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CannAbyss
Funguy


Registered: 09/08/12
Posts: 681
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GF smoking after surviving cancer :s
#22304993 - 09/28/15 08:26 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Okay guys, this issue has been at the forefront of my mind for the better part of this past year. I'm getting really frustrated & want someone's opinion outside of my friends/family.
Quick back story - My GF was diagnosed with cancer a few years ago, had surgery, was bed-ridden during chemotherapy treatments .. the whole nine yards.
After completing her treatment & being given a clean bill of health, she lost her father (Whom I believe was a long-time smoker) to lung cancer. To the best of my knowledge she picked up smoking in the wake of her father's passing as a coping mechanism of some sort.
When we first got together I was also a regular smoker and we planned to quit together. However she couldn't manage to kick it.
Fast forward to now, she is still smoking a pack or more a day. Aside from the obvious health reasons she should not be smoking, she is also not working due to stress/anxiety/depression & borrowing money from her family to get by, the vast majority of which she spends on cigarettes & weed . She's a habitual pot smoker & puts unfiltered cigarette tobacco in every bowl she smokes. Her breathing is getting terrible, out of breath easily... coughing uncontrollably. And constantly reaching for her puffer after smoking a bowl (She is also asthmatic)... Commented the other day that it felt as though she had damaged a rib from coughing...
I'm truely scared that she is going to get sick again, she is obviously doing serious damage to her body & I don't know what to do. I'm all for freedom of choice regarding drugs but it's gotten to a point that it clearly needs to stop.
She has a naturally addictive personality, and tends to push everything farther than she should. She's talked about quitting for a year but it's never "The right time" for her to kick it. I don't think it will ever be "the right time" for her to quit.
How can I do something about this without stepping outside of my bounds??
It's her choice in the end, but I feel obligated to do something, especially considering her past. I just want to help her before she gets sick again
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HardTrippin
The Ambivalent



Registered: 11/05/09
Posts: 1,303
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 7 years, 4 months
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Re: GF smoking after surviving cancer :s [Re: CannAbyss]
#22305030 - 09/28/15 08:33 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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See if she will read Alan Carr's The Easy Way to Stop Smoking.
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"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment" - Ralph Waldo Emerson
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CannAbyss
Funguy


Registered: 09/08/12
Posts: 681
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Re: GF smoking after surviving cancer :s [Re: CannAbyss]
#22305052 - 09/28/15 08:36 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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On a side/somewhat related note, she tends to creates problems she has to fix in a vicious perpetual cycle.
Sleeps all day > Can never sleep at night > Takes downers/weed to get to sleep
Smokes poppers of weed/tobacco all day > Can't breathe > Constantly takes her inhaler
Feels anxious or down about something > feels the need to up her anxiety/depression meds > experiences increased side effects > Tries to treat her side effects
Experiences side effects from treating her side effects ... You get the picture.
It's like she can't just find a healthy balance. She always needs to take something or do something to fix everything.
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CannAbyss
Funguy


Registered: 09/08/12
Posts: 681
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Re: GF smoking after surviving cancer :s [Re: CannAbyss]
#22305069 - 09/28/15 08:40 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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I appreciate your reply. I think she could quit if she wanted to, she just doesn't want to. Whenever she talks about quitting, it seems as though she is saying it to please me in some way as opposed to actually realizing she needs to do it for herself. And therefore it never becomes more than an idea
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HardTrippin
The Ambivalent



Registered: 11/05/09
Posts: 1,303
Loc: Canada
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Re: GF smoking after surviving cancer :s [Re: CannAbyss]
#22305085 - 09/28/15 08:42 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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My ex was a lot like that.
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"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment" - Ralph Waldo Emerson
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CannAbyss
Funguy


Registered: 09/08/12
Posts: 681
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Re: GF smoking after surviving cancer :s [Re: HardTrippin]
#22305102 - 09/28/15 08:46 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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In terms of smoking or in terms of constantly creating problems that need fixing ? lol
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HardTrippin
The Ambivalent



Registered: 11/05/09
Posts: 1,303
Loc: Canada
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Re: GF smoking after surviving cancer :s [Re: CannAbyss]
#22305315 - 09/28/15 09:23 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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The latter. Both actually, but the smoking didn't bug me as much
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"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment" - Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Uzziel
O_o


Registered: 12/30/10
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Re: GF smoking after surviving cancer :s [Re: CannAbyss] 1
#22311268 - 09/29/15 10:19 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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So she has no money
Yet somehow can afford a pack/day or more habit?
So who is enabling her? They should stop it.
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Hippocampus



Registered: 04/01/15
Posts: 753
Last seen: 6 years, 10 months
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Re: GF smoking after surviving cancer :s [Re: CannAbyss]
#22312528 - 09/30/15 05:49 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Just start strapping a freshly cut out smoker's lung onto her face every night while she's asleep
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filthyknees
no coincidence


Registered: 03/08/13
Posts: 6,283
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Re: GF smoking after surviving cancer :s [Re: Hippocampus]
#22312626 - 09/30/15 06:47 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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take one step back turn 180* walk away find a new gf
-------------------- But if you're in a hurry, and really got to go If you're in a hurry, might have to find out slow That it's one thing to try and another to fly You get there quicker just a step at a time It's one thing to bark, another to bite The show ain't over till you pack up at night
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Kinko
Stranger



