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Offlinehalo
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Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: Deer]
    #22394072 - 10/17/15 03:57 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Thanks for that post Deer. Yeah, things are tough right now. I feel like I've already taken so much out on those around me, especially my parents.

I hooked up with my ex the other day, cause I was still worried about the sexuality feelings. It was nice to hang and stuff but I had trouble sleeping. Then I meditated the next night and thought I hit a breakthrough but then fell back down so to speak.

Yesterday and today I've just felt brain dead. I feel like I can't think as well. Like my internal dialogue is shutting off. It's scaring me. I managed to sleep better last night, but only because of xanax and zzzquil. Still though, I slept for way longer than I have been.

It's so weird, cause I can't tell if I'm getting better or worse. Deer, I've been so sad and stressed and anxious lately, but now all of those emotions have left. I can't tell if that's good or bad. It feels like my brain is shutting down so I don't have to deal with things. Idk but it's scary. I just want my brain and body to work properly again.

And by call out of work do you mean quit? All of this is tough. I'm living at home with my parents for the first time in years, and that's stressing me out enough. I just feel like there's no way oit, or if there is it's hard to find. And I'm not used to being this depressed. I'm normally a happy go lucky guy for the most part.

I'm gonna go ride my bike for a bit. Thanks again for everyone here. I haven't given up yet.


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Offlineeehoo
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Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: halo]
    #22394265 - 10/17/15 04:48 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

You aren't resting your Brain enough. Will only get worse.,, logic is not your friend a lot of times. Just let it go dude relax


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Offlinehalo
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Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: eehoo]
    #22394805 - 10/17/15 07:01 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Thanks man.

You're exactly right. Honestly I rode my bike for about 6 or 7 miles and I'm starting to feel better.

Ive tried to relax and not think about this but truthfully its been all consuming. Ive stopped experiencing as many synchronicities, so I'm going to take that as a good sign at this point. I just worry that fighting it for so long might have prevented me from something. But it really felt like I had to fight for my sanity. It just feels like I've regained some sanity at the expense of intelligence. I'm just hoping I can get the intelligence baack at some point.


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Offlineeehoo
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Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: halo]
    #22394820 - 10/17/15 07:03 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Sometimes I just like to close my eyes and look at colors then I kind of go into a different place and sleep. I like to think it's a place we came from before we were born and it's eternity but idk... Just my emotions and feelings. But anyways, sleep is magical. Get some REM sleep and your brain will be firing 100%. I promise your brain malfunctioning right now will be immediately healed by sleep, and trying to rationalize and go back down previous rabbit holes that bring suffering just isn't the greatest thing for your biology


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Edited by eehoo (10/17/15 07:05 PM)


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Offlineeehoo
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Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: eehoo]
    #22394834 - 10/17/15 07:06 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

"We don't really need to find reason, out the same door it came it's leaving" -jack Johnson

There are times and places to use logic and fight. But you are activating this fight too much and I have been there and still struggle with it. You have to let go when it is time to sleep


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OfflineRoostertail

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Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: eehoo]
    #22399666 - 10/18/15 07:40 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Listen to Ryan Montbleu 75 and sunny. Or try listening to Tool or Pink Floyd.

I have had some had trips in the past and music and talking got me out of my head. Trust me you are on your way.

I can't wait till I get lost.


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Offlineeehoo
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Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: Roostertail]
    #22409727 - 10/20/15 03:09 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Get any sleep yet buddy??? REM sleep with dreams..,


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Offlinehalo
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Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: eehoo]
    #22419850 - 10/22/15 07:38 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Well, I mean my sleep is still very intermittent. But that's the weird thing, it feels like I'm only getting REM sleep.

I have extra vivid dreams almost every night. But it feels like that's the only kind of sleep I'm getting. Not getting the chill restful sleep that makes me feel refreshed. I wake up and it feels like my mind has just kept going and it hasn't rested. I've tried working out more than normal, taking melatonin, calms forte, other homeopathic sleep aids, as well as zzzquil. Nothing really works. I can get to sleep kind of okay, but I always wake up in the night and then wake up earlier in the morning than I want to.

