|
Bigfeely123
Stranger
Registered: 01/30/15
Posts: 2,594
|
Don't know how to recuperate after guilt trip...
#22258557 - 09/18/15 11:22 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
|
|
Not sure why I'm even making this thread... I guess I'm just asking for some advice on what to do. But anyway the story is...
I've known this person for about two decades now. We used to live in the same general location. Nowadays I don't see them often, maybe once every year/couple years or so. We have a great relationship. We are very close-I'd even say that I sincerely love this person. Back in the day we used to party together quite often-smoke a lot of weed, drink beer on occasions & so on. They know that I still trip & smoke weed. They do not anymore nor are they allowed to now due to life circumstances. I think the only thing that this person does nowadays is drink alcohol on occasion. We were talking & walking & the subject came up about my frequent tripping habit. They strongly, strongly suggested (more like told me) that I shouldn't trip anymore because it can put others around me at risk-financially & physically. Saying that if I have a bad trip someone could call the cops on me or if someone found these things I'd be in great trouble thus causing the ones around me financial hardship. They told me I should get rid of my paraphernalia & what not. Saying that I should flush it down the toilet or do whatever I needed to do to get rid of it. I told them that honestly I wasn't going to do that. They asked me why I wouldn't & why is it so hard to get rid of it. It was kind of difficult for me to answer that. I just gave them a simple answer saying that I liked doing it. The thing is, no one knows that I trip. So the likelihood of that happening is zero. I have literally no friends, acquaintances, or anyone in my day to day life that would have a clue as to what I do because I never talk about these activities due to safety reasons. They even know that no one knows about my tripping habit other than them. I told them that what they were saying was the equivalent of saying that someone shouldn't drive a car because they could crash & die or someone shouldn't ride in an airplane because it could crash into the ground. I am not mad at this person for putting me on the spot like this but the thing is I can't seem to enjoy the last days that we will have together because the conversation that we had lingers in my head whenever I see them. They are leaving soon to go back to their normal location & it's hard for me to even look at them or talk to them. I don't know how to recuperate from this intense guilt trip.
I'm already a depressed person, I have been for years, & now I feel like even more shit. What do I do?
|
zZZz
jesus


Registered: 12/28/07
Posts: 33,478
|
Re: Don't know how to recuperate after guilt trip... [Re: Bigfeely123]
#22258740 - 09/19/15 01:24 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
|
|
they might just be concerned for u, nothing bad about that really, just means u have peeps out there who really care for u probably 
it does seem strange that they would bring it up in such a way, but i mean what r u go do 
they're right in a way tho, those things really can happen and whether u didnt like what was said i think it should be taken into consideration
if they are as good of friends as u say they are then i'd really try to get over it man. probably not worth losing friends over this bullshit.
|
Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
|
Re: Don't know how to recuperate after guilt trip... [Re: zZZz]
#22258994 - 09/19/15 04:58 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
|
|
I feel ya man. I can't stand being told what I should do by anyone. If I seek advice from someone, that's one thing, but for another to force unsolicited advice on me is quite something else, and I very much have to temper my internal reactions before allowing a [very toned down] external reaction.
I think you played it well, and I also think that zZz raises a good point about letting it slide and realising that they probably only had your best interests at heart. Even if they didn't, it is something that you should overlook IMO. I only have one friend that understands why I trip; 95% of people I meet out there seem to think of the idea as outlandish and scary (social programming?). Unfortunately, whilst TPTB still have harsh sentences for having these kind of things in your possession, it is a good idea to not have them in your possession!
So he talks sense. It's probably just become a subject that's worth avoiding with this friend, as it is with most people IME.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
|
CosmicJoke
happy mutant



Registered: 04/05/00
Posts: 10,848
Loc: Portland, OR
|
Re: Don't know how to recuperate after guilt trip... [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
#22259028 - 09/19/15 05:29 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
Jokeshopbeard said: TPTB still have harsh sentences for having these kind of things in your possession, it is a good idea to not have them in your possession!
So he talks sense. It's probably just become a subject that's worth avoiding with this friend, as it is with most people IME.
I want it all, the whole damned pharmacopoea. Can't help it, I want everything. Don't drive with drugs and it's virtually impossible to get caught in my personal experience... I'm sure there are OD circumstances and bad trip freak outs and so forth that could get you in trouble.... I just don't drive with them, 'cuz 99.9% of people I know who got nailed were driving with them.
-------------------- Everything is better than it was the last time. I'm good. If we could look into each others hearts, and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care. It takes a lot of courage to go out there and radiate your essence. I know you scared, you should ask us if we scared too. If you was there, and we just knew you cared too.
|
nuentoter
conduit



