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OfflineAlmond Flour
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Re: Lack of sleep. [Re: vandago]
    #22263829 - 09/20/15 08:45 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

I'd be worried about your sanity bro....slow it down a tad


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Hippies and Liberals love Pope Francis, so why dont I quote him for you guys. "There is NO SALVATION outside the Catholic Church" :morningtoke:


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Invisiblemicro
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Re: Lack of sleep. [Re: Almond Flour]
    #22263839 - 09/20/15 08:49 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

I just sleep when I'm tired.

Recently stayed up 6 nights in  row and started hallucinating.

It was kinda cool B)

(alcohol withdrawal had a lot to do with that)

Otherwise, I often don't sleep more than 4 hours.

At least you catch up on it that Sunday...


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Invisiblevandago
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Re: Lack of sleep. [Re: micro]
    #22269902 - 09/21/15 03:00 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

I just dont even know what to do. Its taking my sanity quick. Im having a daily meltdown. Deleted my facebook. I wish i could delete this account. I am so far behind on every bill, and heavily in debt to the irs. Im sleepwalking when i do sleep and hurting myself. Apparently i nose dived into my drum kit last night.


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Invisiblemicro
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Re: Lack of sleep. [Re: vandago]
    #22269962 - 09/21/15 03:12 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Wow. You try antihistimines? Sleeping pills? Benzos? (not all at once, lol)


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Any research paper or book for free
(Avatar is Maxxy, a character by Mizzyam, RIP)


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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
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Re: Lack of sleep. [Re: vandago]
    #22269978 - 09/21/15 03:15 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

I would suspect the benzos I think you said you were taking when it comes to sleepwalking, and stress of course.  Most sedatives do similar things to me.

Please get some help man.  I have a friend that reached the end of his rope and became suicidal, and he ended up "sectioning" himself to get into a rehab.  I know that is not appealing at all, but it sounds like you're in pretty rough shape so if you're really falling apart please go to the hospital or a doctor and tell them the truth.  The should help you out with the mental side of things.  If you are not sure about what to do call a suicide hotline and ask for advice.  It's anonymous and they're there to help.

All this stuff is manageable, even though I know it must seem like it is not, you just need some time man.  You're a really good dude and you deserve a break, so please don't let stupid things like money get in the way of your health and happiness.


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Invisiblevandago
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Re: Lack of sleep. [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #22270044 - 09/21/15 03:28 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Im not thinking suicide....im having this delusion i already did. Its been happening since last halloween. It comes and goes....but its getting awful. I had to get back on benzos in dec because i was a complete basketcase. Not working, hiding inside all day in my room playing doom 3 like it was my fate in a video game. It started getting a lot better but all this stress triggered it again. Im staying up all night 36 hrs a week, then im up on a ladder for 30 hrs.  Some days i dont even know what time it is or day it is. I missed my moms bday even though i talked about it the whole week prior. I keep questioning everything....i still have ptsd from all the legal troubles and jail. I always think everyones a cop. Numbers are even starting to hold meaning like in number 23.....my brain is just gone.

I had a doctor appointment today that i completely forgot about. My lovely new blisters have been making life ( after? )that much more unbearable, i somehow even have them on my foot, and i was reading herpes is also neurotoxic. Im making an appointment with a neurologist tomorrow.


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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
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Re: Lack of sleep. [Re: vandago]
    #22270382 - 09/21/15 04:55 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Well that's good to hear.  Good luck with the neurologist.  I know what it's like to be so fed up, I'm not even totally out of the woods myself, but when I got there I just had to give in and slow down.  If you're taking drugs it should be under medical supervision.

I have a routiene I do almost every day that I credit for keeping me sane.  It involves eating a healthy breakfast every day, I go jogging or take a walk, and don't really drink or party anymore.  You'll have to find what works for you, but you need to have something that you know you can do to make sure you're working on yourself and at least having a little respite from your troubles. 

You should make an effort to stay close to your family if they are important to you.  Nobody but my family really cares about me, even if their expectations are frustrating sometimes.  I think it's important that you be stable in case they need your help someday.  Missing a birthday is forgivable, but if you harm yourself I think it would really hurt them and that just perpetuates the cycle of suffering. 

