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InvisibleZippoZM
Knomadic
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Registered: 06/17/03
Posts: 13,227
Loc: Pongyang, North Korea
I'm just failing at life today
    #22287216 - 09/25/15 06:15 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

It's all kind of a blur, the kind of blur that understandably comes out of giving up your personal ban on hard liquor, and combining that with going to the bar with a bottle of Xanax in your pocket.

A  blackout of bike crashes later (yes that is the quantity) it seems I destroyed my phone (I remember doing so intentionally) and getting in some sort of text fight with my boss and anyone else that would answer the phone. I'm named from seeing my family till I'm 'properly medicated'

Then after fixing my phone screen and finding my long lost keys ( thank god I didn't drive) I scrape together the absolute last of my ambien scraped from 3 different bottles just so I can sleep... And wash it back with a warm beer on my desk, except guess what.... It was a warm can of piss, now with those being the last of my ambien..... Yes I swallowed it

Fuck my life

Can't wait to see what happens when my phone powers up

Looks like I'm moving to Maine


--------------------
PEACE

:mushroom2:zippoz:mushroom2:



"in times of widespread chaos and confusion, it has been the duty of more advanced human beings - artists, scientists, clowns, and philosophers - to create order. In such times as ours however, when there is too much order, too much m management, too much programming and control, it becomes the duty of superior men and women and women to fling their favorite monkey wrenches into the machinery. To relieve the repression of the human spirit, they must sow doubt and disruption"

"People do it every day, they talk to themselves ... they see themselves as they'd like to be, they don't have the courage you have, to just run with it."


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Offlinemakaveli8x8
Stranger
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Registered: 02/28/06
Posts: 21,636
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
Re: I'm just failing at life today [Re: ZippoZ] * 1
    #22287222 - 09/25/15 06:20 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

do you happen to remember if it was your piss or someone else?  These details are important


--------------------
We were sent to hell for eternity :hellfire: Ø:omgawesome:h®
We play on earth to pass the time :foreheadslap:

Over-population the root of all Evil-brings the Elites Closer to the gates.


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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
High on Spite
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Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
Re: I'm just failing at life today [Re: ZippoZ]
    #22287229 - 09/25/15 06:23 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

oh man :facepalm:.  I thought my past couple of days was rough, but that's pretty bad.  Hope things turn around for ya.  Get some sleep if you haven't already.


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InvisibleZippoZM
Knomadic
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Registered: 06/17/03
Posts: 13,227
Loc: Pongyang, North Korea
Re: I'm just failing at life today [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #22287242 - 09/25/15 06:28 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

It was mine

I also remember taking my bike and physically throwing it into a wall or something, in front of Someone else

How I'm not in jail or a psych ward this morning is completely beyond me because I definately told several people I was going to driv into oncoming traffic.... Which while I do t remember specifically happening , would explain the bruises on my hip


--------------------
PEACE

:mushroom2:zippoz:mushroom2:



"in times of widespread chaos and confusion, it has been the duty of more advanced human beings - artists, scientists, clowns, and philosophers - to create order. In such times as ours however, when there is too much order, too much m management, too much programming and control, it becomes the duty of superior men and women and women to fling their favorite monkey wrenches into the machinery. To relieve the repression of the human spirit, they must sow doubt and disruption"

"People do it every day, they talk to themselves ... they see themselves as they'd like to be, they don't have the courage you have, to just run with it."


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OfflineFell
Wanderer
Male


Registered: 04/11/15
Posts: 51
Loc: Georgia
Last seen: 2 years, 1 month
Re: I'm just failing at life today [Re: ZippoZ]
    #22287268 - 09/25/15 06:44 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Xanax always made me do similar things, as much as I love them I had to kick em to the curb and fast.


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OfflineMcNel


Registered: 09/03/10
Posts: 311
Last seen: 15 days, 17 hours
Re: I'm just failing at life today [Re: ZippoZ]
    #22287277 - 09/25/15 06:49 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Jeeees... Shit dude, I hope things don't get worse once the phone comes on..

All the best! :smile:


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InvisibleOhMrJohnson
Ashes Against The Grain

Registered: 01/12/14
Posts: 17,544
Loc: Terra Incognita Flag
Re: I'm just failing at life today [Re: ZippoZ]
    #22287283 - 09/25/15 06:53 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Damn well that's quite a twisted series of events

Hope things get better for ya


--------------------

Diminish the sub-principle and leave its toxic trace..
Once and for all!


