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OfflineJameZTheNewbie
The Mahatma OfZalu

Registered: 05/24/02
Posts: 736
Loc: pass the gates of hell 2 ...
Last seen: 1 year, 10 months
"If you Read you will judge"
    #2230722 - 01/09/04 11:38 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

i have no where else to go so i figured id come here. i feel like im falling apart that who i was and who i am are competing and my past and my future are causing me to stand still now and now i feel like everyone who i cared for and cared for me is growing away from me and that im failing as their friend and now im so scared that i cant even communicate with them. my mind has taken over and led me to a deep hole where i can only hear my negative thoughts..its eating from the inside out and i cant tell how to stop it.
and the one person i loved is killing me and it feels like as i loose her more and more i loose my grip of who i was...im loosing my confidence that im on the right path........i problay dont make any sence but i gotta get this out of my head before it warps into something negative again....

my way of letting go is through songs i write i got like 40 or more pages in word so il just throw this in

another stage in the life process a forgeting of the world i grew up in a new day a new way and those before me come and go with them they take a part of me falling apart as im running foward im getting knocked over its got this weight on my shoulder its never lifting and im shifting and i got one thing left and its nothing .. so im alive living a lie living a life that doesnt seem to be worth a second of my eternity and i cant seem to get on track my mind lacks the next attack the next come back so what now do you i get out of town rebound restart take this shit out and make it spark conform enter into this shit let my life roll with it become one with the flo knowing im not a piece im not a fuckin piece of this movement i cant take it i cant escape it i hate wut i am a human in this fucked up land

my emotions conflicting with my notions of wut i want to be a freed man living in slavery


--------------------
Mice have feelings


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Offlineenotake2
Stop Bush's war
 User Gallery

Registered: 01/30/03
Posts: 1,457
Loc: Comfy chair in my lounger...
Last seen: 5 years, 5 months
Re: "If you Read you will judge" [Re: JameZTheNewbie]
    #2231661 - 01/09/04 06:25 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Do you think it is the difficulties in your relationship that is causing you to feel down? I have had trouble in mine for about a year and it has effected my mood and I am only just learning how to deal with it. I always knew I should do this - I just didn't do it till now, though it feels so good now I am doing it. What is working is concentrating on helping myself to feel better about myself rather than relying on my partner to do that for me. I am exercising a lot and eating well and doing things that I enjoy doing. Strangely, it is also helping with the relationship. I think I was a bit clingy and dependent before while not feeling good about myself which is unattractive, and working on myself is taking the pressure off him.


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Computer games don't affect kids. I mean if Pacman affected our generation as kids, we'd all be running around in a darkened room, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.

"Being bitter and hateful is like drinking a vial of poison and hoping the other person gets sick" FreakQLibrium

"My motto from here on out is: If someone or something (including me) in my life is conducting themselves in such a way that they can be seen on Jerry Springer, it's time to take out the garbage!!! When you stop taking their behaviour personally and see their antics as a true reflection on their character, it becomes absolutely nauseating." Anon. on abusive relationships.


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OfflineJameZTheNewbie
The Mahatma OfZalu

Registered: 05/24/02
Posts: 736
Loc: pass the gates of hell 2 ...
Last seen: 1 year, 10 months
Re: "If you Read you will judge" [Re: enotake2]
    #2232320 - 01/09/04 11:34 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

yea i definatly did that and i would realize it but i couldnt do anything about it .. im trying to not be to dependent and just let things go easyer but wut really killed my self esteem was after we broke up we started seeing eachother again and it made me feel like shit because we ended on kind of bad terms but i couldnt stop my self i was too lonely . we stopped seeing eachother recently and now im just falling apart i feel like im not wanted im questioning all my friendships i cant tell anything anymote its like i woke up and im someone else....i think i have social phobia i never did before cause when im around people i dont know how to interact i cant look at them....its bad i think im hopeless...


--------------------
Mice have feelings


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Offlineenotake2
Stop Bush's war
 User Gallery

Registered: 01/30/03
Posts: 1,457
Loc: Comfy chair in my lounger...
Last seen: 5 years, 5 months
Re: "If you Read you will judge" [Re: JameZTheNewbie]
    #2232843 - 01/10/04 07:22 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Ya losing relationships really sux, especially when you were really involved with the person. I find it good if it really is over, to think of all the things I didn't like about the person and the bad things about the relationship and try not to dwell on the things I did like otherwise the pain is too much. Things will be easier with some time.


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Computer games don't affect kids. I mean if Pacman affected our generation as kids, we'd all be running around in a darkened room, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.

"Being bitter and hateful is like drinking a vial of poison and hoping the other person gets sick" FreakQLibrium

"My motto from here on out is: If someone or something (including me) in my life is conducting themselves in such a way that they can be seen on Jerry Springer, it's time to take out the garbage!!! When you stop taking their behaviour personally and see their antics as a true reflection on their character, it becomes absolutely nauseating." Anon. on abusive relationships.


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Offlinefredthetree
Stranger

Registered: 09/29/02
Posts: 473
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 11 years, 3 months
Re: "If you Read you will judge" [Re: JameZTheNewbie]
    #2232900 - 01/10/04 09:22 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

another stage in the life process a forgeting of the world i grew up in a new day a new way and those before me come and go with them they take a part of me falling apart as im running foward im getting knocked over its got this weight on my shoulder its never lifting and im shifting and i got one thing left and its nothing .. so im alive living a lie living a life that doesnt seem to be worth a second of my eternity and i cant seem to get on track my mind lacks the next attack the next come back so what now do you i get out of town rebound restart take this shit out and make it spark conform enter into this shit let my life roll with it become one with the flo knowing im not a piece im not a fuckin piece of this movement i cant take it i cant escape it i hate wut i am a human in this fucked up land

my emotions conflicting with my notions of wut i want to be a freed man living in slavery




Really good writing there, I really like it.  Keep it comin'! :laugh:


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OfflineJameZTheNewbie
The Mahatma OfZalu

Registered: 05/24/02
Posts: 736
Loc: pass the gates of hell 2 ...
Last seen: 1 year, 10 months
heres another song [Re: fredthetree]
    #2242080 - 01/14/04 05:30 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

My abyss
Im searching for the truth and with this I can not stray,
It is my right this can not be takin away,
In my shadow, in my shadow,
I see the light of which will guide me,Untie me, with my reality, my compatibility ,to the world around I sit down and drown in my thoughts, I combine wut im taught I relive every moment and become one with all, and all is now and then, let it bend me my wounds mend

But here I am again my thoughts swirling about bringing me down to never ending abyss, where I just sit and slowly fade away, my life is worthless to me and I feel so lonely, but I cant connect to a human being they just seem alien to me so far away no one to trust,I cant get anything right these days I try and I die with every failure and yet my will is strong and I move on I forget so easily its to hard to be me, so I forget , I forget and then it all comes back to me.
Trying to be positive trying to feel love again searching for my path in life I strive and with this last breath I will feel again. Minds so foggy with the scars of my life I try to continue with this never ending fight, but I will not give up I will not let them win I will not let my heart be wasted on this sadness and with that I will travel and see wut there is to miss if i were to lay down my arms and fall into the abyss, I cant let go I just know to much I cant let go Il leave and no one will know.


--------------------
Mice have feelings


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