Before all this happened I would almost always smoke weed before bed so that's a change as well. But right now I'm really trying not to take any psychoactive drugs, I just want to get back to normal.

I saw my primary care physician and got prescribed ambien. Really hoping it works although I don't want to become addicted to it or have to rely on it forever.

I've also briefly thought of the idea of trying to get some rick simpson oil. That's kind of my last resort at this point but I'll do just about anything to get healthy again.


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OfflineRoostertail

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Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: Roostertail]
    #22419886 - 10/22/15 07:45 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Roostertail said:


I can't wait till I get lost.





I've been lost lately... Contemplating how I would like my life to pan out.  I'm not going to pay attention to the noise but work proactively to fix the problem. First step is to eat better.


As to the OP, I feel you. Just try not to give up and pay attention to what is going on around you. Maybe change how your house or apartment is set up.  What I'm saying is just to try something new.


J


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Offlinehalo
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Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: Roostertail]
    #22420111 - 10/22/15 08:25 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Yeah, I mean I made a pretty significant change in my living situation after this.

Prior to this trip I had planned to move in with my parents when my lease was up in September and save money for a bit. Initially I was planning on quitting my job and travelling but that idea has taken a back seat sort of. I just want to heal right now.

Honestly though living at home is not as relaxing as I thought it would be. I used to live at home in the summers when I was in college but even that was 3 years ago. My parents are great and they love me a lot, but it's been stressful. I've been irritable towards them which I don't want to be, I can see this whole situation putting a strain on their relationship too.

Also I'm farther from all of my friends and not hanging out with people as much. It's been odd, I have the urge to just throw everything in my car and drive far far away but I know that probably wouldn't be a good idea in the long run.

My parents do have a small vacation home a few hours away, if I quit my job I've thought about asking them if I could just go live there for a while.


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Offlinehalo
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Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: halo]
    #22451325 - 10/29/15 09:31 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Still powering through this. Some days it seems like I'm making small progress but others I feel worse than ever.

The wheel of time continues to go and it feels like I'm a slave to it rather than dancing with it as I was before.

Meditation does seem to help a little bit.

Roostertail I'll give those bands a shot.

To be honest my experience with Music right now has been perhaps the most disconcerting of this whole episode. Aside from some songs it is straight up hard to listen to music. And this makes me sad because I consider myself a lover of music. I don't really play anymore, but I would go to lots of concerts and soak up every single note that was played. But now, when I listen to songs on the radio sometimes it's downright scary. Classic rock is really the worst, if a song can have two meanings I automatically hear the darker meaning more strongly. Example: yesterday I was in the car and Live and Let Die came on..

It was downright terrifying. The dissonance hits me so hard. When "Let Die" is sung, I hear it louder than other parts of the song, it really hits me hard. It's not enjoyable at all. It was definitely never my favorite song, but I could appreciate it, now it's just downright freaky!!! I don't like it, I want to be able to listen to music without feeling like I'm listening to the opening of the gates of hell.

I know that makes me sound crazy to say it that way, but it's how I feel right now. I can't tell if I'm hearing a distorted version of things or finally hearing how things really are. The changing experience of how I hear music is by far the freakiest part of this whole thing. It just makes it seem so real .

Here's hoping it's just extreme stress and me tripping myself out.


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OfflineFishOilTheKid
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Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: halo]
    #22452527 - 10/30/15 07:19 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

The changing experience of how I hear music is by far the freakiest part of this whole thing.




That's interesting personally to me.  I used to vibe on the heavy metal for the power trances that I could produce.  I think that is how I got into trouble.  But, now I'm numb to all kinds of music that I used to get intoxicated from.  Sucks.

I'm no doctor and I don't know if should be giving this advice but...  Niacinamide helped me feel normal when taking like 6000mgs a day.  You might look into niacin therapy and what that may have to offer you.


