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JocivaFlcol
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Registered: 04/19/13
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Relationship
#22215211 - 09/10/15 01:37 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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My significant other, and hopefully soon-to-be fiance, absolutely will not stand for any type of substance use.
I used to smoke ganja on a daily basis, and trip on cubensis at least twice if not three or more times per year.
Since we've been dating, two year anniversary approaching in January, I've gotten to smoke twice. Once this past 420, with my brother, and once the Halloween prior. I tripped once the week I met her, 4 grams of cubensis, beautiful time.
Anyway, I feel ultimately she is what I want/need for my future. I'm 23, and since I've been dating her she's helped me to become organized, responsible, and helped me to save a lot of money. I now have a nice car, an apartment of my own, two cats, a lovely dog, nice things, etc.
I am happy with her, but we fight almost weekly about her unwillingness to accept my using these two favorite substances. She has a very poor view; druggie mom, wasn't there for her, caused her parents' divorce, etc.
TL;DR: I love this girl. She makes me happy. I just want to know this: Should I be accepting of her negative view, and just completely give up my two favorite things in the world? Or should I stand my ground, continue to advocate my right to use what nature has provided so graciously?
Help me out here guys, thanks a million.
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DrMambo
hamburger time



Registered: 04/06/04
Posts: 6,197
Loc: 53rd & 3rd
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Just lie to her and start shooting dope. She'll never catch on.
EDIT: Bitches, amiright?
-------------------- "Yeah, he's a professor...... OF BEING A DOG!"
Edited by DrMambo (09/10/15 01:45 AM)
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Rebelutionsssss
Mdmazing



Registered: 07/23/14
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I would take the wife, pets, house, car. Everyone has to take a psychedelic brake sometime in their life this might just have to be yours for now. Mushrooms and cannabis will always be there to grow in the future
-------------------- : To define is to confine.
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JocivaFlcol
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I'm with her literally every minute of the day. We even work the same full time job together. I love her, and I wouldn't want to hide anything from her.
I'm not considering leaving her, it's just very difficult for me to let it go like that. To take it lying down. I should have the right to use, and she shouldn't have that control over me. It isn't right, and that's why we fight so much.
Is it wrong for me to feel this way, is what I'm asking, I guess.
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Rebelutionsssss
Mdmazing



Registered: 07/23/14
Posts: 13,137
Loc: San Francisco
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
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I would feel the same way and in that case just make it clear that these things are essential to keeping you mentally and spiritually healthy and she should respect that as long as it's not interfering with any of your day to day responsibilities
-------------------- : To define is to confine.
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Amanita86
OTD Keymaster


Registered: 09/26/12
Posts: 89,464
Loc: hades
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She's not loving you if you're not being you bro... she's loving her 'ideal' of what she wants you to be..
You can't stick feathers up your ass and call yourself a peacock. Real talk.
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Orange clock, pencil "They threw me off the hay truck about noon..."
*Mark 15:34  Gam zeh ya’avor...
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JocivaFlcol
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It wouldn't interfere with responsibilities. Honestly I'd only do it occasionally, like on our weekends. But she prefers to spend every minute of shared free time with me, and hates to be around the stuff. Which I can understand. But I still would like some one with the universe time, and I can't get any ever.
Quote:
Amanita86 said: She's not loving you if you're not being you bro... she's loving her 'ideal' of what she wants you to be..
You can't stick feathers up your ass and call yourself a peacock. Real talk.
Thank you. We've been over this. I told her that the "me" she's created isn't the real me, and I just want the real me to be free. It's wearisome pretending all the time.
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Rebelutionsssss
Mdmazing



Registered: 07/23/14
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You're just going to have to tell her "tough shit" this time. The women can't always get what they want just make sure she's not going to go the fucked up route and tell the
-------------------- : To define is to confine.
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Shroomslip
Architekt



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May not apply in your situation but when I first got with my wife (before we were married) she told me "You know you're going to quit smoking weed now, right?" I may have nodded or just said okay at the moment, but I doubt it was even a week later when I told she her can accept me for who I am or this isn't gonna work. I'm a very stubborn, headstrong person. There is no controlling me. Any attempt will only make me go out of my way to prove you don't control me. I'm not completely unreasonable, and I do allow the give and take that a healthy relationship needs, but you have to understand that I'm doing this willingly, and that at some point I may may decide I'm absolutely doing/not doing something and nothing you can say or do is going to change that.
I can't say what's right for you to do, but letting someone control you sets a bad precedent IMO. You're no longer you, you're whoever they want you to be. If you're going to continue having a problem being their living doll and living up to their expectations, eventually that shit is going to fall apart. So it's best to just end it before it gets started. Really it's up to you though. Are you willing to keep sacrificing everything about yourself to please them, or are you willing to take the chance and stand up for yourself and what you truly want, even if it means it may not end favorable for you?
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With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way. I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today. Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear. I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear. You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline
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DrMambo
hamburger time



Registered: 04/06/04
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Loc: 53rd & 3rd
Last seen: 1 year, 1 month
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In non trollspeak, I'd say try to run a dialogue about perhaps tripping twice a year. Maybe smoking once a month. It's difficult. If she's afraid of you changing from substances into someone she doesn't like, then that might be hard to alleviate. If she just wants to spend every moment with you, perhaps it might be a way to breach the fact that it may not be super healthy to do that isht all the time.
You work together. What field are you in?
I know that, "Hey, babe, I'm gonna go away from you and go get fucked up", isn't exactly a comforting thought to a partner, but that trust might be a good thing to develop.
On the other hand, you seem to be happy in this lifestyle, It's all balance.
-------------------- "Yeah, he's a professor...... OF BEING A DOG!"
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r.lutece
gave Columbia her wings.



Registered: 09/06/15
Posts: 745
Loc: ∅
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Not only that, but it's possible she needs to be educated on marijuana and mushrooms. I could be misinterpreting, but when I hear 'druggie mom', I think things like meth and heroin. Correct me if I'm wrong. If that were the case though, my personal vector of "attack" would be explaining that you want to tell her more about the drugs. Let her ask questions. Don't approach it in an "I should be allowed to take them and here's why" manner; this conversation should be entirely for her benefit of understanding the effects of the drugs on the body and the inherent risks each entails. Obviously shrooms doesn't really have any, though you could argue marijuana smoke is still harmful to your lungs. I just chomp on some edibles for that reason. 
Anyway, give her some time to mull it over. Ask her what, specifically, are her worries concerning these drugs. Address them directly in a way you think might satisfy her. And if none of that works? Well, it might be time to take a vacation from substances. Give her some time. Talk about positive experience with the drugs. Let her get more comfortable with your association with them. Try approaching it again in time.
-------------------- One goes into an experiment knowing one might fail. But one does not undertake an experiment knowing one HAS failed.
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Amanita86
OTD Keymaster


Registered: 09/26/12
Posts: 89,464
Loc: hades
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Re: Relationship [Re: DrMambo]
#22215272 - 09/10/15 02:11 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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I wouldnt put a night of eating mushrooms 2-3 times a year in the same category as "hey babe, Im going to go away from you and go get fucked up".. but thats just me.
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Orange clock, pencil "They threw me off the hay truck about noon..."
*Mark 15:34  Gam zeh ya’avor...
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JocivaFlcol
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Registered: 04/19/13
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I don't feel she would, as her brothers and mother use daily. Spice and grass. Shifty crowd, all of them. White trash. It's why she has such a negative view of psychoactive substances.
I just, the past two times I mentioned I did get to smoke was because I told her "tough shit" and went and did it anyway. Those were bad times for us. Took a lot of discussion for healing to happen. It hurt her a lot. I hate how much power I give her, but she really has had a fucked up life, her family is messed up, and the life we have together is luxury compared to her upbringing. So my wanting to use just makes her feel like she's regressing, and becoming like her waste of life family.
I respect that. But I am a responsible user... I make frequent use of T breaks, etc.
It's really draining... I don't want to destroy us. I just... I hate fighting with her, but hate not being able to be myself.
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my3rdeye



