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OfflineAlan Watts
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My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed!
    #22301047 - 09/27/15 11:59 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Just want to warn you, this is a very long post. And I apologize if I have posted into the wrong forum.

Anyway, I have been dating my girlfriend for about 2 years now (she's 19 y/o and i'm 21, i'm her first and she's my first with regards to girlfriend/boyfriend and losing our virginity). Aside from an issue I will go into detail about below, our relationship is perfect. What I mean by this is that if we take this issue out of the equation, I couldn't think of how our relationship could be any better...We love each other very much, have a great deal of amazing experiences together, have so much in common, and have complete trust in each other.

So here's the issue:
She is happy to smoke weed with me occasionally, and drink with me occasionally, but I CANNOT smoke or drink without her...otherwise she completely changes for the next few days and it is hell for the both of us. For example, if I am back home with my parents for the holidays (we are both at university so we are flatting separately but basically live together anyway as we stay at each others flats all the time) and she is either back at home with her family or staying at her flat, and I smoke weed with some friends or alone just ONCE, she will treat me horribly and make my life a living hell for the first two or three days when we get back together after the holidays (e.g condescending, calls me a druggie, tells me how much I hurt her, and basically she cries excessively and is in misery most hours of those days). She will intentionally try to hurt me emotionally, because I have hurt her by smoking without her and she "has to get back at me to make things even". One of the ways she tries to get back at me is she threatens to get drunk or smoke without me, so I "know how it feels" but I tell her that if she does it responsibly I don't really mind. During one of the holidays (3 week holiday) I smoked only ONE TIME as I had an injury and the pain was preventing me to get to sleep, after smoking the pain was gone and I slept like a baby...It was the same deal, she was a miserable mess for about 2 days and tried to hurt me back. It's also the same deal if we are together at one of our flats, if I can't get to sleep for any reason (sick, pain from injury or whatever....barely ever am I in this situation as 99% of the time I have no trouble whatsoever getting to sleep). This specific situation has only happened two or three times because she couldn't smoke due to upcoming drug test for holiday work, or some other reason preventing her to smoke.

It's all the same with alcohol...shes happy to drink with me but if I drink on my own or with friends (which I barely ever do anyway, maybe two or three times a year). She has only drunk alcohol three or four times without me...only with close friends or family. All of those times she got decently drunk and she knows that I don't mind at all. She tends to look down on people who smoke or drink (she's very judgmental about it) she thinks it's disgusting yet she will indulge herself with me or on those rare occasions I just mentioned previously.

She says that if i'm going to do it without her I MUST text her to let her know before I do it...and if she can she will drink or smoke alone at the same time (this applies when we're in different towns about 3 hours apart during holidays).

So the main issue here is I can't drink or smoke without her doing it at the same time. If we are apart, and she can do it at the same time as me or on the same day, then basically it's fine and she doesn't have an issue.

It's really weird, because when we talk about it she acknowledges that her behavior is completely irrational and controlling, and she tells me that she cannot control the way she behaves and she has no idea why she does this. In the end she just ends up telling me that this is what I have to put up with if I want to be with her. Just today she tried to break up with me because she said I deserve someone better, she said that she will just end up holding me back from experiences and controlling me for the rest of my life and I don't deserve that.

In every other aspect of my life she is not controlling at all. It is only ever to do with drugs...and the only drugs I ever do are alcohol and marijuana, and on one occasion her and I did mushrooms together. I like my motocross and this sometimes results in injuries (broke my collarbone twice, got flown to hospital with a concussion, and many other less severe injuries) but she is very happy and even encourages me to go out and have fun on my dirt bike alone or with friends. I also told her that I want to build myself a very high horsepower car and get into drifting...and she has no issue with this at all and thinks it's great that that's what I want to get into as a hobby.

Here's some background information that could be relevant to this issue: During the age of 17-18, I went through periods of smoking 3-7 days a week, and for a few months I was smoking daily. I also went through a period of drinking on my own 3-6 days a week and this lasted about around 2-3 months. After we first got together I told her all of this and was completely open about my past. She wasn't too happy to hear about it but is very happy that I cut back my alcohol/weed usage significantly. These days, when we smoke or drink together it's about once every 2 weeks and every now and then we will smoke maybe 2 or 3 times a week at the flat...Funny thing is most of the time we smoke it's her idea...she tells me it's because she enjoys doing it with me and other times she tells me (after we smoke) it's so I don't end up doing it on my own. She also tells me that she couldn't imagine smoking on her own or with anyone else, she can only enjoy it if we are doing it together.

When I drink or smoke (with or without her) I never over-do it and just have a fun, peaceful experience and remain in control. I have never done anything I regret under the influence as I use these drugs responsibly. When I am stoned I don't act completely retarded or anything i'm my same calm, peaceful self just a bit more mellow.

She does sometimes tell me that I have an addictive personality because of my past and she's afraid i'll become a fully blown stoner or alcoholic, which I could never see myself becoming and am convinced that it's never going to happen because my life is satisfying enough as it is so I don't need to use any drugs as an escape or for the wrong reasons. So to me it seems like she thinks that if I indulge without her then there's a risk i'll become addicted.

Some more background about my past (that I am completely open to her about): During the period of my higher alcohol/weed consumption I had moderate social anxiety and depression. I admit that my higher consumption was somewhat a coping mechanism. However, I completely overcame these issues all by myself. I had no help from friends or family whatsoever and she understands that I completely changed and improved my life all on my own.

I did this by exercising more, eating more healthy, and most importantly, meditation. I got into a routine of practicing meditation and eventually I was doing it 1 to 2 hours per day, which I still do to this very day. This resulted in me becoming almost scarily euphoric whenever I wanted to...I just meditate. I NEVER EVER feel stress in my life, barely ever feel anger or frustration...it takes a hell of a lot to get me angry or upset and when I do I meditate and within 5 minutes I am feeling happy, peacefull and motivated to do chores, study, exercise, or anything productive and healthy.

She on the other-hand gets stressed almost daily because of the mountain of study we have to do for our university course (getting good grades is very important to her, she does better than me but I'm still doing great and am not very far behind her). She also gets stressed, angry and upset over many other small things. When I suggest meditation and exercise she almost flips out at me and tells me she doesn't have time because she has so much study to do...yet she wastes about an hour a day on facebook and sometimes more on other sites like 9gag etc.

Something else I should mention is that when we are apart in the holidays (two or three weeks) she finds it WAY harder than I do to be apart. I do miss her a lot during those times but I can remain happy and productive whereas she gets very emotional and cries almost every day.

