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somechick
Morgan Freeman



Registered: 05/08/15
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Last seen: 7 years, 8 months
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FIRST & LAST time doing shrooms, 5+ grams out of body experience, another dimension &went blind *DELETED* 2
#22224094 - 09/11/15 08:33 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Post deleted by somechick<p>Reason for deletion: No reason, just wish to delete it.
So i wanted to share my experience with shrooms. It was only a few months ago when i did shrooms for the first time. I grew a batch of Mazatepec and Golden teacher mushrooms. Decided i want to grow them to get the full experience and learn a thing or two. Now, i am not sure how much i did, but i intended on taking 2.5 grams. But not until a few weeks after the experience did i realize that my scale was broken and i had done anywhere between 5 and 10 grams. (perhaps even more) my experience was intense. And im here to share it.
10:00 pm - Weighed the mushrooms and ingested them with some freshly chopped ginger. I took a picture and sent it to a friend because i felt like my scale was broken. He said it looked fine. Here is the picture- ( i would love a guess at how much i took that night based on the picture) BTW i could barely hold all the shrooms in one handful and there were over 15 caps....)
10:30 pm - I already started to become uncoordinated, visuals already began. I started seeing auras more intensely and seeing kaleidoscopic visuals. I already start becoming anxious.
10:40 pm- the effects were too much for me to handle, and i was getting very sleepy from being overwhelmed mentally. My panic attack started at about now.
10:50 pm- I tried to fight the Mushrooms with some Xanax, but it didn't work. I took three times the amount of Xanax i usually need to calm down, but it didn't effect me in the least. I went into my room and wrote a will because i was convinced i was dying. At this point i couldn't walk, felt dizzy and the hallucinations were flying.
12:00 pm- My father took me to the Emergency room because i said i ate something poisonous. They asked what i took, and i told them i took some of the 'portabello mushrooms i was growing'. Great cover, huh. (once we got in the car i told him what i actually took but he took me regardless)
Now, between the times of 12:00 and 3 am i do not remember when what happened. But I will explain to the best of my ability.
Once i got into the Emergency room, i was taken and asked some questions. At this point i became ashamed of myself and confessed that i had been growing shrooms. (my father didn't get upset, he understand i've been going through hard times with PTSD and other mental illnesses... so he let it slide) I don't remember much, but at this point, i was crying my eyes out and terrified of death. My speech was slurred and i couldn't put a proper sentence together. I remember they finally took me into a room. At this point, i was completely gone. I had no idea where i was, i couldn't see anything because the hallucinations were so intense that i could only see the color black and occasional stripes of purple. And even though they were sticking IV needles into me to clean out my system and taking blood samples, i had no idea this was happening. I was totally emerged into another realm of existence. I don't remember much but a deep feeling of shame and humility. I kept mumbling, "i'm hiding, i was hiding, i've been hiding, im scared, im a liar, piece of shit" I had such a deep sense of humility i was disgusted by who i 'was'. FInally, after probably thirty minutes, they had drained some of the psilocybin from my system and i could begin to see. And i thought my doctor was staring at me from the corner of the room and that people were talking about me in the hallway. ( reminds me of the song 'brain damage' by Pink Floyd where it goes "the lunatics are in the hall... the lunatics are in my head...". At one point, my mother kept trying to come into my room. I kept telling the nurses to take her away because she is 'blind and sick'. My mother abused me my whole life, and i have PTSD because of her. At one point she came in crying, trying to hug me... and i told her to get off of me. Then i looked into her eyes and felt a deep empathy for her because she could never see the beauty i see in life. She can never understand the beauty of dancing in the rain or any type of art. I told her, "i know you didn't know any better, i know you're mother treated you the same way, but why did you treat me the same way she treated you?" She couldn't comprehend anything i was saying, she assumes she is the victim ( she has a personality disorder being a sick cocktail of sociopathy and narcissism) I told her she needs to leave to let me die in peace, but i forgive her for what she can't control. She left. And my father left. A nurse came in to check on me now, and i wasn't scared anymore. Not because i understood i was going to die, but because i wasn't scared to die. I had reached a level of fear where i couldn't have become any more scared, so the fear vanished. In that moment i understood the only thing to fear is fear itself.... not even death. I told her to "Please let me die, death is beautiful". I saw that beyond this life there is a realm of existence where only happiness or pain exists. Nothing humanly. It was extremely creepy for her to hear, because that was the first clearly put sentence i presented to her. She said i was not to die.
