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Offlineseeyoursoul
Stranger

Registered: 09/08/15
Posts: 6
Last seen: 7 years, 4 months
Ego Death/Reconstruction(?)
    #22226737 - 09/12/15 11:41 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Hello,

This is kind of a long and drawn out story - so I'll start at the beginning and just keep going. I struggle with clinical depression and moderate to severe anxiety. In the beginning of August, I tripped on just over an 8th of what I learned were very high quality mushrooms. The person who supplied them trips regularly, and I later found out he said that 2.5-3G would provide a good, fun, and hard trip. This was my first psychedelic experience - and I was completely unprepared for it.

Myself and three other friends (mistake one) ate the mushrooms at around 7:45 PM. None of us had psychedelic experience, and we had no sitter. More importantly, one of the guys cannot handle his shit at all. He's the kind of person who does things purely to get fucked up, and then gets scared when it happens. Tripping with him - mistake 2 for sure. We tripped in his garage in the backyard (more of a club house). We went outside, climbed up to a view, and watched the most spectacular sunset of my life. Afterwards we went and just laid down on his driveway for what felt like a good hour. I went back in the garage and it was 8:10. :rocket:

We talked for a bit, I lit some incense I brought and started playing N64 with my three friends. I remember going inside, and the four of us all got stuck in a mirror for a little bit. We went back to the garage and started having tons of fun. Things were going well, when the one kid I mentioned before, I will call him Dick, wanted to smoke some bud. My bud, for the record :wink:

I didn't want to, and should have been more outspoken (something I learned from this journey), but against my better judgment I packed a huge bubbler bowl and pipe bowl, and we started passing them around.I still felt amazing, but in about 20 minutes I started to feel perhaps a little uncomfortable. I was so gone at this point I couldn't even hit the bubbler. I remember on my last couple hits, the glass seemed to be moving in between my fingers like a snake. It felt incredibly smooth and was hypnotizing to watch. It's probably around 9-9:30 now, and the mom of the kid who's house we were at shows up. Luckily, I didn't need to talk to her until about 3:00 AM. I wouldn't have been able to otherwise. When she got home, I started to feel a little unnerved. She was fine with us doing whatever we were doing. I guess she was just glad we were doing it somewhere safe. But for some reason, which I now relate to some of my own family members views on medicines like this, her being home catalyzed a huge downward spiral for me. Next, the kids two dogs start barking, which made Dick completely loose it. He would go from running around saying shit like "Look at the wall! Look at the fireplace! This looks so cool!!" Blah blah blah. He wasn't doing it because of the mushrooms - because he always does stuff like that. I came to the realization that he does things like that to try and get some type of acceptance and avoid being "overshadowed" be his friends. He needs recognition I guess so he thinks other people think he is cool. He's one of those kids. Then the next second, he would run around asking people if we were "chill" and fine to be here. He would not calm down. Eventually I said fuck it, gave him my phone and headphones (His died) and hoped that this would help him out. I set it to Odesza, and he walked out the door and didn't come back for over an hour hahah. He was just outside the garage though sitting by the firepit in the back, so he was safe and I could keep an eye on him. I realized some things about him on the trip that raised concern with me. I have since then reached out to him, and communicated some things I noticed about him. Needless to say his head wasn't in the right place and he was glad that he had someone there for him to help him come to terms with some stuff.

Anyways, back to my experience. After saying fuck it, I laid down on one of those fold out couhces (without my phone of anything), because Dick had it. I shut my eyes and the shrooms took over. I opened my eyes, and thought I didn't remember tripping at all. It was quite the opposite I later realized. I forget everything EXCEPT tripping.I didn't know who I was, where I was, why I was there, what I was doing, or even what I was to some extent. I have some issues in my past that I had yet to come to terms with at this point. The mushrooms however broke a 15 year cycle of hiding from my problems, and kicked me straight in the teeth. I was certainly overwhelmed. At this point, the kid who's house we were at called a friend who was sober to come over because we were all tripping balls. I didn't know about this call until I was "reborn" (best I can describe it). I opened my eyes and I had no clue how much time had passed. I didn't know (or care) what time even was. So, after opening my eyes - the three other people I tripped with were there, as well as two other people I at the time didn't recognize, but realized in about a half hour that I went to high school with them. Both of these kids annoy me to no end. So, I basically said "yo, I'm tripping on the most magical mush on the planet and I cannot deal with you two right now. Peace." and walked inside lol. I went in to the kids room who's house we were at and (after asking if it was okay like 20 times :mushroom2: ) went to lay down in his bed. I went back into that Zenlike state and just sat and watched as the mushrooms finished obliterating my sense of self. Piece by piece they pummeled me with their psychedelic beauty tearing apart everything about myself that I recognized, and then proceeded to teach me things I didn't recognize and then mercilessly destroyed them as well. I opened my eyes again, and there were 7 other people in the bedroom with me. The two annoying high school kids were there, the three kids I tripped with, and the kids who's house were ats little sister and her friend were there. His little sister has a mental condition and physical condition, and is what some would consider special. And she is incredibly special. She may appear not as attractive as some people or not all the way there because of these things, but this girl was my saving grace. She talked to me, and brought me back from the abyss that my mind now was. I am still convinced that she is the most beautiful, kind, and caring human on the planet. The entire time she was there she kept offering to get me water, to walk around with me if I wanted to, and all this other stuff.

