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Thanatos10
Stranger



Registered: 01/19/15
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A Strange Paradox
#22305350 - 09/28/15 09:30 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Contradiction or whatever, I just know it's odd.
How is it possible for someone who is gay, who honestly wants to love another man, but at the same time find the entire notion "wrong"?
-------------------- As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.
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HardTrippin
The Ambivalent



Registered: 11/05/09
Posts: 1,303
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Are you trying to tell us something?
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"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment" - Ralph Waldo Emerson
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nuentoter
conduit



Registered: 09/17/08
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Why do YOU define it as wrong?
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The geometry of us is no chance. We are antennae, we are tuning forks, we are receiver and transmitters of all energy. We are more than we know. - @entheolove "I found I could say things with color and shapes that I couldn't say any other way - things I had no words for" - Georgia O'Keefe I think the word is vagina
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DisoRDeR
motional



Registered: 08/29/02
Posts: 1,158
Loc: nonsensistan
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That doesn't seem so strange. I suspect it's pretty common among gay people who have been enculturated with a prohibitive morality or exposed to the common use of homophobic slurs.
Perhaps examining how each feeling/idea has been acquired might shed some light on the issue?
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Thanatos10
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Re: A Strange Paradox [Re: DisoRDeR]
#22305497 - 09/28/15 09:57 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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It's such a weird feeling. Every time I see it portrayed I want something like it but at the same time it feels wrong. I'm so confused.
-------------------- As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.
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DisoRDeR
motional



Registered: 08/29/02
Posts: 1,158
Loc: nonsensistan
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Well, for what it's worth I don't think it's wrong, and much of the non-religious world seems to agree these days. Intimacy need not be limited by gender. Hell, you're doing us a favour by not pursuing a romantic path that leads to reproduction.
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Thanatos10
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Re: A Strange Paradox [Re: DisoRDeR]
#22305863 - 09/28/15 11:07 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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That's nice, and I'm aware that the growing concesus is in favor of it. But no matter how much I tell myself it isn't wrong I can't shake the feeling that it is.
I guess deep down I wonder if the religious nuts are right. That it is a sin and we are just dooming the earth to oblivion.
-------------------- As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.
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nuentoter
conduit



Registered: 09/17/08
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Quote:
Thanatos10 said: I guess deep down I wonder if the religious nuts are right. That it is a sin and we are just dooming the earth to oblivion.
if they are right, do you care? do you care enough for it to inhibit your actions?
if you are homosexual and never reproduce do you think that this earth will really descend into darkness? or that anything at all in a global sense will happen?
In the grand scheme of things, if 50% of all men and women were gay and never reproduced, the human race would be just fine. The earth as a whole would be just fine. In all reality the earth and us as a race in general would probably be in better shape in the long run. There are too any of us.
Culture and society I think have a large part to do with the feelings you have of it "not being right". The only realistic evidence we have that homosexuality is wrong is that procreation is not possible in that set-up, besides that, there are much more long term benefits of being happy/comfortable with yourself and your life situation rather than living a life lying to yourself about your happiness, or feelings of personal fulfillment.
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The geometry of us is no chance. We are antennae, we are tuning forks, we are receiver and transmitters of all energy. We are more than we know. - @entheolove "I found I could say things with color and shapes that I couldn't say any other way - things I had no words for" - Georgia O'Keefe I think the word is vagina
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Thanatos10
Stranger



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Re: A Strange Paradox [Re: nuentoter]
#22306143 - 09/29/15 12:56 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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I guess you're right. But I still get nervous of public displays of affection and hand holding. I don't know who might start something because of it. Even though we have come a long way, I still don't feel ok to be out about it
-------------------- As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.
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nuentoter
conduit



Registered: 09/17/08
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Now that my friend can be a valid fear. I live in a very small community that is mostly very religious and pious people. Very judgemental. If I were gay I would not be public about it HERE. that is something that can impede upon your personal feelings of comfort with yourself. I'm not a fan of public displays of affection even in straight couples beyond hand holding and the quick innocent kisses you give as a hello or goodbye. Nothing more than you would give a child.
Once again ask yourself though, if someone will judge you upon this face value, does their opinion matter to YOU? If someone is so willing to weigh your character upon your personal choice of company (intimate of not) does that not speak much more about them than it does of you?
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The geometry of us is no chance. We are antennae, we are tuning forks, we are receiver and transmitters of all energy. We are more than we know. - @entheolove "I found I could say things with color and shapes that I couldn't say any other way - things I had no words for" - Georgia O'Keefe I think the word is vagina
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Hippocampus