I apologize for the really long read. I just need to hear what you guys have to say. I really don't want to break up with her and let her go (it will hurt her more than it will hurt me, but it will still hurt me a hell of a lot) and all this BS actually seems worth it because minus this big issue we have (and her stress over study etc which I know I can help her overcome if she just takes my advice) she is the most amazing girlfriend I could ever wish for. Beautiful, intelligent, honest, trustworthy and fun to be around.

I don't know what to do, she doesn't know what to do. Depending on the responses i'll probably show her this post and the responses. So if you have advice or whatever you want to say to her go for it...
Cheers


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OfflineDetached
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Alan Watts]
    #22301052 - 09/28/15 12:02 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

You are right... That is a very long post. I didn't make it after the first paragraph.

But from the title of your post... first world problems.


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OfflineTybg
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Detached]
    #22301054 - 09/28/15 12:03 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Tldr?


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OfflineOliverJames
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Alan Watts] * 2
    #22301056 - 09/28/15 12:05 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Alan Watts said:

She says that if i'm going to do it without her I MUST text her to let her know before I do it...and if she can she will drink or smoke alone at the same time (this applies when we're in different towns about 3 hours apart during holidays).

]




No offense man, but this girl sounds like shes crazy. This part right here had me convinced. Sounds like this is less about the fact that its a drug, and more about some weird ass neurotic tendency she has. It'd be one thing if she just didn't want you do it alone, but the fact that she can justify it to herself only if she does it with you is very strange. I'd get outta there while you can


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OfflineD.M.T
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Alan Watts]
    #22301057 - 09/28/15 12:06 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Alan Watts said:
Just want to warn you, this is a very long post. And I apologize if I have posted into the wrong forum.

Anyway, I have been dating my girlfriend for about 2 years now (she's 19 y/o and i'm 21, i'm her first and she's my first with regards to girlfriend/boyfriend and losing our virginity). Aside from an issue I will go into detail about below, our relationship is perfect. What I mean by this is that if we take this issue out of the equation, I couldn't think of how our relationship could be any better...We love each other very much, have a great deal of amazing experiences together, have so much in common, and have complete trust in each other.

So here's the issue:
She is happy to smoke weed with me occasionally, and drink with me occasionally, but I CANNOT smoke or drink without her...




I'm sorry, this is where I stopped reading right here because it's too much for me to integrate for the moment.

I have to say, though, what ever the reason she doesn't like you smoking/drinking without her absolutely is related to trust. Maybe you trust her completely, but she doesn't completely trust you.


Edited by D.M.T (09/28/15 12:14 AM)


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OfflineAcaterpillar
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: OliverJames]
    #22301066 - 09/28/15 12:14 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

OliverJames said:
Quote:

Alan Watts said:

She says that if i'm going to do it without her I MUST text her to let her know before I do it...and if she can she will drink or smoke alone at the same time (this applies when we're in different towns about 3 hours apart during holidays).






No offense man, but this girl sounds like shes crazy. This part right here had me convinced. Sounds like this is less about the fact that its a drug, and more about some weird ass neurotic tendency she has. It'd be one thing if she just didn't want you do it alone, but the fact that she can justify it to herself only if she does it with you is very strange. I'd get outta there while you can




That is oddly neurotic of her.
You know her better than we do, but there's something not right with this situation and it sounds like it's coming from her.


--------------------
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OfflineD.M.T
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Acaterpillar]
    #22301073 - 09/28/15 12:18 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

I can almost guarantee she's insecure and afraid he will do something with another girl. This is her first relationship and those generally are pretty bad about trust issues. Experience helps work relationships out.

Every girl you lose helps you with the next one. Most of the time anyway. Some people are just dicks and don't learn anything and go into their next relationship with a chip on their shoulder. If that's you, don't be a dick.

(Not talking to anyone specific there, just rambling)


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OfflineP.Zappatecorum
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Alan Watts] * 2
    #22301115 - 09/28/15 12:47 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Alan Watts said:  She tells me that she cannot control the way she behaves and she has no idea why she does this. In the end she just ends up telling me that this is what I have to put up with if I want to be with her.




RUN AWAY!  NOW!  DON'T LOOK BACK!


Seriously though, at the very best she has some serious boundary/codependency issues, at the worst she has borderline personality disorder and will make your life a living hell if you stay with her for too long.  If she's not willing to try to change abusive, manipulative and unpleasant behavioral patterns in order to keep you, you need to break up with her immediately and not look back.


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Invisible404
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Alan Watts]
    #22301122 - 09/28/15 12:51 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

:shrug:

take up drinking like the dude that has your username as his real name and become a zen teacher.


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OfflineLaughingcowwa
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: 404]
    #22301155 - 09/28/15 01:16 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Fuckin hell bro, you wrote a novel. I gave up after a quarter


--------------------
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OfflineGiftofdeprivation
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Alan Watts]
    #22301185 - 09/28/15 01:38 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Did not read. Psych approach, find out what is negative about you smoking without her, get her to express her fears in great detail, then likely explain why they are irrational or the strategies you will put in play to prevent them.

Why does she feel that time is holy? Does she get flirty when she's high and doesn't want you to cheat? Do you guys do more than smoke together (polute the dynamic with outside experiences thing)? Does she not want you to become a worthless pothead who can't limit his intake?

What's with all these threads posted in the Pub? Sexuality/relationships, people.


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OfflineGiftofdeprivation
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: P.Zappatecorum]
    #22301192 - 09/28/15 01:41 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

P.Zappatecorum said:
Quote:

Alan Watts said:  She tells me that she cannot control the way she behaves and she has no idea why she does this. In the end she just ends up telling me that this is what I have to put up with if I want to be with her.




RUN AWAY!  NOW!  DON'T LOOK BACK!


Seriously though, at the very best she has some serious boundary/codependency issues, at the worst she has borderline personality disorder and will make your life a living hell if you stay with her for too long.  If she's not willing to try to change abusive, manipulative and unpleasant behavioral patterns in order to keep you, you need to break up with her immediately and not look back.



That certainly is a troubling thing to tell your significant other. Fuck you, I Don't have self control, deal with it.


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OfflineWhyDidiDoThis
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Giftofdeprivation]
    #22301196 - 09/28/15 01:43 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

She loves you.
Deal with it.


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OfflineAlan Watts
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: D.M.T]
    #22303317 - 09/28/15 03:01 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

D.M.T said:
I can almost guarantee she's insecure and afraid he will do something with another girl. This is her first relationship and those generally are pretty bad about trust issues. Experience helps work relationships out.