Registered: 08/10/12
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Re: Relationship [Re: DrMambo]
#22215278 - 09/10/15 02:14 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
DrMambo said: Just lie to her and start shooting dope. She'll never catch on.
EDIT: Bitches, amiright?
Pretty much though the pansies on here are going to hate on you for saying it.
Quote:
JocivaFlcol said: I'm with her literally every minute of the day. We even work the same full time job together.
That sounds horrible. Can you go to the shitter to by yourself? Does she have your email or social media passwords? Read your texts? You can't even have a fishing weekend with the boys where you do mad shrooms? And you want to live like this for 60 more years? Wouldn't you rather find a girl that is as good looking and compatible but either gets high herself or at the very least lets you get high because she doesn't want to project her fucked up druggie mommy issues on you? I have a drunk parent, should I insist my partner is total abstainer? That's absurd.
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Rebelutionsssss
Mdmazing



Registered: 07/23/14
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Loc: San Francisco
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I can just see this conversation now " well what happens when you eat those mushrooms and jump out a window huh?! Or or or get hit by a car?! Then what!"
-------------------- : To define is to confine.
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DrMambo
hamburger time



Registered: 04/06/04
Posts: 6,197
Loc: 53rd & 3rd
Last seen: 1 year, 1 month
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Quote:
Amanita86 said: I wouldnt put a night of eating mushrooms 2-3 times a year in the same category as "hey babe, Im going to go away from you and go get fucked up".. but thats just me.
I'm trying to show it in a bit from her possible perspective.
-------------------- "Yeah, he's a professor...... OF BEING A DOG!"
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JocivaFlcol
Stranger

Registered: 04/19/13
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Thanks for the input guys.
@Shroomslip: Tried the stubborn approach. She is a very sensitive individual. Was very broken when we met. Like, 4 out of 5 exes cheated on her. I can't be an ass to her anymore than I am. The give and take is a lot of my giving, but she gives a lot too. This is just one area she won't budge on.
@DrMambo: Call center. I work tech support, she works tier one customer support. I am fairly happy, it's just... MaryJane was my first love, and Mushrooms helped me realize my agnosticism. It's difficult to give up two of the most important things... I do it because it's seemingly the responsible thing to do.
@r.lutece: She's a very bright, intelligent individual. She's fully aware of the medicinal benefits of marijuana, and the potential for medical use of mushrooms. She fully supports legalization for medical purposes. Just doesn't want them anywhere near her or her life. She doesn't see her family much. Her mom is a coke user, her eldest brother uses meth, they all smoke weed, and if they can't get it, spice.
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Shroomslip
Architekt



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Re: Relationship [Re: DrMambo]
#22215294 - 09/10/15 02:21 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Seems to me her perspective is "you're gonna do what I tell you". 
Not the first time I've seen someone come from a family of common users get all domineering. For 2 reasons. 1, they equate their family's fuckedupness to all the drugs the family used (so even if say, meth caused a father to stab their mother, the fact that he also occasionally smoked weed is just as culpable) and 2, they tended to have little or no control over their life growing up and go overboard when they finally get their independence.
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With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way. I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today. Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear. I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear. You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline
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JocivaFlcol
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Registered: 04/19/13
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Last seen: 5 years, 5 months
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We've talked about a compromise, but I can't really do compromise well. I don't like being restricted, and it's sort of an all or nothing thing. I should be free to go smoke a bowl, or eat some cubes if I want, and not be restricted to twice a year, or once a month.
She's been around me tripping, and stoned, and although she doesn't like how I am when I'm under in influence, she knows I'm not stupid, or dangerous.
Edit: And yeah, we use the restroom separately, obviously. But I am comfortable with being around her all the time for the rest of my life. She's a really brilliant, bright, amazing person. I just wish she wouldn't feel so defensive about substance use.
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r.lutece
gave Columbia her wings.



Registered: 09/06/15
Posts: 745
Loc: ∅
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So then, her apprehension is just the association with her family? Because that's 100% not fair to you. I'm sure you've talked about that. What about alcohol? Does she have feelings about that?
-------------------- One goes into an experiment knowing one might fail. But one does not undertake an experiment knowing one HAS failed.
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Giftofdeprivation
Discerning Vagrant



Registered: 07/20/13
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Last seen: 8 years, 28 days
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Quote:
JocivaFlcol said: My significant other, and hopefully soon-to-be fiance, absolutely will not stand for any type of substance use.
Stopped reading there. You clearly need to drug her with a thumbprint dose of LSD and move on.
Why are you posting? Either develop some strong arguments for a confrontation, or realize that you fucked up dating someone who puts trivial principles ahead of your relationshit.
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Looking for recipes? Have some recipes to share? Please post what you have in the official cooking thread for Pubbers! HERE! Shoutout to Azur's Official cooking thread for OTDers! Posters Beware!
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JocivaFlcol
Stranger

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Re: Relationship [Re: r.lutece]
#22215308 - 09/10/15 02:31 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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She and I both don't care for alcohol. I don't like who I am when drunk. I can have two beers or a few glasses of wine and be fine. She's the same. But we generally stay away from it.
It's not even about smoking, she's suggested I sub weed for another herb. I've smoked peppermint, and I enjoy it greatly, but it's not Mary.
She doesn't like the fact that I'll be away from her, not sober minded, and she'll be all alone for hours. She's got like, no friends. Always been shy, and has mild social anxiety. I have a whole group of friends, and two little brothers, who are all really awesome great guys, and I miss them terribly. I never see any of them now. I used to be around them every day, and they used to try to hang, whenever I started dating her, but gave up halfway through the first year.
@Giftofdeprivation: Don't blame you. I honestly agree with you. I just cannot bring myself to do that. It's what my friends and brothers have suggested too, believe me. I'm just too weak a person, I suppose. My main reason for posting was to try and get some opinions other than the overwhelmingly negative ones my friend crowd gives.
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DrMambo
hamburger time



Registered: 04/06/04
Posts: 6,197
Loc: 53rd & 3rd
Last seen: 1 year, 1 month
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Fuck. Dude, have you DSHSB, yet?
-------------------- "Yeah, he's a professor...... OF BEING A DOG!"
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Shiithead
Your Huckleberry



Registered: 04/05/13
Posts: 9,997
Loc: God's Flat Green Earth
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OP watch this....
Also marriage is for the birds... Only get married to get less fucked on your taxes. If your lady wants to get married for any other reason, kick her to the curb.
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Ephesians 6:12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Psalm 12:6 The words of the Lord are pure words: as silver tried in a furnace of earth, purified seven times. Hebrews 11:3 Through faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that things which are seen were not made of things which do appear. Revelation 3:11 Behold, I come quickly: hold that fast which thou hast, that no man take thy crown.
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JocivaFlcol
Stranger

Registered: 04/19/13
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Nah man. She's a bit of a prude, sexually speaking. Won't even do oral.
/I/ want to marry primarily because my parents were married my whole life, and I was always proud of that, growing up. Coming from a united home. I'd like my kids to be proud of that too, at least until they're old enough to understand life.
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r.lutece
gave Columbia her wings.



