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OfflineLuueschen
Vampire


Registered: 07/11/11
Posts: 655
Loc: Southern CA Flag
Last seen: 8 years, 2 months
I am suffering from extreme disassociation and depression, mixed in with feelings of...
    #22285863 - 09/24/15 08:03 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

...thoughts of hurting myself as well as paranoia, etc etc, when I try to meditate I have twisted thoughts, gory, gross, unsettling, embarrassing as it could be...
if anyone could read my thoughts they would think i was some kind of nazi clone of adolf hitler crossed with lady gaga and the creature from the black lagoon.

this is about 80% due to my experience with hallucinogens, I had a sort of a non-threatening overdose when I took 30 bucks worth of extremely potent lsd mixed with salvia, my mind sort of warped and it was never really the same,

basically what im curious about is whether or not i should start dosing with LSA, namely Hawaiian baby woodrose, or possibly oliloqui, i mean the locals used it as a nerve tonic as well as a mental panacea and ive had experiences with it in the past that were neither obtrusive, uncomfortable, dangerous or harmful...

I dont know, my life is unravelling, i basically wasted the best 4 years of my life, you know 18-21, because of some shit i did when i was possessed by the devil, i may never be the same, but i just want to be happy

i have a hard time finding my happy place, my mind tells me "think about crystals" or "think about sitting on the ocean with a bottle of jagermeister" or "think about what your life would've been"

it's just sad because i was among the most well loved people in fallbrook, i mean everyone loved me, people thought i was the shit, the senior kids bought the clothes i wore and everyone told me i was awesome on a daily basis and that i was cool, etc etc etc

i just want to find a girlfriend and settle down, maybe get a nice job, move somewhere by the beach

also im worried i might go to hell or have a bad rebirth, i mean, i tried to trick the devil one time by selling my soul, then 3 years later i had a visitation vision that Jesus came to me and told me i was the chosen one

but i was just trippin, you know how it is

i hate to brag...

it just sucks because my life was perfect and now im just a schmuck. my mom calls me a drug addict because i smoke and drink and im trying to convince them im not a schizophrenic, but rather that i have bad OCD and wayward thoughts due to my drug history


But at any rate...LSA? Should I gamble with the devil again? IS it really not the devil? am I being foolish? or could this be the ticket i need out the door from hell to regular waking consciousness on earth, which i love and appreciate from the core of my being, but have a hard time dealing with these things

feedback appreciated. thanks shroomerites

-j


--------------------
www.soundcloud.com/spacecowboy2112
www.youtube.com/leapinlueschen
www.facebook.com/jens.lueschen


"The creatures of the night, what beautiful music they make..."


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OfflineDetached
You know where...


Registered: 02/27/15
Posts: 2,942
Last seen: 10 months, 15 days
Re: I am suffering from extreme disassociation and depression, mixed in with feelings of... [Re: Luueschen]
    #22285873 - 09/24/15 08:07 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

I really think abilify would be a better option than LSA. And I mean that as kindly possible.

Try to get some help.

There are a few elements of this post that reek of a psychotic / schizophrenia disorder.


Edited by Detached (09/24/15 08:08 PM)


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Offlinelowbrow
Paddy Time!!!!
Male

Registered: 09/12/08
Posts: 9,662
Last seen: 2 days, 32 minutes
Re: I am suffering from extreme disassociation and depression, mixed in with feelings of... [Re: Luueschen]
    #22285879 - 09/24/15 08:08 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Mind altering substances are not for you.  My advice is to lay off them ASAP.


--------------------
Amanita86 said:
Sui is trying to mod right now.  Kinda like a newborn calf tryin ta stand fer the first time ain’t it..


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OfflineLuueschen
Vampire


Registered: 07/11/11
Posts: 655
Loc: Southern CA Flag
Last seen: 8 years, 2 months
Re: I am suffering from extreme disassociation and depression, mixed in with feelings of... [Re: Luueschen]
    #22285881 - 09/24/15 08:08 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Either that or maybe I can learn to afford a cocaine habit or a mild drinking habit to cope. But those things will only delay my progress...


--------------------
www.soundcloud.com/spacecowboy2112
www.youtube.com/leapinlueschen
www.facebook.com/jens.lueschen


"The creatures of the night, what beautiful music they make..."


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OfflineLuueschen
Vampire


Registered: 07/11/11
Posts: 655
Loc: Southern CA Flag
Last seen: 8 years, 2 months
Re: I am suffering from extreme disassociation and depression, mixed in with feelings of... [Re: Luueschen]
    #22285884 - 09/24/15 08:09 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Fair enough, it would be like losing a friend or a cat though, i mean I loved my glory days of experimentation and happiness, and I think alternative organic drugs could be a solution for me


--------------------
www.soundcloud.com/spacecowboy2112
www.youtube.com/leapinlueschen
www.facebook.com/jens.lueschen


"The creatures of the night, what beautiful music they make..."


