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ConcernedCitizen
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Registered: 11/08/14
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Last seen: 8 years, 26 days
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3 Year Trip
#22338335 - 10/05/15 07:52 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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I'm writing this post because I want to see if anyone else has had a similar experience to mine, and how they dealt with it
So, some years ago I went to my first music festival and became obsessed with psychedelics and other substances.. I pretty much became a drug addict, using MDMA, LSD, Ketamine & Nitrous very frequently.
During a few different trips an idea had started to form in my head about being god (anyone ever feel like they were god during a trip?) and I think my ego began to supersize over this idea, that I could be all-knowing and all-understanding of every situation... I first had an idea to make a movie about being one of these psychonaut gods, it was to be a humorous movie about gods waiting on an empty road for other gods to show up and hang out with them and they would crack jokes about god-hood, and stuff.
During these trips I would feel like I could perform miriacles, for example, at one show I thought I was controlling the music that the DJs were playing..and I was jumping up and down trying to get the attention of the DJ for some reason, because we were in some kind of battle of who was actually in control of the music..very weird.
Eventually I formed a plan to somehow get the attention of all these psychonaut gods, get them to unite and be very public about it, so that the rest of the sleeping world would follow the psychonaut gods and stop killing eachother etc. I believed this plan was going to work as if it were set in destiny's stone. I became very lost when I realized that it wasnt going to happen, i spent many nights alone fearing for my sanity, and the possibility of suicide if I wasnt able to come back down from this delusion/trip.
So I stopped abusing psychedelics ( i was really a very intense , frequent user of nitrous.. i honestly dont know if its what caused me to lose grip of reality, but... i was doing a lot. )
I slowly but surely came back to reality, for the most part.. And then for some f*** stupid reason I started using again and struggled for another year to fully see reality for what it was. Now i've fully committed to not using nitrous ever again.
When I made the decision to quit nitrous, it was hugely stressful. I felt like I was a new born baby, too insecure and worried all the time to even talk to people. This was only a few months ago, and I especially could not talk to girls. Being a 25 year old who had just been a junkie for the past 3 years, having zero real relationships definitely took me out of my game..
Soo..Has anyone had similar delusions or heard of anything like this? The feeling that a series of trips has left a permanent thought process that is effecting their lives in a negative way? The whole thing was a bit traumatic for me.
Please no shit talking or non serious replies.
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FruitOfLife
Professional Package Handler


Registered: 05/21/12
Posts: 4,832
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Quote:
Please no shit talking or non serious replies.
It's the pub so good luck with that
But that sounds intense. You should probably lay off all drugs for a while, not just nitrous
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ConcernedCitizen
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Registered: 11/08/14
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Last seen: 8 years, 26 days
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I stopped using drugs too, besides weed and beer.
I really dont know why I had those reactions other than having been on drugs constantly..
I know that Bob Wier used to use LSD every day, every other day...and some of his lyrics were biblical sounding..like he wanted to be a messiah.
his song Estimated prophet is one of the trippiest songs ive ever heard in my life, because it sounds a lot what what i went through. I may be totally wrong though.. i honestly dont know what inspired that song but it is trippy.
You've all been asleep, You would not believe me Them voices telling me, You will soon receive me We're standing on the beach, The sea will part before me (Fire wheel burning in the air) And you will follow me, And we will ride to glory (Way up the middle of the air) And I'll call down thunder And speak the same And my word fills the sky with flame And might and glory gonna be my name And men gonna light my way
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TheHulk69
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Ya I think ketamine (I mean any reality distorting drugs honestly, but especially disassociatives) have that tendency to cause a user to get wrapped up in themselves. I recall one of the big guys(McKenna,Shulgin etc) talking about a similar phenomenon. I mean hell look at John C Lilly for example, he was a big time advocate for Ketamine, he still had some very interesting ideas but he without a doubt fell of the deep end in his later years. I mean don't get me wrong I think we was a pioneer in psychedelic research and just took it too far honestly. You can read a bit more about him here http://www.conspiracyarchive.com/UFOs/Gorightly.htm the ECCO seems to be his delusion of grandeur in his case. There's something about these drugs, maybe their addictive qualities, that can really cause the user to lose their shit.
Sorry to hear that OP, sounds scary as fuck, how are you now?
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ConcernedCitizen
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Registered: 11/08/14
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i'm doing alright. i definitely dont fear for my sanity anymore, or have suicidal thoughts. i do have some social anxiety i'm working on getting rid of. it was just a very intense addiction that i need to fully close my doors to. obsession over anything is a hard thing to get out of.
i realize now that i simply "went on a trip" and now when I trip, i return to the same trip.. I could call it "my trip" that I go on, i guess. my last festival i went to(month or 2 ago), i did a lot of K, which i usually do at festivals, and went on a similar trip, but instead of believing that it was going to happen no matter what, because of destiny, i realized that i'd have to work for it, and get people involved (i really would like to make music, and i was fully fixated on it during the festival)
this article looks really interesting.. i think that anyone trying to acheive anything like self enlightenment through excessive use of drugs(searching for something?) can be really dangerous...the second you turn,or try to turn an idea or dream into a belief or reality, you are leaving actual reality, whether or whether not you tell yourself that what you experiencing is within reality or not.
if there is one thing i am really struggling with, and this has been going on since a trip i had years ago, its this:
if someone mentions something that is a sensitive subject in my head, especially things that i have done in my past, and am not proud of, they can pick up on my reaction to what they said and can tell what i am thinking at that moment..exposing my deepest embarrassments and mistakes. it sort of feels like, if someone is behind you, and you turn around and flinch really badly, they might know that you may have been physically abused by someone for a long period of time..or something.. if i smoke weed around people in a certain situation, i will completely freeze up, have horrible thoughts, and have to leave, go to sleep, or pretend to sleep...it ruins the entire day.
after this going on for atleast a couple years now, i have fully realized that people cannot spot these things, as far as i know, but i still lock up..
Edited by ConcernedCitizen (10/05/15 10:14 PM)
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halo
Tripper



