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Offlineburningstar06
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reconnecting with a parent or parents
    #22323879 - 10/02/15 01:56 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

So lately I've been trying to slowly reconnect with my biological mother I think I have to even if just for closure. It's not easy after 15 years brings up a lot of emotions. I saw her this past Christmas I couldn't even talk words just would not come out of my mouth I was dissociated and panicked I spent 3  hours there and muttered maybe five words to her.we are now writing letters to each other but it's still difficult for me I'm just wondering if any of you have gone through something similar and how you handled it and if you would have any advice gives me on how to make this a little easierto shine a little light on the circumstances when I was seeing her when I was little she wasn't the best mother she use drugshad many different boyfriends most of which were abusive to her in front of me and my younger siblingswhen we would see her on weekends she wouldn't really take care of us it would mostly be me taking care of my younger sibling that is unless she called after the first couple hours to have my dad come pick us up as she sat on the phone with me there next to her saying things like come pick these little b****** up I don't want them however she is trying to make things right now and I believe people deserve a second chance but I want to step into this with caution as I have trust issues and I can't really tell if she has changed or not she says she's been sober for 10 years but I just found out she has hepatitis Cshe goes to therapy and has been talking with my therapist to try and work things outso I feel as if she is changed but I have my doubts is there any advice anyone would like to give me I would really appreciate it thanks guys


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InvisibleSheekle
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Re: reconnecting with a parent or parents [Re: burningstar06]
    #22323894 - 10/02/15 02:01 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

damn burningstar

if i had some advice i'd give it to u tho but idk


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Offlinemusiclover420
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Re: reconnecting with a parent or parents [Re: burningstar06]
    #22323915 - 10/02/15 02:07 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

All I can say is be careful man, take things slow and just feel it out. As time goes on and you two take more steps to re connect it should become easier, of course that is a long time to grow apart and I imagine getting over a rough childhood like that can be very hard too.

Just remember your mom no doubt was struggling with her own issues, just do your best to be understanding somewhat and try not to hold onto any grudges.

Not saying you should just instantly forgive her as it sounds like she put you through a lot but once you two get to a better place to talk maybe try working over some of those past grievances with her.

My mom has a terrible relationship with her mother, they have not talked for years and I can see how sad it makes her. She has trouble letting goof all her grudges against her mom which prevents them from really re connecting much. They have tried but my mom always shuts down and stops trying becouse it is just too hard for her.

Just take your time and keep at it. The more you talk things over the easier it will get hopefully, I wish you the best and I hope it works out eventually!

:hug:


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Don't worry about me, I've got all that I need. And I'm singing my song to the sky

You know how it feels, With the breeze of the sun in your eyes. Not minding that time's passing by

I've got all and more, My smile, just as before. Is all that I carry with me

I talk to myself, I need nobody else. I'm lost and I'm mine, yes I'm free



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Offlineburningstar06
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Re: reconnecting with a parent or parents [Re: musiclover420]
    #22326008 - 10/02/15 09:17 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

@musiclover
Great advice man thanks. I know how your mom feels I've always longed for a relationship with my mother I've pushed away women in my life because of it I don't trust women sometimes I'd catch myself trying to developers an unhealthy attachment to women in my life that are mothers like a co-worker of mine. I realized what I was doing though and cut it off I work at a new store now anyways.

I am taking it slow and with the relationship right now it's old school just writing letters and my therapist talks to her too and relays back to me and she is helping me along with it but it's still hard. So I'm using caution.

@shekels.it's.Ok life's tough thanks for the response though


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OfflineEnvix
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Re: reconnecting with a parent or parents [Re: burningstar06]
    #22326097 - 10/02/15 09:57 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

my mom became a crack addict shortly after i was born. took her 15 years to get clean and 4 more kids after me before she decided to get her shit together

she's a great parent and is raising all the kids really well, they're all turning into healthy bratty teenagers now


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Offlinemusiclover420
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Re: reconnecting with a parent or parents [Re: Envix]
    #22326642 - 10/03/15 01:23 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

No problem man, I don't have the best relationship with my parents and I know a lot of other people who have had hardcore addict parents, its tough shit :sad:

At least it can make people stronger if it doesn't break them, in the long run at least. Life can be very tough indeed.

I have noticed I do something pretty similiar with women due to pretty similiar reasons, psychology is so crazy like that in how connected everything is.

Writing letters and using a intermediate communicator sounds like the perfect way to start getting back in touch :thumbup:

Also beautiful wolf in your sig, I have an old lady wolf mix who looks pretty similiar. A bit more of an arctic fuzzy and snow white look though.

Quote:

Envix said:
my mom became a crack addict shortly after i was born. took her 15 years to get clean and 4 more kids after me before she decided to get her shit together




Sorry to hear that, I have a friend whose mom was a heroin addict for awhile. Pretty sure she did crack too, anyways it was some fucked up stuff. Drug addiction makes people do some insane fucked up stuff, I am very hesitant to ever really mess with opiates and a lot of other drugs after witnessing them wreck peoples lives.


--------------------
Don't worry about me, I've got all that I need. And I'm singing my song to the sky

You know how it feels, With the breeze of the sun in your eyes. Not minding that time's passing by

I've got all and more, My smile, just as before. Is all that I carry with me

I talk to myself, I need nobody else. I'm lost and I'm mine, yes I'm free



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InvisibleCalifornia
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Re: reconnecting with a parent or parents [Re: burningstar06]
    #22326649 - 10/03/15 01:29 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

burningstar06 said:
is there any advice anyone would like to give me I would really appreciate it thanks guys



Keep it shroomy.


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Invisiblenice1returns
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Re: reconnecting with a parent or parents [Re: burningstar06]
    #22326776 - 10/03/15 02:37 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

I went through similar shit with my dad, he disappeared when I was 12 and I didn't reconnect till 30.

I see him once a week now and hes less of an asshole but still an asshole.  I have to overlook some of it, it heals the soul to have some sort of closure be that good or bad.  They're just mere mortals after all. 

My dad did have a tough time and went through a series of very bad events like watching his best friend get chopped in half by a drunk driver and shit.  It doesn't change his actions in the past but hes def a nicer person now hes older and has told me hes regretful.

:heart: Good luck and I hope the reconnection heals you and gives you some closure.

Oh yeah I know what you mean about not being able to speak, the first time I met I couldn't barely talk because of the emotion, second time I popped about 10 valiums :naughty: Shit it broke the ice tho haha


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