Okay, so my first trip was a little under 3 grams. During this trip I : - Didn't have any visuals - Couldn't stop smiling. Felt the most joy I've ever felt. I felt like having sex with the hottest woman in the world wouldn't be better. In fact I would have turned it down. - Felt like all I needed was ME to be the happiest I could ever be. No amount of food, sex, external objects could ever compare. - Music and everything around me gave me crazy joyous energy.
So yesterday I decide to take McKennas heroic dose.
I eat all five grams around 4:30 sitting in my recliner. I'm waiting for it to kick in. I felt waves of the shrooms, each one more powerful than the last. But never really saw hallucinations that others claim to have. Nothing that seemed too powerful for me. I was basically thinking my shrooms had gone bad or something.
The next thing I knew, I felt something very powerful, something that can't be described. I don't really remember it too well. But it knocked me to about 20% of my conscious self. At this point, I curl up into the fetal position in my recliner on my side.
Now I'm seeing some being that had a jack-o-lanterns head, with a weird mammoth-like animals body. It was lurking somewhere in the the background but I couldn't pinpoint where exactly, I just sensed it. It wasn't talking to me, but I sensed it's energy communicating to me. It "told" me something along the lines of "well are you coming? You're not some kind of pussy are you? But it wasn't really "telling" me, just thinking to himself. Soon after, this being disappeared.
The next thing I remember, I'm in hyperspace. At this point, my physical body, had slid off my recliner, and I'm laying in the fetal position on my apartment floor. I'm completely out of it, breathing hard, and sweating a bit, while tugging my hair, but not so hard that it would come out.
In my hyperspace travel, I notice that it's a funnel like shape, and everything since the beginning to time is connected to it. The stars and everything were smeared, almost like if you mixed different colors of paint swirled together. I was basically floating through this funnel.
Nothing of form existed in this dimension. Everything was waves of energy. With each wave that passed I felt like I was born and died again when it passed. Each wave was "resistance" in wave form. The resistance took many different "vibes" of energy. The more my being resisted these "conflict" waves the more everything around me would suffer. Then I figured out that all I had to do was surrender to these immensely powerful waves of resistance. That would end all suffering, and after I surrendered, there would be tranquility until the next wave came, and I did the same thing. The feeling of surrendering felt like the cowering behind your moms leg when you were a kid, and just hiding. Or going towards warmth and nourishment in the womb. Between the waves was warmth and peace, nothing to lose and everything to gain.
It felt there was a machine behind this hyperspace-funnel form, that worked in a circular fashion. And it kept going forever. I also felt that the more I tried to understand anything around me, the more suffering would occur, and the more pissed off the Universe would get. I felt the Universe was very condescending and would communicate to me that I was an absolute fucking moron if I tried to comprehend anything around me. But behind it all I knew it had my best interest at heart.
At this point it's night time (in reality) and I'm on the floor looking around, seeing some dark figures, but I quickly surrender to them, look them in the eye, and they quickly dissipate. I go back into a daze and I surrender hundreds more times. Basically I felt like I died around 200 times. Then I wake up and I'm pretty much completely sober, maybe just a little fuzzy.
So during this trip, I experienced a machine like loop of death. And I learned there is nothing to fear, but fear and resisting death itself. I learned through immense repetition, and feel like I almost have a muscle memory feel of "letting go" and let death take me, till the wave passes and peace greets me on the other side of that wave. Until it all happens again.
|