So, I know this is my first post. But I'm a lurker, I've learned how to grow my own mushrooms here and son on. Yesterday, I think I went to that place where I did not really want to go, and felt like sharing.
I will try my best to make this short, however I'm sure it wont be so I will try to make this easy to read.
I took 3.5 grams of, whatever mushrooms they were (I have 3 different types growing so I tend to mix if I have to). Note this is my 5th of 6th trip, so I am fairly new, and 3.5 is the most I've taken. I should note I am hyper-sensitive to drugs, weed STILL incapacitates me for 4 hours from 6-7 pulls.
1. I took the shrooms, and got the nausea.
2. I went to that place where mind and body separate, my mind kept saying leave your body behind. Let that nagging person keep nagging, we have a party to go to.
3. I said, (this is where I went wrong)... "No, I want to try to figure out why that person is nagging, why that body is hurting instead of enjoying"...
4. My brain left, and went to party without me, I guess... At this point I was laying down, this is all with my eyes closed.
5. So I say, you know what, this nagging body is not really letting me enjoy myself. Lets party... And it all went downhill.
6. I felt like I was having a stroke... Half my body felt numb. I was .02 seconds from calling 911.
7. My friend (the sober one) said to me "yo, just fight it, here lets go outside, you need some air"
8. I'm outside afraid I will fall down the stairs because my body might go limp soon.
9. I go inside and feel so sick. And I was trying to figure it out... "Maybe that nagging person in me not letting me enjoy myself is my dead half... I need to let it out"... So I try to throw up, I'm in the bathroom now, trying, and nothing comes out... I CANT LET GO.
10. At this point I'm testing my strength, still thinking this might be a REAL STROKE... (I'm 35 btw).. And I have worked in the medical field so I'm trying to do tests on myself and its all good. Except I cant feel half of my body.
11. I figure I need to shower... Maybe that will help... I jump in the shower and OMG... I put the water, hot, then cold, hot, then cold, because half of my body is cold the other half hot. Now I am really freaking out.
12. I end up in the refrigerator, because the thought of anything makes me want to throw up, and right now that's what I need to do... let go!! So my friend says "If you want to throw up, drink water".
13. I grab a glass with water, but then I see a soda can, and just looking at it makes me nauseous. So I grab that as well.
14. I am in the bathroom, trying to puke, right hand water, left hand soda... And I get a EUREKA moment. As I lay looking at the toilet, maybe this is half my body saying "BE HEALTHY, DRINK THE WATER".. The other half "THIS IS YOUR DOOM, FAILURE, ALCOHOL, SODA"...
15. So I am drinking soda and throwing it back out, in my head screaming "I get it, I get it... you don't need to teach me anything else I got it"...
16. But that wasn't my lesson to be learned. And my right half of my body was still numb.
17. I lay on the floor (I am in the presence of two guy friends and a girl I had messed with in the past sexually)... I am half naked, just trying to see if I felt the cold of the floor on the half numb body... and I did.
18. Not I am seeing things from two brains... The right side of my body, I can feel when I pay attention to it, but not the left, and vise versa. Something is going on. What do I need to learn?
19. I see the girl, and she is also on mushrooms, laying in the floor, because I no longer let her sleep in my bed, because of situations in life... And I recall her saying (before mushrooms) that she needed a hug.
20. It all just made sense. I was not going to be complete (both sides of my body), unless I had my other half.
21. So I just go up to her, in a weird awkward we have not even hugged in 6 months type of thing and I just hug her, with all I got.
22. She starts crying. I tell her to forgive me. And she must have been going through her own thing that just coincided with what I was going through... The song playing in the background, right at that point said "a heart forgives"...
23. She asks me for what? (This is still in front of my two other friends)... So I had to literally reduce myself to nothing and spill out what a D*ck I am. half naked, beaten. And the right side of my body started to get feeling again.
24. I kept talking to her and kept asking for forgiveness, as she cried, the more she let go, the more I let go, the more I became whole again.
25. Now, I'm not saying when she forgave, she forgave me, perse, I just feel like she was letting go of her own issues, that coincided with my issues, and in a way, we needed to come together to help each other.
26. I asked her if what I felt was the pain she felt, and she just cried. All night. Her letting go helped me let go.
27. After the hgih went down, and my body felt semi normal, I still felt like I had lost some feeling in my right side... I ended up dipping my hands in alcohol and rubbing it on my body... The sting made me feel again..
28. I asked her "So you don't drink to go numb... You drink so you can feel?"...
29. Still seeing the world from two brains, the scariest thing I have ever felt, probably made me a better man. Understanding that, well, I could get a million things from that, but the most important being.
A. I can't just ignore the fact that everyone needs love, and let that side of you die. '
B. You always have a choice.
C. Remember how your actions make people feel, how would you like to feel that pain?
30. I invited her to sleep in my bed (not sexually just to hug her, I know that's way over)... She declined, said "It's not about when you want"... And that was the whole point... In this world, when you are dealing with people, it is not just about you... It's about us... And being selfish while neglecting the other person is akin to having half of you die.
The end.
I woke up today fully functional, perhaps that means that she forgave, either me, or whatever her struggles were... Or perhaps it means that we both let go.
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