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Alan Watts
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My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed!
#22301047 - 09/27/15 11:59 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Just want to warn you, this is a very long post. And I apologize if I have posted into the wrong forum.
Anyway, I have been dating my girlfriend for about 2 years now (she's 19 y/o and i'm 21, i'm her first and she's my first with regards to girlfriend/boyfriend and losing our virginity). Aside from an issue I will go into detail about below, our relationship is perfect. What I mean by this is that if we take this issue out of the equation, I couldn't think of how our relationship could be any better...We love each other very much, have a great deal of amazing experiences together, have so much in common, and have complete trust in each other.
So here's the issue: She is happy to smoke weed with me occasionally, and drink with me occasionally, but I CANNOT smoke or drink without her...otherwise she completely changes for the next few days and it is hell for the both of us. For example, if I am back home with my parents for the holidays (we are both at university so we are flatting separately but basically live together anyway as we stay at each others flats all the time) and she is either back at home with her family or staying at her flat, and I smoke weed with some friends or alone just ONCE, she will treat me horribly and make my life a living hell for the first two or three days when we get back together after the holidays (e.g condescending, calls me a druggie, tells me how much I hurt her, and basically she cries excessively and is in misery most hours of those days). She will intentionally try to hurt me emotionally, because I have hurt her by smoking without her and she "has to get back at me to make things even". One of the ways she tries to get back at me is she threatens to get drunk or smoke without me, so I "know how it feels" but I tell her that if she does it responsibly I don't really mind. During one of the holidays (3 week holiday) I smoked only ONE TIME as I had an injury and the pain was preventing me to get to sleep, after smoking the pain was gone and I slept like a baby...It was the same deal, she was a miserable mess for about 2 days and tried to hurt me back. It's also the same deal if we are together at one of our flats, if I can't get to sleep for any reason (sick, pain from injury or whatever....barely ever am I in this situation as 99% of the time I have no trouble whatsoever getting to sleep). This specific situation has only happened two or three times because she couldn't smoke due to upcoming drug test for holiday work, or some other reason preventing her to smoke.
It's all the same with alcohol...shes happy to drink with me but if I drink on my own or with friends (which I barely ever do anyway, maybe two or three times a year). She has only drunk alcohol three or four times without me...only with close friends or family. All of those times she got decently drunk and she knows that I don't mind at all. She tends to look down on people who smoke or drink (she's very judgmental about it) she thinks it's disgusting yet she will indulge herself with me or on those rare occasions I just mentioned previously.
She says that if i'm going to do it without her I MUST text her to let her know before I do it...and if she can she will drink or smoke alone at the same time (this applies when we're in different towns about 3 hours apart during holidays).
So the main issue here is I can't drink or smoke without her doing it at the same time. If we are apart, and she can do it at the same time as me or on the same day, then basically it's fine and she doesn't have an issue.
It's really weird, because when we talk about it she acknowledges that her behavior is completely irrational and controlling, and she tells me that she cannot control the way she behaves and she has no idea why she does this. In the end she just ends up telling me that this is what I have to put up with if I want to be with her. Just today she tried to break up with me because she said I deserve someone better, she said that she will just end up holding me back from experiences and controlling me for the rest of my life and I don't deserve that.
In every other aspect of my life she is not controlling at all. It is only ever to do with drugs...and the only drugs I ever do are alcohol and marijuana, and on one occasion her and I did mushrooms together. I like my motocross and this sometimes results in injuries (broke my collarbone twice, got flown to hospital with a concussion, and many other less severe injuries) but she is very happy and even encourages me to go out and have fun on my dirt bike alone or with friends. I also told her that I want to build myself a very high horsepower car and get into drifting...and she has no issue with this at all and thinks it's great that that's what I want to get into as a hobby.
Here's some background information that could be relevant to this issue: During the age of 17-18, I went through periods of smoking 3-7 days a week, and for a few months I was smoking daily. I also went through a period of drinking on my own 3-6 days a week and this lasted about around 2-3 months. After we first got together I told her all of this and was completely open about my past. She wasn't too happy to hear about it but is very happy that I cut back my alcohol/weed usage significantly. These days, when we smoke or drink together it's about once every 2 weeks and every now and then we will smoke maybe 2 or 3 times a week at the flat...Funny thing is most of the time we smoke it's her idea...she tells me it's because she enjoys doing it with me and other times she tells me (after we smoke) it's so I don't end up doing it on my own. She also tells me that she couldn't imagine smoking on her own or with anyone else, she can only enjoy it if we are doing it together.
When I drink or smoke (with or without her) I never over-do it and just have a fun, peaceful experience and remain in control. I have never done anything I regret under the influence as I use these drugs responsibly. When I am stoned I don't act completely retarded or anything i'm my same calm, peaceful self just a bit more mellow.
She does sometimes tell me that I have an addictive personality because of my past and she's afraid i'll become a fully blown stoner or alcoholic, which I could never see myself becoming and am convinced that it's never going to happen because my life is satisfying enough as it is so I don't need to use any drugs as an escape or for the wrong reasons. So to me it seems like she thinks that if I indulge without her then there's a risk i'll become addicted.
Some more background about my past (that I am completely open to her about): During the period of my higher alcohol/weed consumption I had moderate social anxiety and depression. I admit that my higher consumption was somewhat a coping mechanism. However, I completely overcame these issues all by myself. I had no help from friends or family whatsoever and she understands that I completely changed and improved my life all on my own.
I did this by exercising more, eating more healthy, and most importantly, meditation. I got into a routine of practicing meditation and eventually I was doing it 1 to 2 hours per day, which I still do to this very day. This resulted in me becoming almost scarily euphoric whenever I wanted to...I just meditate. I NEVER EVER feel stress in my life, barely ever feel anger or frustration...it takes a hell of a lot to get me angry or upset and when I do I meditate and within 5 minutes I am feeling happy, peacefull and motivated to do chores, study, exercise, or anything productive and healthy.
She on the other-hand gets stressed almost daily because of the mountain of study we have to do for our university course (getting good grades is very important to her, she does better than me but I'm still doing great and am not very far behind her). She also gets stressed, angry and upset over many other small things. When I suggest meditation and exercise she almost flips out at me and tells me she doesn't have time because she has so much study to do...yet she wastes about an hour a day on facebook and sometimes more on other sites like 9gag etc.
Something else I should mention is that when we are apart in the holidays (two or three weeks) she finds it WAY harder than I do to be apart. I do miss her a lot during those times but I can remain happy and productive whereas she gets very emotional and cries almost every day.
I apologize for the really long read. I just need to hear what you guys have to say. I really don't want to break up with her and let her go (it will hurt her more than it will hurt me, but it will still hurt me a hell of a lot) and all this BS actually seems worth it because minus this big issue we have (and her stress over study etc which I know I can help her overcome if she just takes my advice) she is the most amazing girlfriend I could ever wish for. Beautiful, intelligent, honest, trustworthy and fun to be around.
I don't know what to do, she doesn't know what to do. Depending on the responses i'll probably show her this post and the responses. So if you have advice or whatever you want to say to her go for it... Cheers
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Detached
You know where...