So then everyone left... and it was me alone in the room. Now i begin to have an inability to recognize my own body. And i saw myself without my own distorted perception of myself. I saw myself for what i am. I didn't know it, but i experienced a complete death of my ego and an out of body experience. And it was freeing. I saw three different dimensions. I saw where i was living in, inside of a body ( which i thought was a cage, the body, was no more than a cage to the soul) I was outside of my body. And i saw where others live, and then i saw this dimension i cannot explain. It was somewhere in between where we live as humans and where the spiritual world exists. I entered it for a second, and my heart rate jumped, and the nurses ran in. I cannot explain that correlation or coincidence. Every Time i realized something new, my heart rate jumped. I saw through not only myself, but through our whole system. I saw the innately unimportant ness of money, sex, fame, and anything else selfish and unattached to the spiritual world. I saw money as literally just 'green shit'.I had an urge to burn all my money. The last thing I noticed was that i wasn't wearing any shoes, and i thought 'how weird are these people who wear shoes, isn't it healthier to not wear shoes?" shoes looked really fucking weird. They looked like these ridiculous hats for our feet. But once the mushrooms wore away, i noticed my feet again, and i became 'embarrassed' for being barefoot and in sweatpants and acting so irrationally. After they wore away, i became attached to my body once again. When i got home, i was so shocked that i was still alive. I felt so happy. And now, looking back on that experience much time later, i feel free. And i think i did die that day, but in a way, i was re-born. I will probably do shrooms again, in the far future, because i have much more to learn. I wrote the following that night when I had reached the emergency room and I finally understood I was not going to die-
“I’m laying down in the emergency room, and the walls look fucking trippy. But amongst this beauty I can’t help but cry for the human race. We all forget we are going to die someday. We get so caught up in bullshit like television, sex, money, religion, power and fame that we feel like we can become immortal to time itself as if we have an endless supply of time. If anything, time becomes a burden while you’re waiting for your next high. All of this is nothing but a distraction from our inevitable deaths. We forget that our bodies are only cages to the soul and are nothing truly important to be appeasing. And when we give into our selfish humanly desires and forget about love and happiness which were made to fill our souls with satisfaction, true satisfaction, we let our spirits become nothing more than slaves to the mortal body. And that insures the death of beauty as we romanticize with selfishness.” –June, 2015
A week ago i wrote this (based on the understanding of fear i had acquired from the experience i had on shrooms)-
I’ve always been attracted to what I’m scared of, and even terrified of. And I am petrified of the unknown. I’ll admit to you that I cannot sleep without a nightlight because of my PTSD. Not that I am scared of the darkness itself, but my imagination lets me assume what might be walking and clawing and staring at me inside the dark inches away from my face. It’s not what we expect that scares us, it’s what we didn’t expect. But I wonder, why is it that I am so in love with what I cannot understand and never will understand? I know what it is, my curiosity. My curiosity tells me that though I am scared of the unknown, petrified of it, there might be something in the unknown that could make me feel as elevated in wisdom and understanding as high as my adrenaline elevates when I get scared. Because on the opposite end of fear is freedom, and If I had the ability to take a chance with the unknown, I might access the opposite end of fear once I have walked through it. And once the fear of the unknown has vanished all that lies is the wisdom and peace. Just as when the water fades all that remains are fish for the picking. If I let myself drown for a second I might harvest my very own fish of wisdom if I’m lucky. I think I might be ready to leave my fear of the unknown for the beauty of wisdom and peace.
Edited by somechick (11/24/15 12:20 PM)
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Middleman