Every girl you lose helps you with the next one. Most of the time anyway. Some people are just dicks and don't learn anything and go into their next relationship with a chip on their shoulder. If that's you, don't be a dick.

(Not talking to anyone specific there, just rambling)



I'm absolutely convinced it's not about trust. I don't even have any friends that are girls and I live a pretty introverted and asocial lifestyle. She always tells me that she has to be in the same state of mind as me. Something else she does, is when she gets moody, it's like she isn't even herself anymore...She will not care about anyone's feelings (except in social situations she puts an act on to look happy) and generally be all round angry and say things to hurt people (only to the people she is close to, like myself and her close family). Then all of a sudden she will be back to her normal self, kind of playful and silly in a childish way...and she will apologize to me and say things like "I don't know why I do this".


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OfflineOliverJames
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Alan Watts]
    #22303354 - 09/28/15 03:10 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Alan Watts said:
Quote:

D.M.T said:
I can almost guarantee she's insecure and afraid he will do something with another girl. This is her first relationship and those generally are pretty bad about trust issues. Experience helps work relationships out.

Every girl you lose helps you with the next one. Most of the time anyway. Some people are just dicks and don't learn anything and go into their next relationship with a chip on their shoulder. If that's you, don't be a dick.

(Not talking to anyone specific there, just rambling)



I'm absolutely convinced it's not about trust. I don't even have any friends that are girls and I live a pretty introverted and asocial lifestyle. She always tells me that she has to be in the same state of mind as me. Something else she does, is when she gets moody, it's like she isn't even herself anymore...She will not care about anyone's feelings (except in social situations she puts an act on to look happy) and generally be all round angry and say things to hurt people (only to the people she is close to, like myself and her close family). Then all of a sudden she will be back to her normal self, kind of playful and silly in a childish way...and she will apologize to me and say things like "I don't know why I do this".





Which takes it back to my post. If its not about trust, its some bizzare neurotic tendacy she has. If you love her enough to deal with that, then by all means stay in the relationship. I could never deal with that. My ex used to pull the whole "I don't why but thats the way I am" shit, and it honestly pisses me off. When I have a problem, I really do my best to look deep inside myself to find the origin of these feelings, that way there better managed. It sounds like this girl has no interest in managing these neurotic tendancies, she just assumes you'll have to deal with them:shrug:


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Offlinenicechrisman
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Alan Watts] * 3
    #22303366 - 09/28/15 03:11 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

TLDR DSHSB


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OfflineShiVersblood
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Alan Watts] * 1
    #22303380 - 09/28/15 03:13 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

She was under aged when you started dating her!

:jailbait:


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Retiro Equipaje. Mas uno por favor Cerveza, es mas fina. Psalm 706:6


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Invisible1234go
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Alan Watts]
    #22303383 - 09/28/15 03:13 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

OliverJames said:
Quote:

Alan Watts said:

She says that if i'm going to do it without her I MUST text her to let her know before I do it...and if she can she will drink or smoke alone at the same time (this applies when we're in different towns about 3 hours apart during holidays).

]




No offense man, but this girl sounds like shes crazy. This part right here had me convinced. Sounds like this is less about the fact that its a drug, and more about some weird ass neurotic tendency she has. It'd be one thing if she just didn't want you do it alone, but the fact that she can justify it to herself only if she does it with you is very strange. I'd get outta there while you can




:whathesaid:


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InvisibleJacobStorm
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: 1234go]
    #22303400 - 09/28/15 03:16 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Definitely didn't make it through half your post.

From the title of it? If your smoking her stash I'd be pissed too.

If your not, fuck it smoke up.


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Invisibledanielx
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Alan Watts]
    #22303440 - 09/28/15 03:22 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Look man, I could break this all down for you and tell you the likely reasons for everything im about to say, but to make things easy ill just say this- your girlfriend is crazy and this won't end well.

I know this isn't what you wanted to hear. Maybe you didn't want to hear anything and just wanted to vent. You probably won't listen to me and you'll figure this out the hard way for yourself. Maybe its even worth it right now putting up with her shit, but sooner or later she will make you miserable. Good luck, friend.

PS-

Quote:

nicechrisman said:
TLDR DSHSB




--------------------
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OfflineShiVersblood
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Alan Watts] * 1
    #22303451 - 09/28/15 03:24 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Alan Watts said:

Anyway, I have been dating my girlfriend for about 2 years now (she's 19 y/o and i'm 21, i'm her first and she's my first with regards to girlfriend/boyfriend and losing our virginity)




That would mean she was 17 and you were 19. Thats sex with an under aged girl.

Thread reported.


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Retiro Equipaje. Mas uno por favor Cerveza, es mas fina. Psalm 706:6


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Invisibledanielx
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: ShiVersblood]
    #22303456 - 09/28/15 03:26 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Except OP didn't tell you where hes from, so it quite possibly was perfectly legal

:doge:


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InvisibleTantrika
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Alan Watts]
    #22303468 - 09/28/15 03:28 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Alan Watts said:
...She will intentionally try to hurt me emotionally, because I have hurt her by smoking without her and she "has to get back at me to make things even". ...




She will intentionally try to hurt you emotionally for smoking or drinking without her?

Quote:

Alan Watts said:
...
It's all the same with alcohol...shes happy to drink with me but if I drink on my own or with friends (which I barely ever do anyway, maybe two or three times a year). She has only drunk alcohol three or four times without me...only with close friends or family. All of those times she got decently drunk and she knows that I don't mind at all. She tends to look down on people who smoke or drink (she's very judgmental about it) she thinks it's disgusting yet she will indulge herself with me or on those rare occasions I just mentioned previously.
...




She's finds drugs and alcohol disgusting, but uses them herself?

Quote:

Alan Watts said:
...
It's really weird, because when we talk about it she acknowledges that her behavior is completely irrational and controlling, and she tells me that she cannot control the way she behaves and she has no idea why she does this. In the end she just ends up telling me that this is what I have to put up with if I want to be with her.
...




Is she in counseling or anything?

Quote:

Alan Watts said:
Just want to warn you, this is a very long post. And I apologize if I have posted into the wrong forum.

Anyway, I have been dating my girlfriend for about 2 years now (she's 19 y/o and i'm 21, i'm her first and she's my first with regards to girlfriend/boyfriend and losing our virginity). ...