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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Alan Watts]
#22301052 - 09/28/15 12:02 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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You are right... That is a very long post. I didn't make it after the first paragraph.
But from the title of your post... first world problems.
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Tybg


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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Detached]
#22301054 - 09/28/15 12:03 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Tldr?
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OliverJames
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Alan Watts] 2
#22301056 - 09/28/15 12:05 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Alan Watts said:
She says that if i'm going to do it without her I MUST text her to let her know before I do it...and if she can she will drink or smoke alone at the same time (this applies when we're in different towns about 3 hours apart during holidays).
]
No offense man, but this girl sounds like shes crazy. This part right here had me convinced. Sounds like this is less about the fact that its a drug, and more about some weird ass neurotic tendency she has. It'd be one thing if she just didn't want you do it alone, but the fact that she can justify it to herself only if she does it with you is very strange. I'd get outta there while you can
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D.M.T
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Alan Watts]
#22301057 - 09/28/15 12:06 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Alan Watts said: Just want to warn you, this is a very long post. And I apologize if I have posted into the wrong forum.
Anyway, I have been dating my girlfriend for about 2 years now (she's 19 y/o and i'm 21, i'm her first and she's my first with regards to girlfriend/boyfriend and losing our virginity). Aside from an issue I will go into detail about below, our relationship is perfect. What I mean by this is that if we take this issue out of the equation, I couldn't think of how our relationship could be any better...We love each other very much, have a great deal of amazing experiences together, have so much in common, and have complete trust in each other.
So here's the issue: She is happy to smoke weed with me occasionally, and drink with me occasionally, but I CANNOT smoke or drink without her...
I'm sorry, this is where I stopped reading right here because it's too much for me to integrate for the moment.
I have to say, though, what ever the reason she doesn't like you smoking/drinking without her absolutely is related to trust. Maybe you trust her completely, but she doesn't completely trust you.
Edited by D.M.T (09/28/15 12:14 AM)
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Acaterpillar
A little mad...



