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OfflineKinko
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Guide to becoming a world-class criminal.
    #22238234 - 09/14/15 07:25 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

What makes a good criminal? Paying attention to detail and knowing when to quit/leave come to mind. As well as not talking to anyone about your business , keeping a pre paid phone in hand, and possibly? Maybe? Move around if you draw attention.    What are other aspects that make a good criminal? What crimes they choose to commit? Which people to target?      Im looking for pointers since alot of you sell/used to sell drugs and or theft.    Are there any criminals out there with pointers or loopholes when it comes to the system? How can you abuse the ho? ( remove sticker from cheap item , put said sticker on expensive item ( meat?) and scan thru self checkout. Thats just one example i heard of. Make this thread a guide for future criminals to study. How would you do it?


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OfflineMescalean
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Re: Guide to becoming a world-class criminal. [Re: Kinko]
    #22238247 - 09/14/15 07:28 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

with crime the big dick of the law will eventually fuck you. it's ineveitable


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OfflineGreenRabbit
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Re: Guide to becoming a world-class criminal. [Re: Mescalean] * 4
    #22238256 - 09/14/15 07:31 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Lol.

Asking about being a world-class criminal and your example is shoplifting meat. :lol:


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InvisibleLe_Canard
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Re: Guide to becoming a world-class criminal. [Re: Kinko] * 1
    #22238257 - 09/14/15 07:31 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Get into politics. If you ain't corrupt when you start, you will be eventually.


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Offlinetwighead
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Re: Guide to becoming a world-class criminal. [Re: Kinko]
    #22238259 - 09/14/15 07:32 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Become a fed. reserve or IMF banker


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OfflineMescalean
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Re: Guide to becoming a world-class criminal. [Re: twighead]
    #22238264 - 09/14/15 07:33 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Le_Canard said:
Get into politics. If you ain't corrupt when you start, you will be eventually.



Quote:

twighead said:
Become a fed. reserve or IMF banker




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OfflineBoomertown
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Re: Guide to becoming a world-class criminal. [Re: Mescalean]
    #22238276 - 09/14/15 07:36 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Patience


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OfflineKinko
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Re: Guide to becoming a world-class criminal. [Re: Mescalean]
    #22238279 - 09/14/15 07:37 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Mescalean said:
Quote:

Le_Canard said:
Get into politics. If you ain't corrupt when you start, you will be eventually.



Quote:

twighead said:
Become a fed. reserve or IMF banker






While i agree with everything said above its far - fetched for a low intelligence and or starting out criminal. I want pointers for someone aspiring to become a criminal. What should they look out for? What are good criminal paths which take little risks and little time to accomplish?


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OfflineKinko
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Re: Guide to becoming a world-class criminal. [Re: Boomertown]
    #22238281 - 09/14/15 07:37 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Boomertown said:
Patience



Solid advice.


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InvisibleShroomerInTheRye
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Re: Guide to becoming a world-class criminal. [Re: Kinko] * 1
    #22238284 - 09/14/15 07:38 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Walk into your local Wells Fargo and ask them.  Those fuckers were found guilty of over 56,000 counts of fraud during the housing crisis and not a single bastard has seen jail time.


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OfflineKinko
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Re: Guide to becoming a world-class criminal. [Re: GreenRabbit]
    #22238288 - 09/14/15 07:38 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

GreenRabbit said:
Lol.

Asking about being a world-class criminal and your example is shoplifting meat. :lol:



Its an easy and clever way for a youngster to test the waters with.


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OfflineKinko
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Re: Guide to becoming a world-class criminal. [Re: ShroomerInTheRye]
    #22238294 - 09/14/15 07:40 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

ShroomerInTheRye said:
Walk into your local Wells Fargo and ask them.  Those fuckers were found guilty of over 56,000 counts of fraud during the housing crisis and not a single bastard has seen jail time.



Exactly Big criminals dont get punished so the least us low life criminals can have is a guide on how to protect ourselfs.