...Just today she tried to break up with me because she said I deserve someone better, she said that she will just end up holding me back from experiences and controlling me for the rest of my life and I don't deserve that.




She may be right.
Or, you may be able to solve your issue by simply not doing them without her and treating them as shared experiences.

You can choose who you date and what you do with your body though. :shrug:


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OfflineGoldenEye
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Tantrika]
    #22303612 - 09/28/15 04:00 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Women are weird. Her behaviour clearly defies any logic so it must be something emotional. Most likely some sort of fear. Fear of what exactly? Well, that's for you to find out.

Maybe she is trying to make you feel guilty for using it without her because she is afraid you might end up using it too often if you felt fine about doing so? That's all I can come up with.


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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: GoldenEye]
    #22303679 - 09/28/15 04:11 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

You didn't need that long post. I can tell you what your problem is just from the title alone. You're letting you GF boss you around and run your life. Don't let anyone do that to you. Its time to act like a man and make your own decisions. Women like it better when you don't let them boss you around too.


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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: OliverJames]
    #22303685 - 09/28/15 04:13 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

OliverJames said:
Quote:

Alan Watts said:

She says that if i'm going to do it without her I MUST text her to let her know before I do it...and if she can she will drink or smoke alone at the same time (this applies when we're in different towns about 3 hours apart during holidays).

]




No offense man, but this girl sounds like shes crazy. This part right here had me convinced. Sounds like this is less about the fact that its a drug, and more about some weird ass neurotic tendency she has. It'd be one thing if she just didn't want you do it alone, but the fact that she can justify it to herself only if she does it with you is very strange. I'd get outta there while you can




I have to agree with this. My ex knew i was an alcoholic as i told her starting out. My best friend callled me crying a kitten i gave her got ran over. Thankfully it was ok.r But her friend asked your ok with him having girl friends? She handled it perfectly. And if she did have a problem fuck that. She's been there for me far more than the 2 months we dated.


--------------------
"I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

"In the days of kings and queens I was a jester."

"And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies

"Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"


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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Enjoywho]
    #22303690 - 09/28/15 04:14 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

if she is an ex then she has NO RIGHT to be mad if u have girlfriends or not. if she ended it then she has no right to say anything about it.


--------------------
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Alan Watts] * 5
    #22303703 - 09/28/15 04:16 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

ur girlfriend is a stupid retard bro


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OfflineAlan Watts
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: ShiVersblood]
    #22303721 - 09/28/15 04:19 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Stealth1Vampire said:
Quote:

Alan Watts said:

Anyway, I have been dating my girlfriend for about 2 years now (she's 19 y/o and i'm 21, i'm her first and she's my first with regards to girlfriend/boyfriend and losing our virginity)




That would mean she was 17 and you were 19. Thats sex with an under aged girl.

Thread reported.



I'm from New Zealand...the legal age to have sex is 16. And why do you assume we had sex at that age anyway? I don't recall saying anything about when we first had sex.


Edited by Alan Watts (09/28/15 04:20 PM)


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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: ShiVersblood]
    #22303841 - 09/28/15 04:29 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Stealth1Vampire said:
if she is an ex then she has NO RIGHT to be mad if u have girlfriends or not. if she ended it then she has no right to say anything about it.




She had no problem to begin with. I was surprised how she handled it. No that's his best friend. She never even met her. We're not together i have no idea why but was one of the coolest things ive witnessed. I hate the fact i have to wal . By her house every day. Makes me realy sad,


--------------------
"I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

"In the days of kings and queens I was a jester."

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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Enjoywho] * 1
    #22303855 - 09/28/15 04:32 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Aren't you the guy that constantly brags about how many girls you bang? Now you're suddenly super depressed that your boyfriend broke up with you?


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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Webster10]
    #22303864 - 09/28/15 04:34 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Jesus christ, what an incredibly shitty thing to say to someone.
You have the character of an insecure manchild.


--------------------
Aaa...E I O Uuu...A E I O Uuu..A E I O uh Uuu..
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Webster10]
    #22303879 - 09/28/15 04:37 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

I brag sure. Im just story telling. All my stories are truth, i live an interesting life.  And yes i am sad my "boyfriend" and i broke up. Well honestly i miss her cooking more than her.


--------------------
"I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

"In the days of kings and queens I was a jester."

"And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies

"Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"


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OfflineWebster10
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Acaterpillar] * 3
    #22303898 - 09/28/15 04:41 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Acaterpillar said:
Jesus christ, what an incredibly shitty thing to say to someone.
You have the character of an insecure manchild.



Just something ironic I noticed. I'm not being rude, just making an observation. Maybe if I was lying it'd be rude.


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OfflineWebster10
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Enjoywho]
    #22303902 - 09/28/15 04:41 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Enjoywho said:
I brag sure. Im just story telling. All my stories are truth, i live an interesting life.  And yes i am sad my "boyfriend" and i broke up. Well honestly i miss her cooking more than her.



You should just bang some more girls since you're such a player.


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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Webster10]
    #22303915 - 09/28/15 04:44 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Webster10 said:
I'm not being rude, just making an observation. Maybe if I was lying it'd be rude.




This sounds similar to the dribble coming out of Christian mouths as they bash on gays.


--------------------
Aaa...E I O Uuu...A E I O Uuu..A E I O uh Uuu..
*Cough* *Cough*
Ooo...U E I O Aaa...U E I Aaa..A E I O Uuuuu...

At first sight, The Perfection of Wisdom is bewildering, full of paradox and apparent irrationality.


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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Acaterpillar]
    #22303918 - 09/28/15 04:45 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Acaterpillar said:
Jesus christ, what an incredibly shitty thing to say to someone.
You have the character of an insecure manchild.




Im sad as fuck i walk by her house everyday and it makes me sad. Im not from here i cry all the time. I know a ton of people but i mostly just sit here. Yes it is quite east to get pretty girls to slide through you jello dog?


--------------------
"I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

"In the days of kings and queens I was a jester."

"And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies

"Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"


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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Webster10]
    #22303923 - 09/28/15 04:45 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Webster10 said:
Aren't you the guy that constantly brags about how many girls you bang? Now you're suddenly super depressed that your boyfriend broke up with you?



:lolsy:

My nigga Webster10


--------------------
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Malcolm_Xtasy]
    #22303943 - 09/28/15 04:48 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Ayy:fuckinawesome:


@acata - thinking badly of gays is an opinion. Observing something and explaining what you observed is fact. Sure its subject to bias but basically everyone knows and agrees with what I just said. Am I really such a monster for pointing out the elephant in the room


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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Webster10]
    #22303954 - 09/28/15 04:50 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Yeah I'm not sure why acatepillar is so mad either :lol:


--------------------
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Webster10]
    #22303959 - 09/28/15 04:51 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

You're not a monster, you're a child for lacking respect for another human being who has committed no affront to your being.


