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Anonymous #1

I'm horrible with my emotions
    #22276058 - 09/22/15 08:00 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

I have always been really good with math and science and you know, the mental part of the body. But I can't seem to be smart enough to understand people on an emotional level. With my ex, I just couldn't get it, she would end up crying about things and I would just be there like ok... Idk, I'm such a guy sometimes... But then on the flip side, I get all emotional at the worst times and even though my brain knows whats going on, I can't help but feel a certain emotional disconnect which leads to basically not talking and/or bottling up my feelings, which of course comes out negatively in other scenarios or other ways...

I can't go a week without drinking but really for the past month its been more like 3 or 4 days without it. I feel like I drink to have fun and then I drink to forget the pain I feel. Its kind of a vicious cycle. But the hard part is I realize its not even the alcohol. I've just always been like this really. I can't seem to just "be".

When me and my ex took a half bar of xanax together I felt I had this huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I could actually talk and feel really good and not get any racing thoughts. I feel like I have had anxiety/depression for a very long time and never dealt with it because I don't believe in it I just thought that its bs reasons to go buy drugs from horrible companies.

Idk, admittedly I'm still torn over my recent breakup but I know its more than that...

I mean, I'm a confident person and I do a good job/have a promising future in technology but in my personal life I'm soo lost and out of touch. I am also lonely and find myself reaching out to my ex who, admittedly we were still hanging out after we broke up and she tried to be friends with me but I fucked up one day and said some horrible things to her cause I was an emotional trainwreck and sexually frustrated (she stopped being attracted to me basically, and I didn't do anything wrong so I felt very confused...) after the breakup and that was the only time I EVER said anything very upsetting to her. I just let all my anger build up and it comes out in shitty ways... UGHH

-End vent


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Anonymous #2

Re: I'm horrible with my emotions [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #22283105 - 09/24/15 10:25 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

sorry buddy. shit happens and its not just you, theres two sides to the coin so its your ex too. focus on your future and good things will happen. brake ups suck dick but after a while you get over them. try LSD man. it saved my life


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Anonymous #3

Re: I'm horrible with my emotions [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #22283226 - 09/24/15 10:55 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Im the same way.  The way it works with me is I'm real mathematical in my handling of things, but have always been primarily emotion driven.  Add that to my desire to not cause conflict and you pretty much end up with a bottled up heavily emotional driven mathematical explosion.  I can say a lot of well placed hurtful things when pushed.  It's been known to burn a bridge or two and earn me some terms ranging from mood swings, to emotionally unavailable.

Sometimes I can stand outside of myself and see it happen.  But at the same time it must have some basis in reality otherwise it wouldn't have so much of an effect.  I try and change but I can't.  It's just who I am.  I can't seem to find that perfect balance to just "be" when the world and all it has to throw at me comes at me non stop.


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Anonymous #4

Re: I'm horrible with my emotions [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #22289513 - 09/25/15 05:55 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

I get it about the meds, man.  :feelsbadman:

Have you thought of just being alone for a while and getting your head straight?  It's a cunt, but it can be rewarding to just get it out and let it go.


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Anonymous #5

Re: I'm horrible with my emotions [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #22324833 - 10/02/15 05:34 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

mannn, I can relate to that OP ssooo much. Especially the first paragraph.

Now if only I could think of good advice for the two of us. The book siddhartha has helped me a lottt over the years. I read it again and again


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Anonymous #6

Re: I'm horrible with my emotions [Re: Anonymous #5]
    #22327146 - 10/03/15 07:48 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Oh yeah, totally.  I'm alexithymic though. 

It effects my ability to perceive emotions in others.  And I'm rather robotic in my methodology in emotional connection as it's nothing more than inputs, outputs, and calculations based on previous scripts learned.  God forbid there occurs something not planned for, I tend to stumble or just get stuck in thought for a minute, then the person starts pandering to either my ego(as if I'm offended) or thinks I don't speak english.

You sound pretty aware of your emotions, and it's just the outlet is what is giving you strife.  So if you give them the permissible outlet(much like a soda under pressure, controlled venting so it won't blow) or find the point at which they arise, perhaps you won't suffer so much from impromptu expressions. With finding the point, just watch as it arises or think back to trigger points, when you remove the trigger(catalyst) the gun will cease to shoot(anger will be subdued and/or nullified depending on work).


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Anonymous #7

Re: I'm horrible with my emotions [Re: Anonymous #6]
    #22332120 - 10/04/15 10:38 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Take a shitload of mushrooms. We're talking 7 grams here. It'll show you why. You'll know what to do then.


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