Registered: 09/06/15
Posts: 745
Loc: ∅
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A question I hadn't seen anyone ask yet: has she tried mary? I'm sure if she hasn't, you've offered to smoke with her. It would seem to me that if my significant other were fond of an activity that meant he would leave for extended periods specifically because I didn't want him to do it, that I would try to remedy that by at least trying it. It's one more thing you could do together, after all.
-------------------- One goes into an experiment knowing one might fail. But one does not undertake an experiment knowing one HAS failed.
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JocivaFlcol
Stranger

Registered: 04/19/13
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Last seen: 5 years, 5 months
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Re: Relationship [Re: r.lutece]
#22215325 - 09/10/15 02:39 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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She's stated that if I'm patient, and give her time, she might be willing to consider trying it sometime in the future, if it were made legal. We live in Florida.
She won't ever try it. We've gotten as far as discussing me guiding her through a trip. She had agreed to it, then backed out.
I advised her that if she were just doing it to appease me in any way, then it was the complete wrong reason to trip, and she shouldn't even consider it. Which is ultimately why she backed out.
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Giftofdeprivation
Discerning Vagrant



Registered: 07/20/13
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It's not negative. You just need to experience more life. Do yourself a favor and don't get married to the first broad you lose your virginity to. :pussyblind:
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DrMambo
hamburger time



Registered: 04/06/04
Posts: 6,197
Loc: 53rd & 3rd
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Jesus. She won't blow you? Do you go down on her?
 I mean, do what you please, but I'm a big advocate for orgasms.
-------------------- "Yeah, he's a professor...... OF BEING A DOG!"
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Shiithead
Your Huckleberry



Registered: 04/05/13
Posts: 9,997
Loc: God's Flat Green Earth
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Listen dude...
What we call love is just a chemical reaction that drives us to breed. It isn't real. All married people are miserable, trust. Break the cycle dude. Marriage is for the birds.
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Ephesians 6:12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Psalm 12:6 The words of the Lord are pure words: as silver tried in a furnace of earth, purified seven times. Hebrews 11:3 Through faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that things which are seen were not made of things which do appear. Revelation 3:11 Behold, I come quickly: hold that fast which thou hast, that no man take thy crown.
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r.lutece
gave Columbia her wings.



Registered: 09/06/15
Posts: 745
Loc: ∅
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It actually sounds more and more like patience is your best friend in this scenario. Perhaps something really important right now is to explain your desire calmly and in a time where no one's super upset about it. Just tell her that it's a part of your life and you would really like to be able to enjoy it with her. You understand she needs time to warm up to the idea, but currently it's something important enough to you that you want to continue getting high, just like watching a TV show or reading a book. It's entertainment that you enjoy and that's your right.
-------------------- One goes into an experiment knowing one might fail. But one does not undertake an experiment knowing one HAS failed.
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JocivaFlcol
Stranger

Registered: 04/19/13
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Last seen: 5 years, 5 months
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Re: Relationship [Re: r.lutece]
#22215353 - 09/10/15 02:58 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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The first girl I lost the V to I did think I was in love with. That was a messy breakup. But I learned from it. I grew from it. I'm a better person now from it having ended. This girl is my second, so I guess the same thing sorta applies.
She will blow me, she doesn't like it. She's not too big on my going down on her either, but there are few things nicer than your head wrapped in a pair of perfect thighs.
I cannot be patient. I've said that to her. And we'll go like, a month, and I'll get anxious, and impatient, cause ultimately I know she won't ever actually give in. And then we fight. And it gets ugly.
::sigh::
I like the life I have. I don't want to give it up. Another breakup would be messy. We'd literally split everything in two. She's bought most of the things we own. We share funds.
And I know love is just neurons firing in the brain, nothing more. But I know I'm not capable of willingly cutting off this wonderful human from my life. She's really something. Prudishness aside.
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r.lutece
gave Columbia her wings.



Registered: 09/06/15
Posts: 745
Loc: ∅
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I don't necessarily mean patience before you ever smoke again. Rather, patience until she understands your desire to do so.
-------------------- One goes into an experiment knowing one might fail. But one does not undertake an experiment knowing one HAS failed.
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JocivaFlcol
Stranger

Registered: 04/19/13
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Re: Relationship [Re: r.lutece]
#22215359 - 09/10/15 03:03 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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True. See, she won't have it. I dunno, guys. I dunno what to do.
I try not to talk about it with her, and that always backfires, because when I do bring it up, it's backed by all this pent up anxiety, tension, impatience, and exhaustion from waiting...
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r.lutece
gave Columbia her wings.



Registered: 09/06/15
Posts: 745
Loc: ∅
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Have you included in the discussions those feelings? (Can confirm: Girls love it when you talk about your feelings.) The only thing left would be to ensure she knows how important this issue is to you.
-------------------- One goes into an experiment knowing one might fail. But one does not undertake an experiment knowing one HAS failed.
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Giftofdeprivation
Discerning Vagrant



Registered: 07/20/13
Posts: 3,933
Last seen: 8 years, 28 days
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Look, I know I was being harsh, but in all honesty, the only relationships that last eventually get to complete honesty. Secrets are where shit starts getting fucked up. Most couples have one or two, but if she's setting up a number of strict rules that you just can't follow without lying, your relationship is doomed to fail.
There are BILLIONS of broads out there, so don't get caught up in one true love BS. Monogamy doesn't work in such a populated world...
That said, if you really are attached to her, you gotta break things gently and work them out. Patience is important, like r. is saying. The chances of you guys surviving the immense differences you have are near zilch, though. Keep and open mind, because you are far too young to settle with your naive approach to relationships as of yet. IMHO.
Either way, good luck.
--------------------
Looking for recipes? Have some recipes to share? Please post what you have in the official cooking thread for Pubbers! HERE! Shoutout to Azur's Official cooking thread for OTDers! Posters Beware!
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jsncrs
DYEL

Registered: 01/16/14
Posts: 1,170
Loc: Mars
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Maybe collect some studies or articles on the known benefits of Psilocybin and Cannabis and read them to her. Help her to understand that there's a huge difference between a drug that can ruin your life and one that can enhance it. Better yet, watch some documentaries together. "Neurons to Nirvana" is a good one outlining the current medical research into psychedelics. For cannabis, check out "The Culture High" if you haven't already. Probably the best doco I've ever seen, I recommend it to everyone. There's no way someone can watch that shit and still be anti marijuana.
As others have said above, if she really loves you and wants to be with you, she should embrace every aspect of who you are and not try to change you. You shouldn't have to give up the things you love.
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Giftofdeprivation
Discerning Vagrant



Registered: 07/20/13
Posts: 3,933
Last seen: 8 years, 28 days
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Re: Relationship [Re: jsncrs]
#22215417 - 09/10/15 03:38 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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+1
Exactly what I was talking about in preparing for a confrontation.
Maybe try it passively too. Introduce her to an interesting movie/documentary on cannabis (like a reputable one, not emphasizing pot as a miracle drug) and see what she thinks. If there's a clear impass and complete predjudice, you can make some decisions from there.
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Looking for recipes? Have some recipes to share? Please post what you have in the official cooking thread for Pubbers! HERE! Shoutout to Azur's Official cooking thread for OTDers! Posters Beware!
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JocivaFlcol
Stranger

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Re: Relationship [Re: jsncrs] 1
#22215421 - 09/10/15 03:39 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Thank you so much, everyone. You've all been most helpful. I'll give it a shot here soon, try to talk to her about it in gentler terms, without fighting. Every time she hears mention she throws up defensive barriers.
I'll come back later in the week and update this.
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r.lutece
gave Columbia her wings.



Registered: 09/06/15
Posts: 745
Loc: ∅
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Godspeed.
-------------------- One goes into an experiment knowing one might fail. But one does not undertake an experiment knowing one HAS failed.
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Moonshoe
Blue Mantis


Registered: 05/28/04
Posts: 27,202
Loc: Iceland
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That sucks. I am so happy my wife enjoys smoking flower with me daily, going dancing and rolling together occasionally, and even doing deems and drinking with me on occasion. We have such a great balance of enjoying substance use together responsibly and not doing harmful bad things.
For me I could never make it work with a girl who wasn't ok with me using at least some substances like cannabis and kratom.
So if It was me I would break it off and find a new girl.
Good luck.
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Everything I post is fiction.
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Malcolm_Xtasy
Oh baby what Is you doin??



