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OfflineTiredofit
Stranger
Registered: 04/11/15
Posts: 21
Last seen: 7 years, 10 months
Struggling with the idea of death (due to job)
    #22276356 - 09/22/15 09:02 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

So, I'm 21 years old and Ive worked as an EMT in a very large and violent city for the past two years. I'm not a very emotional person, or I hide them very well. Lately though, I've really been struggling with the idea of death. I see so much of it, but it never phases me until I get to thinking about what the point of life is. If we all just die, why do we put so much effort in to living? It hits me when I'm waking up tired as hell after four hours of sleep to work a fourteen hour shift. When I'm taking a shower to get ready for work, etc. Seriously, what is the point. You know how people die? Of freak medical cases or sudden trauma at any age (could be you I'm picking up tomorrow)... Or the ripe old age of 100 laying in a nursing home bed having been fed a liquid diet through a tube and not being able to wipe their ass for the last 20 years. I just don't get it, it makes everything I do, or anyone else, seem pointless. Anyone else ever have these realizations or work through them to find motivation again?


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InvisibleJufin
Male User Gallery

Registered: 03/31/08
Posts: 5,116
Loc: Australia
Re: Struggling with the idea of death (due to job) [Re: Tiredofit]
    #22276424 - 09/22/15 09:17 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Sounds like you need a change of career path.  I definitely get those feelings, and by being a creative person and working on things I love, the death anxiety/feeling of pointlessness seems to drift away.  I try to spread myself out into lots of different areas in life and see what sticks.  At the end of the day, it's completely up to you how to experience and interpret life, and that realisation is a tough one, but rewarding if you get passed it, because you'll have a leg up on most people by taking responsibility for your own happiness.


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OfflinelillFish
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Registered: 01/18/09
Posts: 1,347
Loc: Recliner Flag
Last seen: 10 days, 8 hours
Re: Struggling with the idea of death (due to job) [Re: Jufin]
    #22280403 - 09/23/15 07:57 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

No, you're just going through some things. I work in emergency services also and have seen some things in my time.

I went through a period where I questioned some similar things and then I just went through it. It's just you trying to rationalize things that you see. I felt a little sad at one point because every time we went to older people's homes on calls It would make me think about getting old and all the things that these people deal with and why the hell they let themselves become so weak, fat, and helpless and hoping I won't end up helpless like that.. I just don't get it but it doesn't bother me now, I have dealt with it. I'm quite cold emotionally, but I do have to deal with rational thought and some of those experiences I have make me question things. You'll be fine though! Just PM me anytime if you wanna talk about the EMS world, it helps to have someone who understands to ask these kinds of questions to. :cheers:


--------------------
My Wish & Trade list


Edited by lillFish (09/23/15 08:03 PM)


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Offlinespookman
Toad-licker

Registered: 04/17/15
Posts: 95
Last seen: 2 days, 1 hour
Re: Struggling with the idea of death (due to job) [Re: lillFish]
    #22280419 - 09/23/15 08:01 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

I think most intelligent people go through this at some point. There might not be a point to life, other than that you are alive. The trick that we have played on ourselves for time immemorial is to put the prospect of our own death out of our minds.

Of course, working in such close proximity to death would make that hard. I couldn't do it.


--------------------
Subterranean Hermes, guardian of my father's realms,
Become my saviour and my ally, in answer to my prayer.
For I am come and do return to this my land.
- Aristophanes, The Frogs.


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InvisibleAmanita86
OTD Keymaster
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Registered: 09/26/12
Posts: 89,464
Loc: hades
Re: Struggling with the idea of death (due to job) [Re: Tiredofit]
    #22282032 - 09/24/15 02:42 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Yeah, usually about 3am, I'll wake up and get some kind of panic attack going.  I don't know what the answer it.  I'll just buck a beer and try and get back to sleep before my alarm clock goes nuts.


--------------------
:mushroom2:Orange clock, pencil:bouncysmoke:
"They threw me off the hay truck about noon...":fishing:
:mushroom2:*Mark 15:34:levitate::mushroom2::blueninja:
Gam zeh ya’avor...:sunny:


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Invisibleonce in a lifetime
sun child
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Registered: 02/12/15
Posts: 1,807
Re: Struggling with the idea of death (due to job) [Re: Amanita86]
    #22282912 - 09/24/15 09:45 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Hi, Tiredofit,

Good replies it seems so far. . Nice to hear your story, & thank you for sharing it.
Simplification can be a big aid to life. . I've found that's one of my biggest strengths. . .

It's interesting - there are things to do in the world, some of them very good. . . Whitman worked as a medic during the civil war as well. . .

One thing that comes to mind is - though these things are there. . . Take rest often enough so that you don't get burned out. . .

I mean - simple thing of course; the world is very interesting - and vast - and there's so much going on. . . people are so connected and new things are being discovered all the time. . in ecology, the term 'emergent behavior' seems to apply. . .

What I mean is - in many ways it's very, very wonderful, the work you are doing - yet also; if your heart tells you to go somewhere else. . .


I am really just rambling. :smile:


But I wanted to say - for sure - there is a lot of meaning; we just have to create it. . .

Maybe take a year off, go spend time in the autumn woods & summer words & winter woods & spring meadows & plains & mountains & woods. . .


but. . what someone said, that each intelligent person goes thru it. .

that's true for sure. .


death & life are the same, in a way; like Yang & Yin, they are two sides of one coin, of one whole. . .


I glimpsed this at a fairly young age, and kept exploring it the rest of my life. . .




I feel like I understand something you are expressing - there is a reservoir within us. . . of some vast potential - and until that gets realized, there's an ambition to fulfill it. . .


and, in a good way, of course, like - save the world, etc. -


but letting it go - a few thousand times - is usually the best way to get a more clear view of it.


just have faith in yourself - really ; that will always get you through. . .