Registered: 07/11/99
Posts: 8,399
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Re: First and last time doing shrooms- did 5+ grams. (moved) [Re: somechick]
#22224169 - 09/11/15 08:42 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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This thread was moved from Shroomery University.
Reason: Belongs here.
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somechick
Morgan Freeman



Registered: 05/08/15
Posts: 46
Last seen: 7 years, 8 months
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Re: First and last time doing shrooms- did 5+ grams. (moved) [Re: Middleman]
#22224247 - 09/11/15 08:52 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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thanks
-------------------- In life you chose to either dance like a child, or cry like a baby.
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somechick
Morgan Freeman



Registered: 05/08/15
Posts: 46
Last seen: 7 years, 8 months
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Re: First and last time doing shrooms- did 5+ grams. (moved) [Re: somechick]
#22224329 - 09/11/15 09:14 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Thank you for your kind words. I also hope my next experience will be more 'pleasant'.
-------------------- In life you chose to either dance like a child, or cry like a baby.
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shroomizzy
Souless



Registered: 09/22/02
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Re: First and last time doing shrooms- did 5+ grams. (moved) [Re: somechick]
#22226098 - 09/12/15 08:17 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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How do you know your scale is off? The res is super low on that pic, so it is kind of difficult to tell, but that looks about 2.5g to me.
-------------------- :::::Sincerely Yours, I disown you:::::
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somechick
Morgan Freeman



Registered: 05/08/15
Posts: 46
Last seen: 7 years, 8 months
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Re: First and last time doing shrooms- did 5+ grams. (moved) [Re: shroomizzy]
#22227308 - 09/12/15 02:20 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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The scale was broken because I later realized that it kept measuring the same object with different outcomes. Yeah sorry the pic is so bad I had to take it from a text message i sent to a friend. I'm certain that i did more than 2.5 grams.
-------------------- In life you chose to either dance like a child, or cry like a baby.
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berdinwall
<3 whooooshhh


Registered: 06/10/12
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Loc: West Virginia
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
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Re: First and last time doing shrooms- did 5+ grams. (moved) [Re: somechick]
#22229908 - 09/13/15 03:45 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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And when we give into our selfish humanly desires and forget about love and happiness which were made to fill our souls with satisfaction, true satisfaction, we let our spirits become nothing more than slaves to the mortal body. And that insures the death of beauty as we romanticize with selfishness.”
I like. <3 thank you
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somechick
Morgan Freeman



Registered: 05/08/15
Posts: 46
Last seen: 7 years, 8 months
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Re: First and last time doing shrooms- did 5+ grams. (moved) [Re: berdinwall]
#22230432 - 09/13/15 08:34 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Thank you
-------------------- In life you chose to either dance like a child, or cry like a baby.
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somechick
Morgan Freeman



Registered: 05/08/15
Posts: 46
Last seen: 7 years, 8 months
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Re: First and last time doing shrooms- did 5+ grams. (moved) [Re: somechick]
#22231873 - 09/13/15 01:46 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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That is quite possibly all that happened, i can agree on having a more sensitive nervous system for sure... Regardless, i think thw picture has really bad quality and doesnt really show how thick the layers of shrooms were when stacked on top of each other. The picture doesnt really present the thickness. I guess i should say that i couldn't hold them all in one hand. But thank you again for your comments i Iappreciate them
-------------------- In life you chose to either dance like a child, or cry like a baby.
Edited by somechick (09/13/15 01:52 PM)
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berdinwall
<3 whooooshhh


Registered: 06/10/12
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Loc: West Virginia
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Re: First and last time doing shrooms- did 5+ grams. (moved) [Re: somechick]
#22231923 - 09/13/15 01:57 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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I had ego death from 2.5 grams once. I grew them. They were potent as fuck. Everyone else was super fucked too
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Om Namo Shivaya

Registered: 05/03/15
Posts: 749
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Re: First and last time doing shrooms- did 5+ grams. (moved) [Re: somechick]
#22231927 - 09/13/15 01:58 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Thanks for sharing chick, wish you the best in life, with your PTSD, and with your future trips.
I can't zoom in on the picture very far but i'd say it's maybe 3.5-4g on the higher end. They look to be pretty skinny, and only one is larger than your pinky that i can tell. Are those fresh or dried? The pic i'm getting is pretty blurry.
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somechick
Morgan Freeman



Registered: 05/08/15
Posts: 46
Last seen: 7 years, 8 months
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Re: First and last time doing shrooms- did 5+ grams. (moved) [Re: Om Namo Shivaya]
#22232101 - 09/13/15 02:45 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Thanks man i appreciate it. And yeah i think that it was somewhere around that range. They were dried. Cracker dry... so im assuming thats why they were so small
-------------------- In life you chose to either dance like a child, or cry like a baby.
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somechick
Morgan Freeman