Registered: 04/04/12
Posts: 13,851
Loc:
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Re: Relationship [Re: Moonshoe] 1
#22215549 - 09/10/15 05:11 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
My significant other, and hopefully soon-to-be fiance, absolutely will not stand for any type of substance use.
Quote:
But she prefers to spend every minute of shared free time with me, and hates to be around the stuff.
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She doesn't like the fact that I'll be away from her, not sober minded,
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Nah man. She's a bit of a prude, sexually speaking. Won't even do oral.
Quote:
/I/ want to marry primarily because my parents were married my whole life, and I was always proud of that, growing up.
I can't wait for your "I'm getting a divorce" thread
-------------------- I'm stupid, Enlil is smart. I'm ugly, Enlil is beautiful. I'm a loser, Enlil is a winner. Someday, I hope to be like Enlil but secretly know I never will.
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Moonshoe
Blue Mantis


Registered: 05/28/04
Posts: 27,202
Loc: Iceland
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Jesus. OP, do not get married. This is a horrible trainwreck disaster waiting to happen. DO NOT GET MARRIED TO THIS GIRL.
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Everything I post is fiction.
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Achillita
Back to the basics



Registered: 05/26/14
Posts: 4,565
Last seen: 3 years, 10 days
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My girlfriend didn't like the idea of me tripping/smoking weed when we first started dating. Now at her worst she'll tolerate it, at her best she'll join in 
She wants to try all the strains, dabs, ect. She'll trip every other month as well. She hates the taste of mushrooms, and of mushroom tea, so I've found ways to make them taste better so she'll trip with me more .
Anyways, she just gotta accept you for you. Talk to her and let her know why you're doing this. If she doesn't understand, make it clear that it helps you. I understand loving her man, but if she truly loves you she'll accept this part of you. Just be clear to her that you'll make sure it doesn't consume your life.
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Malcolm_Xtasy
Oh baby what Is you doin??



Registered: 04/04/12
Posts: 13,851
Loc:
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Its not just the drugs. My gf isn't really that into drugs but she tries to learn because I enjoy them.
Any girl that isn't gonna blow me isn't marriage material IMO, let's just get that out the way
If she isn't blowing you now what do you think is gonna happen when you actually get married 
Quote:
. She's got like, no friends. Always been shy, and has mild social anxiety. I have a whole group of friends, and two little brothers, who are all really awesome great guys, and I miss them terribly. I never see any of them now. I used to be around them every day, and they used to try to hang, whenever I started dating her, but gave up halfway through the first year.
Red flag
Quote:
ike, 4 out of 5 exes cheated on her.
I can see why
-------------------- I'm stupid, Enlil is smart. I'm ugly, Enlil is beautiful. I'm a loser, Enlil is a winner. Someday, I hope to be like Enlil but secretly know I never will.
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Rebelutionsssss
Mdmazing



Registered: 07/23/14
Posts: 13,137
Loc: San Francisco
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
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Fuck man all those quotes made it painfully obvious. Time to realize what's going on
-------------------- : To define is to confine.
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Almond Flour
...get off my lawn!



Registered: 12/26/08
Posts: 11,340
Last seen: 8 years, 4 months
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Quote:
JocivaFlcol said: My significant other, and hopefully soon-to-be fiance, absolutely will not stand for any type of substance use.
I used to smoke ganja on a daily basis, and trip on cubensis at least twice if not three or more times per year.
Since we've been dating, two year anniversary approaching in January, I've gotten to smoke twice. Once this past 420, with my brother, and once the Halloween prior. I tripped once the week I met her, 4 grams of cubensis, beautiful time.
Anyway, I feel ultimately she is what I want/need for my future. I'm 23, and since I've been dating her she's helped me to become organized, responsible, and helped me to save a lot of money. I now have a nice car, an apartment of my own, two cats, a lovely dog, nice things, etc.
I am happy with her, but we fight almost weekly about her unwillingness to accept my using these two favorite substances. She has a very poor view; druggie mom, wasn't there for her, caused her parents' divorce, etc.
TL;DR: I love this girl. She makes me happy. I just want to know this: Should I be accepting of her negative view, and just completely give up my two favorite things in the world? Or should I stand my ground, continue to advocate my right to use what nature has provided so graciously?
Help me out here guys, thanks a million.
If you would rather do drugs than be with your fiance you should leave her and keep doing drugs. Trust me on this she is better off without you. 23 year old young man who wants to keep acting like he is 17? Fuck that dude, spare that poor chick years of bullshit and go do what you wanna do. Its what you want eh
-------------------- Hippies and Liberals love Pope Francis, so why dont I quote him for you guys. "There is NO SALVATION outside the Catholic Church"
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Rebelutionsssss
Mdmazing



Registered: 07/23/14
Posts: 13,137
Loc: San Francisco
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
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So using cannabis and psilocybin makes you 17
-------------------- : To define is to confine.
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Almond Flour
...get off my lawn!



Registered: 12/26/08
Posts: 11,340
Last seen: 8 years, 4 months
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Quote:
Rebelutionsssss said: So using cannabis and psilocybin makes you 17 
No....trading a loving supporting female and the ability to engage in the reproductive act (within marriage of course) for substance use makes you a 17 yr old school boi
-------------------- Hippies and Liberals love Pope Francis, so why dont I quote him for you guys. "There is NO SALVATION outside the Catholic Church"
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specialpeopleclub



Registered: 04/10/14
Posts: 5,584
Loc: Mitten
Last seen: 3 years, 7 months
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I wouldn't. I hate seeing pussy whipped men.
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Rebelutionsssss
Mdmazing



Registered: 07/23/14
Posts: 13,137
Loc: San Francisco
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
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She isn't very supporting if she's trying to control everything in his life and won't blow him 
-------------------- : To define is to confine.
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Moonshoe
Blue Mantis


Registered: 05/28/04
Posts: 27,202
Loc: Iceland
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Quote:
Almond Flour said:
Quote:
Rebelutionsssss said: So using cannabis and psilocybin makes you 17 
No....trading a loving supporting female and the ability to engage in the reproductive act (within marriage of course) for substance use makes you a 17 yr old school boi
Oh come on, he can find another loving supporting female who doesn't try to control his life and shares his interest and has friends and gives oral sex and any MAN would realize that. A 17 year old boy might be so insecure and weak willed that he would give up his whole personality and lifestyle for the first girl that fucks him (and won't even suck his dick).
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Everything I post is fiction.
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nicechrisman
Interdimensional space wizard



Registered: 11/07/03
Posts: 33,241
Last seen: 4 years, 6 months
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Either be discreet and don't talk about your tripping or kick her to the curb. At least those would be my 2 options.
-------------------- "Cosmic Love is absolutelely ruthless and highly indifferent: it teaches its lessons whether you like/dislike them or not." John C. Lily
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Malcolm_Xtasy
Oh baby what Is you doin??



Registered: 04/04/12
Posts: 13,851
Loc:
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Quote:
Almond Flour said:
Quote:
JocivaFlcol said: My significant other, and hopefully soon-to-be fiance, absolutely will not stand for any type of substance use.
I used to smoke ganja on a daily basis, and trip on cubensis at least twice if not three or more times per year.
Since we've been dating, two year anniversary approaching in January, I've gotten to smoke twice. Once this past 420, with my brother, and once the Halloween prior. I tripped once the week I met her, 4 grams of cubensis, beautiful time.
Anyway, I feel ultimately she is what I want/need for my future. I'm 23, and since I've been dating her she's helped me to become organized, responsible, and helped me to save a lot of money. I now have a nice car, an apartment of my own, two cats, a lovely dog, nice things, etc.
I am happy with her, but we fight almost weekly about her unwillingness to accept my using these two favorite substances. She has a very poor view; druggie mom, wasn't there for her, caused her parents' divorce, etc.
TL;DR: I love this girl. She makes me happy. I just want to know this: Should I be accepting of her negative view, and just completely give up my two favorite things in the world? Or should I stand my ground, continue to advocate my right to use what nature has provided so graciously?
Help me out here guys, thanks a million.
If you would rather do drugs than be with your fiance you should leave her and keep doing drugs. Trust me on this she is better off without you. 23 year old young man who wants to keep acting like he is 17? Fuck that dude, spare that poor chick years of bullshit and go do what you wanna do. Its what you want eh 
You're back!
-------------------- I'm stupid, Enlil is smart. I'm ugly, Enlil is beautiful. I'm a loser, Enlil is a winner. Someday, I hope to be like Enlil but secretly know I never will.
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Thayendanegea
quiet walker



