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OfflineNear Dylan
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Registered: 07/29/15
Posts: 13,929
Last seen: 7 days, 20 hours
Looking for a bit of advice
    #22271760 - 09/21/15 09:42 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

So, I dated this girl for a year. It started out kind of awkward but got serious very fast. About a month into the relationship I was seeing her every day for at least 6 hours, and it stayed that way for awhile. I was happy, and she was happy, but I started to lose touch with my friends, and they made it clear to me. I decided that I needed to reach back out to my friends and I cut down to seeing her about 3 or  4 times a week. After I did this, the relationship got very rocky and we always would have animosity towards each other. I still loved her, but we just became like a married couple, and I didn't like that. Soon the relationship became a lost cause and I ended it with her. Soon after, I tried to rekindle the relationship, but she was not interested. I started to feel really empty inside and slowly became more and more depressed. Eventually the depression didn't even have anything to do with the relationship. But about a week ago she called me and we talked for a bit and she said that she missed me and wanted me to come over. I agreed and went over to her house on Saturday, and was there from 12 in the afternoon to midnight. We ended up having sex and talked about getting back together. Now it's sunday, and I'm going to her house again. Do you think it'd be a bad idea to get back together with her? She's very important to me, but I feel like the relationship will just end the same way. Sorry I'm asking about stupid girl shit, it's just really bothering me.


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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
High on Spite
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Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
Re: Looking for a bit of advice [Re: Near Dylan]
    #22272524 - 09/22/15 03:26 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

I do, but I don't tend to view relationships the same way as most people.  I would not call myself a relationship "expert" so take what I say with a grain of salt.

It sounds like she was probably upset that you stopped paying so much attention to her, so she started being passive aggressive.  At this point it stopped being fun, so like any sane person you ended the relationship.  Realizing that you didn't want to fuck your friends you became lonely for companionship, and your mind went back to the place it is conditioned to look for solace in that sense.

That is how brains work.  It is like trying to quit a drug.  Even if you know that the drug wasn't good for you, when you stop you will still dream of it and have cravings.

She is a human being, not a drug, so it is a little different.  I think if you could talk to her and express what troubles you were having in the relationship before, then it is possible it could work.  You're going to have to use your judgement to know if she understands you, and is willing to compromise and allow you room to do the things that you want to do in life.  You might also have to compromise yourself.  If you feel like you are not being heard, you were probably right to call it off in the first place.

Just getting back together because you are lonely will almost certainly end in the same place or worse, but if you communicate what you want out of the relationship to her honestly I think it is possible that it could work.  Lots of people have a hard time doing this, especially when you're lonely/horny, so maybe write in a journal or even write her a letter about how you feel and be honest.  If you're not thoughtful and honest, somebody is going to get hurt.  Probably both of you, so take your time and don't rush back in.


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OfflineJacksonMetaller
Stranger

Registered: 03/13/11
Posts: 13,361
Last seen: 1 year, 1 month
Re: Looking for a bit of advice [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #22272643 - 09/22/15 04:54 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Managing time between a spouse and friends can be really difficult in certain situations. That alone isn't any indication that you aren't good for eachother. Sounds like you just had a way of doing things, shifted, then failed to appropriately adjust. This could be for many reasons including that these changes don't work for one or both parties or maybe there was just poor communication. Try and figure out why that is and give it another go. After the initial phase relationships aren't easy and you will often have to put conscious energy into things you normally wouldn't


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OfflineNear Dylan
Shitpost Artist


Registered: 07/29/15
Posts: 13,929
Last seen: 7 days, 20 hours
Re: Looking for a bit of advice [Re: JacksonMetaller]
    #22276771 - 09/22/15 10:37 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Thank you guys for replying! Another big reason that the relationship broke up is because she is very very possessive and gets jealous EXTREMELY easily. Having female friends became impossible. I was an anti-monogamy type a guy until I met her, believe it or not. I never cheated on her, but I am just not a possessive or jealous partner at all, but she took that as me not loving her enough. Luckily, I have been seeing her for a couple days and she is not nearly as unreasonable as she used to be :lol: she seems to have matured a lot in the past 10 months and even checked herself in for a stay in the mental hospital. She said she needed to collect her thoughts. She seems pretty much more sane so far, but I don't want to jump to conclusions just yet. She is smoking cigarettes again, but I don't much mind it as she never does it around me. I love her as much as I used to, but I'm still just not sure if it would be a good idea to get back together.


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Invisibleonce in a lifetime
sun child
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Registered: 02/12/15
Posts: 1,807
Re: Looking for a bit of advice [Re: Near Dylan]
    #22278270 - 09/23/15 11:01 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

It sounds like you have the makings of a good relationship.  Upon reading the first para, my reply was - yep, I would say get back together but find a way to address the balance between friends and girlfriend - later on, seems even better - 10 months is a veeeery long time in terms of personal growth - or can be.  Seems great and I say go for it -

Does she do art, or paint or write?  A lot of people who feel life much more fully. . . I use that term :smile: hehe - have creative pursuits & endeavors as well. . . and so encouraging those if she has 'em could be very good as well.

okay that's my rambling for the day :smile:

best,
Jake


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