It takes a really strong person to forgive yourself and just let yourself exist as you are, but I think you're getting there and if you stick it out you'll see that things can change for the better.


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Invisiblevandago
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Re: Lack of sleep. [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #22274672 - 09/22/15 03:31 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Thats a heck of a healthy post for me to read. My mom is the only one thats important family wise. I really dont have much tying me down here other than not being able to drive for 3 years. So many bad decisions has just led to me being swamped. Ive lost a shit load of friends the last two years strictly from losing my grip on reality.


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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
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Re: Lack of sleep. [Re: vandago] * 1
    #22275624 - 09/22/15 06:35 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

I think the real turning point for me when was I was finally at the end of my rope, I had to be honest with my mother about what I was going through.  I owe it to my sister for pushing me to do this, who always stuck by me and is my best friend.  I can't possibly tell you how hard that was, but I suspect you have some idea.  Do it in your own time, but once you start being truly honest with the people closest to you, you'll see there is no other way to live.

Nobody can get me through the day and make decisions for me but myself, and sometimes I still find myself being stubborn and irritable, as are the people that love me, but it makes it so much easier to have integrity and respect myself knowing that people are there for me no matter what.  It's a cliche, but the truth will really set you free.



Edited by moonrockmushy (09/22/15 06:43 PM)


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Invisiblevandago
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Re: Lack of sleep. [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #22286997 - 09/25/15 03:17 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

I'm really glad I made this thread. I wish I had more outlets to actually vent with.  I have very little positive things going on in my life now.  Comedy may seem positive, but comedians are very rude to comedians they dont like.....and my comedy is not accepted by the majority.

My mind plays awful tricks on me.  I think I'm some monster all the time and deserve punishment.  Have since I was born :/


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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
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Re: Lack of sleep. [Re: vandago]
    #22287177 - 09/25/15 05:48 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Comedy seems positive.  Comedians, notsomuch :lol:  I certainly wouldn't want to depend on the most insecure and wittiest people for my friends, that's a pretty volatile combination.  It's one of those things where reality probably doesn't meet expectations.  I think anyone who is going to stay sane and connected to reality needs to put normal friends and family first.

Most people in entertainment seem to come across very nice but I think they rarely show their true face, and they will eat alive anyone that tries to be an individual.  Don't let other people's expectations get to you.  If you are doing comedy because you love it, there will always be a place to do stand up comedy, and you have just as much of a right as anyone to be up there.  Try to arrange your life so that you can do what you love, and if you get lucky and put in the time you might be able to make a profession out of it. 

Re-learning to do everything without drugs is hard as fuck, but I think if you can manage to cut back and stay focused you would be sharper in the end.


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Invisiblevandago
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Re: Lack of sleep. [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #22296830 - 09/27/15 01:30 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Drugs haven't been much of an issue.  I stay away from all stimulants now.  I don't seek out dissociatives like I used to.  I do K every few months, but even that just tears so much reality away from me.  I used to be so into dissociatives......binged on MXE for weeks.....I haven't done that drug in a year now, and I really have a desire to do it again, but I know it's just going to make things worse.

Alcohol is the demon I am really battling more than anything when it comes to chemical abuse. That and cigs.  I drink almost everyday from stress and isolation.  I am cutting back this week and weening down to where it's safe to stop.  Taking kpins and drinking is not safe, and I do it a lot :/ .  I'd like to get back to how I was when I was 26 and doing crossfit training, p 90 x, and eating healthy.  That whole year was amazing.....but thats also the year I was doing mxe like it was gods gift to me.  I was doing 1.5 hr work outs on 200 mg of MXE spread out through the work out.  Every water break I would do about 30 mg, and at the end of the work out, by the time I got in the shower, I was just GONE.  Then I'd go lay down and venture through space.....

....but it feels like something came back with me....

I dunno.  Demonic possession may sound crazy.....but that's how it feels when I think of that drug.  Like the book/movie The Sphere, I feel like I am manifesting everything all the time....which I already thought were true since my first acid trip.....but now I like manifest things almost instantly.....not major things.....but like license plates, numbers, colors of cars.....I know that has to do with lack of sleep and stress though as well.


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