Registered: 02/20/12
Posts: 7,596
Loc: 7 Lodges Nation
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Unless you two can come to a workable agreement....key word being "workable"...not you caving in. The result will be resentments on one side or the other....probably both after you occasionally say..."fuck it, I'm gonna get high, I don't give a rats ass what she thinks". This WILL happen in time... and by the time these resentments build up to boiling point and irreversible damage mode, you may have a child in the mix.
Live and let live...should be the mantra of a comfortable, loving and trusting relationship.You gotta let each other be who they want to be....control of one or the other always ends up in failure...and is merely an illusion anyway.
You need to grab your balls and say "Look, I'm not your drug addicted brother or anyone in your family...I'm me. Getting high occasionally with my brothers is not substance abuse..nor is tripping a couple times a year.""If you can't live with that, you need to take a good look at yourself....I love you and I want to spend my life with you...and don't think that's too much to ask."
If she doesn't concede after saying that...I feel you are doomed.
-------------------- Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better. Albert Einstein
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Mr.PhilCybin
Master Baiter


Registered: 06/13/11
Posts: 11,642
Loc: Gnarnia
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she sounds like she has major control issues and is way too dependent on you.
the only hope here IMO is that you guys can have a very calm conversation about it, so that she can drop her defenses and actually listen.
I get that her family uses and it effects them negatively. My dad was an alcoholic and it ultimately killed him. does that mean that I'll never date a girl who wants a beer or glass of wine? no fucking way.
because that doesn't make sense.
try to explain to her that you aren't her mom, or her brother, or whoever else she thinks you'll become.
she has to see what a controlling B this makes her out to seem like. you're an adult too.
-------------------- I'm stupid, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is smart. I'm ugly, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is beautiful. I'm a loser, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is a winner. Someday, I hope to be like Falcon91Wolvrn03 but secretly know I never will.
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qman
Stranger

Registered: 12/06/06
Posts: 34,927
Last seen: 5 hours, 55 minutes
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I have a friend who's 70 years old, we talked about marriage and relationships the other day, he said before he got married he had a talk with his wife, he said to her "don't ever tell me what to do and don't ever go out to a bar without me", she said "Ok". They just celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary last year.
Be a man, don't ever let a woman dictate what you do, she will lose respect for you even if you do follow her demands.
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luvdemboomers
loner with a boner
Registered: 01/11/13
Posts: 5,054
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Re: Relationship [Re: qman] 1
#22217595 - 09/10/15 04:27 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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show her this thread
Edited by luvdemboomers (09/10/15 04:28 PM)
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r.lutece
gave Columbia her wings.



Registered: 09/06/15
Posts: 745
Loc: ∅
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Ha. Seconded.
-------------------- One goes into an experiment knowing one might fail. But one does not undertake an experiment knowing one HAS failed.
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JocivaFlcol
Stranger

Registered: 04/19/13
Posts: 49
Last seen: 5 years, 5 months
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Quote:
Thayendanegea said: You need to grab your balls and say "Look, I'm not your drug addicted brother or anyone in your family...I'm me. Getting high occasionally with my brothers is not substance abuse..nor is tripping a couple times a year.""If you can't live with that, you need to take a good look at yourself....I love you and I want to spend my life with you...and don't think that's too much to ask."
If she doesn't concede after saying that...I feel you are doomed. 
Had a talk about it today. Kinda pretty much said this. She said ultimately, she cannot force me to do anything, and wouldn't try to. She'd just prefer I not do it at the apartment we live at, as the police station is right down the street, like two minutes walking distance. She also would prefer I don't do it with my brothers, away from her. Basically wants me to wait until we get our own house.
We need $10k to put down on a house. We can save maybe $6k per year. I'm not waiting that long. I told her that I appreciate her willingness to try to actually compromise, but I'm not going to continue to pretend to be the person she wants me to be.
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nicechrisman
Interdimensional space wizard



Registered: 11/07/03
Posts: 33,241
Last seen: 4 years, 6 months
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Good for you man
-------------------- "Cosmic Love is absolutelely ruthless and highly indifferent: it teaches its lessons whether you like/dislike them or not." John C. Lily
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r.lutece
gave Columbia her wings.



Registered: 09/06/15
Posts: 745
Loc: ∅
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Sounds like you guys had a nice, calm discussion where lots of things were talked about logically?
-------------------- One goes into an experiment knowing one might fail. But one does not undertake an experiment knowing one HAS failed.
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JocivaFlcol
Stranger

Registered: 04/19/13
Posts: 49
Last seen: 5 years, 5 months
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Re: Relationship [Re: r.lutece]
#22219472 - 09/10/15 11:50 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Well, it started out calm, then escalated to shouting, then calmed down again.
We still never reached an agreement on anything. But I'm putting my foot down. I'm not abstaining anymore. When and where I partake is all that she's complaining about now.
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r.lutece
gave Columbia her wings.



Registered: 09/06/15
Posts: 745
Loc: ∅
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-------------------- One goes into an experiment knowing one might fail. But one does not undertake an experiment knowing one HAS failed.
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Enjoywho
Rags to Bitches



Registered: 07/06/09
Posts: 20,880
Last seen: 2 years, 6 months
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Quote:
JocivaFlcol said: Nah man. She's a bit of a prude, sexually speaking. Won't even do oral.
/I/ want to marry primarily because my parents were married my whole life, and I was always proud of that, growing up. Coming from a united home. I'd like my kids to be proud of that too, at least until they're old enough to understand life.
Wait so you can't go smoke a bowl if you want and your not even gettimg some head?
-------------------- "I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." "In the days of kings and queens I was a jester." "And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies "Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"
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Bitter Cactus
reformed bad boy



Registered: 01/26/12
Posts: 11,773
Loc: Alberta, Canada
Last seen: 8 years, 4 months
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Re: Relationship [Re: Enjoywho]
#22219657 - 09/11/15 12:53 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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DSHSB
-------------------- Taking acid and thinking you are a better man is a lot different then actually becoming a better man.
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JocivaFlcol
Stranger

Registered: 04/19/13
Posts: 49
Last seen: 5 years, 5 months
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Re: Relationship [Re: Enjoywho]
#22219660 - 09/11/15 12:53 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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She'll go down, she just doesn't like it. Which is understandable, she was molested by her brother when she was 7. He's a worthless shithead.
It's not a big deal, honestly. I mean, head is great, but it's no deal breaker.
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Amanita86
OTD Keymaster


Registered: 09/26/12
Posts: 89,464
Loc: hades
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What the fuck is up with her family..
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Orange clock, pencil "They threw me off the hay truck about noon..."
*Mark 15:34  Gam zeh ya’avor...
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JocivaFlcol
Stranger

Registered: 04/19/13
Posts: 49
Last seen: 5 years, 5 months
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White trash as hell.
She's finally at a decent place in her life. Always been broke, we're able to save money together though...
Anyway. Another thing we don't agree on is religion. She believes there is a god and an afterlife, and that's fine with me. I just don't believe in anything that can't be proven empirically. She's fine with the fact that I don't believe. She just doesn't like to talk about what she believes, or what I do/don't believe. I like to talk about beliefs, it's something that interests me greatly. But I try to let it be, since I know she doesn't like it. But sometimes it gets brought up, and then we argue a bit...
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Amanita86
OTD Keymaster


Registered: 09/26/12
Posts: 89,464
Loc: hades
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Ya'll argue a lot.
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Orange clock, pencil "They threw me off the hay truck about noon..."
*Mark 15:34  Gam zeh ya’avor...
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JocivaFlcol
Stranger

Registered: 04/19/13
Posts: 49
Last seen: 5 years, 5 months
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Yeah, a lot. When we're not arguing, though, we're very happy. We like to go on walks together, watch movies, play Super Mario World or Minecraft, or Grand Theft Auto, watch Netflix, sit and talk about the future, go shopping, cook together.
We enjoy life together. We just argue more than anyone would be comfortable with...
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Shroomslip
Architekt



