, and ask for forgiveness to the universe for the people you may have wronged. Then let those things go and never come back to them. They are transitory illusions that got tangled up in your energy centers. It's time to let that junk go. It was just holding you back anyways.

You will climb and cleanse and activate each of your chakras, but I'll give you a "short-cut" so to speak: FOCUS ON THE HEART CHAKRA.
All of this energy has to do with re-aligning how we think. In the west we are all will power and brain power (this is left brain energy). Moving your thinking back to the HEART, will shift your energy to coil through your body in a more open, loving, caring, connected, enlightened, sunlight, alignment.

It's good you BELIEVE in a higher power. This has been very difficult for me as I have been an Atheist since adolescence. Much re-wiring has taken place and is still taking place (I havent popped yet, but I can tell I am getting close). One peice of advice, let go of any notion you have of EVIL, the devil, fear, etc. Its not real. That is the ego. The devil is really the ego. The ultimate trickster. It's job is to protect us from getting killed in the wild. It has the unfortunate side-effect of convincing us that we are separate from everyone and everything else. This is simply not true. It's an illusion. GOD (Generator, Organizer, Destroyer) exists in all things and is everywhere as consciousness itself. All matter, is energy, all energy, arose from a thought. Thought arose from love. If pure chaos can ultimately come to know consciousness then god is everywhere. It is the symbol of the snake eating its tail. There is only love. Pure love throughout the universe. All evil and darkness comes from an EGO convincing itself it is separate from this love. So have no fear. Let go of it. There is no devil save for the devils we make with our minds.

Last piece of advice for now:

SURRENDER.

You are becoming a conduit for the creative energy of the universe to flow through you and do great deeds in the world. Let it drive. Do every thing you can to keep your ship on the river, but keep that divine wind in your sails my friend. It can be VERY VERY powerful at times, but it will never steer you wrong. It is pushing you towards your destiny.

YOUTUBE the teachings of:

-Swami Vivekananda

his Guru:

-Sri Ramakrishna

-learn about the chakras and how they work and how they can be opened
-Listen to other peoples awakening experiences

This may seem like this will take an eternity, but take one day at a time. Once you arise from your lower 3 chakras things become much brighter and easier to see your path unfolding before you. Until then, chill, chill, chill.

(p.s., your music is too aggressive right now. Listen to very very calm music. Flute music, meditation music, massage room music, stuff like that. Take things easy from here on out, don't try and force situations, but be diligent in preparing your mind, body, energy, spirit, for the next step ahead of it.)

We may not know how we get to the summit, but if we look we can always see the next step in front of us.

Let go of your old "programming" and embrace who you really are: a spirit with a body, doing your duty while you're here to make the world a brighter place for everyone around you.

Peace be with you my friend, always :smile:


--------------------
You can live your life one of two ways:

Believing that nothing is a miracle
0 != 1

or believing that everything is
0! = 1


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlineeehoo
Stranger


Registered: 09/26/15
Posts: 711
Last seen: 8 years, 18 days
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: Present Day]
    #22473282 - 11/03/15 08:46 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

All these words are very discouraging. Nobody has ever reached the peace they talk about in yoga by writing it out in a novel and logic. You're logic is on overload... Do you happen to be from the UK by chance? I really hate that culture... Super logic nerds that turned guns on more primitive humans and have completely changed the tide of natural selection among humans. You may be hopeless if you continue down this logic road


--------------------


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlinehalo
Tripper
Male


Registered: 11/01/07
Posts: 1,169
Last seen: 2 months, 9 days
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: eehoo]
    #22476143 - 11/04/15 11:53 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Present Day thank you very much for the post.

I'm still trying to digest everything you wrote. I'll try to apply your advice. I definitely need more exercise, I think I'll go on a nice long walk today. Thank you again. And then do some meditation.

I actually took the day off of work today to sleep more. I slept a little bit more this morning and had many dreams which I have just recorded. I've been having so many dreams the past couple of months. I haven't been able to have regular deep sleep. I just have very light sleep with vivid dreams. It's been bizarre.

I'm trying to surrender now I just hope it's not too late. I've spent the past 2 months rebelling against this feeling. It honestly feels like all of this should have happened a few years ago, but since I didn't act on things then it all came to bite me in the ass now. It seems like this is happening because earlier this year I neglected my gut feelings and I did not quit my job and pursue my real passions. I'm trying to surrender and let go but the thought that I fucked up royally persists in my head.

The physical effects are still present. Lack of sleep, bad/little digestion, less energy than normal, hair falling out, no sex drive, no desire in general aside from getting better, reduced cognitive functioning, not being able to be "on the ball" in conversations. Wit is gone. No appetite, food tastes different, some music sounds different etc.

