Please see my previous thread from yesterday for a little more info onthe situation. Would you turn this essay in to a college professor?
Shortly after my eighteenth birthday I had the privilege to experience my first LSD trip. My first experience with this astonishingly captivating chemical occurred on a cold November night in 2014, and it changed my life forever. It was a night full of mystical wonder and self-exploration. As soon as the chemical took hold of me, a tremendous surge of energy and love fell over me. It was almost an overwhelming feeling of electric energy as well as a constantly growing internal peace. While it is difficult for me to articulate such a bizarre experience into words, I can definitely say that my experiences under the influence of LSD have been some of the most profound moments of my existence. To date, I have undergone four LSD trips, each incredibly unique and intriguing in their own ways. Throughout my experiences, I have gained a new appreciation for life, as well as a newfound love for my fellow man, which has shaped the person that I am today in a very drastic way.
My first time trying lysergic acid diethylamide was on an unusually cold southern Louisiana night in late November of 2014. Uncertain of what to expect and full of my usual anxiety, it took me several hours to convince myself to take the initial plunge and place the small square tab of paper on my tongue. After a seemingly endless evening of anxious contemplation, I was finally able to swallow my nerves and follow through with the deed. To calm my nerves, I decided to take a hot shower and continue on with my night until I began to feel something, and forty-five minutes later I was finally feeling that ‘something.’ Suddenly, it was if an electric surge was shooting throughout my entire body. There was definite energy that I felt deep within me, and it was rapidly dwelling up with each passing second. Soon thereafter things started to become oddly interesting. My thought process quickly became increasingly complex and abstract, as my entire view of the world began to take a new shape. All at once it was if my emotions and my six senses had been intensified tenfold. That night I felt emotions that I had never known that I was capable of feeling. While the experience was intense, I felt soothingly content with my place in this world, which was a very welcomed feeling for someone such as myself, who often has often felt discontent with his surroundings and the state of the world as a whole. Over the course of the following three months I would go on to better acquaint myself with LSD on a number of occasions. Amazed and overwhelmed with my first experience, I shared my tales of insight and discovery with my close friend, Brady. Cautious but intrigued, he ultimately made the decision to embark on a psychedelic experience with me in the early days of December of 2015. The pair of us placed the tasteless white tabs of paper upon our tongues and waited, nervous but excited with anticipation, and it was not long before the fun began. Throughout the night I felt that an underflow of love and compassion for both the world and my fellow man pour out of my body. Abruptly, the reality that I had once known was transformed into something strangely different. Although many people simply consider the visual distortion aspect of psychedelics, the psychedelic experience is much more than that. It is a temporary metamorphosis of one’s mind and senses. From our first mutual experience with the substance to now, I have only taken the chemical while in the accompaniment of Brady. As a result, I have shared several very memorable and emotionally intense moments with him since then. Brady is not the type of person to vocalize his feelings towards others, and is emotionally introverted.
Regardless of this, on one particular night Brady and I found ourselves once again under the influence of this mystical chemical. As we felt the substance beginning to take effect, we decided to take a walk. As the two of us trekked down the road, our voices pierced through the silent winter night like knives. While walking, I could not help but to examine the geometrical patterns that where emerging in the asphalt. With my vision intensified, each individual black chunk of cement that made up the road began to stand out, each pebble a rigid square, triangle, or some other geometric random shape. As we continued our journey down the endless street, our conversation drifted from the next meaningless topic to the next. We discussed school, work, and of course the subjectively effects of the drug that we were both experiencing. However meaningless the conversation had started out, our talks soon veered to more serious topics, such as life, aspirations, and love. Brady, having a young son, began to divulge to me that he doesn’t let just anyone into his home and around his family. He told me that he only allows those that he trusted into his home and around his young family. I immediately recognized the peculiar nature of the situation. Brady has a very unserious and humorous attitude, and is always cracking jokes and trying to make people laugh through some type of antic. Suddenly, my clown of a friend had become very serious, and I deeply appreciated his kind words. I felt accepted, almost as if I was an animal being accepted into a pack, or some type of sports player being recruited onto an elite team. I suddenly felt wanted, appreciated, and loved. It was at this moment that I realized the gravity of his words, and a warm wave of love and acceptance flowed over me. As a human being, I feel that most of us crave acceptance and love from our peers. Despite my past experiences with having difficulty feeling truly accepted, in a sudden and unexpected rush I had gained a very welcomed sense of belonging.
During my most recent trial with LSD, I experienced the dreaded ‘bad’ trip. I was in a terrible state-of-mind at the time, but at the urging of my friends I decided to consume the acid regardless of how I felt. This turned out to be a detrimental decision. Already in a negative mental headspace, this negativity was only exasperated by the acid. Before I could comprehend what exactly was going on, I was thrown into a mental hell. I had forced myself to undergo a very intense and exhausting experience when I did not necessarily feel quite up to it, and as a result the bad trip manifested itself in a very real way. I was overwhelmed with visual and mental stimulation. My entire field of visual had been transformed into a kaleidoscope of changing colors, while I felt that my mind had been sent into overdrive. The events of the night itself are still blurry to this day, but I distinctly remember the intense fear that I felt for the twelve hours following my initial consumption of the drug. At one instance I convinced myself that I would feel much safer at home in my own bed. Against my better judgment, I made my way outside and behind the wheel of my car. I was simply trying to escape the psychedelic nightmare that I had been plunged into. I turned the key in the ignition and the cold air from outside blasted through my air condition. I decided to sit and wait for a couple of minutes for the heat to finally kick in and for my body to warm up. The next memory that I have been able to recollect is Brady swinging my car door open and pulling me from the vehicle, cursing at me and telling me what a fool I was to get behind the wheel of a vehicle in the state that I was in. Overcome with the mental anguish of the intense fear that had manifested over me, I had nearly made a potentially costly decision. Looking back on that night, I am very grateful that my friend pulled me out of the car and forced me to go back inside his home. Had it not been for him that night, I could very well be sitting in a cage right now, or even in a casket.
Although this was my most difficult trip to date, it proved to be my most rewarding trip. I put myself in a potentially deadly situation that night, and if it wouldn’t have been for the quick thinking of a friend, there is really no way to predict what the outcome of the fateful car ride home would have been. It was this realization that has forced me to view life through a slightly different lens. I now place a greater emphasis on my personal relationships with others in my life, whether that is members of my family or close friends. I am aware that life is a very unique and strange and wonderful gift, and that can be dashed away with one unfortunately decision. More than anything, this trip has made me realize that I want a life of substance. I do not want to live a monotonous life of drudgery and familiarity. I crave a life deluging with meaning. More than anything, I want a life that is memorable.
Throughout my experimentation with acid, I have gained priceless appreciations for the world and humanity, which I truly believe has made me a better individual, at least to some degree. I have had the opportunity to share meaningful conversations and feelings with those who would have been hesitant to delve into such deep, personal dialogues had they not been under the influence of a potent psychedelic substance. These abstruse trials with LSD have, without a doubt, shaped the person whom I am in this very moment. Now aware of the fragility of life, I have been making attempts to establish more fulfilling relationships with those that I situate myself around. Although I may not be the most optimistic person in this present moment, acid has given me the opportunity to see the beautiful underbelly of life, as well as a lifetime of pondering.
-------------------- "Id rather be a heroin addict and smell like heroin and crave it all day than to be a stained tie-die T-shirt wearing hippy that smells like feet and that doesn't wear socks." -Bill_Oreilly
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