After my first time MXE, 14 days ago (see trip report) it was time for a follow up.
Warning: the core revelation of this trip may possibly offend you if you take the spiritual aspects of tripping a little bit too seriously. I do respect, and have always respected all your psychedelic insights into the spirit realm. Today was just different for me... I didn't ask for it to be so.
Again, the lovely Goldilocks, my fellow psychonaut was going to be the tripsitter. In the last two weeks she had done the MXE twice resulting in reports of swimming with fluorescent jellyfish and translucent dragonfly larvae, flying on a speck of micro pollen, and repeatedly whispering "I am the Universe" at the peak. Now it was my turn again.
Dosage: 20:00 25mg MXE sublingual 21:00 25mg MXE sublingual 22:30 20mg MXE sublingual
20:00 25mg sublingual, held for 10min, washed down with a cup of tea. Sat down reading a book.
20:45 Hits pretty hard, can only read on with great difficulty. Say: this is so much better than whisky.
21:00 25mg sublingual, held for 10min, washed down with tea. Tried walking around for a bit, wobbly.
21:30 Dimmed the lights, lie down in bed, closed eyes. Moderate visuals start immediately. Should have laid down earlier perhaps. Body high is fantastic.
The dissociative nature of MXE does something strange now. Somehow I feel as if I'm not tripping very hard at all. I'm wondering if the stuff is really working. This is nuts, because factually I'm completely incapacitated, can't walk, can't talk, have strange visuals, and am generally out of it. But there is so little mindfuck that I feel as if I'm very much straight. I soon find out I'm not.
22:00 I'm on my back in the dark. Very comfortable. Visuals are similar to last time. Shifting clouds, horizons. A recurring theme is textures. I see fabrics, raw fibered carton, plaster caster, wood fiber board, etc. All in the colors that you see when sober with your eyes closed. The difference with being sober is that now you can actually focus on the colors, and move your gaze around. Really inspect what you see behind your eyelids. You can't do that normally. It's not as exciting as mushroom visuals, but it is beautiful in a way.
22:15 I try to speak. To my surprise I effortlessly start speaking in tongues. This is new for me. It's sounds kind of pretty, elfish in a way. I do need to get if off my chest. I continue for a while...
Then it's time for that toilet visit again. Here I find that the tripsitter is essential. I'm so completely out of my mind (no in fact, out of my body, the mind is ok) that I wouldn't have been able to find my way to the bathroom in my own house. My eyes are slammed shut, opening them reveals a world I can't make sense of. By touch I scuttle along the walls. Touching the walls brings about beautiful visuals. I swear I can see the walls just by touching them. Synesthesia hits like mad. Like the previous time I can't believe I'm actually in the bathroom, and make Goldilocks reassure me I'm not in bed when I piss. Very strange all in all. But I'm ok.
22:30 I feel that I can take more. Goldilocks operates the scale and another 20mg is put on the table for me. I'm in a chair at the table. From way out on the right of my visual field a hand approaches the scale. Is that my hand I ask? It turns out it is! The hand picks up the spoon, and dumps the next 20mg under my tongue.
22:40 I'm being fed a cup of tea to wash the stuff down. Two hands holding a cup approach me. Two other hands come from nowhere. Now four hands are holding the cup, none of them really mine. The cup tilts, directions of up and down are a mystery. Somehow the tea is transferred from the cup into my mouth. A miracle of warmness enters me.
23:00 I'm starting to see the dome. It's a recurring visual. But it's very strange, and not at all what I expected. It is as if there is a little hatch in the ceiling of this dimension, and when I open it I stick my head through and inspect what's inside this other space. It is always like a small attic, a low ceiling, a very clear and empty space. It's small, too small to hold more than my upper body. It's walls are tilted and flat and empty, like being under a small roof. But there is an infinite variety of textures.
It is at the same time completely anti-climactic but very profound. And the textures are rich and beautiful.
23:30 I'm in my bed, but not really. I hear myself repeating: what IS this? where AM I? ... and simply: WOoOW! I don't remember how exactly I got through the next hour...
00:00 Now I start to seriously speak in tongues. I need to get it out, with force. It is pure sorcery. I'm not so much fighting the experience as violently trying to manipulate its energies. It is working! And it's great. This wild experience is being powerfully channeled through the sounds of my verbal magic, energy flowing through me with every syllable. Some serious Gandalfian stuff going on!
Then the laughing starts. I haven't laughed this hard in a long time. Sure, on salvia, but that lasts only a few minutes. This went on and on.
It's the anti-climax that gets to me. After seeing fiber carton textures all night, and seeing the inside of the dome for an hour and realizing how small it actually is, I suddenly understand: that mystical Dome that trippers report seeing on level 4 and up is just a 3 foot theater prop. This is psychedelic humor of the Monty Python kind!
The inside of the Dome is made of wood fiber, kind of beautiful, but utterly trivial. Ok, it resides in another dimension, but I'm used to that now. What remains is just a small 10$ wood fiber structure, unpainted, and it feels like it's mostly forgotten by those it was made for. I'm sure I just stumbled upon it by accident. There's no mystery and no secret. But this in itself is so strange that I just can't stop laughing.
That most mysterious object, The Dome, venerated by trippers of all ages, shows itself to me as being utterly trivial. There must either be some cosmic mistake here, or a grand psychedelic joke with a very weird and silly anti-climax. I laugh and laugh, the mental relief is crushing me.
I hope I don't offend anyone. I'm sure your dome was mystical and profound and godly. I really don't know what to make of this. All I can say is that when it presented itself to me in this fashion it was a hilarious anti-climax, one of god's best jokes ever!
I spend the next hour laughing like mad...
01:00 Suddenly the magic is over. As if a switch is flipped I'm back in my body, I can open my eyes and make sense of my surroundings. Putting my clothes on is very strange, there is still some strong body dismorphia going on. It takes a while before I can stand up and move about, and when I do it is very wobbly and drunkish but I'm back. In the next hour we talk about was has happened. That night I have long and beautiful dreams.
Conclusions:
There appear to be 3 stages to the MXE trip. 1: the semi-drunk stage, walking around is nice, there is energy, I want to talk and can do so, I'm extravert. 2: the dream stage, flat in my bed in the dark, no energy, no talking, I'm introvert. 3: the after stage, like stage 1, but much more intoxicated and with serious body dismorphia. Like being very drunk without the poisoned feeling. Again extravert.
MXE gives a lot of comfort. Seldom have I been so fucked up without any discomfort. It is also much less hyper than uppers and amphs.
The laughing was fantastic this time, I've laughed harder and longer than I have on shrooms for a long time. Next day my throat was sore.
I feel that I could go even further with the dosage next time. This still was most likely not the hole, or I would have known for sure.
Also, tonight has convinced me that a tripsitter is really essential. It would have been impossible, even dangerous if both of us would have been this whacked. No, we do it in turns from now on!
At some point in time it might be interesting to combine with shrooms, to see if the dissociative bliss of MXE can be combined with the profound shroomy magic and visuals.
+ = ??
Until next time (and there will be a next time soon), lots of love, and be safe!
Hanz.
-------------------- Small scale alternative parties rich in empathy and extravagance. Happen to know of one in the vicinity of Amsterdam? PM me my dear fellow. I love to meet some other freaks. Oh and, if you can,.. embrace the nyctomorph. It needs you.
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