I'm going to try to practice the whole "forgiving those who have wronged me" thing. One of the big things in my life was last year when a coworker stole lots of money from me. I know who did it, but have no proof so I haven't been able to do anything about it. Ultimately it led to me just shutting down at work and closing myself off from everyone because I can't let go of that. Worse is this person is somewhat similar to me and almost seems like an alter ego. Very strange, it's hard for me to love him. I know I should but I've harbored so much hate for him the past year and half. Arguably the only person I've ever felt so negative towards.

It's just hard, I read your advice and so much of it is things I have already read before but only practiced in a half-assed manner. I first read Be Here Now when I was 17 or 18 and it changed my life. Yet here I am at 24, failed to apply those principles to my life, and now it seems I'm paying the price. I really hope there's a way out of this.

As far as drugs go, I literally have no desire. I mean drinking does nothing for me and neither do cigs. I'm pretty much too fearful to even try smoking pot again. This is all weird for me too.

Also eecho, I know what you mean. And no, I'm not from the UK. I'm definitely overthinking things but I don't know how else to do it. I always tend to overthink things and worry too much. I thought I broke free of that thought pattern but it has been coming back the past couple of years.

It's also funny to me that you think I'm being overlogical, to be honest it seems like my logic is not functioning as normal. I've been given to superstitions this past month as well as having problems spelling and solving problems. Aside from thinking about my own experience it feels like my logic is broken.


--------------------
All drugs should be legal


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflinePresent Day
Alchemist
 User Gallery

Registered: 06/30/13
Posts: 6
Last seen: 8 years, 2 months
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: halo]
    #22478087 - 11/04/15 07:51 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

I sent this to you in a PM but in case anyone else find this thread this is a great video to start with that helped me on my way:

episode 11: The dark side of kundalini


--------------------
You can live your life one of two ways:

Believing that nothing is a miracle
0 != 1

or believing that everything is
0! = 1


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflinePresent Day
Alchemist
 User Gallery

Registered: 06/30/13
Posts: 6
Last seen: 8 years, 2 months
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: halo]
    #22478233 - 11/04/15 08:30 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

halo said:
Present Day thank you very much for the post.

I'm still trying to digest everything you wrote. I'll try to apply your advice. I definitely need more exercise, I think I'll go on a nice long walk today. Thank you again. And then do some meditation.




Good!:thumbup: good!:thumbup:

Quote:

halo said:
I actually took the day off of work today to sleep more. I slept a little bit more this morning and had many dreams which I have just recorded. I've been having so many dreams the past couple of months. I haven't been able to have regular deep sleep. I just have very light sleep with vivid dreams. It's been bizarre.




This is normal. Dreams will be very vivid for some time. They're still dreams and not real. Learn what you can learn about yourself, but don't obsess or hang on to them too long as if they are real.

Quote:

halo said:
I'm trying to surrender now I just hope it's not too late. I've spent the past 2 months rebelling against this feeling. It honestly feels like all of this should have happened a few years ago, but since I didn't act on things then it all came to bite me in the ass now. It seems like this is happening because earlier this year I neglected my gut feelings and I did not quit my job and pursue my real passions. I'm trying to surrender and let go but the thought that I fucked up royally persists in my head.




You have not fucked up! You are a blip in time, god is infinite. As long as you've got the will to climb, the universe will have the patience for you :smile: don't feel guilty, don't feel bad. Just get back on the wagon when you fall :smile: :thumbup::smile:

Quote:

halo said:
The physical effects are still present. Lack of sleep, bad/little digestion, less energy than normal, hair falling out, no sex drive, no desire in general aside from getting better, reduced cognitive functioning, not being able to be "on the ball" in conversations. Wit is gone. No appetite, food tastes different, some music sounds different etc.




Never hurts to see a Doctor and get a Physical. Not suggesting anything is wrong, but it may bring some peace of mind to get some clean lab results and clean bill of health from a MD Dr.

Your wit and all that is gone because it's like trying to write your name with your left (or opposite) hand right now. Your right brain is coming in and out of control. Feel free to come up with a common excute to tell people (under the weather, not feeling myself lately, etc). It will come back eventually and will get better and better with time.

Quote:

halo said:
I'm going to try to practice the whole "forgiving those who have wronged me" thing. One of the big things in my life was last year when a coworker stole lots of money from me. I know who did it, but have no proof so I haven't been able to do anything about it. Ultimately it led to me just shutting down at work and closing myself off from everyone because I can't let go of that. Worse is this person is somewhat similar to me and almost seems like an alter ego. Very strange, it's hard for me to love him. I know I should but I've harbored so much hate for him the past year and half. Arguably the only person I've ever felt so negative towards.