Registered: 11/01/07
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OP I'm currently going through something somewhat similar. It just started happening a month ago. I wish I had answers I could give you.
Basically I had a bad experience with nitrous this summer. Decided I was totally done with it. Also I had been experiencing a lot of anxiety over the past year. Mainly related to being a hypochondriac about various perceived medical issues that turned out to be false.
Recently traveled out of state for a series of concerts over labor day.
Tripped on friday night and had a horrible time. Basically a crisis of masculinity which led to me to think I might be gay because I'm so bad with women. I'm 24, I know my fucking sexual orientation I'm just kind of a loser about things sometimes. Felt one of my chakras basically switch. This feeling in the pit of my stomach completely reversed. This whole thing was fucking terrifying.
Didn't sleep. Still freaking out but kind of calmed down the next day.
Then since I was a little drunk and feeling better thought it would be cool to trip again. Big mistake, didn't trip as hard but still freaked out and just very well got fucked up. Didn't trip the next day but got drunk as shit to try to drown out the trip.
All in all I didn't sleep for 4 days straight until I left work after this and my friend gave me a shit ton of xanax.
Slept a lot but since then I've managed 3 or 4 hours a night.
It's been hell. I've had schizo delusions, but I think I'm getting back to normal. Slowly but surely, progress is achievable.
-------------------- All drugs should be legal
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kakashi68
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Registered: 11/25/11
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Re: 3 Year Trip [Re: halo]
#22339327 - 10/06/15 12:20 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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wait your an psychedelic addict?
But from the sounds of it the psychs are bringing out your true personality. Maybe look at these issues of why you have such a huge narcissistic? ego.
-------------------- You know, just sometimes in between the first cigarette with coffee in the morning to that 400th glass of cornershop piss at 3am--you do sometimes look at yourself and think--this is fantastic. I'm in heaven. -Bernard Black
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Oldgregg
I'm old gregg!