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Offlinetwighead
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Re: Guide to becoming a world-class criminal. [Re: Kinko]
    #22238297 - 09/14/15 07:40 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Kinko said:
Quote:

Mescalean said:
Quote:

Le_Canard said:
Get into politics. If you ain't corrupt when you start, you will be eventually.



Quote:

twighead said:
Become a fed. reserve or IMF banker






While i agree with everything said above its far - fetched for a low intelligence and or starting out criminal. I want pointers for someone aspiring to become a criminal. What should they look out for? What are good criminal paths which take little risks and little time to accomplish?



Well it's going to be difficult for anyone with low intelligence... you need to be able to match wits with the people who are trying to stop you. Unless you just have incredibly good slight of hand.


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¿Check out some art m8?



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InvisibleNiffla
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Re: Guide to becoming a world-class criminal. [Re: Kinko] * 1
    #22238558 - 09/14/15 08:40 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

GreenRabbit said:
Lol.

Asking about being a world-class criminal and your example is shoplifting meat. :lol:




Quote:

Kinko said:
remove sticker from cheap item , put said sticker on expensive item ( meat?) and scan thru self checkout. Thats just one example i heard of.




:mindexpanding:

damn homey that's some straight Al Capone level type shit


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HAIL OUR NEW OTD KING


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Offlinetwighead
mͯó
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Re: Guide to becoming a world-class criminal. [Re: Niffla]
    #22238582 - 09/14/15 08:46 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

:gameover::highdog:


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¿Check out some art m8?



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InvisibleNiffla
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Re: Guide to becoming a world-class criminal. [Re: twighead] * 1
    #22238606 - 09/14/15 08:52 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Just went to the grocery store and pulled off the ultimate caper

Took the barcode off the generic brand ranch and put it on a bottle of Kraft ranch

saved $1.19


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Offlinetwighead
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Re: Guide to becoming a world-class criminal. [Re: Niffla]
    #22238632 - 09/14/15 08:59 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Epic heist :highfive:

Next time try going to the bulk section and mislabeling the trail mix as just peanuts.. you're practically going to save 3$ a lb.

Shwwwing. Cha ching.


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¿Check out some art m8?



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InvisibleNiffla
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Re: Guide to becoming a world-class criminal. [Re: twighead]
    #22238667 - 09/14/15 09:07 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

twighead said:
Epic heist :highfive:

Next time try going to the bulk section and mislabeling the trail mix as just peanuts.. you're practically going to save 3$ a lb.

Shwwwing. Cha ching.




:lookslucrative:

dude you just blew my mind


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HAIL OUR NEW OTD KING


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InvisibleBigfeely123
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Re: Guide to becoming a world-class criminal. [Re: Niffla]
    #22238698 - 09/14/15 09:19 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

OP, why in the world would you aspire to be a "professional" criminal? Come on man... I don't even know you but you're better than that. :confused:

Can a mod please lock this thread? This is not good for The Shroomery...


Edited by Bigfeely123 (09/14/15 09:20 PM)


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OfflineKinko
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Re: Guide to becoming a world-class criminal. [Re: Bigfeely123]
    #22238749 - 09/14/15 09:30 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Bigfeely123 said:
OP, why in the world would you aspire to be a "professional" criminal? Come on man... I don't even know you but you're better than that. :confused:

Can a mod please lock this thread? This is not good for The Shroomery...[/quote.  no bro it's not about becoming a criminal it's about knowing the ends and outs of being a criminal , you gain street knowledge and the power of knowing .. you never now


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OfflineKinko
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Re: Guide to becoming a world-class criminal. [Re: Kinko]
    #22238756 - 09/14/15 09:32 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

there are also books out there about how to become a contract killer even tho I don't want to kill anyone I don't mind learning about it... that's basically what I'm doing with this guide.


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OfflineKinko
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Re: Guide to becoming a world-class criminal. [Re: Niffla] * 1
    #22238771 - 09/14/15 09:36 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Niffla said:
Quote:

twighead said:
Epic heist :highfive:

Next time try going to the bulk section and mislabeling the trail mix as just peanuts.. you're practically going to save 3$ a lb.

Shwwwing. Cha ching.