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OfflineDetached
You know where...


Registered: 02/27/15
Posts: 2,942
Last seen: 10 months, 15 days
Re: I am suffering from extreme disassociation and depression, mixed in with feelings of... [Re: Luueschen]
    #22285887 - 09/24/15 08:10 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

This is an alternative drug that does wonders for those that can benefit from it.



Get help.


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Invisiblewigglewak
Male


Registered: 04/26/15
Posts: 1,961
Re: I am suffering from extreme disassociation and depression, mixed in with feelings of... [Re: Luueschen]
    #22285894 - 09/24/15 08:12 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

18 to 21 should not be the best years of your life.

Did you have fun with the devil?

The devil is a fairy tail that describes certain psychological traits that humans have.

The concept is real because of the energy you give it.

Although I think the energy of the devil could be a manifested type of entity it still depends on your believe to have control over you.


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OfflineEnvix
Avoidant Disorder
 User Gallery


Registered: 11/04/08
Posts: 18,206
Last seen: 9 months, 25 days
Re: I am suffering from extreme disassociation and depression, mixed in with feelings of... [Re: Luueschen]
    #22285898 - 09/24/15 08:12 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

you're trying to run from your own mind and your own thoughts and you just can't do that. you have to face them head-on and accept them as your own. only then can you take full responsibility and have some level of control over them. they may not ever go away, and you just have to accept that. it's not a grim fate, it's just one you must accept. and until you do you will be forever running from yourself. and you just can't have that be.

you get what i'm saying?


--------------------
smack a hoe out this dimension
continue my ascension
-bhad bhabie

rip. todcasil, acid sloth, st1llnox, zappaisgod, big worm (sketch), tim b


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OfflineLuueschen
Vampire


Registered: 07/11/11
Posts: 655
Loc: Southern CA Flag
Last seen: 8 years, 2 months
Re: I am suffering from extreme disassociation and depression, mixed in with feelings of... [Re: Detached]
    #22285899 - 09/24/15 08:13 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

No thanks, after being injected with Invega Sustena for years with no benefit I am very weary of synthetic medications. I do better with organic stuff


--------------------
www.soundcloud.com/spacecowboy2112
www.youtube.com/leapinlueschen
www.facebook.com/jens.lueschen


"The creatures of the night, what beautiful music they make..."


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OfflineDetached
You know where...


Registered: 02/27/15
Posts: 2,942
Last seen: 10 months, 15 days
Re: I am suffering from extreme disassociation and depression, mixed in with feelings of... [Re: Luueschen]
    #22285907 - 09/24/15 08:14 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

So you've already been treated for schizophrenia... had you stopped using your meds when you experienced these episodes?


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OfflineLuueschen
Vampire


Registered: 07/11/11
Posts: 655
Loc: Southern CA Flag
Last seen: 8 years, 2 months
Re: I am suffering from extreme disassociation and depression, mixed in with feelings of... [Re: Luueschen]
    #22285917 - 09/24/15 08:16 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Yes I understand, I need to accept the things I did wrong. and as far as the devil goes, i just believed in a zoroastrian perspective and thought the devil could be a friend, i was never interested in playing with real curses and black magic

well i stopped using the meds because they were basically poison and i figured i could make it on my own.

but i have extreme panic attacks...and i cry...


--------------------
www.soundcloud.com/spacecowboy2112
www.youtube.com/leapinlueschen
www.facebook.com/jens.lueschen


"The creatures of the night, what beautiful music they make..."


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OfflineThe Moose
Alces alces


Registered: 08/31/15
Posts: 2,389
Last seen: 1 year, 10 months
Re: I am suffering from extreme disassociation and depression, mixed in with feelings of... [Re: Luueschen]
    #22285920 - 09/24/15 08:17 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

fallbrook california?


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OfflineThe Moose
Alces alces


Registered: 08/31/15
Posts: 2,389
Last seen: 1 year, 10 months
Re: I am suffering from extreme disassociation and depression, mixed in with feelings of... [Re: The Moose]
    #22285929 - 09/24/15 08:21 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

If I understood you right, and LSD fucked with your head really hard, why would you want to eat it's brother LSA? You seem to talk pretty negatively about it but still want to do it.