Registered: 03/29/09
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Quote:
ConcernedCitizen said:
During these trips I would feel like I could perform miriacles, for example, at one show I thought I was controlling the music that the DJs were playing..and I was jumping up and down trying to get the attention of the DJ for some reason, because we were in some kind of battle of who was actually in control of the music..very weird.
I feel like I've read this exact thing somewhere before
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ConcernedCitizen
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Re: 3 Year Trip [Re: halo]
#22340811 - 10/06/15 11:55 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
halo said: OP I'm currently going through something somewhat similar. It just started happening a month ago. I wish I had answers I could give you.
Basically I had a bad experience with nitrous this summer. Decided I was totally done with it. Also I had been experiencing a lot of anxiety over the past year. Mainly related to being a hypochondriac about various perceived medical issues that turned out to be false.
Recently traveled out of state for a series of concerts over labor day.
Tripped on friday night and had a horrible time. Basically a crisis of masculinity which led to me to think I might be gay because I'm so bad with women. I'm 24, I know my fucking sexual orientation I'm just kind of a loser about things sometimes. Felt one of my chakras basically switch. This feeling in the pit of my stomach completely reversed. This whole thing was fucking terrifying.
Didn't sleep. Still freaking out but kind of calmed down the next day.
Then since I was a little drunk and feeling better thought it would be cool to trip again. Big mistake, didn't trip as hard but still freaked out and just very well got fucked up. Didn't trip the next day but got drunk as shit to try to drown out the trip.
All in all I didn't sleep for 4 days straight until I left work after this and my friend gave me a shit ton of xanax.
Slept a lot but since then I've managed 3 or 4 hours a night.
It's been hell. I've had schizo delusions, but I think I'm getting back to normal. Slowly but surely, progress is achievable.
yeah I think it really boils down to going into a dreamstate while conscious , and sometimes getting stuck dreaming..
you dream (unconsciously) that youve killed someone, and wake up to find out that thats not what happened, but it was as real as could be when you were dreaming it...
i had a friend snort a pretty hefty line of 4aco dmt (he nearly had a seizure, which ive seen happen several times with 4aco) and he started to fight me and my friend and actually sort of kick both of our asses (funny story about that: we had to sit down so he'd feel less threatened, and he kept kicking me while i was on the floor, and i said "can you take your shoes off youre getting my floor dirty, and he apologized and removed his shoes. and the kicking hurt less. lol..) but he kept saying "GAY?? (and his name)" he basically thought he was gay and had to come to terms with that.. even though the guy had been dating women his whole life..
he doesnt talk much about it anymore but i'm sure he struggled with that trip for a long while after it ended.
trips are fucky with your head..like i said i spent a good 2 years believing i was going to be the next "jesus" , i had invisioned the entire plot of what happend, me being killed for making such changes (like jesus, MLK, other spiritual and impacting leaders)...the entire world rejoicing, and then blowing itself up..
and regarding kakashi's response... those delusions werent a product of my ego. i believed i could spot patterns of things happening and almost to the point when i could tell when something was going to happen before it happened , without being on psychedelics. i actually remember feeling bad that others couldnt see this, that it was a special power that chose me, and was (or tried to be) very humble about it.
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TheHulk69
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Dude I feel really sorry that you had to go through this and still are dealing with repercussions, but come the fuck on. You entirely did this to yourself by not respecting these substances, sounds like the company you keep didn't either. I'm not trying to be a dick here but "this is why we can't have nice things"
All drugs deserve respect, psychedelics deserve 10x more. Sounds like it was exactly a problem of your ego, these substances don't take kindly to the biggest cock contest of how much and how many drugs can I combine. I don't want to say that you deserve this cause I don't think anyone should have to deal with mental health problems of that scale. But you gotta own up to it dude, no one did it but yourself, you should have really taken it easy after your psychotic break.
To anyone else, this is what happens when you don't respect drugs and push yourself too far.
I wish you all the best in your healing process OP
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Turtletotem
Dutch Delight



Registered: 09/02/13
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It lasted only a few weeks for me. It happened after my first really heavy use of mushrooms. I had a breakthrough experience, bad trip (For real) and was visited by many spirits (????)
Anyway after that trip came a period of strangeness, like a waking dream. The birds I encountered all had a secret meaning, the radio played songs just for me, and when I unfocused my mind I´d get some kind of mild visuals.
I was fine with it to be honest But then it didn´t last very long, and I was confident throughout it all that I´d get healthy soon anway.
I wish I had some more advice for you guys, but the one thing you seem to have already figured out, that you can not trust your immagination 
Good luck people
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propensity
۞̷ ̶۞̷ ̶