:lookslucrative:

dude you just blew my mind



saving people money since Sep 14 ,  2015


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OfflineGreenRabbit
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Re: Guide to becoming a world-class criminal. [Re: Kinko]
    #22239079 - 09/14/15 10:46 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Sometimes when I self check out vegetables, I get the organics ,BUT I USE THE CODE FOR NON ORGANIC :cactuarrun:

Quote:

Kinko said:
Quote:

GreenRabbit said:
Lol.

Asking about being a world-class criminal and your example is shoplifting meat. :lol:



Its an easy and clever way for a youngster to test the waters with.




No, its not.. Shoplifting is retarded. You want to make money, embezzle it, or have a business, find some drug dealers and launder money.

Criminal school is called prison. Once you end up there, you learn a lot about how to get back in. :lol:


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OfflineD.M.T
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Re: Guide to becoming a world-class criminal. [Re: Kinko]
    #22239424 - 09/15/15 12:38 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

The way to be a successful criminal is to either work as independent as you can, or have as many people beneath you with as many degrees of separation as you can.

Keep the money separate from the people getting dirty. Leave the dirty work to the people who want to prove themselves to the group. That's because people doing the violent shit / bottomdwelling shit are most likely to get caught, so the less they know about how shit runs, the less likely the people calling the shots are gonna go down. Plus they can more easily be replaced.

If you control who knows what, then the people who are most likely to cause problems can be eliminated before they do.

Never talk to police, routinely check people for wires, never use phones, instead have predetermined meetings.

And always remember your mantra, 'just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get me'


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Offlinetwighead
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Re: Guide to becoming a world-class criminal. [Re: D.M.T]
    #22239431 - 09/15/15 12:40 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

You forgot the secret handshake, gotta have a secret handshake for your crime oligarchy


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¿Check out some art m8?



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InvisibleBodhi of Ankou
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Re: Guide to becoming a world-class criminal. [Re: Kinko]
    #22239438 - 09/15/15 12:41 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

You wanna be a world class criminal and the best you can come up with is switching stickers on meat? :okthatsfunny:


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InvisibleBodhi of Ankou
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Re: Guide to becoming a world-class criminal. [Re: Bodhi of Ankou] * 1
    #22239452 - 09/15/15 12:46 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

No but seriously, If I was gonna do something big Id do a heist. Preferably a bank, with two associates. Id ping police radios with a phased antennae array and figure out their exact locations, Id also scramble their communications so they couldn't orchestrate a counter response. We'd get in the bank, lock it down, do our work and leave, one shot, one time. Sure as fuck better then switching sale stickers on steaks.


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Invisiblesh4d0ws
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Re: Guide to becoming a world-class criminal. [Re: Bodhi of Ankou]
    #22239516 - 09/15/15 01:41 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Bodhi of Ankou said:
No but seriously, If I was gonna do something big Id do a heist. Preferably a bank, with two associates. Id ping police radios with a phased antennae array and figure out their exact locations, Id also scramble their communications so they couldn't orchestrate a counter response. We'd get in the bank, lock it down, do our work and leave, one shot, one time. Sure as fuck better then switching sale stickers on steaks.





Good luck dude, though I still think you should go with the meat idea.


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OfflineD.M.T
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Re: Guide to becoming a world-class criminal. [Re: sh4d0ws]
    #22239534 - 09/15/15 01:55 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

An ex girlfriend of mine was part of a shoplifting ring that amassed tens of thousands of dollars each until they were caught. They were on CNN & everything.

The simplest crimes can be lucrative if you do it enough. The problem is you will eventually get caught doing that shit.


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OfflineApostle
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Re: Guide to becoming a world-class criminal. [Re: Mescalean]
    #22239571 - 09/15/15 02:28 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Mescalean said:
with crime the big dick of the law will eventually fuck you. it's ineveitable




true  and therefore the goal becomes maximizing your monetary gain while minimizing your time spent incarcerated.

Learn which crimes have the best benefit to punishment ratio and do those


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OfflineKamikazeKush
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Re: Guide to becoming a world-class criminal. [Re: Apostle]
    #22239677 - 09/15/15 03:52 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Can't believe no one hit him with the  :cop: yet


--------------------
A Man Said to the Universe:
“Sir, I exist!”
“However,” replied the universe,
“The fact has not created in me
A sense of obligation.”