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Offlinemy3rdeye
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Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 4,354
Loc: Canada Flag
Last seen: 2 years, 8 months
Re: I'm just failing at life today [Re: OhMrJohnson]
    #22287301 - 09/25/15 07:05 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Blackout drunk me scares me and I don't even use Xanax. I have come very close to totally ruining my life a few times. I rarely get that drunk anymore. I lose control in a scary wake up in a crack house kind of way.
Be careful dude you only have 1 life


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InvisibleZippoZM
Knomadic
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Registered: 06/17/03
Posts: 13,227
Loc: Pongyang, North Korea
Re: I'm just failing at life today [Re: my3rdeye]
    #22287320 - 09/25/15 07:11 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Well I got the phone working, which meant a whole screen replacement.'
Apparently my girlfriend wants to marry. Me

I wonder how much of that is her wanting to be married, how much she's scared I'll just die, and how much is that she just doesn't want to be alone
Like really no one can love me I'm fucking insane


--------------------
PEACE

:mushroom2:zippoz:mushroom2:



"in times of widespread chaos and confusion, it has been the duty of more advanced human beings - artists, scientists, clowns, and philosophers - to create order. In such times as ours however, when there is too much order, too much m management, too much programming and control, it becomes the duty of superior men and women and women to fling their favorite monkey wrenches into the machinery. To relieve the repression of the human spirit, they must sow doubt and disruption"

"People do it every day, they talk to themselves ... they see themselves as they'd like to be, they don't have the courage you have, to just run with it."


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InvisibleBoomer The Great
Male

Registered: 10/30/14
Posts: 5,504
Re: I'm just failing at life today [Re: ZippoZ]
    #22287325 - 09/25/15 07:13 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

ZippoZ said:
Well I got the phone working, which meant a whole screen replacement.'
Apparently my girlfriend wants to marry. Me

I wonder how much of that is her wanting to be married, how much she's scared I'll just die, and how much is that she just doesn't want to be alone
Like really no one can love me I'm fucking insane




We are all insane. She might be just as insane or more.


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Invisiblevinsue
Grand Old Fart
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Registered: 02/17/04
Posts: 17,953
Loc: The Garden State(NJ) Flag
Re: I'm just failing at life today [Re: ZippoZ]
    #22287351 - 09/25/15 07:29 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

I hate hearing stories like this.

ZippoZ, you're getting too old for this kind of stuff.:hug:
It's not going to get any easier.:shrug:

Also, stick around... we need more of this...:mod:
http://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/22065403#22065403

JUST Put this behind you, pick up any pieces, move on... :powerup:

No comment on the marriage thang.

BTW, how's the Photography going?  :photographer:
:heart::shroomeryhead: . . . :peace:


--------------------

"All mushrooms are edible; but some only once." Croatian proverb. BTW ...
  Have You Rated Ythans Mom Yet ?? ... :taser:  ... HERE'S HOW ... (be nice) .  :mod: ... :peace:


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Offlinenicechrisman
Interdimensional space wizard
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Registered: 11/07/03
Posts: 33,241
Last seen: 4 years, 6 months
Re: I'm just failing at life today [Re: ZippoZ] * 1
    #22287398 - 09/25/15 07:51 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Sounds like a night of bad decision making. Hopefully you will learn from it and be able to make better decisions in the future.


--------------------
"Cosmic Love is absolutelely ruthless and highly indifferent:
it teaches its lessons whether you like/dislike them or not."

John C. Lily

 


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Offlinemakaveli8x8
Stranger
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Registered: 02/28/06
Posts: 21,636
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
Re: I'm just failing at life today [Re: ZippoZ]
    #22287402 - 09/25/15 07:51 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

ZippoZ said:
Well I got the phone working, which meant a whole screen replacement.'
Apparently my girlfriend wants to marry. Me

I wonder how much of that is her wanting to be married, how much she's scared I'll just die, and how much is that she just doesn't want to be alone
Like really no one can love me I'm fucking insane




who cares why she wants to marry you, all that's important is if you think the marriage would work, so you need to ask yourself why/if you want to marry her.