This stuff was the hardest for me to get over. It may take more time because this sounds recent, but yeah, this guy is a prick ass hole jerk and he's easy to hate. But ultimately you realize that it was his ego that lied to him and told him he was separate from you. Its in the past, its now an illusion (just memories), and you can let go of this and other things. Holding a grudge is like taking poison and hoping the other person dies. Forgiving feels like you die (and the part of you that HATES them DOES!), but then you feel whole and healed again.

Quote:

halo said:
It's just hard, I read your advice and so much of it is things I have already read before but only practiced in a half-assed manner. I first read Be Here Now when I was 17 or 18 and it changed my life. Yet here I am at 24, failed to apply those principles to my life, and now it seems I'm paying the price. I really hope there's a way out of this.





There is: face forward, see now, forget yesterday. Love yourself, love others. Stay positive, don't dwell in negative for too long. :thumbup:

Quote:

halo said:
As far as drugs go, I literally have no desire. I mean drinking does nothing for me and neither do cigs. I'm pretty much too fearful to even try smoking pot again. This is all weird for me too.




:thumbup::smile: sounds good to me!

Quote:

halo said:
It's also funny to me that you think I'm being overlogical, to be honest it seems like my logic is not functioning as normal. I've been given to superstitions this past month as well as having problems spelling and solving problems. Aside from thinking about my own experience it feels like my logic is broken.




Syncronicities and 11:11 stuff is the tao trying to get you to pay attention to something, so you can face a certain direction. But... at the same time dont get too sucked into this stuff. Its just a hint to get you to see whats usually staring you in the face :smile::thumbup:

Dont take yourself too seriously mate. It will help to find a comfortable space to find time to laugh, watch a comedy, something funny to take your mind off things.

Rome wasnt built in a day. This process takes time, dont think it will all be solved in a single day or weekend. It will take months and even a few years. Easy does it, pace yourself. Youre gonna be just fine :thumbup::smile:


--------------------
You can live your life one of two ways:

Believing that nothing is a miracle
0 != 1

or believing that everything is
0! = 1


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlinehalo
Tripper
Male


Registered: 11/01/07
Posts: 1,169
Last seen: 2 months, 9 days
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: Present Day] * 1
    #23163721 - 04/28/16 01:02 AM (7 years, 8 months ago)

Wanted to update.

Everything ended up going back to normal more or less. Life is happy and everything works.

Thanks again for your kind words in what was a dark time for me.


--------------------
All drugs should be legal


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisibleJufin
Male User Gallery

Registered: 03/31/08
Posts: 5,116
Loc: Australia
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: halo]
    #23163839 - 04/28/16 02:48 AM (7 years, 8 months ago)

Glad to hear man.  Nice 999th post.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineVahn421
Awakening Moonlighter
Male User Gallery


Registered: 04/03/12
Posts: 2,162
Loc: Portland
Last seen: 3 years, 4 months
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: Jufin]
    #23164177 - 04/28/16 07:05 AM (7 years, 8 months ago)

Halo, glad to hear things are smoothing out.


For future reference, *nothing* grounds me faster than doing anything mathematically related.... music and singing in particular.

Keep on keepin' on!


--------------------


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineMarkostheGnostic
Elder
Male User Gallery


Registered: 12/09/99
Posts: 14,279
Loc: South Florida Flag
Last seen: 3 years, 2 days
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: halo]
    #23170302 - 04/29/16 07:15 PM (7 years, 8 months ago)

I cannot know from here whether you are experiencing a "spiritual emergency," vis-à-vis, "Kundalini," and as a psychotherapist, I cannot simply accept your self-evaluation of whatever is behind the psychophysical phenomena you are reporting. Disturbances such as those you describe as being "paranoid," are based in unconscious dynamics. In fact, the connection you made between paranoia and being gay are connected. Freud wrote that paranoia is caused by "fear of rear assault," as in fear of being sodomized. So that is one issue that should be resolved therapeutically. I specialize in hypnotherapy, so I would address that issue by the 2nd session. I recommend that you stop conflating psychological (paranoia), mythological (Lucifer, Pan, Mother Goddess), and mystical (Kundalini, chakras), phenomena. These subjects have all run together in your mind so it's no wonder you are experiencing confusion, a confusion which includes using this forum as a method of self-help. You are unclear yourself as to what is happening, expressing a confused concatenation of subjective experiences to the general public here, and expecting some sort of help. Corroboration from other people's subjective experiences are not going to relieve any cause, even if they help to sooth some associated anxiety.