Registered: 11/25/12
Posts: 23,651
Last seen: 4 hours, 33 minutes
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I see a lot of red flags in this relationship.
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With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way. I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today. Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear. I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear. You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline
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JocivaFlcol
Stranger

Registered: 04/19/13
Posts: 49
Last seen: 5 years, 5 months
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Yeah, initially, I didn't want a relationship. Let alone with her. She fell head over heels in love with me though, almost instantly. And I tried to break it off, multiple times, but like... I'm terrible at breaking up with a person... It's very difficult for me to be firm when the person is bawling their eyes out... Especially when I do have genuine feelings for her.
Edited by JocivaFlcol (09/11/15 02:00 AM)
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Shroomslip
Architekt



Registered: 11/25/12
Posts: 23,651
Last seen: 4 hours, 33 minutes
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Quote:
JocivaFlcol said: She fell head over heels in love with me though, almost instantly.
How is there any problem then? I mean if you were the one who pursued the relationship then some of this would maybe make sense. But she's the one that attached herself to you, and you also tried to break up with her multiple times but couldn't. Those two factors combined means you can basically do whatever the fuck you want. If she loves you that much, she'll love you for who you are, and if she doesn't, fuck it, you tried to break up with her already anyways. I mean I really don't see the issue here.
There are a lot of red flags I've seen you throw up already. The more you talk about the situation, the more I see.
I mean I can only speak from experience, but that god shit is gonna come up again at some point, and if you refuse to accept her belief, it's gonna cause a lot of issues. If you let her control you now and dictate what you do when you two aren't even married, it's gonna get worse. If she's not blowing you now and is a "prude" just wait til you're 2 years into marriage and sexually frustrated and see the nasty vile shit you say to her in a fit of rage in the middle of an argument. There's more I just don't feel like going back through to quote examples.
You can't bury this shit. You either fix it, or it bubbles back to the surface eventually. Married people are going to have arguments and disagreements, but when it's shit like this before you're even married, you're just setting yourself up for disaster.
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With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way. I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today. Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear. I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear. You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline
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Amanita86
OTD Keymaster


Registered: 09/26/12
Posts: 89,464
Loc: hades
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...and add a few kids into the mix.
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Orange clock, pencil "They threw me off the hay truck about noon..."
*Mark 15:34  Gam zeh ya’avor...
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Enjoywho
Rags to Bitches



Registered: 07/06/09
Posts: 20,880
Last seen: 2 years, 6 months
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It's why i think dating should be telling someone the most fucked up shit about yourself.
I tell girls up front i used to be a drug addict but am 2+ years clean. Im an alcoholic now. Im not a mean drunk nor do i get blackout drunk very often. I just like to have a beer. Thos is who i am and who i used to be. Im an addict.
Dated this one girl recently for about 2 weeks. That was the reason we broke up. And i was like dude i fucking told you this. We went to this fair thingy and i had already spent damn near my whole paycheck with her and paid her phone bill.
Im an addict i knew i had just enough to get me to next paycheck. If they cant deal with it than fine whatever. Thats why i laid the terms and conditions down upfront.
-------------------- "I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." "In the days of kings and queens I was a jester." "And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies "Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"
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JocivaFlcol
Stranger

Registered: 04/19/13
Posts: 49
Last seen: 5 years, 5 months
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Re: Relationship [Re: Enjoywho]
#22219901 - 09/11/15 02:38 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Yeah, you're right.
I just like what we have right now. It's been mostly out of convenience. Like, I can't afford the apartment on my own, and neither can she. We have a car payment and shit too.
I want us to be able to work. Kids aren't really going to be much of a risk, she has poly-cystic fibrosis of the uterus. So, she'd have to take fertility treatments for even a shot at a kid.
I don't want it to end, and even if I did, I can't afford to live in this place on my own. When the lease ends in March, we could leave. I can stay at my brother's, I just can't afford to break lease. She can stay with her sister or wherever.
Anyway, we're basically already married. We split everything, argue like a married couple. Nothing would change with us being married, accept legally. And then a breakup would be expensive, and require a divorce lawyer.
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Shroomslip
Architekt



Registered: 11/25/12
Posts: 23,651
Last seen: 4 hours, 33 minutes
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More flags.
It's a relationship of convenience = disaster. Kids aren't a risk = disaster (NEVER say never). Nothing would change if we were married = so far beyond incorrect I dunno what verb to call it.
I kinda seem like a bully pointing out all this shit, but you're posting here because you want feedback. But you seem kinda naive to this entire situation, incapable of looking at it objectively and have filled your head with best case scenarios just to justify keeping it going.
--------------------
With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way. I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today. Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear. I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear. You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline
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Enjoywho
Rags to Bitches



Registered: 07/06/09
Posts: 20,880
Last seen: 2 years, 6 months
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My ex and i fought like cats and dogs. And we only dated for 2 months. She's 19 though and I'm 24. She pushed me down a flight of stairs and hit up side the head with a log.
Its fucked up that im not sad we broke up but i kinda am. The reason being she was a bomb ass cook and i loved having a good ass lunch at work every day. 
Convenience.
Other than that it was all red flags. When we got along its pretty much exactly as you described you and your girl do. But we should not be fighting like that.
It always started with the smallest nonsense then it would escalate as she's stubborn as fuck but so am i. But i just leave the situation and im always in a cheery mood. I dont brood on shit why ruin another entire day?
I just wanna be with you and lounge ariund. Its in the past what the fuck are we even fighting over? Thats the way i look at it.
-------------------- "I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." "In the days of kings and queens I was a jester." "And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies "Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"
Edited by Enjoywho (09/11/15 02:55 AM)
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JocivaFlcol
Stranger

Registered: 04/19/13
Posts: 49
Last seen: 5 years, 5 months
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From an outside observer's perspective, I know everything you're saying is the truth. I get that. I'm just too... afraid of change. I don't want it to end. And to start over again. I'm not naive, I realize all this stuff, I'm just... stupid I guess, I know where it's going, I just... I'm not willing to hit the eject button. But you are right, I came here for feedback. It's just implementing the advice that is the hard part.
Every time we agree to break up, she breaks down and starts crying "We were supposed to get married and have kids and a house and a future, I just want to die, you hurt me so much, make me wish I were dead"
And I cannot deal with that shit... She wouldn't self harm, never has, and if I were genuinely afraid she did, or she began to, I would have to involve the authorities, obviously. It's never gotten that far though.
Ultimately, whenever I try to go through with a breakup, she breaks down, and I cave. It's pathetic, I realize this. I just don't know what the fuck to do... How do I handle that? I cannot handle it emotionally. And I can't just walk out. Both of our names are on the lease too...
@Enjoywho: Yeah, crazy fights between us too. She can cook like a pro, though, too, so there's that. We're both ridiculously stubborn too.
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Enjoywho
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I get it man i really do. I fucking miss her even though she was abusive and we have so many problems. I don't like being lonely i have been for a long time.
I don't really get the problem with you smokin a bowl with your friends and shit. I don't think I've ever heard of one case of someone beating there wife because they just smoked.
It sounds like everythings great but she's projecting her issues onto you. Which my ex did as well. She went through my phone. Which is a highly personal items these days.
Oh so who are these girls your talking too? First of all check the time stamps there old as fuck or some of my really good friends from alaska. Secondly my friend candice is my best friend.
Oh my ex cheated on me. So what the fuck does that have to do with me. One day i was sitting on her bed and she showed me the password to her phone. I was confused. Why? In case you want to look through.
I have no reason not to trust you. I basically just said the day i feel i cant trust you is the day we're breaking up.
She projected her past problems onto me. Im not those people.
-------------------- "I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." "In the days of kings and queens I was a jester." "And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies "Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"
Edited by Enjoywho (09/11/15 03:13 AM)
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JocivaFlcol
Stranger