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Offlinehalo
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Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: FishOilTheKid]
    #22452882 - 10/30/15 09:44 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

What did the Niacin do?

Yeah I've never really been into metal before. I appreciated it intellectually but it was never my thing really. My main thing has been Grateful Dead and Phish. I loved those bands and I still do, but it's like all music has changed.

For a while after this when I would listen to any song involving love it was as if things were switched and I was hearing it from a girls perspective. Example if someone sang: " I love you baby" I would imagine myself as the one being loved rather than the one singing and saying I love you. This has never happened to me before.

This effect has kind of gone away, which is good, but I still just sort of feel dead inside. It's almost like a lot of music has taken on a dark and satanic tone for me. It's so sad because I LOVE music so much.

Right now the only stuff that honestly sounds good to me is gospel. Which is previously a music genre I never really considered except appreciating it in a historical context.

Fishoil how did all of this start for you?


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OfflineFishOilTheKid
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Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: halo]
    #22453029 - 10/30/15 10:32 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

What did the Niacin do?




Just made me feel normal.
Quote:


Fishoil how did all of this start for you?




It started with a heroic dose of like 15 g cubes.  I was just laying there on the couch enjoying the cosmic bath of feminine love then I got into the idea of alien craft scanning the population for specific people who are authentically after being enlightened into...  MORE.  I got an impression that felt like it came from outside myself.  'eat more if you want to know more.'  So I did.

Then I heard a pop and felt it in my forehead and the top of my head like my crown and third eye just blew open.  My awareness swelled an amount I was amazed by like I had access to several city blocks around me.  (was in seattle at the time)  It was like I could sense that oneness was just achieved and it seemed as though the sounds were more pronounced and would drag me around town.

Then I noticed there was a population around me of spirits or what have you and they were commenting.  I didn't really know what to do.

The question was would I die for the concept of psilocybe use...  And at that time I was very serious about it not being common knowledge about our own history.  In that state I agreed that I would and I felt life immediately slipping away.  But I got a thought that I would wake up and that I should leave a note for myself reassuring myself that I was okay. 
So I did that.

When I woke up I woke up to the smell of decaying flesh and had the distinct memory of being abducted, tested, then put under mind control.  Its a matter of fact that they were a true thief in the night.

I couldn't remember anything like my mind had been wiped.  I didn't even remember I had a job to go to.



So, that's how it started.  But since then I have been trying to piece back together what exactly happened after being heavily dosed with haldol.  I got back into growing cubes after some years and I ate like a quarter of a gram and started drawing pentagrams and obelisks and things then...  Immediate entity contact.  They were like a group of bullies that claim they are Lucifer.  They wanted me to 'accept control wherever I find it!'  It was all very militant and of course they were flying over my head in full open eyed visuals demanding obedience.

So we have been in a fight over my pursuit of happiness and what I want to do vs. them demanding I do what they say.  BTW, I tried doing what they want and you get so far then they tell you to turn around and do something else then they spin you again and again until you just break down.  And they sound panicked about everything on purpose to rile you up then just laugh as they cause and hide behind the consensus view of mental illness.

I've been trying to bring awareness to this with case workers and docs and psychiatrists but at the moment I'm in the wrong area for talk of non human entities.

They torture people and since they are on the inside some of them they can regulate the way the body processes the medications.

Quote:

On the mental ward, Dr Somé saw a lot of “beings” hanging around the patients, “entities” that are invisible to most people but that shamans and psychics are able to see. “They were causing the crisis in these people,” he says. It appeared to him that these beings were trying to get the medications and their effects out of the bodies of the people the beings were trying to merge with, and were increasing the patients’ pain in the process. “The beings were acting almost like some kind of excavator in the energy field of people. They were really fierce about that. The people they were doing that to were just screaming and yelling,” he said. He couldn’t stay in that environment and had to leave.
http://www.wakingtimes.com/2014/08/22/shaman-sees-mental-hospital/




So I can see these beings and they talk all the time and are running people insane.  Something needs to be done.