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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: OliverJames]
#22301066 - 09/28/15 12:14 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
OliverJames said:
Quote:
Alan Watts said:
She says that if i'm going to do it without her I MUST text her to let her know before I do it...and if she can she will drink or smoke alone at the same time (this applies when we're in different towns about 3 hours apart during holidays).
No offense man, but this girl sounds like shes crazy. This part right here had me convinced. Sounds like this is less about the fact that its a drug, and more about some weird ass neurotic tendency she has. It'd be one thing if she just didn't want you do it alone, but the fact that she can justify it to herself only if she does it with you is very strange. I'd get outta there while you can
That is oddly neurotic of her. You know her better than we do, but there's something not right with this situation and it sounds like it's coming from her.
-------------------- Aaa...E I O Uuu...A E I O Uuu..A E I O uh Uuu.. *Cough* *Cough* Ooo...U E I O Aaa...U E I Aaa..A E I O Uuuuu... At first sight, The Perfection of Wisdom is bewildering, full of paradox and apparent irrationality.
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D.M.T
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Acaterpillar]
#22301073 - 09/28/15 12:18 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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I can almost guarantee she's insecure and afraid he will do something with another girl. This is her first relationship and those generally are pretty bad about trust issues. Experience helps work relationships out.
Every girl you lose helps you with the next one. Most of the time anyway. Some people are just dicks and don't learn anything and go into their next relationship with a chip on their shoulder. If that's you, don't be a dick.
(Not talking to anyone specific there, just rambling)
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P.Zappatecorum
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Alan Watts] 2
#22301115 - 09/28/15 12:47 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Alan Watts said: She tells me that she cannot control the way she behaves and she has no idea why she does this. In the end she just ends up telling me that this is what I have to put up with if I want to be with her.
RUN AWAY! NOW! DON'T LOOK BACK!
Seriously though, at the very best she has some serious boundary/codependency issues, at the worst she has borderline personality disorder and will make your life a living hell if you stay with her for too long. If she's not willing to try to change abusive, manipulative and unpleasant behavioral patterns in order to keep you, you need to break up with her immediately and not look back.
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404
error


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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Alan Watts]
#22301122 - 09/28/15 12:51 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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take up drinking like the dude that has your username as his real name and become a zen teacher.
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Laughingcowwa
Your mum loves it.



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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: 404]
#22301155 - 09/28/15 01:16 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Fuckin hell bro, you wrote a novel. I gave up after a quarter
-------------------- Those who doubt me, suck cock by choice
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Giftofdeprivation
Discerning Vagrant