--------------------
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*Cough* *Cough*
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OfflineWebster10
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Malcolm_Xtasy]
    #22303971 - 09/28/15 04:53 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

:shrug:

@Acata - observing and stating is childlike?


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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Acaterpillar] * 3
    #22303976 - 09/28/15 04:53 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Are you his dad or something? I'm sure enjoywho can defend himself


--------------------
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I'm ugly, Enlil is beautiful.
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Malcolm_Xtasy]
    #22303984 - 09/28/15 04:55 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

:facepalm:


--------------------
Aaa...E I O Uuu...A E I O Uuu..A E I O uh Uuu..
*Cough* *Cough*
Ooo...U E I O Aaa...U E I Aaa..A E I O Uuuuu...

At first sight, The Perfection of Wisdom is bewildering, full of paradox and apparent irrationality.


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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Acaterpillar]
    #22304060 - 09/28/15 05:12 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Don't care i just share my stories. Nothing more nothing less.


--------------------
"I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

"In the days of kings and queens I was a jester."

"And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies

"Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"


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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Enjoywho]
    #22304106 - 09/28/15 05:22 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

RUN!!


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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Boomer The Great]
    #22304132 - 09/28/15 05:29 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

At the end of the day she was ops girls age. I'm 24. Pushed me down a flight of stair,  hit me with a log square in my temple.  Very emotionally and physically abusive. Its sad that i actually miss her when we dated for 2 months.

Op all i have to add is get the fuck out of that


--------------------
"I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

"In the days of kings and queens I was a jester."

"And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies

"Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"


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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Enjoywho]
    #22304160 - 09/28/15 05:35 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Damn dude, you failed to mention that part :lol:


--------------------
Aaa...E I O Uuu...A E I O Uuu..A E I O uh Uuu..
*Cough* *Cough*
Ooo...U E I O Aaa...U E I Aaa..A E I O Uuuuu...

At first sight, The Perfection of Wisdom is bewildering, full of paradox and apparent irrationality.


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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Acaterpillar]
    #22304304 - 09/28/15 06:09 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Ya man it was all bad. She lives 3 blocks away. I didnt mention any of it as I'm sad over it. Whatever fuck her. Ive been alon . Time who cares. The one time ive felt a little less alone took 2 years. Oh well is what it is


--------------------
"I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

"In the days of kings and queens I was a jester."

"And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies

"Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"


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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Enjoywho] * 1
    #22304384 - 09/28/15 06:26 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

I only hate it when my girlfriend smokes all my weed. My fix, stash a spare bag in the house


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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: tealeaf] * 1
    #22304496 - 09/28/15 06:46 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Anyway this thread is not about you, Enjoywho, so let's get back to OP and his bizarre girlfriend.


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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: nicechrisman]
    #22304520 - 09/28/15 06:51 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

nicechrisman said:
TLDR DSHSB





You beat me to the DSHSB -.-

DC


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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Demonic_Chronic]
    #22304830 - 09/28/15 07:52 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

you say your relationship is perfect. then you go on to describing your issues with the relationship.

this is backwards thinking, sir


--------------------
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Envix]
    #22304844 - 09/28/15 07:55 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

It's a textbook case of a first relationship. People always say that when they don't know any better.


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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Envix] * 2
    #22304872 - 09/28/15 08:01 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

woah, OP, if I were you, I'd be setting some shit straight. Either you're okay with this, or you're not - me personally? I wouldn't be okay with someone who wouldn't want me to smoke or drink unless they were there to hold my hand - nor would I want someone in my life that looked down on the behavior every other time except for when they're doing it. I understand that relationships bring new obligations and you don't have the luxury of being selfish(which is not a bad luxury to have and definitely one I value a lot) as much as you did prior to sharing your life with someone else - this just would be too much for me.

And the fact that she gets pissed and stews for days and days without really saying why she's bothered by it or how to fix it, or anything remotely mature, that is also a big ass red flag. Y'all need to have a little sit down and actually communicate with one another and figure out what both of you want. If she wants you to only do drugs and alcohol with her, she needs to step the fuck up and say it, so that you can either agree and live with it or try to compromise with her. If she doesn't know how to compromise and totally refuses to discuss it, then I would personally be saying adios because that's an essential skill someone has to have for me to be with them and not want to punch them in the face 24/7.


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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: pirate-blues]
    #22305160 - 09/28/15 08:58 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Didn't realize this girl was so young.  OP, you could tell her that in real relationships people have to adjust and compromise and that as partners you should both inspire each other to be better people.  Maybe you drink too much or party to hard, or she is insecure that you'll get wasted and cheat on her, find out what really is the deal, ask pointed questions with yes or no answers, not just "what's wrong?"

Maybe she'll be willing to give you more latitude if you're not just getting wasted all the time, maybe she is just a selfish entitled little moron.  Who knows?  Bottom line is that you need to learn to put your foot down and protect your boundaries and that may mean dumping a shitty girlfriend from time to time and having unpleasant conversations.  You should tell her that her behavior is childish and annoying and you won't stand for it, and that if she has a problem she can talk about it, and maybe you can reach a compromise, but the sulking bitchy behavior has got to stop, or you're gone.     

Most women will ask you to drink less, smoke less, trip less blah blah blah, it's what women do, especially when they start thinking about kids.  Guys in relationships get to party less than bachelors and guys that are married and with kids get to party even less.  That's life.  If she's willing to chill out, give you some room to be yourself if you don't just party 24/7 and if you make sure that she knows you won't be doing anything that would hurt her feelings while you party, then that's cool.  If she can't compromise on this little thing though, good fucking luck later on in the relationship. 

One of the hardest things in relationships is learning to stand up for yourself while being respectful, it may be that the two of you just shouldn't be together, she'd probably be a lot happier with a straight edge guy that does whatever she says and treats her like a princess and you'd probably be happier with a chill woman who likes to party and is confident enough to not care if you like to chill with your friends.  Maybe you can find a middle ground, if not then fuck it man, there are other fish in the sea. 
:thedude:


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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: pirate-blues]
    #22305161 - 09/28/15 08:58 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Agreed.