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Offlinehalo
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Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: FishOilTheKid]
    #22453267 - 10/30/15 11:44 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Interesting.

I've definitely had the feeling that entities were involved in this but haven't had anything as dramatic as your experience.

Basically when the initial switch happened within me it felt like an outside force had taken that energy or caused the shift. The reason I say that is because it is not anything I would do on purpose. I have no desire to change my chakras and wasn't focusing on that stuff at all during this time. For me it was all thoughts and I felt confused and depressed at the time but then the chakra switch happened and it just felt like I lost some core part of myself.

Today is pretty bad too, it feels like I'm forgetting how I initially felt before this happened. And that's a terrifying prospect. I refuse to forget how I felt.

It's funny that you mention Lucifer, as I had many experiences where it felt like I was talking to him in my head. Eventually I was able to beat that back but things haven't exactly improved.

I have felt posessed at times. Like I had a voice in my head telling me to do things.

Have you seen a shaman or any other spiritual practitioners? I'm debating going to talk to a priest and/or a shaman for some kind of exorcism. I need to get rid of these spirits and rebuild my body. It's awful feeling this way.

I don't want to kill myself but I feel I'm being driven in that direction. The bad thing is I know it wouldn't solve anything. If anything I feel I'd be more tormented by these spirits if I did that.

And tbh I can't even believe I'm saying that!! WTF! I never in my life previously considered suicide seriously or felt like doing it. I'd been depressed and thought about it but never seriously. It's truly a terrifying thought. I wish to banish these demons!!


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OfflineFishOilTheKid
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Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: halo]
    #22453421 - 10/30/15 12:26 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

I wish to banish these demons!!




I hear that.  And I feel for you and your situation.

I was actually instructed to kill myself over and over everyday.  They claimed that I would become one of them.  That scared the shit out of me cause I found myself fantasizing about being liberated truly then flying around as an angel with them.  I just chose that suicide is not an option.  They honestly wanted me dead cause they said I shattered the collective of a small city that I lived in.  With loud music...?!:sherlock: 

But it was like I was framed so that the religious elite could enact their agenda of devouring everything for a new (world?) order of MIND and consciousness and therefore individual potential.  Sophisticated consolidated psychic vampirism when the layer goes down that they build separation with, I guess. Their thing is reward for faith not experience and selective mind control for better and worse.  But it is sourced from people who already have that and those experiences.  They want to reorder and control self empowerment but be the ones regulating human consciousness such as LOVE which they just call cordial.  This is probably the root cause behind allot of unexplainable mental happenings where people feel depleted all the time, etc.

And the many Christs are often one of these entities using stolen energy and consciousness that is a trick of these puppet masters to portray a Jesus for the follower from somewhere else not for the one who would seek God in him/herself and experience it from within.  And WTF if Lucifer...  Why don't they respect a FRUIT and a union of the opposites and perhaps defiance?:tongue:

Peace to you.:peace:


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Offlinehalo
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Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: FishOilTheKid]
    #22454483 - 10/30/15 05:14 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Thanks man that's quite the story.

Luckily mine has not been that extreme. Then again, tbh I would almost be okay with that if it meant my body worked like normal.

For me that's what's fucked up about my experience is the shut down of my body for lack of a better term, and the music thing too.

How did the Niacin go??

I actually watched the sixth sense earlier and started to feel better. I thought maybe I needed to love the entities I'm dealing with and wish them peace so they can go on their way and leave me. I have no desire to be a child of darkness and be a bad person.

On the flip side though that's exactly what I have done. I always considered myself good but tbh over the past year I've been incredibly self indulgent. Haven't tried to fuck anyone over or be malicious but I've definitely not gone out of my way for many people in the past year. My depression lead me to be more selfish because I thought I needed to in order to take care of myself. I didn't take care of myself though I just continued to get fucked up and party.