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Re: GF smoking after surviving cancer :s [Re: filthyknees]
#22312652 - 09/30/15 06:57 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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this is a very very simple and easy fix , it worked for me I used to smoke a pack a day.. get an old cigarette butt ( the older the better ) a shot glass full of..vodka to mask the taste and put cigarette button shot glass and drink. if this does not make her quit right away , keep repeating it everyday .. post results
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CannAbyss
Funguy


Registered: 09/08/12
Posts: 681
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Re: GF smoking after surviving cancer :s [Re: Uzziel]
#22315181 - 09/30/15 04:53 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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I mentioned in my original post that her family is lending her money to help her get by, but instead of buying necessary things she buys cigarettes and weed. However that is not the main issue, seeing as how she will still be doing this when she's working again.
Thought somebody might actually have some helpful ideas as to how i should handle this.
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Uzziel
O_o


Registered: 12/30/10
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Re: GF smoking after surviving cancer :s [Re: CannAbyss] 1
#22315286 - 09/30/15 05:21 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Like what?
She's depressed and anxious and refuses to work, but she has no problem taking money from her parents and spending (the majority) of it on drugs. I'd say that's a big problem.
You can shrug off my "Get her to quit"... but the fact remains to be true: She is being enabled and her life won't change unless something else happens.
I don't think anyone really knows the extent of her state of mind, so it's hard to say HOW to help you other than to get her doing something else, something positive. She had cancer but she survived. Many aren't so lucky. She should feel blessed to even be standing still.
If you do nothing all day but chain smoke cigarettes and weed... your life is going to suck.
I'm not trying to antagonize her or you... I just mean to say that her life won't change unless she is given a real nudge.
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CannAbyss
Funguy


Registered: 09/08/12
Posts: 681
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Re: GF smoking after surviving cancer :s [Re: Uzziel]
#22315474 - 09/30/15 06:00 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Oh I'm not antagonized by your comment. You are 100% right.
Sadly, her enabler is also a smoker and genuinely doesn't care about her daughter smoking a pack a day. Which frustrates me. The financial enabling is clearly the reason she is able to continue these habits atm but I don't think I can change what her mother does with her money. My gf has asked me to buy her smokes before and I refuse to do so.
On the topic of positive nudges. I got her a gym membership on my account and have been taking her & showing her how to use the equipment.. Trying to get her to come on hikes, etc. It's definitely positive in many aspects but doesn't seem to deter her in any way from smoking 
Not expecting someone to have the magic answer though. I just feel like I've tried everything & wanted to stir up discussion, & see if someone else might have dealt with a similar situation.
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GoldenEye
...



Registered: 05/24/13
Posts: 4,340
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Re: GF smoking after surviving cancer :s [Re: CannAbyss] 1
#22315541 - 09/30/15 06:15 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
CannAbyss said: On a side/somewhat related note, she tends to creates problems she has to fix in a vicious perpetual cycle.
Sleeps all day > Can never sleep at night > Takes downers/weed to get to sleep
Smokes poppers of weed/tobacco all day > Can't breathe > Constantly takes her inhaler
Feels anxious or down about something > feels the need to up her anxiety/depression meds > experiences increased side effects > Tries to treat her side effects
Experiences side effects from treating her side effects ... You get the picture.
It's like she can't just find a healthy balance. She always needs to take something or do something to fix everything.

That sounds like a self worth issue. If she doesn't think she's worth anything, she'll never treat herself like anything of value or take care of herself.
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orison
mcfluffysugarnuts


Registered: 01/19/09
Posts: 5,468
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Re: GF smoking after surviving cancer :s [Re: CannAbyss]
#22315586 - 09/30/15 06:23 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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I lost my gf to cervical cancer at the age of 25., this now 20some yrs ago... she wanted to go out with a bang, drinking bottles of morphine, I couldnt stop her from doing what she wanted to do. death to her was a pleasure no matter how many people it hurt in the process.. she was totally out of control the end of life..
good luck to you..
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CannAbyss
Funguy


Registered: 09/08/12
Posts: 681
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Re: GF smoking after surviving cancer :s [Re: orison]
#22315685 - 09/30/15 06:47 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Im sorry to hear that my friend. I almost lost someone a few years ago in a similar but very different situation. It hurts wishing you could help someone when you can't.
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jahrastafareye
Outcarcerated



Registered: 10/16/13
Posts: 1,898
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Re: GF smoking after surviving cancer :s [Re: CannAbyss]
#22315714 - 09/30/15 06:52 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Sit her down and make her smoke the whole carton.
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KeepOnJiggin
Stranger

Registered: 09/27/15
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Re: GF smoking after surviving cancer :s [Re: jahrastafareye]
#22334771 - 10/04/15 09:05 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Sounds like there's a problem beyond the fact that she can't quit smoking... If she takes this to counteract this to make this work better to get this to calm down but she needs to be energized so adds this, she's not comfortable with herself. I've learned the hard way with women like this that they aren't comfortable with themselves, even moreso, comfortable with you and her. This would be a red flag that she needs something beyond chantix or a patch. Maybe someone other than you to talk to about how the traumas she's had are effecting her overall thought process and decision making. And really, the love she has for herself.
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BobaJones
Good Trip Gurpgork



Registered: 03/01/15
Posts: 149
Loc: Far out, man
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Re: GF smoking after surviving cancer :s [Re: KeepOnJiggin]
#22341351 - 10/06/15 03:07 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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My grandfather did the same thing. Got lung cancer, went to chemo, and recovered. Smoked until the day he died. (Died from internal bleeding, not cancer.) I wish I had better advice, but truthfully some people will do what they feel they need too even if it's not sensible or safe.
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Woah
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