And i want my other half to do whatever the fuck she wants. I always love hearing stories of how she got so fucked up she's puking out of her friends car. All i do is laugh and shake my head. Alright silly girl ill cook today. I want to be with people that are whole i don't own them i just have to trust them.


--------------------
"I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks

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InvisibleDoctor Sponge
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Enjoywho]
    #22305287 - 09/28/15 09:18 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

OP forget your GF and your a pussy if youre controlled by her


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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Alan Watts]
    #22306206 - 09/29/15 01:17 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Alan Watts said:
Something else she does, is when she gets moody, it's like she isn't even herself anymore...She will not care about anyone's feelings (except in social situations she puts an act on to look happy) and generally be all round angry and say things to hurt people (only to the people she is close to, like myself and her close family). Then all of a sudden she will be back to her normal self, kind of playful and silly in a childish way...and she will apologize to me and say things like "I don't know why I do this".




That tells me she's in a certain amount of control if she can avoid the behaviors in public.  So she chooses when and when to not act the ways she does.  But she says she can't control it?

She says she wants to be in the same state of mind as you but how can that ever be the case, really?  Let's say you want to get high because you're bored, but now she wants to get high so she won't feel jealousy.  Not even feeding the same desire.  See what I mean?

And this "getting even" shit you typed, man IDK dude I've seen that type of shit before and I think there will be a time when she "gets even" because of a perceived sleight or something she thinks you have done but haven't, e.g., she thinks you're cheating so she goes out to get even by fucking other dudes when you haven't touched another woman at all.


Edited by abltsandwich (09/29/15 01:18 AM)


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OfflineP.Zappatecorum
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: abltsandwich]
    #22306233 - 09/29/15 01:26 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Dude, read this thoroughly and make sure it isn't your girl.  People with BPD are undatable, and will make your life a living hell.  I have two friends that dated women like that and ended up with major PTSD from all the abuse they suffered.  It's no fucking joke.


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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: P.Zappatecorum] * 4
    #22306242 - 09/29/15 01:30 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Make her take a shit with you and if she won't shit at the same time as you get pissed off


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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Alan Watts]
    #22306248 - 09/29/15 01:31 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Just by skimming I'm gonna have to say, GTFO now. You're in a tanker truck barreling down hill with no brakes directly towards a factory fire.
Quote:

nice1returns said:
Make her take a shit with you and if she won't shit at the same time as you get pissed off



:lolsy:


--------------------
With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way.
I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today.
Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear.
I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear.


You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being
With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline


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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Shroomslip]
    #22306979 - 09/29/15 07:55 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

It sounds like she's pretty abusive about the issue for whatever reason, and the fact that she cries a lot when you're apart is also sign that she has her emotions all fucked up as a habit. The relationship is definitely unhealthy, and you need to set some clear boundaries. Chances are good it won't end in instant gratification, but you should man up and defend yourself when you're being treated unfairly. Allowing this abuse to become a tolerated habit is a REALLY bad idea. It's bad for you, and it's bad for her. If she can't handle these kind of confrontations productively, then she should break up with you (or you with her) because she's not currently ready to be in a good relationship, and a bad relationship is not worth maintaining at such a high expense.

And just to be clear, this isn't about smoking pot. That's a scapegoat.


EDIT: The sex and relationship forum is usually better for this kind of discussion BTW.


Edited by Mr.GuessWork (09/29/15 07:58 AM)


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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Mr.GuessWork]
    #22307089 - 09/29/15 08:37 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

smoke weed without here right in front of her face stop being a pussy


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OfflineP.Zappatecorum
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: shroominated]
    #22307280 - 09/29/15 09:42 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

shroominated said:
smoke weed without here right in front of her face stop being a pussy





Where you at OP, you dumped this crazy yet?  Let us know how this pans out.


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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: P.Zappatecorum]
    #22307558 - 09/29/15 11:03 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

in short, she continues doing it because YOU put up with it

dump the bitch and make her find someone who WILL put up with it, which is no one


--------------------
smack a hoe out this dimension
continue my ascension
-bhad bhabie

rip. todcasil, acid sloth, st1llnox, zappaisgod, big worm (sketch), tim b


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OfflineShiVersblood
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Envix]
    #22307564 - 09/29/15 11:05 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Indeed. If you refuse to law down the law with a female then it will only embolden her to do it more. Allowing her to get away with it is only reinforcing the behavior.


--------------------
Retiro Equipaje. Mas uno por favor Cerveza, es mas fina. Psalm 706:6


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InvisibleNiffla
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Detached]
    #22307567 - 09/29/15 11:06 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Detached said:
You are right... That is a very long post. I didn't make it after the first paragraph.

But from the title of your post... first world problems.




I legit lol'd


--------------------


HAIL OUR NEW OTD KING


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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Alan Watts] * 3
    #22307572 - 09/29/15 11:08 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

We need to see naked pictures in order to give an educated response.


--------------------
"Cosmic Love is absolutelely ruthless and highly indifferent:
it teaches its lessons whether you like/dislike them or not."

John C. Lily

 


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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: nicechrisman]
    #22307585 - 09/29/15 11:11 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

At this point I'm going to advise you not to show your GF this thread, OP. I don't think it'll help, and she'll probably feel the need only let you post on the shroomery when she's doing it. The SLOTS thread always gets awkward for a while when that stuff happens.


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Invisible1234go
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Mr.GuessWork] * 2
    #22307604 - 09/29/15 11:15 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

He needs to listen to his girlfriend and quit smoking without her, he's clearly being an asshole.


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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: 1234go]
    #22308917 - 09/29/15 03:10 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

everyone's already said it, but I'll reinforce the key points here.

-gtfo, this bitch is crazy and controlling and this is NOT gonna end well

-you're a pussy for letting her walk all over you

-DSHSB

-enjoywho is a player who likes underage girls who just lives a really interesting life

-get out OP.


--------------------
I'm stupid, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is smart.
I'm ugly, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is beautiful.
I'm a loser, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is a winner.
Someday, I hope to be like Falcon91Wolvrn03 but secretly know I never will.


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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Mr.PhilCybin]
    #22308928 - 09/29/15 03:12 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Mr.PhilCybin said:
-DSHSB, get out OP.




--------------------
"Cosmic Love is absolutelely ruthless and highly indifferent:
it teaches its lessons whether you like/dislike them or not."

John C. Lily

 


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InvisibleMr.PhilCybin
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: nicechrisman]
    #22308935 - 09/29/15 03:13 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

ur gf sux.