Registered: 01/06/10
Posts: 11,056
Loc: Bedrock America
Last seen: 3 years, 6 months
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Quote:
ConcernedCitizen said: I'm writing this post because I want to see if anyone else has had a similar experience to mine, and how they dealt with it
So, some years ago I went to my first music festival and became obsessed with psychedelics and other substances.. I pretty much became a drug addict, using MDMA, LSD, Ketamine & Nitrous very frequently.
During a few different trips an idea had started to form in my head about being god (anyone ever feel like they were god during a trip?) and I think my ego began to supersize over this idea, that I could be all-knowing and all-understanding of every situation... I first had an idea to make a movie about being one of these psychonaut gods, it was to be a humorous movie about gods waiting on an empty road for other gods to show up and hang out with them and they would crack jokes about god-hood, and stuff.
During these trips I would feel like I could perform miriacles, for example, at one show I thought I was controlling the music that the DJs were playing..and I was jumping up and down trying to get the attention of the DJ for some reason, because we were in some kind of battle of who was actually in control of the music..very weird.
Eventually I formed a plan to somehow get the attention of all these psychonaut gods, get them to unite and be very public about it, so that the rest of the sleeping world would follow the psychonaut gods and stop killing eachother etc. I believed this plan was going to work as if it were set in destiny's stone. I became very lost when I realized that it wasnt going to happen, i spent many nights alone fearing for my sanity, and the possibility of suicide if I wasnt able to come back down from this delusion/trip.
So I stopped abusing psychedelics ( i was really a very intense , frequent user of nitrous.. i honestly dont know if its what caused me to lose grip of reality, but... i was doing a lot. )
I slowly but surely came back to reality, for the most part.. And then for some f*** stupid reason I started using again and struggled for another year to fully see reality for what it was. Now i've fully committed to not using nitrous ever again.
When I made the decision to quit nitrous, it was hugely stressful. I felt like I was a new born baby, too insecure and worried all the time to even talk to people. This was only a few months ago, and I especially could not talk to girls. Being a 25 year old who had just been a junkie for the past 3 years, having zero real relationships definitely took me out of my game..
Soo..Has anyone had similar delusions or heard of anything like this? The feeling that a series of trips has left a permanent thought process that is effecting their lives in a negative way? The whole thing was a bit traumatic for me.
Please no shit talking or non serious replies.
What was your childhood like?
I have a hunch as to the kind of life experiences that cause this ever so common messiah complex amongst our drug taking compatriots.
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۞̷̛̗̗͉͇̰̅͒ͯͩ̆ͯ̑͘ ̶̖̭ͧ͛ͬ͑ͣͦ̍ͧ͐͟͢ www.cactophage.com ۞̷̛̗̗͉͇̰̅͒ͯͩ̆ͯ̑͘ ̶̖̭ͧ͛ͬ͑ͣͦ̍ͧ͐͟͢ ̸ۨ͜۞̷̛̗̗͉͇̰̅͒ͯͩ̆ͯ̑͘ ̶̖̭ͧ͛ͬ͑ͣͦ̍ͧ͐͟Dolphins of Dank۞̷̛̗̗͉͇̰̅͒ͯͩ̆
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xbloodwhipx

Registered: 02/24/12
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Quote:
ConcernedCitizen said: I stopped using drugs too, besides weed and beer.
stop smoking weed. It has a tendecy to make mental disorders worse (you almost definitely have a mental disorder).
I used to suffer from severe depersonalization. Not a horrible mental disorder, but it can be scary. Weed was making it worse for sure because when i quit smoking for awhile (like a month) I noticed my symptoms were way less intense. I started smoking again and my symptoms came back. 
I can smoke weed now but I tend to only take a couple of hits from my piece instead of smoking a joint to the dome. Really helps because I can feel good without inducing depersonalization, and keep my tolerance low.
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ConcernedCitizen
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to propensity: my childhood was very odd and lame. i was brought up christian and being told prophecies from the bible were true, which really impacted the whole "trip" that i'd return to when i would trip.
..and to blood whip: i don't believe i have any mental illness.. those delusions came from really frequent and intense use of psychedelics and i felt "stuck" because i couldnt stop using.. I remember a leader of a rehab group talk about how if you drink too much, or abuse drugs too much, you can have delusions like "believing god is talking to you through a TV" if it gets really really serious, which it really did. he told me to stop using nitrous atleast for 18 months and , since i have stopped , am healing and feeling a lot better.
Edited by ConcernedCitizen (10/18/15 11:11 PM)
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twighead
mͯó



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I mostly think of myself as a retarded god nowadays
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ConcernedCitizen
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Registered: 11/08/14
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LOL...
Hey children sorry to say but your god is a retard. Youre on your own!!!
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