-Stephen Crane


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InvisibleShiithead
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Re: Guide to becoming a world-class criminal. [Re: Bodhi of Ankou]
    #22239688 - 09/15/15 04:00 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Bodhi of Ankou said:
No but seriously, If I was gonna do something big Id do a heist. Preferably a bank, with two associates. Id ping police radios with a phased antennae array and figure out their exact locations, Id also scramble their communications so they couldn't orchestrate a counter response. We'd get in the bank, lock it down, do our work and leave, one shot, one time. Sure as fuck better then switching sale stickers on steaks.




I hear you are better off hitting a brinks truck when it goes to pick up money from stores and take it to the banks on Fridays or when they are putting money in atms.

But like OP said, you are better off switching bar codes on the meats because there is almost no risk with that xD


--------------------

Ephesians 6:12
For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
Psalm 12:6
The words of the Lord are pure words: as silver tried in a furnace of earth, purified seven times.
Hebrews 11:3
Through faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that things which are seen were not made of things which do appear.
Revelation 3:11
Behold, I come quickly: hold that fast which thou hast, that no man take thy crown.


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Offlinemy3rdeye
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Re: Guide to becoming a world-class criminal. [Re: Apostle]
    #22239698 - 09/15/15 04:05 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Get one of those cat burglar masks and sacks with the $ sign on it first.



After a few heists you will want to establish a lair of super villainy.


Or


At this point you may want to join a group of like minded criminals. Its all in the name shoot for a name with words like legion or brotherhood in it. Throughout all this you should be working on some sort of death ray device that you can hold the world hostage with. Be sure to demand more than a million dollars there too Dr. Evil because the property taxes on that lair won't be cheap. Good luck. Hope to see your message of ransom demand interrupt the SuperBowl one day.


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Offlinetwighead
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Re: Guide to becoming a world-class criminal. [Re: my3rdeye]
    #22239709 - 09/15/15 04:11 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

My hideout



:smilingpuppy:

Eh


Makes you wanna be criminal now donnuit?


--------------------
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Invisibleluvdemboomers
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Re: Guide to becoming a world-class criminal. [Re: Kinko]
    #22239762 - 09/15/15 04:56 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Kinko said:
What makes a good criminal? Paying attention to detail and knowing when to quit/leave come to mind. As well as not talking to anyone about your business , keeping a pre paid phone in hand, and possibly? Maybe? Move around if you draw attention.    What are other aspects that make a good criminal? What crimes they choose to commit? Which people to target?      Im looking for pointers since alot of you sell/used to sell drugs and or theft.    Are there any criminals out there with pointers or loopholes when it comes to the system? How can you abuse the ho? ( remove sticker from cheap item , put said sticker on expensive item ( meat?) and scan thru self checkout. Thats just one example i heard of. Make this thread a guide for future criminals to study. How would you do it?



these guys have an ingenious and elaborate meat stealing operate... you'll be at the top in no time if you learn from them



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Invisiblenatzyshroomer
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Re: Guide to becoming a world-class criminal. [Re: luvdemboomers]
    #22239805 - 09/15/15 05:44 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Read


--------------------
All submitted posts are by Someone Who Isn't Me and in any event are works of pure fiction or outright lies.  Any information, statement, or assertion contained therein should be considered pure unadulterated bullshit


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OfflineDirdyD
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Re: Guide to becoming a world-class criminal. [Re: natzyshroomer]
    #22240188 - 09/15/15 08:29 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

How to become a "criminal"  (how it actually works):

Find something illegal you're good at.
Do it.  Do it some more.
If you haven't been caught yet, you might be good.
Naturally you'll start to meet others doing the same or similar.
Listen, observe and learn.
Get better, do more, make more.

Most important step:
STOP when you have money saved (you are saving, right?  Otherwise you're an idiot)

This is how to be a successful criminal.  Now take the money and do something legal, which can be just as profitable if not more.

Easy.


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