--------------------
I'm stupid, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is smart.
I'm ugly, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is beautiful.
I'm a loser, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is a winner.
Someday, I hope to be like Falcon91Wolvrn03 but secretly know I never will.


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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Mr.PhilCybin]
    #22308938 - 09/29/15 03:13 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

:burn:


--------------------
"Cosmic Love is absolutelely ruthless and highly indifferent:
it teaches its lessons whether you like/dislike them or not."

John C. Lily

 


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OfflineAlan Watts
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Alan Watts]
    #22311889 - 09/30/15 12:30 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

This is OPs girlfriend, he's letting me post here on his profile.

He showed me the post and the responses, and I do see credit in what everyone's saying. However, he left off quite a major detail that I believe accounts for some of my behavior.

For the last 5 or 6 semester breaks, I have asked him to promise not to smoke weed just for the break. This was to see if he could go for two weeks at home without getting high so I can know that he's not still psychologically 'addicted' to it. Every single time he has broken his promise. Sometimes he tries to lie to me about it. This has really shattered my trust.

He says he just has a rebellious tendency, but he also says that he forgets about the promise in the moment. (He tells me that he felt pressured to make the promise, even if he is being truly sincere about it at the time of making the promise (he wrote this bit).) While busy at university he has many times gone longer than a month or two without touching alcohol or weed (e.g I have a drug test coming up for holiday work, so he has respected my wishes and hasn't smoked weed for about 3 weeks now), but I think he should be able to go for just one holiday break without getting high, even if he thinks it's pointless or controlling.

I'm worried about him, and I'm scared that he will go back to regular weed use and/or alcohol use in the future like he has done in his past. I blow up at him so he will fully understand how important it is to me that he does not become a regular user of any substance (I think it might have a negative impact on both of our lives.)

I like him to do those substances only with me so I can see how much he's using, and maybe to deter him from using them on his own.

I know this is a bit controlling, but once he can show me he can use weed and alcohol occasionally and responsibly, and keep a promise to me for at least one semester break, I will let up a bit and let him be himself.

I know I have issues, but don't we all?


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OfflineDragonChaser
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: P.Zappatecorum]
    #22311907 - 09/30/15 12:36 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

P.Zappatecorum said:
Quote:

Alan Watts said:  She tells me that she cannot control the way she behaves and she has no idea why she does this. In the end she just ends up telling me that this is what I have to put up with if I want to be with her.




RUN AWAY!  NOW!  DON'T LOOK BACK!


Seriously though, at the very best she has some serious boundary/codependency issues, at the worst she has borderline personality disorder and will make your life a living hell if you stay with her for too long.  If she's not willing to try to change abusive, manipulative and unpleasant behavioral patterns in order to keep you, you need to break up with her immediately and not look back.





This.

Just find a new girlfriend dude.
It's my opinion that 98% of 19 and 21 year olds are incapable of actual love anyway.  Maybe that's jaded of me, but I thought I was in love several times back then.  Turns out I was just an idiotic teenager in love with love.


--------------------
My name is Mud


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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Alan Watts] * 1
    #22311923 - 09/30/15 12:42 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

You have good intentions but you're not his parent. You need to learn how to let your boyfriend be his own man, not your little love project.
If you can't do that, then let him go.


--------------------
Aaa...E I O Uuu...A E I O Uuu..A E I O uh Uuu..
*Cough* *Cough*
Ooo...U E I O Aaa...U E I Aaa..A E I O Uuuuu...

At first sight, The Perfection of Wisdom is bewildering, full of paradox and apparent irrationality.


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OfflineP.Zappatecorum
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Alan Watts]
    #22311942 - 09/30/15 12:46 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Alan Watts said:
This is OPs girlfriend, he's letting me post here on his profile.

He showed me the post and the responses, and I do see credit in what everyone's saying. However, he left off quite a major detail that I believe accounts for some of my behavior.

For the last 5 or 6 semester breaks, I have asked him to promise not to smoke weed just for the break. This was to see if he could go for two weeks at home without getting high so I can know that he's not still psychologically 'addicted' to it. Every single time he has broken his promise. Sometimes he tries to lie to me about it. This has really shattered my trust.

He says he just has a rebellious tendency, but he also says that he forgets about the promise in the moment. (He tells me that he felt pressured to make the promise, even if he is being truly sincere about it at the time of making the promise (he wrote this bit).) While busy at university he has many times gone longer than a month or two without touching alcohol or weed (e.g I have a drug test coming up for holiday work, so he has respected my wishes and hasn't smoked weed for about 3 weeks now), but I think he should be able to go for just one holiday break without getting high, even if he thinks it's pointless or controlling.

I'm worried about him, and I'm scared that he will go back to regular weed use and/or alcohol use in the future like he has done in his past. I blow up at him so he will fully understand how important it is to me that he does not become a regular user of any substance (I think it might have a negative impact on both of our lives.)

I like him to do those substances only with me so I can see how much he's using, and maybe to deter him from using them on his own.

I know this is a bit controlling, but once he can show me he can use weed and alcohol occasionally and responsibly, and keep a promise to me for at least one semester break, I will let up a bit and let him be himself.

I know I have issues, but don't we all?





You can't control other people's drug intake.  You. Just. Can't.  You can force them to promise to refrain, extort a promise they don't want to make and that they don't really mean, but if they think it is bullshit deep down inside then they'll just say yeah yeah yeah and do it anyway.  Better would be to just ask them to be honest about their usage and decide whether or not you find that acceptable to have in your life.  If drinking and smoking weed now and then are deal breakers for you, then tell him he can have you or the drugs and let him choose.  If they're not, then shut the fuck up and let him make his own choices.  If you think he honestly is showing signs of addiction, make a case for it, explain patterns of use you find alarming and show him how his choices negatively effect his life with logic and evidence, otherwise you're just making value judgements against the lifestyle he wants to lead. 

If he can go long periods without partying because of work/school than IMO there is no problem.  Asking him to stop smoking at precisely the best/most logical time to smoke and relax with his friends is like asking somebody to not have cake on their birthday after months of not eating any junk food because you're worried they have a sweet tooth.  What is the point in that beyond just being controlling and seeing if you can make him bow to your irrational whims? 

The fact that he showed this post to you and that you've jacked his thread to defend yourself and say you're not a controlling psycho only strengthens the impression that he is a spineless doormat with poor boundaries and you are trying to micromanage his life.  You guys have some major codependency issues in your relationship and frankly, I am disgusted with this thread.  You fail OP.  Peace out. 
:goodluckwiththat:


Edited by P.Zappatecorum (09/30/15 12:49 AM)


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OfflineD.M.T
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: P.Zappatecorum] * 1
    #22311986 - 09/30/15 12:59 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

^this guy knows what he's talking about, pretty much nailed what I wanted to say, and I tried to tell OP it was a trust issue but he wouldn't listen.