Psychedelics have a way of dislodging obstacles that are rooted in unconscious processes. In the case of those with pre-existing psychoses in a state of latency, if the boundary between conscious and unconscious is breeched, unconscious material floods consciousness in an uncontrolled way. That is what a psychotic episode is. I'm not saying that is what's happening to you, but drop all that intellectualizations that you're using when talking with your therapists and simply report what thoughts and emotions are troubling you. Your therapists, especially your psychiatrist, will probably only evaluate mythic and mystical talk as being symptoms, certainly not diagnoses according to the language of psychiatry.

Kundalini is only one yogic pathway. Self-Realization is the goal, not the arousal of Kundalini-Shakti, and that is only the path of Tantra - the evocation of pranic energies. It is not all of Yoga, and is not even recommended for most people (unless you're a Sikh and belong to the 3HO Kundalini Yoga association founded by Yogi Bhajan). The chakras and nadis that belong ostensibly to the Sukshma Sarira, Astral or Subtle Body, is not all of your being, and not even the deepest level of your being. It is like the electron cloud activity around an atom, wherein one's Hridayam is the nucleus, the Atman, the Center. Leaving the turbulence of the surface, one dives deeply below the waves into the cool, calm depths of one's being, not remaining at the electrostatic chaos at the surface of one's psyche. Leave your Head and enter the Heart by following you breath from nose to head to throat to lungs which surround the Heart, and chill out. Maybe interview a hypnotherapist to discern and release whatever the hell is constellating this emotional obstacle in your unconscious.


--------------------
γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlinehalo
Tripper
Male


Registered: 11/01/07
Posts: 1,169
Last seen: 2 months, 9 days
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: MarkostheGnostic]
    #23187172 - 05/04/16 12:47 AM (7 years, 8 months ago)

Thanks Markos

Luckily pretty much everything has gone back to normal.

Although I do occasionally have moments where I could feel myself slipping back to the pattern of thinking.

I really like your assessment and you're right I definitely conflated differing phenomena.

I feel fine with everything, however I haven't taken any psychedelics since this  happened. I'm unsure if or when I will trip next. That kind of upsets me, I don't like feeling like I can't trip if I would want to. However, I can't risk all of this happening to me, or something worse. I was never really paranoid about tripping before but I think it will be quite some time before I trip again.


--------------------
All drugs should be legal


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Jump to top Pages: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4  [ show all ]

Shop: Unfolding Nature Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order   Left Coast Kratom Buy Kratom Capsules   North Spore North Spore Mushroom Grow Kits & Cultivation Supplies   Kraken Kratom Kratom Capsules for Sale   Mushroom-Hut Substrate Mix   Original Sensible Seeds Autoflowering Cannabis Seeds   Bridgetown Botanicals Bridgetown Botanicals   PhytoExtractum Buy Bali Kratom Powder


Similar ThreadsPosterViewsRepliesLast post
* The 4th Density
( 1 2 3 all )
ShroomismM 16,306 49 10/19/08 12:07 PM
by ariark
* The Snakes are inside me...
( 1 2 3 all )
Adamist 13,237 44 02/05/21 10:58 PM
by makalis
* spiritual intensity , secret of herb banquet 498 2 03/05/18 02:52 AM
by banquet
* seven deadly sins = ego... Triplexiosis 1,662 8 03/28/06 03:12 AM
by Triplexiosis
* God, the Bible, and drugs. knowhereman 2,353 15 04/04/07 06:11 PM
by MushroomTrip
* On your path to enlightenment...
( 1 2 all )
ShroomismM 12,341 34 10/15/22 10:25 PM
by Buster_Brown
* alien agenda
( 1 2 all )
CleverName 11,273 21 04/13/23 08:50 PM
by unlearn88
* Jesus Lived for you
( 1 2 3 4 5 all )
DoctorJ 10,708 99 07/03/06 09:19 AM
by MAIA

Extra information
You cannot start new topics / You cannot reply to topics
HTML is disabled / BBCode is enabled
Moderator: Middleman, Shroomism, Rose, Kickle, yogabunny, DividedQuantum
5,611 topic views. 1 members, 2 guests and 1 web crawlers are browsing this forum.
[ Show Images Only | Sort by Score | Print Topic ]
Search this thread:

Copyright 1997-2024 Mind Media. Some rights reserved.

Generated in 0.05 seconds spending 0.01 seconds on 14 queries.