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OfflineRobZombie68
The Shaman's Apprentice
Male

Registered: 06/22/14
Posts: 820
Loc: Palookaville, US
Last seen: 30 days, 4 hours
Re: I am suffering from extreme disassociation and depression, mixed in with feelings of... [Re: Luueschen] * 1
    #22285934 - 09/24/15 08:22 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

I was like you.  Had my suicide all planned, but something happened, everything "clicked" within me, I think it was angels, spirit guide whatever.

My mentality and psyche was based by how I was teased as a kid, etc. Very skinny kid, sucked at sports, etc. so I was teased a lot and was an outcast.

I woke up one day and said "FUCK THAT!!! God is within me, I am a God!

I heard this song during this spiritual awakening,,, Shhhh, listen.

Now wherever I go, people come to me, they are attracted like a moth to a light, I found the light within and no bad happens.  Shine your light, son.



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OfflineLuueschen
Vampire


Registered: 07/11/11
Posts: 655
Loc: Southern CA Flag
Last seen: 8 years, 2 months
Re: I am suffering from extreme disassociation and depression, mixed in with feelings of... [Re: The Moose]
    #22285946 - 09/24/15 08:24 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Its that LSA isnt as dangeous as LSD, i just want to take 3 or 4 seeds or so, you know, as opposed to my acid trip that was more like 17 seeds...

i just want to be happy, basically...

i know that there are different ways to be happy besides drugs(obviously) but on the other hand it would be worth it to me for a few hours of exctasy

and yes, fallbrook, have you been? lol how did you know, my profile?

And yeah I will give that song a listen to. Thanks RobZombie this little light will shine.


--------------------
www.soundcloud.com/spacecowboy2112
www.youtube.com/leapinlueschen
www.facebook.com/jens.lueschen


"The creatures of the night, what beautiful music they make..."


Edited by Luueschen (09/24/15 08:27 PM)


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OfflineThe Moose
Alces alces


Registered: 08/31/15
Posts: 2,389
Last seen: 1 year, 10 months
Re: I am suffering from extreme disassociation and depression, mixed in with feelings of... [Re: Luueschen]
    #22285960 - 09/24/15 08:28 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Yea my grandma lived there for a long time. And my cousin went to high school there. Yea I've been several times.

I mean I don't know if you think the LSA would make you happy or fuck you up. I also know nothing about dosing of the seeds :shrug:


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OfflineLuueschen
Vampire


Registered: 07/11/11
Posts: 655
Loc: Southern CA Flag
Last seen: 8 years, 2 months
Re: I am suffering from extreme disassociation and depression, mixed in with feelings of... [Re: The Moose]
    #22285971 - 09/24/15 08:30 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

I'll take that with a grain of salt. How old is your cousin? I graduated in 2012, you think id know him?


--------------------
www.soundcloud.com/spacecowboy2112
www.youtube.com/leapinlueschen
www.facebook.com/jens.lueschen


"The creatures of the night, what beautiful music they make..."


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OfflineLSDreamer
Materialist
Male


Registered: 03/11/08
Posts: 10,052
Last seen: 7 years, 8 days
Re: I am suffering from extreme disassociation and depression, mixed in with feelings of... [Re: Luueschen] * 1
    #22285979 - 09/24/15 08:32 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Luueschen said:
Fair enough, it would be like losing a friend or a cat though, i mean I loved my glory days of experimentation and happiness, and I think alternative organic drugs could be a solution for me




"Organic" drugs aren't any less dangerous than "synthetic" drugs. It's a meaningless distinction. Stop taking drugs, including alcohol, quit trying to convince yourself you do or don't have this or that disorder, and get your ass to a psychiatrist. You might not like it, but it's what you've got to do if you want to feel better. End of story.


--------------------


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OfflineThe Moose
Alces alces


Registered: 08/31/15
Posts: 2,389
Last seen: 1 year, 10 months
Re: I am suffering from extreme disassociation and depression, mixed in with feelings of... [Re: Luueschen]
    #22285985 - 09/24/15 08:35 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

If you went to fallbrook maybe. Idrk I'm not good with years.


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OfflineLuueschen
Vampire


Registered: 07/11/11
Posts: 655
Loc: Southern CA Flag
Last seen: 8 years, 2 months
Re: I am suffering from extreme disassociation and depression, mixed in with feelings of... [Re: The Moose]
    #22285998 - 09/24/15 08:39 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Yeah I will, i just have a little more partying to do, to get out of my system.
i want to be able to control and enjoy my drug and alcohol habits but it is difficult because im depressed.
thanks, ill think about this tonight


--------------------
www.soundcloud.com/spacecowboy2112
www.youtube.com/leapinlueschen
www.facebook.com/jens.lueschen


"The creatures of the night, what beautiful music they make..."


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