2 awesome quotes I have been meaning to share sometime are -


' To create one's own's life meaning may not be easy, but it's allowed - and I think you'll be the happier for it. ' - Bill Waterson, 

& then, a few lines from 'To Be Free' by Mike Oldfield. .




ok I'll just put the song up


'To Be Free'


'You find yourself alone, sometimes
Without a home, no protection
You don't know which way to go
You're lost, no direction

Suddenly, out of the blue
Some kind of magic comes to you
You don't know how, you don't know why
But someday, gonna take off, fly
(wish, make a wish)

My wish would be...

To be free
To be wild
And to be
Just like a child
And if I get lost
I really don't mind
Cos I'm me
Doing just fine

You're out in the cold, sometimes
As far as you can see, misty
And you want to run, into the sun
The road is lost, sand shifty

Suddenly, out of the blue
Some kind of magic pushes you through
You don't know when, how or why
But someday, gonna take off and fly

And if I had a wish, my wish would be...

To be free
To be wild
And to be
Just like a child
And if I get lost
I really don't mind
Cos I'm me
Doing just fine

Just like a child
I really don't mind
Cos I'm free
Doing just fine'


--------------------
Innocent, Oldfield & Hegerland          Julia Delaney, Bothy Band                                        Rasta Girl, Sister Carol                    Genesis, Jorma K
I Wish You Peace, Lawrence Laughing                                                                                                                    Do Your Thing, Moondog                     
large  . . music garden . .  very
all peace                    them hi
Starhouse - main
Time Traveler's Guide


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InvisibleAmanita86
OTD Keymaster
 User Gallery

Registered: 09/26/12
Posts: 89,464
Loc: hades
Re: Struggling with the idea of death (due to job) [Re: Tiredofit]
    #22283022 - 09/24/15 10:08 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Hey man, I was thinking about it..

It's like this, positive, negative...that balance.  I see you see the negative.  Something you probably dont see is the positive.  Because in your line of work, when things go positive...we leave.  Because we're ok.  You know what I'm saying?

Aside from maybe a thank you card, you don't really see the fruits of your work.  I've had my ass literally saved by 2 ambulance drivers that hauled ass.  I've helped load my brother into an ambulance after some not cool thing happened.  All those people in the hospital have brought me back on a few occasions... and when I was coherent enough I said my byes etc.  But I never checked back in with them.

I still dont even know the names of the two drivers that picked me up and gave me a ride to the ICU. 

That depressing shit is depressing..when my grandpa was at a hospital in his later life  there were people that just looked like they wanted to 'go'...so depressing...I had to walk out and get some air at one point.. God bless those ladies who day after day did that taking care of them.

My point is, remember all those people you save their bacon.  Even when they can't remember you...in their life, you quite possibly might be that 'angel' that makes the difference between them seeing their family again or not.  That's heavy shit right there, you get a special seat in Heaven for that..

If you need a reason, look, you have more than likely played a key part in someone continuing to live.. another Christman, another birthday...shit like that.  It matters, it really does.  Or in my case, pulled me out of the fire of no tomorrow. 

Wear that with pride..


--------------------
:mushroom2:Orange clock, pencil:bouncysmoke:
"They threw me off the hay truck about noon...":fishing:
:mushroom2:*Mark 15:34:levitate::mushroom2::blueninja:
Gam zeh ya’avor...:sunny:


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OfflineTaekwonDude
The King
Male

Registered: 08/29/15
Posts: 284
Loc: Emerald Isle
Last seen: 6 years, 7 months
Re: Struggling with the idea of death (due to job) [Re: Tiredofit]
    #22284300 - 09/24/15 02:44 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Tiredofit said:
So, I'm 21 years old and Ive worked as an EMT in a very large and violent city for the past two years. I'm not a very emotional person, or I hide them very well. Lately though, I've really been struggling with the idea of death. I see so much of it, but it never phases me until I get to thinking about what the point of life is. If we all just die, why do we put so much effort in to living? It hits me when I'm waking up tired as hell after four hours of sleep to work a fourteen hour shift. When I'm taking a shower to get ready for work, etc. Seriously, what is the point. You know how people die? Of freak medical cases or sudden trauma at any age (could be you I'm picking up tomorrow)... Or the ripe old age of 100 laying in a nursing home bed having been fed a liquid diet through a tube and not being able to wipe their ass for the last 20 years. I just don't get it, it makes everything I do, or anyone else, seem pointless. Anyone else ever have these realizations or work through them to find motivation again?





Thats EXACTLY what was bothering me for AGES.
I know what you mean and its a very very very depressing thought.

Eternal life would be great..I actually think it is eternal but it is just our bodies are not.  It is like our soul/spirit is the software and bodies are the hardware.  We die like hardware getting old, but the software becomes updated and put into a new body.. but its still the same person..hard to explain and off topic but anyway. Lol

I was often worrying about how short life is, and that some day I may be left alone and old because my partner/wife has died.
Or the other way around, that what will she do if im gone first.  And I think deeply about how she will feel etc.  It really bothers me a lot but the best thing is to just deal with it you will forget about it eventually like I did.. until I read this.  But it certainly aint as bad as it was.


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OfflineTaekwonDude
The King
Male

Registered: 08/29/15
Posts: 284
Loc: Emerald Isle
Last seen: 6 years, 7 months
Re: Struggling with the idea of death (due to job) [Re: TaekwonDude]
    #22284492 - 09/24/15 03:34 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

It is a lot worse when a loved ones involved because you get this lingering thought of life without them/their life without you.


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