Since it sounds like your off the walls you should think deeply if being married would help ground you, or make you more crazy, since your crazy you can't really trust your own opinion, so you should seek the help of the shroomery in determining your honesty


--------------------
We were sent to hell for eternity :hellfire: Ø:omgawesome:h®
We play on earth to pass the time :foreheadslap:

Over-population the root of all Evil-brings the Elites Closer to the gates.


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Invisiblepassifloracaerulea
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Registered: 11/13/10
Posts: 10,485
Re: I'm just failing at life today [Re: makaveli8x8]
    #22287651 - 09/25/15 09:36 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Shit I used to act just like this when I was taking etizolam and drinking rum. I smashed my phone and laptops multiple times and went on rampages around town blacked out. They caught me on camera fucking shit up and I had to go to court and drug treatment.


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OfflineMental Taco
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Registered: 07/02/14
Posts: 2,290
Loc: Hell
Last seen: 6 years, 8 months
Re: I'm just failing at life today [Re: passifloracaerulea]
    #22287702 - 09/25/15 09:51 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

I love xanax, but seriously fuck xanax.


--------------------
Did you not know that the royal hunting grounds are always forbidden?


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InvisibleNiffla
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Registered: 06/09/08
Posts: 46,489
Loc: Texas
Re: I'm just failing at life today [Re: ZippoZ]
    #22287719 - 09/25/15 09:57 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

I thought the bar was set higher for mods

You gotta step your game up bruh


--------------------


HAIL OUR NEW OTD KING


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OfflineBig Worm
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Registered: 04/20/09
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Re: I'm just failing at life today [Re: Mental Taco]
    #22287724 - 09/25/15 09:59 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

I've had my fair share of nights where I eat too many benzo's and drink too much liquor, only to realize how insane I was acting to the people around me.  Even the people I care about.  I'd hear the next day how I said this and I did that :facepalm:

That's usually when I want to keep my phone off because I don't want to see the text's that come through.


Needing a new identity at that point.



The bad part of benzo's comes out in me when I drink.


Sorry to hear OP.


We all make mistakes.    I can definitely relate.


--------------------


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InvisibleThayendanegea
quiet walker
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Registered: 02/20/12
Posts: 7,596
Loc: 7 Lodges Nation Flag
Re: I'm just failing at life today [Re: ZippoZ]
    #22287849 - 09/25/15 10:37 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

So you swore off liquor and went back out....did you have any period of sobriety before this? And, why on earth would you take xanax on top of hard liquor??

You're lucky to be alive. God, I hated blackouts...when I was young, they were kinda cool because you had to ask someone what your stupid ass did the night before....but, as you get older and your responsibilities become greater...they can be absolutely horrifying....Anyway, my last blackout was over 16 years ago...if you want to hear more...you can IM me..but I will say that it ended with a cop busting my car window out and pointing a glock at me. My life seemed as low as it could possibly get...but it turned out that ...that day was one of the best days of my life...my last drink...March 14, 1999.


--------------------
Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better.

Albert Einstein


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Invisiblemicro
bunbun has a gungun
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Registered: 05/09/03
Posts: 7,532
Loc: Brick City Flag
Re: I'm just failing at life today [Re: Thayendanegea]
    #22287911 - 09/25/15 11:02 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

I've been in plenty of similar situations.

That's why I've made a healthy decision to quit alcohol and switch to benzos/ghb :v


--------------------
Any research paper or book for free
(Avatar is Maxxy, a character by Mizzyam, RIP)


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InvisibleZippoZM
Knomadic
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Registered: 06/17/03
Posts: 13,227
Loc: Pongyang, North Korea
Re: I'm just failing at life today [Re: micro]
    #22343153 - 10/06/15 10:04 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

oh wow, this is interesting.... this thread fills in a number of gaps in my memory about a week ago. wow, hard liquor at 9000 feet of elevation is such a bad bad idea.


--------------------
PEACE

:mushroom2:zippoz:mushroom2:



"in times of widespread chaos and confusion, it has been the duty of more advanced human beings - artists, scientists, clowns, and philosophers - to create order. In such times as ours however, when there is too much order, too much m management, too much programming and control, it becomes the duty of superior men and women and women to fling their favorite monkey wrenches into the machinery. To relieve the repression of the human spirit, they must sow doubt and disruption"

"People do it every day, they talk to themselves ... they see themselves as they'd like to be, they don't have the courage you have, to just run with it."


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