It's just my plan really was to finally get my shit together after that weekend. Its like my heart has hardened. It's honestly more difficult to be a good person right now. The whole thing is kind of a self fulfilling prophecy.


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OfflineFishOilTheKid
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Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: halo]
    #22454772 - 10/30/15 06:24 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

How did the Niacin go??




Well.  I don't feel insane when on Niacinamide.  I got into a little bit of orthomolecular medicine and mega dosing vitamins just to see what would happen.  I read that 150,000mgs of Niacinamide brought a girl out of a catatonic state and that peaked my interest.  I think this was Abram Hoffer.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abram_Hoffer

I really believe in the potential benefits.

Quote:

Unlike niacin, niacinamide has no supportive effect on lipid metabolism, does not cause a skin flush, and does not negatively impact serum uric acid levels. In addition, niacinamide appears to put less stress on the liver than niacin and does not seem to have an adverse effect on blood glucose.*

As a component of the ubiquitous coenzyme nicotinamide adenine dinucleotide (NAD), niacinamide is directly involved in all vital metabolic pathways, including the synthesis of adenosine triphosphate (ATP), the body's main storage form of energy. One animal study revealed that niacinamide plays a role in the metabolism of serotonin, a neurotransmitter known to influence both mood and appetite.1*

Niacinamide also exerts a positive influence on joint function, although the mechanism of action is not known. In a double-blind study of men, administration of niacinamide (500 mg six times per day for 12 weeks) significantly increased joint range of motion and significantly decreased the erythrocyte sedimentation rate, suggesting support for healthy inflammatory balance.2*

Niacinamide has been reported to protect pancreatic beta-cell health, more specifically; it appears to preserve beta-cell function in some individuals.3 Interestingly, niacinamide is believed to work by promoting NAD levels in pancreatic beta cells.4 It has also been reported to support healthy pancreatic function and insulin metabolism.5 Thus, niacinamide may help maintain healthy blood glucose through two separate mechanisms.*

Niacinamide has the potential to make a clear impact on a plethora of health outcomes. Current literature has indicated the B vitamin supports brain, pancreatic and joint health. However, as niacinamide is the essential component of NAD -- the coenzyme found in all living cells and a vital redox agent in human metabolism -- researchers have only begun to unveil the vitamin's full potential.*
http://www.pureencapsulations.com/education-research/newscaps/newscap-11-07-11




Maybe this option would be of benefit to you and others.  I hope.

Quote:

The whole thing is kind of a self fulfilling prophecy.




I know exactly what you mean.  I feel that I have been manifesting my worst nightmare but warning myself the whole time in the back of my mind somehow.


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Invisiblecez
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Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: FishOilTheKid]
    #22454780 - 10/30/15 06:26 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

FishOilTheKid said:
Quote:

What did the Niacin do?




Just made me feel normal.
Quote:


Fishoil how did all of this start for you?




It started with a heroic dose of like 15 g cubes.  I was just laying there on the couch enjoying the cosmic bath of feminine love then I got into the idea of alien craft scanning the population for specific people who are authentically after being enlightened into...  MORE.  I got an impression that felt like it came from outside myself.  'eat more if you want to know more.'  So I did.

Then I heard a pop and felt it in my forehead and the top of my head like my crown and third eye just blew open.  My awareness swelled an amount I was amazed by like I had access to several city blocks around me.  (was in seattle at the time)  It was like I could sense that oneness was just achieved and it seemed as though the sounds were more pronounced and would drag me around town.

Then I noticed there was a population around me of spirits or what have you and they were commenting.  I didn't really know what to do.

The question was would I die for the concept of psilocybe use...  And at that time I was very serious about it not being common knowledge about our own history.  In that state I agreed that I would and I felt life immediately slipping away.  But I got a thought that I would wake up and that I should leave a note for myself reassuring myself that I was okay. 
So I did that.