Registered: 04/01/15
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Last seen: 6 years, 10 months
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Quote:
Thanatos10 said: Contradiction or whatever, I just know it's odd.
How is it possible for someone who is gay, who honestly wants to love another man, but at the same time find the entire notion "wrong"?
I think a more precise term for this would be cognitive dissonance
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DividedQuantum
Outer Head


Registered: 12/06/13
Posts: 9,819
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Well, the truth is that there is nothing wrong with it at all. The confusion you are experiencing is a (very common) psychological block based upon the narrative you were reared with in our culture, which is very anti-gay. I understand from previous posts that you are going to therapy -- your best bet would be to work it out there. It's just a sort of complex, and I imagine many gay men feel the same way you do. Just a hurdle to be overcome. There's nothing wrong with your desires or orientation, at all. The block is artificial, and can be removed with some work.
-------------------- Vi Veri Universum Vivus Vici
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White Beard

Registered: 08/13/11
Posts: 6,325
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Post deleted by White BeardReason for deletion: .
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DividedQuantum
Outer Head


Registered: 12/06/13
Posts: 9,819
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I am not aware of that being a statistically significant concern. If you could provide some documentation that it is, I would be interested.
-------------------- Vi Veri Universum Vivus Vici
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Quote:
White Beard said:
Quote:
DividedQuantum said: Well, the truth is that there is nothing wrong with it at all.
What about the health concern I brought up?
Moreover, since i live in canada and we have public health care, health problems of others ultimatly become a financial burden for tax payers. So yes, what two people do in private DOES affect my life.
That seems pretty damn unreasonable man. What about all the smokers, drinkers, people in car crashes, etc? They affect your life too right? Are you as clean as a whistle yourself?
Quote:
Thanatos10 said: It's such a weird feeling. Every time I see it portrayed I want something like it but at the same time it feels wrong. I'm so confused.
I feel for you brother. I've often thought about how hard it must be to come out in our horribly judgemental society.
Try not to let your internal cognitive dissonance bother you too much; that's the last thing you need at a time like this. My money says if you can be content internally about how you feel, you needn't give a flying fuck about what the world's attitude is.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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White Beard

Registered: 08/13/11
Posts: 6,325
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Post deleted by White BeardReason for deletion: .
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Quote:
White Beard said: because of public health care, individual's health problems affect me financially - check
I think it's just this piece here that struck me man. Like, I hear you, but it seems an absolute pointless thing to bring up, especially in the context of someone who is struggling with coming out and could probably do with a little compassion right now - not comments about how his actions may hurt your pocket.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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White Beard

Registered: 08/13/11
Posts: 6,325
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Post deleted by White BeardReason for deletion: .
Edited by White Beard (09/29/15 01:38 PM)
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Thanatos10
Stranger



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I'm trying to be ok with it. But it's not just the pda, it's also the physical aspect of it. I get pretty self conscious when I'm around other gay men or areas where they frequent. I feel like I'm constantly being judged for my body. Which now that I think about it leads back to the media portrayals, they always seem to have ideal bodies. But deep down I really want it, I do. But I'm caught between what I see in the media and reality. It's awkward checking guys out because they would find out, so it's really tough to avoid drawing attention. Even more is finding out if someone else is, outside of online methods.
I know dating isn't any easier if you're straight, but at least you know what you're looking for and everyone around is somewhat ok with pda.
-------------------- As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.
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nuentoter
conduit



Registered: 09/17/08
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Last seen: 7 years, 21 days
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im curious how many butts have to get fucked with an aids dick to bring up your taxes $.01
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The geometry of us is no chance. We are antennae, we are tuning forks, we are receiver and transmitters of all energy. We are more than we know. - @entheolove "I found I could say things with color and shapes that I couldn't say any other way - things I had no words for" - Georgia O'Keefe I think the word is vagina
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