Registered: 09/17/08
Posts: 2,721
Last seen: 7 years, 21 days
|
Re: Don't know how to recuperate after guilt trip... [Re: CosmicJoke]
#22259047 - 09/19/15 05:51 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
|
|
I think you honestly just have a good caring friend.I think they are right about the paraphernalia part. The only paraphernalia I own is a pack of papers that I keep with my rolling tobacco but never use for tobacco. If I were you I would thank your friend for caring about you and tell them you'll consider their advice. Whether you seriously do or don't is up to you. Moral dilemmas suck when it comes from someone you actually cares about and care about their opinion.
--------------------
The geometry of us is no chance. We are antennae, we are tuning forks, we are receiver and transmitters of all energy. We are more than we know. - @entheolove "I found I could say things with color and shapes that I couldn't say any other way - things I had no words for" - Georgia O'Keefe I think the word is vagina
|
Bigfeely123
Stranger
Registered: 01/30/15
Posts: 2,594
|
Re: Don't know how to recuperate after guilt trip... [Re: nuentoter]
#22259190 - 09/19/15 07:14 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
|
|
Hello guys. How are you all doing today. Thank you zZZz, Jokeshopbeard, CosmicJoke, & nuentoter for the replies. You are all right. This person just cares for me & seems to be looking out for my best interest. I guess I was just seriously taken back about how they came off about it-almost as if they were telling me what to do. Also I really felt bad about the things they were saying, how my drug use could ruin everything for the ones around me-financially, emotionally, & so on. To me it is like a one in a million chance of it happening because no one in person that I know knows about this secret of mine nor do I drive with these things. I guess literally speaking they're absolutely right though... Like I said, I'm not mad at this person, even though that is what they probably think... I just didn't have the means or the emotional stability to recup & wound up going deeper into my depression. I will make amends with them today & enjoy the last few days that we have together. Once again, thanks a lot guys. I hope everyone is having a great day.
|
CosmicJoke
happy mutant



Registered: 04/05/00
Posts: 10,848
Loc: Portland, OR
|
Re: Don't know how to recuperate after guilt trip... [Re: Bigfeely123]
#22259217 - 09/19/15 07:29 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
|
|
They've reached "the adult" personality stage, they'll have kids, furthering their education, the arts, being present and high, all that will likely end. If you want a quick and easy fix to save your friendship, just stop talking about drugs.......... If you want more than a superficial relationship where you can be yourself without hiding, you need to have a heart to heart with him and tell him you only are willing to live an authentic life.
-------------------- Everything is better than it was the last time. I'm good. If we could look into each others hearts, and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care. It takes a lot of courage to go out there and radiate your essence. I know you scared, you should ask us if we scared too. If you was there, and we just knew you cared too.
|
Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
|
Re: Don't know how to recuperate after guilt trip... [Re: CosmicJoke]
#22259224 - 09/19/15 07:32 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
CosmicJoke said: If you want more than a superficial relationship where you can be yourself without hiding, you need to have a heart to heart with him and tell him you only are willing to live an authentic life.
That's a fine piece of advice man. I would add, as a caveat, that this may result in the friendship naturally dissolving. Some people, IME, are just not ready to have a friend who is totally authentic with them.
CJ - you said this to me recently in another thread - it's hard to be your true self.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
|
OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
Loc: Under the C
|
Re: Don't know how to recuperate after guilt trip... [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
#22259266 - 09/19/15 07:52 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
|
|

I would scare people if you saw the real me.
--------------------
|
Rahz
Alive Again



Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,230
|
Re: Don't know how to recuperate after guilt trip... [Re: OrgoneConclusion]
#22259333 - 09/19/15 08:27 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
|
|
The friend in the op, dude is trippin'
Serious pun.
-------------------- rahz comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace "You’re not looking close enough if you can only see yourself in people who look like you." —Ayishat Akanbi
|
CosmicJoke
happy mutant



Registered: 04/05/00
Posts: 10,848
Loc: Portland, OR
|
Re: Don't know how to recuperate after guilt trip... [Re: CosmicJoke]
#22259408 - 09/19/15 09:04 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
Jokeshopbeard said:
Quote:
CosmicJoke said: If you want more than a superficial relationship where you can be yourself without hiding, you need to have a heart to heart with him and tell him you only are willing to live an authentic life.
That's a fine piece of advice man. I would add, as a caveat, that this may result in the friendship naturally dissolving. Some people, IME, are just not ready to have a friend who is totally authentic with them.
CJ - you said this to me recently in another thread - it's hard to be your true self.
I suspect that is the natural course of things, as my parents had children they distanced themselves from ganja, knowing they needed job security etc. to take of me and my bro. Now that I've been out of the house for 17 years my mom will smoke pot with me, it's pretty funny the way she holds a joint and makes all these odd faces lol, just fumbling but she's a great conversationalist while stoned, I have nobody to talk literary fiction with except my mother.....I spent a solid decade reading books related to psychedelic spirituality, I'm over it now. It was funny cuz she joined in with my quackery beliefs I think to relate to me better, she would read deepak chopra or the Dalai lama and started going to Buddhism meditation sessions. A couple years ago she read the Electric Koolaid Acid Test and loved the book. Maybe they can reconnect some day down the road when the kids are grown and gainfully employed.
-------------------- Everything is better than it was the last time. I'm good. If we could look into each others hearts, and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care. It takes a lot of courage to go out there and radiate your essence. I know you scared, you should ask us if we scared too. If you was there, and we just knew you cared too.
|
Bigfeely123
Stranger
Registered: 01/30/15
Posts: 2,594
|
Re: Don't know how to recuperate after guilt trip... [Re: CosmicJoke]
#22262712 - 09/19/15 10:58 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
|
|
@CosmicJoke, You're right... especially about them reaching the "adult personality stage". I suppose, even though I am an adult, I just don't have that mentality. I don't plan on talking about drugs or adding much to the conversation if that subject does come up again. Which I doubt it will. If it does I'll just tell them that it is something I don't feel comfortable talking about them with. They were the one who brought it up initially while we were on the walk that night. Because of how vastly different they are now from what they were years ago I don't see myself being able to 100% be me around them anymore.
This whole thing brings me down... I guess that's just life.
|
|