Registered: 04/19/13
Posts: 49
Last seen: 5 years, 5 months
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Re: Relationship [Re: Enjoywho]
#22219960 - 09/11/15 03:14 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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She used to go through my phone too, but like, I don't talk to girls. I only ever needed to have one girl at a time. Talking to multiple females is more stress than I need.
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Enjoywho
Rags to Bitches



Registered: 07/06/09
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Well i have a lot of good ass friends back home and we catch up from time to time. Ya know. Whatever.
-------------------- "I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." "In the days of kings and queens I was a jester." "And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies "Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"
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Shroomslip
Architekt



Registered: 11/25/12
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There's yet ANOTHER red flag. You've done shown her that crying and acting as if it's the end of the world and even threatening suicide, gets her way. This shit is likely to just progress to more and more trivial matters. It also suggests she's not really mature enough to enter into a solid relationship. I mean really dude, if EVERYTHING is screaming bad idea, it's a bad idea. I can't fault you for trying anyways, it's not as I have the experience and knowledge I do because I always listened to logic and reason.
Don't make decisions based on what I'm about to say, but IMO, this a relationship you should walk away from now, no matter how much you hate change (I do as well) or think you can't make it any other way. I honestly do not see this last more than a year or two, and that's kinda generous. Acting on it is not difficult. It's easy actually.. "You've demonstrated you are not willing to accept me as I am and I wish to be who I am, this really just isn't going to work". Then it's over. Don't let the tears and bullshit pull you back in. If you feel she's actually in danger of doing it, call the cops.
It honestly seems more like you don't want to be with her more than you do want to. It really seems like you're only staying because you have a conscience/feel guilty, are kind of in a bind atm and that you just can't deal with the prospect of being alone. ANY relationship built on that foundation will fail pretty quickly, and usually in spectacular fashion.
At the VERY least before even considering marriage, you two need to deal witha ll this shit head on, solve it, make it a non-issue, and then stay together for another 6 months and make sure things actually have changed, then re-evaluate marriage.
Marriage isn't just a piece of legally binding paper and a tax break. It changes things so much and quickly. Like now you two are joined and separation becomes a much harder task. So both sides tend to open up more and try to push their agendas on the other knowing that short of some serious shit, no one is just going to pack up and leave that day. I can't really think of any interpersonal problems that are actually reduced by marriage. Almost all are only exacerbated.
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With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way. I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today. Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear. I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear. You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline
Edited by Shroomslip (09/11/15 03:27 AM)
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Enjoywho
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Re: Relationship [Re: Enjoywho]
#22219970 - 09/11/15 03:21 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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But im loyal I've never cheated on anybody. I have been cheated on and it fucking hurt. I think its so rude and disrespectful. Once i sign the verbal contract of i am yours and you are mine thats it.
Sure obviously pretty girls are everywhere and i notice. I like lookin at a pretty girl. But i want to be in bed with mine. If im going to cheat im plain just going to break up with them.
In the end thats better than having your trust completely violated.
-------------------- "I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." "In the days of kings and queens I was a jester." "And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies "Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"
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Enjoywho
Rags to Bitches



Registered: 07/06/09
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Last seen: 2 years, 6 months
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Quote:
Shroomslip said: There's yet ANOTHER red flag. You've done shown her that crying and acting as if it's the end of the world and even threatening suicide, gets her way. This shit is likely to just progress to more and more trivial matters. It also suggests she's not really mature enough to enter into a solid relationship. I mean really dude, if EVERYTHING is screaming bad idea, it's a bad idea. I can't fault you for trying anyways, it's not as I have the experience and knowledge I do because I always listened to logic and reason.
Don't make decisions based on what I'm about to say, but IMO, this a relationship you should walk away from now, no matter how much you hate change (I do as well) or think you can't make it any other way. I honestly do not see this last more than a year or two, and that's kinda generous. Acting on it is not difficult. It's easy actually.. "You've demonstrated you are not willing to accept me as I am and I wish to be who I am, this really just isn't going to work". Then it's over. Don't let the tears and bullshit pull you back in. If you feel she's actually in danger of doing it, call the cops.
It honestly seems more like you don't want to be with her more than you do want to. It really seems like you're only staying because you have a conscience/feel guilty, are kind of in a bind atm and that you just can't deal with the prospect of being alone. ANY relationship built on that foundation will fail pretty quickly, and usually in spectacular fashion.
At the VERY least before even considering marriage, you two need to deal witha ll this shit head on, solve it, make it a non-issue, and then stay together for another 6 months and make sure things actually have changed, then re-evaluate marriage.
Marriage isn't just a piece of legally binding paper and a take break. It changes things so much and quickly. Like now you two are joined and separation becomes a much harder task. So both sides tend to open up more and try to push their agendas on the other knowing that short of some serious shit, no one is just going to pack up and leave that day. I can't really think of any interpersonal problems that are actually reduced by marriage. Almost all are only exacerbated.
Spot on.
-------------------- "I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." "In the days of kings and queens I was a jester." "And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies "Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"
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JocivaFlcol
Stranger

Registered: 04/19/13
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Last seen: 5 years, 5 months
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Quote:
Enjoywho said: If im going to cheat im plain just going to break up with them.
This precisely. Cheating is pointless and a waste of energy and time.
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Shroomslip said: It honestly seems more like you don't want to be with her more than you do want to. It really seems like you're only staying because you have a conscience/feel guilty, are kind of in a bind atm and that you just can't deal with the prospect of being alone. ANY relationship built on that foundation will fail pretty quickly, and usually in spectacular fashion.
This is incredibly accurate. I honestly and truly value the advice you're giving, good sir.
I just... I'll sit and talk with her, I just think that breaking things off with a third party present would be wiser. Someone unbiased. I'm considering paying for a counseling session...
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Enjoywho
Rags to Bitches



Registered: 07/06/09
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Re: Relationship [Re: Enjoywho]
#22219988 - 09/11/15 03:35 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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And thats the thing i still didn't want it to end. I finally felt less alone. I don't want to go back to being lonely. But it is what it is. And its for the best.
I got in a good cry now im talkin to a couple good leads going on. I knew I'd be fine but it does hurt. Its just apart of being human.
-------------------- "I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." "In the days of kings and queens I was a jester." "And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies "Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"
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Shroomslip
Architekt



Registered: 11/25/12
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Last seen: 4 hours, 33 minutes
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Obviously take everything I've said as just as outsider looking in. I don't even have the complete story. Don't go breaking up with her just because I think it's a good idea. All I'm doing is providing you some things to consider. Ultimately it's your choice and your choice alone, and only you should make it.
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With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way. I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today. Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear. I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear. You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline
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Enjoywho
Rags to Bitches



Registered: 07/06/09
Posts: 20,880
Last seen: 2 years, 6 months
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Well put my friend.
-------------------- "I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." "In the days of kings and queens I was a jester." "And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies "Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"
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JocivaFlcol
Stranger

Registered: 04/19/13
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Last seen: 5 years, 5 months
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I've been trying to break up since we've been dating, for almost two years. But it keeps going to tears every time, and I'm too guilty to end things once and for all.
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Enjoywho
Rags to Bitches



Registered: 07/06/09
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Last seen: 2 years, 6 months
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Re: Relationship [Re: Enjoywho]
#22220014 - 09/11/15 03:48 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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One thing that always sucks is losing your s/o friends. You've gotten to know these people. And are friends. But they'll always side with whoever it is that was actually there friend before.
That shit always bums me out because not only am i losing a partner im losing all the cool ass people I've met in the process.
-------------------- "I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." "In the days of kings and queens I was a jester." "And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies "Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"
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Enjoywho
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Registered: 07/06/09
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Quote:
JocivaFlcol said: I've been trying to break up since we've been dating, for almost two years. But it keeps going to tears every time, and I'm too guilty to end things once and for all.
Sometimes you just gotta walk away. She may cry but breakups are hard on both ends. Gotta be firm. If its not what you want than that's just how it is. The fact you work at the same place and have to see eachother every day makes it harder.
Trust me I've done it many times.
-------------------- "I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." "In the days of kings and queens I was a jester." "And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies "Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"
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Enjoywho
Rags to Bitches