Registered: 07/20/13
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Alan Watts]
#22301185 - 09/28/15 01:38 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Did not read. Psych approach, find out what is negative about you smoking without her, get her to express her fears in great detail, then likely explain why they are irrational or the strategies you will put in play to prevent them.
Why does she feel that time is holy? Does she get flirty when she's high and doesn't want you to cheat? Do you guys do more than smoke together (polute the dynamic with outside experiences thing)? Does she not want you to become a worthless pothead who can't limit his intake?
What's with all these threads posted in the Pub? Sexuality/relationships, people.
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Looking for recipes? Have some recipes to share? Please post what you have in the official cooking thread for Pubbers! HERE! Shoutout to Azur's Official cooking thread for OTDers! Posters Beware!
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Giftofdeprivation
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: P.Zappatecorum]
#22301192 - 09/28/15 01:41 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
P.Zappatecorum said:
Quote:
Alan Watts said: She tells me that she cannot control the way she behaves and she has no idea why she does this. In the end she just ends up telling me that this is what I have to put up with if I want to be with her.
RUN AWAY! NOW! DON'T LOOK BACK!
Seriously though, at the very best she has some serious boundary/codependency issues, at the worst she has borderline personality disorder and will make your life a living hell if you stay with her for too long. If she's not willing to try to change abusive, manipulative and unpleasant behavioral patterns in order to keep you, you need to break up with her immediately and not look back.
That certainly is a troubling thing to tell your significant other. Fuck you, I Don't have self control, deal with it.
--------------------
Looking for recipes? Have some recipes to share? Please post what you have in the official cooking thread for Pubbers! HERE! Shoutout to Azur's Official cooking thread for OTDers! Posters Beware!
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WhyDidiDoThis
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Giftofdeprivation]
#22301196 - 09/28/15 01:43 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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She loves you. Deal with it.
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Alan Watts
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: D.M.T]
#22303317 - 09/28/15 03:01 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
D.M.T said: I can almost guarantee she's insecure and afraid he will do something with another girl. This is her first relationship and those generally are pretty bad about trust issues. Experience helps work relationships out.
Every girl you lose helps you with the next one. Most of the time anyway. Some people are just dicks and don't learn anything and go into their next relationship with a chip on their shoulder. If that's you, don't be a dick.
(Not talking to anyone specific there, just rambling)
I'm absolutely convinced it's not about trust. I don't even have any friends that are girls and I live a pretty introverted and asocial lifestyle. She always tells me that she has to be in the same state of mind as me. Something else she does, is when she gets moody, it's like she isn't even herself anymore...She will not care about anyone's feelings (except in social situations she puts an act on to look happy) and generally be all round angry and say things to hurt people (only to the people she is close to, like myself and her close family). Then all of a sudden she will be back to her normal self, kind of playful and silly in a childish way...and she will apologize to me and say things like "I don't know why I do this".
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OliverJames
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Alan Watts]
#22303354 - 09/28/15 03:10 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Alan Watts said:
Quote:
D.M.T said: I can almost guarantee she's insecure and afraid he will do something with another girl. This is her first relationship and those generally are pretty bad about trust issues. Experience helps work relationships out.
Every girl you lose helps you with the next one. Most of the time anyway. Some people are just dicks and don't learn anything and go into their next relationship with a chip on their shoulder. If that's you, don't be a dick.
(Not talking to anyone specific there, just rambling)
I'm absolutely convinced it's not about trust. I don't even have any friends that are girls and I live a pretty introverted and asocial lifestyle. She always tells me that she has to be in the same state of mind as me. Something else she does, is when she gets moody, it's like she isn't even herself anymore...She will not care about anyone's feelings (except in social situations she puts an act on to look happy) and generally be all round angry and say things to hurt people (only to the people she is close to, like myself and her close family). Then all of a sudden she will be back to her normal self, kind of playful and silly in a childish way...and she will apologize to me and say things like "I don't know why I do this".
Which takes it back to my post. If its not about trust, its some bizzare neurotic tendacy she has. If you love her enough to deal with that, then by all means stay in the relationship. I could never deal with that. My ex used to pull the whole "I don't why but thats the way I am" shit, and it honestly pisses me off. When I have a problem, I really do my best to look deep inside myself to find the origin of these feelings, that way there better managed. It sounds like this girl has no interest in managing these neurotic tendancies, she just assumes you'll have to deal with them
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nicechrisman
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Alan Watts] 3
#22303366 - 09/28/15 03:11 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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TLDR DSHSB
-------------------- "Cosmic Love is absolutelely ruthless and highly indifferent: it teaches its lessons whether you like/dislike them or not." John C. Lily
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ShiVersblood
VAmPiRES HELLA ❤



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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Alan Watts] 1
#22303380 - 09/28/15 03:13 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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She was under aged when you started dating her!
-------------------- Retiro Equipaje. Mas uno por favor Cerveza, es mas fina. Psalm 706:6
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1234go
Ban Lotto Champion


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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Alan Watts]
#22303383 - 09/28/15 03:13 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
OliverJames said:
Quote:
Alan Watts said:
She says that if i'm going to do it without her I MUST text her to let her know before I do it...and if she can she will drink or smoke alone at the same time (this applies when we're in different towns about 3 hours apart during holidays).
]
No offense man, but this girl sounds like shes crazy. This part right here had me convinced. Sounds like this is less about the fact that its a drug, and more about some weird ass neurotic tendency she has. It'd be one thing if she just didn't want you do it alone, but the fact that she can justify it to herself only if she does it with you is very strange. I'd get outta there while you can
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JacobStorm
psychedelic cartel



Registered: 07/21/15
Posts: 1,499
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: 1234go]
#22303400 - 09/28/15 03:16 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Definitely didn't make it through half your post.
From the title of it? If your smoking her stash I'd be pissed too.
If your not, fuck it smoke up.
-------------------- Rogger Rabbits Mushroom growing videos Ethnobotanical garden forum Inocuole tea TEK azur said: If you like 6th grade results, then 6th grade projects are great.
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danielx
whatup!


Registered: 10/13/08
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Re: My girlfriend HATES it when I smoke weed without her. Advice needed! [Re: Alan Watts]
#22303440 - 09/28/15 03:22 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Look man, I could break this all down for you and tell you the likely reasons for everything im about to say, but to make things easy ill just say this- your girlfriend is crazy and this won't end well.
I know this isn't what you wanted to hear. Maybe you didn't want to hear anything and just wanted to vent. You probably won't listen to me and you'll figure this out the hard way for yourself. Maybe its even worth it right now putting up with her shit, but sooner or later she will make you miserable. Good luck, friend.
PS-
Quote:
nicechrisman said: TLDR DSHSB
-------------------- Long live kratom
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