Registered: 05/08/15
Posts: 46
Last seen: 7 years, 8 months
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Re: First and last time doing shrooms- did 5+ grams. (moved) [Re: berdinwall]
#22232108 - 09/13/15 02:46 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Thats intense. Must've been really potent!
-------------------- In life you chose to either dance like a child, or cry like a baby.
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trvptamine
P-Mx$$



Registered: 07/06/15
Posts: 4,859
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Re: First and last time doing shrooms- did 5+ grams. (moved) [Re: somechick]
#22238062 - 09/14/15 06:47 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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One of the best trip reports ive ever read. Beautiful honestly...
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somechick
Morgan Freeman



Registered: 05/08/15
Posts: 46
Last seen: 7 years, 8 months
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Re: First and last time doing shrooms- did 5+ grams. (moved) [Re: trvptamine] 1
#22240100 - 09/15/15 08:10 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Thanks man i appreciate it!
-------------------- In life you chose to either dance like a child, or cry like a baby.
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Gravities
Stranger


Registered: 01/20/15
Posts: 37
Last seen: 4 years, 11 months
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Re: FIRST & LAST time shrooms, 5+ grams out of body experience AND went blind [Re: somechick]
#22320066 - 10/01/15 05:08 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Just started reading but I already have to stop you "I took three times the amount of Xanax i usually need to calm down, but it didn't effect me in the least." That is where you fucked up really bad my friend. Although people just love to spread that xanax is cool to pop to relax you on psychedelics, more times than not it will cause you to lose your fucking mind. My brother, an experienced tripper, was in a similar situation as yourself, panicking in a new apartment. One of his buddies had the bright idea of giving him Xanax (way too much) and it made him lose his mind, xanax+psychedelics is an awful fucking combination for a lot of people, the xanax can essentially cause you to lose control of your trip altogether and practically go insane. My brother is one of the most mature people I know, he always has his shit together and things have never gone south when I roll with him, that night he ended up in the hospital because of the god damn xanax.
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Gravities
Stranger


Registered: 01/20/15
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Re: FIRST & LAST time shrooms, 5+ grams out of body experience AND went blind [Re: Gravities]
#22320075 - 10/01/15 05:12 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Also, you have bigger balls than me for tripping with PTSD. I cannot comprehend how some of you people trip mushrooms with an unclear conscious, I wait for just the right time to do it and even then its so intense. Props, and a great trip report. Please do something more relaxing next time, during the middle of the day with your friends, and I'm sure you'll have a great experience.
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Hanz
Freak & Gentleman



Registered: 08/02/15
Posts: 2,932
Loc: Amsterdam
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Re: FIRST & LAST time shrooms, 5+ grams out of body experience AND went blind [Re: Gravities]
#22324133 - 10/02/15 02:50 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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You can write very well, I enjoyed reading it a a lot. But heavens why did you not use a properly working scale? You can't trip without good scales. If my scale was broken I simply wouldn't trip.
It must have been very scary thinking you'd die, but in reality nothing can happen if all you took was shrooms. The emergency room, parents, and the whole guilt thing will only make matters worse. Had you been out in the woods in some distant cabin it would probably all have been just a very heavy trip, but none of the trauma, family stuff, etc.
Glad to hear you at least consider tripping again... means in the end you came out fine 
Love, Hanz.
-------------------- Small scale alternative parties rich in empathy and extravagance. Happen to know of one in the vicinity of Amsterdam? PM me my dear fellow. I love to meet some other freaks. Oh and, if you can,.. embrace the nyctomorph. It needs you.
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P-O
#AnyoneButHarper


Registered: 05/13/09
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Re: FIRST & LAST time shrooms, 5+ grams out of body experience AND went blind [Re: Hanz]
#22352620 - 10/08/15 11:48 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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first mistake was wanting to go to the hospital. you should a rode it out.
alot of feelings inside come to the surface in these trips. This is a blessing
thanks for sharing
+5
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somechick
Morgan Freeman



Registered: 05/08/15
Posts: 46
Last seen: 7 years, 8 months
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Re: FIRST & LAST time shrooms, 5+ grams out of body experience AND went blind [Re: Gravities]
#22419870 - 10/22/15 07:41 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Thanks for your advice, its a good thing you said that about xanax, if you hadnt i probably wouldve made the same mistake. Thanks for all the positivity and advice:)
-------------------- In life you chose to either dance like a child, or cry like a baby.
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