About 20 minutes after opening my eyes, I said peace out again cause of the high school kids and walked to the garage with two of the other trippers. The one stayed in his room to sleep cause he had work the next day. I think it was around 11:30 right now. The high schoolers followed us BACK to the garage. I guess they didn't get the hint. So I looked at the kid (my pupils were like fucking UFOs) and told him that he was killing all of our highs and needed to leave. He was running around playing pranks on us and shit. He's easily twice my size, but I guess something about the mushrooms showed him how serious we were and he shouldn't be messing around with us. Everyone was in agreeance and he left. We ran into each other a couple weeks later, and there were no hard feelings. I was coming down at this point, and just chilled, smoked some bud, and talked with my friends.

I'm not trying to make this into a trip report, I was just trying to lay out some groundwork. I'm tripping again this weekend with two people this time) both very experienced. We have an eighth (3.5Gs) lined up for each of us. The kid who has the hook said they were the best shrooms he's ever used, and he tripped the hardest he ever has on an eighth last month. He said it was a Level 3 trip. I am not going to be smoking weed this time. Mainly because I want to have a clearer head this time around and I want to be able to maintain it this time. I have some anxiety and issues I have been working through lately, but I feel good about eating the mushrooms. I have used  the searchbar, and read extensively about redosing etc. I guess my question was, would I be better off taking more like 2-2.5Gs of them and going with it, grabbing all 3.5 and holding on, taking a couple G at first, wait an hour and redose the remaining 1.5..? etc. 3.5 was very intense for me last time. But that may have been because of the smoking. I am afraid of what is in my head, but I am not afraid of confronting it. In fact, I welcome it. I want to overcome the struggles that have tied me down all these years. That is partly why I want to trip again. Also, I want to do it with some experienced friends to see that if I can maintain my shit more and focus on my girlfriend if we end up tripping together. She never has before, and really wants to. But she only wants to with me because she has trust issues. I just want to know that I can give her the comfort and attention she deserves if things go south like they kind of did my first time. And, I of course, want to see cool stuff, laugh, and have a great night with my friends. I plan to bring a notebook, some art supplies, maybe a kaleidoscope, and some music and headphones and a face mask to put over my eyes. I will be tripping in his room at his apartment.

Any last minute advise, insights, or thoughts?

I hope you all have a wonderful day :smile:


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OfflineBumbaa
Lol You Can Change this

Registered: 08/29/15
Posts: 295
Last seen: 1 year, 2 months
Re: Ego Death/Reconstruction(?) [Re: seeyoursoul]
    #22226822 - 09/12/15 12:05 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

From my prior experience from psilocybin mushroom I realized a couple of things;

1) Don't smoke after you just ingested the drug,or else it is  harder to actually enjoy the come up properly. If you are very stone, you can get anxious,paranoid and that can put you in a mind frame that could take over your trip. I usually will always smoke on the come down,helps me a lot.

2) Have an objective no matter how trivial it is, this will keep you moving and in a constantly changing environment.

3) If you feel unconformable,fix it. Like you've done with that annoying high school kid and told him to leave. You want to be able to freely express yourself and be who you truly are.


I would suggest just go with 3.5G-4G. My first time ever was 3.5,then 4g, ect. I've never tripped under 3G,and I've never ever regretted my shrooms trip.

Have fun tripping,peace and love to you.

:chunk:


Edited by Bumbaa (09/12/15 12:06 PM)


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Offlineseeyoursoul
Stranger

Registered: 09/08/15
Posts: 6
Last seen: 7 years, 4 months
Re: Ego Death/Reconstruction(?) [Re: Bumbaa]
    #22226899 - 09/12/15 12:24 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Thanks for all of your advice and experience, Bumbaa! I definitely agree with you on the smoking part. I feel that smoking led to some of the paranoia I experienced. What do you mean by have an objective? Do you mean actually getting up and doing something - or..?

Much love you you my friend :smile:


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OfflinexThunder
Stranger


Registered: 07/03/12
Posts: 83
Last seen: 3 years, 7 months
Re: Ego Death/Reconstruction(?) [Re: seeyoursoul]
    #22226981 - 09/12/15 12:56 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

I'm pretty sure he means to take the shrooms with a goal in mind. Do you want to learn about yourself? Do you want to learn about other people? Do you want to just lie on the bed and trip major ballsack listening to music? It's always good to know why you're tripping, it makes it easier to guide yourself through the experience.

I also suffer from anxiety issues, I think mine are a little more severe than yours though because I cant/wont trip with groups of people, most I ever did was 2 others and that was my closest friend and his cousin who I also knew pretty well. I always trip alone because people cause me to be anxious very easily, I really have to force myself to socialize and I just don't want to feel obligated to do that when I'm tripping.

I recommend trying it alone sometime, you get to focus on your trip a lot more and you can get a lot out of it. It's hard to say what to recommend you do really, that's all you man. When I shroom, I dose, lay on my couch and watch TV until it kicks in, and then let the teachers lead the way from there. There are some classics like going in the forest, to a concert, etc but the experience can be anything you want it to be.

Good luck!


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OfflineBumbaa
Lol You Can Change this

Registered: 08/29/15
Posts: 295
Last seen: 1 year, 2 months
Re: Ego Death/Reconstruction(?) [Re: seeyoursoul]
    #22227024 - 09/12/15 01:06 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

seeyoursoul said:
Thanks for all of your advice and experience, Bumbaa! I definitely agree with you on the smoking part. I feel that smoking led to some of the paranoia I experienced. What do you mean by have an objective? Do you mean actually getting up and doing something - or..?

Much love you you my friend :smile:




By objective,I actually meant to change what you are doing. Don't just close your eyes all the time,go for a walk,in the park. Long board,do physical activities.


--------------------
Why so much hate mate?


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