Frankly, OP's girlfriend, the smoking habits you describe do not sound one bit like addiction and your rationale is completely illogical. You're going to be in for a tough time in every relationship you have until you learn to manage your irrational fears.


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OfflineEnvix
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Alan Watts]
    #22311989 - 09/30/15 01:00 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

to alan watts' girlfriend...

YOU'RE BEING CONTROLLING/MANIPULATIVE.

did you ever think that the reason he wants to get high all the time is because he's being constantly condemned/chastised by someone who supposedly cares about him?

get off your high-horse and stop telling people what to do. stop acting like you're better and start accepting people for who they are. and maybe start being SUPPORTIVE/ENCOURAGING instead of downright mean & critical.

we all have our vices, perhaps some are worse than others, yea? perhaps smoking weed is not as bad as being an intolerant/condescending dick


(my ex was the same way.. we no longer talk)


--------------------
smack a hoe out this dimension
continue my ascension
-bhad bhabie

rip. todcasil, acid sloth, st1llnox, zappaisgod, big worm (sketch), tim b


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OfflineD.M.T
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Alan Watts]
    #22311993 - 09/30/15 01:02 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Alan Watts said:
I know I have issues, but don't we all?



"We all have issues. That's just the way I am" is a terrible attitude to have. No one in a healthy relationship has your particular issue. No one.


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OfflinePsychedelics yummy
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Alan Watts]
    #22312073 - 09/30/15 01:23 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

you thing his possible regular weed use might hurt your relationship? :horly:  thats a good reason to act neurotic & flip out on him


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InvisiblezZZz
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Alan Watts] * 1
    #22312077 - 09/30/15 01:25 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Alan Watts said:
This is OPs girlfriend, he's letting me post here on his profile.

He showed me the post and the responses, and I do see credit in what everyone's saying. However, he left off quite a major detail that I believe accounts for some of my behavior.

For the last 5 or 6 semester breaks, I have asked him to promise not to smoke weed just for the break. This was to see if he could go for two weeks at home without getting high so I can know that he's not still psychologically 'addicted' to it. Every single time he has broken his promise. Sometimes he tries to lie to me about it. This has really shattered my trust.

He says he just has a rebellious tendency, but he also says that he forgets about the promise in the moment. (He tells me that he felt pressured to make the promise, even if he is being truly sincere about it at the time of making the promise (he wrote this bit).) While busy at university he has many times gone longer than a month or two without touching alcohol or weed (e.g I have a drug test coming up for holiday work, so he has respected my wishes and hasn't smoked weed for about 3 weeks now), but I think he should be able to go for just one holiday break without getting high, even if he thinks it's pointless or controlling.

I'm worried about him, and I'm scared that he will go back to regular weed use and/or alcohol use in the future like he has done in his past. I blow up at him so he will fully understand how important it is to me that he does not become a regular user of any substance (I think it might have a negative impact on both of our lives.)

I like him to do those substances only with me so I can see how much he's using, and maybe to deter him from using them on his own.

I know this is a bit controlling, but once he can show me he can use weed and alcohol occasionally and responsibly, and keep a promise to me for at least one semester break, I will let up a bit and let him be himself.

I know I have issues, but don't we all?





sup gurl  :heytheresexy:


--------------------
https://discord.gg/NHHd5y2Uyv


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OfflineShroomslip
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Psychedelics yummy]
    #22312082 - 09/30/15 01:26 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

At this point I'm not even convinced this was an honest thread. I don't like being the first person to go calling bullshit, but I get that feeling from this thread, at least now that the GF is responding as well.


--------------------
With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way.
I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today.
Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear.
I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear.


You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being
With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline


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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Shroomslip]
    #22312084 - 09/30/15 01:26 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

I hate that I can't smoke weed anymore. Go figure life isn't the same.


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OfflinePsychedelics yummy
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Gorlax]
    #22312093 - 09/30/15 01:29 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

i really hope so :lol: i started getting that vibe once his gf got into the equation. typing equally long paragraphs....


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OfflineAcaterpillar
A little mad...
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Registered: 06/09/07
Posts: 18,693
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Shroomslip] * 1
    #22312100 - 09/30/15 01:31 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Shroomslip said:
At this point I'm not even convinced this was an honest thread. I don't like being the first person to go calling bullshit, but I get that feeling from this thread, at least now that the GF is responding as well.




I had the suspicion as well, but calling every new member on here a troll is retrogressive to the community.
If this user is a troll, he is a very boring and unsuccessful troll.


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Aaa...E I O Uuu...A E I O Uuu..A E I O uh Uuu..
*Cough* *Cough*
Ooo...U E I O Aaa...U E I Aaa..A E I O Uuuuu...

At first sight, The Perfection of Wisdom is bewildering, full of paradox and apparent irrationality.


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Invisibledanielx
whatup!
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Registered: 10/13/08
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Alan Watts] * 2
    #22314466 - 09/30/15 02:33 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

I'm getting the vibe this is a troll thread, but if not:

Quote:

Alan Watts said:
I know I have issues, but don't we all?




We do, and part of being a decent human being is working on those issues, not just throwing your hands up in the air and saying fuck it I have these issues live with them. Nothing you said sounds healthy, but then again relationships are rarely healthy in your teenage years so, have fun kids :thumbup:


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Long live kratom :kratom:


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Registered: 06/23/07
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: danielx]
    #22315556 - 09/30/15 06:17 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

danielx said:
Look man, I could break this all down for you and tell you the likely reasons for everything im about to say, but to make things easy ill just say this- your girlfriend is crazy and this won't end well.

I know this isn't what you wanted to hear. Maybe you didn't want to hear anything and just wanted to vent. You probably won't listen to me and you'll figure this out the hard way for yourself. Maybe its even worth it right now putting up with her shit, but sooner or later she will make you miserable. Good luck, friend.

PS-

Quote:

nicechrisman said:
TLDR DSHSB








For what it's worth, i've been with, and seen girls like this. Got burned. Don't do it. Just walk away. She even told you to walk away.

Maybe in 50 years time she'll have got her shit together. I doubt it though, I know some very dumb 60 year olds who still make the same mistakes and act like children with temper tantrums.


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