When I woke up I woke up to the smell of decaying flesh and had the distinct memory of being abducted, tested, then put under mind control.  Its a matter of fact that they were a true thief in the night.

I couldn't remember anything like my mind had been wiped.  I didn't even remember I had a job to go to.



So, that's how it started.  But since then I have been trying to piece back together what exactly happened after being heavily dosed with haldol.  I got back into growing cubes after some years and I ate like a quarter of a gram and started drawing pentagrams and obelisks and things then...  Immediate entity contact.  They were like a group of bullies that claim they are Lucifer.  They wanted me to 'accept control wherever I find it!'  It was all very militant and of course they were flying over my head in full open eyed visuals demanding obedience.

So we have been in a fight over my pursuit of happiness and what I want to do vs. them demanding I do what they say.  BTW, I tried doing what they want and you get so far then they tell you to turn around and do something else then they spin you again and again until you just break down.  And they sound panicked about everything on purpose to rile you up then just laugh as they cause and hide behind the consensus view of mental illness.

I've been trying to bring awareness to this with case workers and docs and psychiatrists but at the moment I'm in the wrong area for talk of non human entities.

They torture people and since they are on the inside some of them they can regulate the way the body processes the medications.

Quote:

On the mental ward, Dr Somé saw a lot of “beings” hanging around the patients, “entities” that are invisible to most people but that shamans and psychics are able to see. “They were causing the crisis in these people,” he says. It appeared to him that these beings were trying to get the medications and their effects out of the bodies of the people the beings were trying to merge with, and were increasing the patients’ pain in the process. “The beings were acting almost like some kind of excavator in the energy field of people. They were really fierce about that. The people they were doing that to were just screaming and yelling,” he said. He couldn’t stay in that environment and had to leave.
http://www.wakingtimes.com/2014/08/22/shaman-sees-mental-hospital/




So I can see these beings and they talk all the time and are running people insane.  Something needs to be done.




Why do you think these voices are separate entities and not just a wrinkle of your mind?  I think you're story is interesting and want you to find peace but I imagine it must be difficult if you are under the impression aliens are running you're thought patterns.

Have you tried using a mantra to occupy your mindspace when stillness is difficult to observe?


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OfflineFishOilTheKid
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Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: cez]
    #22455032 - 10/30/15 07:24 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

They are not just voices.  Most of them are about the size of a pea or a golf ball and they either land on me or inhabit the inside of my body then project huge amounts of energy and imagery.  When they talk they vibrate and I'm aware of what is their consciousness and what is mine.  They build out of energy/consciousness inside the body and outside the body.  I wasn't supposed to talk about it with anyone.

Quote:

if you are under the impression aliens are running you're thought patterns.




I'm not really.  I don't think they are smart enough to be ET.  They just somehow get to do what ever they want over people's heads and in their heads and bodies just beyond their perception and use UFO sightings to claim they are ETs or at least I'm supposed to be thinking about that phenomena coupled with their existence...?  For a while I have thought that they are the smoke screen to hide what is really going on with REAL ETs otherwise.:blush:

Quote:

Have you tried using a mantra to occupy your mindspace when stillness is difficult to observe?




I have.  I haven't stuck with things like that though because honestly that sounds trivial and I admit that I may be wrong on that one.  They rape you with energy and a mantra would probably make them laugh at me and shame me for being in their words, 'A PUSSY!'  I have no desire to bend to their will I think they are the ones that need to change TRUTHFULLY and I wish for them to see progress and the greater good.  They wanted to destroy what I had.  Love, compassion, tolerance, acceptance, femininity...  Because they couldn't accomplish this on their own and were jealous. 

I probably spent three years crying regularly as I was put through emotional trauma based mind control or depatterning...  Crying for something out there to help me or save me.
Man it was the cruelest thing I've seen done psychologically.

I'm not really suffering like I was and have found some peace.  Thanks for the sentiment.

And sorry if this is difficult to believe or challenging to consider.


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