Registered: 07/06/09
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Last seen: 2 years, 6 months
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Re: Relationship [Re: Enjoywho]
#22220022 - 09/11/15 03:52 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Shit I've broken up with girls and as soon as i get home i cried my eyes out. Sometimes you just need a good cry. But i knew it was for the best.
-------------------- "I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." "In the days of kings and queens I was a jester." "And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies "Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"
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JocivaFlcol
Stranger

Registered: 04/19/13
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Last seen: 5 years, 5 months
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Re: Relationship [Re: Enjoywho]
#22220051 - 09/11/15 04:05 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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One or both of us could change shift, it's a 24 hour call center, she can move to day shift, she hates working 3rd shift. I do it for the extra dollar per hour.
I told her we need to talk to a counselor before planning on going through with an engagement. She agreed that is a good idea. I'll look around and see what I can do.
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luvdemboomers
loner with a boner
Registered: 01/11/13
Posts: 5,054
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this thread reminds me of this song
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Achillita
Back to the basics



Registered: 05/26/14
Posts: 4,565
Last seen: 3 years, 10 days
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Man and sometimes I thought my relationship was crazy
OP, if you're truly thinking that it's a relationship out of pure convenience, then it's time to really think about you being with her IMO. Dig deep and think hard, I'd imagine a marriage will turn bitter very fast when you realize that she isn't the girl you want.
Edited by Achillita (09/11/15 05:16 AM)
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OhMrJohnson
Ashes Against The Grain

Registered: 01/12/14
Posts: 17,544
Loc: Terra Incognita
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Fuck being in a controlling relationship
I'd rather be single forever than be tied down with a woman who can't accept me for who I am
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Diminish the sub-principle and leave its toxic trace.. Once and for all!
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Malcolm_Xtasy
Oh baby what Is you doin??



Registered: 04/04/12
Posts: 13,851
Loc:
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Quote:
JocivaFlcol said: Yeah, initially, I didn't want a relationship. Let alone with her. She fell head over heels in love with me though, almost instantly. And I tried to break it off, multiple times, but like... I'm terrible at breaking up with a person... It's very difficult for me to be firm when the person is bawling their eyes out... Especially when I do have genuine feelings for her.
Dude please grow some fucking nuts. Jesus Christ
-------------------- I'm stupid, Enlil is smart. I'm ugly, Enlil is beautiful. I'm a loser, Enlil is a winner. Someday, I hope to be like Enlil but secretly know I never will.
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Achillita
Back to the basics



Registered: 05/26/14
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If you are going to break up with her, and you can't stand her crying or whatever. Just break up with her, walk off, and take a week or so before you can talk to her again about why you did. It'll let you distance yourself and not have to be sucked back in.
Look, if you're going to break up with her, just do it. Waiting longer and longer to do so is just going to hurt everyone in the long run. It'll hurt her more, because she'll think it could never happen. And it'll hurt you more because of what could have been or the time you lost with someone you don't love.
You came off saying you loved her a lot, and now you're saying you don't? Make up your mind 
Just kidding for the last part
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Malcolm_Xtasy
Oh baby what Is you doin??



Registered: 04/04/12
Posts: 13,851
Loc:
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No you weren't
-------------------- I'm stupid, Enlil is smart. I'm ugly, Enlil is beautiful. I'm a loser, Enlil is a winner. Someday, I hope to be like Enlil but secretly know I never will.
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Achillita
Back to the basics



Registered: 05/26/14
Posts: 4,565
Last seen: 3 years, 10 days
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--------------------
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Malcolm_Xtasy
Oh baby what Is you doin??



Registered: 04/04/12
Posts: 13,851
Loc:
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Op how old are you
-------------------- I'm stupid, Enlil is smart. I'm ugly, Enlil is beautiful. I'm a loser, Enlil is a winner. Someday, I hope to be like Enlil but secretly know I never will.
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Enjoywho
Rags to Bitches



Registered: 07/06/09
Posts: 20,880
Last seen: 2 years, 6 months
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He can't he's got involved in a lease with her.
-------------------- "I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." "In the days of kings and queens I was a jester." "And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies "Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"
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Achillita
Back to the basics



Registered: 05/26/14
Posts: 4,565
Last seen: 3 years, 10 days
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Re: Relationship [Re: Enjoywho]
#22220679 - 09/11/15 08:13 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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I mean, like after the lease breaks, or if he really wants to get it over with, just pay for your share and move in with your brother for the time being. I know that'd suck, but IMO, it's better than being in a relationship you're not happy with.
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Moonshoe
Blue Mantis


Registered: 05/28/04
Posts: 27,202
Loc: Iceland
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Dude you say you argue like a married couple I am nine years married and my wfe And I almost never fight or argue we get along amazing we Share the same interests and we are happy. You are making a huge mistake accepting this dysfunctional relationship as some kind of Inevitable permanent thing,
Sounds To me like your ideas about relationships are Damaged And you are accepting a Relationship that isn't good Or healthy.
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Everything I post is fiction.
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Achillita
Back to the basics



Registered: 05/26/14
Posts: 4,565
Last seen: 3 years, 10 days
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Re: Relationship [Re: Moonshoe]
#22220722 - 09/11/15 08:25 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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I think there are stages in a relationship where you argue more often or less. Me and my girlfriend argued like every other week like a year ago, but now we haven't for like a month at least. When we first started dating we never argued. There's just a point where you've argued about pretty much anything that you could argue about and live much more smoothly. That's just my  
But I agree, it doesn't sound too much like a good relationship. Especially when he says it's mostly out of convenience or he's tried to break up with her but she just begs him and he can't say no...
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Enjoywho
Rags to Bitches



Registered: 07/06/09
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You can't win em all op. But don't let your desire to not be lonely make you settle. It's a big ass world and there are a lot of people out there. Trust me i get it but back to the grind.
And i love talkin to pretty girls I'll tell you that much.
-------------------- "I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." "In the days of kings and queens I was a jester." "And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies "Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"
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OhMrJohnson
Ashes Against The Grain

Registered: 01/12/14
Posts: 17,544
Loc: Terra Incognita
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Re: Relationship [Re: Moonshoe]
#22220767 - 09/11/15 08:41 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Moonshoe said: Dude you say you argue like a married couple I am nine years married and my wfe And I almost never fight or argue we get along amazing we Share the same interests and we are happy. You are making a huge mistake accepting this dysfunctional relationship as some kind of Inevitable permanent thing,
Sounds To me like your ideas about relationships are Damaged And you are accepting a Relationship that isn't good Or healthy.
This
Plenty of fish in the sea OP, don't get hung up on one
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Diminish the sub-principle and leave its toxic trace.. Once and for all!
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Bumbaa
Lol You Can Change this

Registered: 08/29/15
Posts: 295
Last seen: 1 year, 2 months
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You should just say; let me try it once,and if it improves your relationship i'll use once a while. For the mush,and you'll only smoke weed when you do mush.
Who said Relationship were ever fair. I personally believe piscolob it is for the good that she tells you not to use. But mushroom pretty good,safe,clean, I don't feel the same way on the usage of marijuana daily
-------------------- Why so much hate mate?
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Thayendanegea
quiet walker



Registered: 02/20/12
Posts: 7,596
Loc: 7 Lodges Nation
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Re: Relationship [Re: Bumbaa]
#22221410 - 09/11/15 11:17 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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OP...After having read through this thread....I see so much more wrong with this relationship than could ever possibly be right.
Take my word for it, her crying will eventually mean less and less to you as you will see it as a ploy to get her way....it will make you feel cold and unfeeling inside and you will begin to question your own sensitivities.
This is just one example...but, the truth is, you are selling yourself short...you can do better.
-------------------- Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better. Albert Einstein
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Malcolm_Xtasy
Oh baby what Is you doin??



Registered: 04/04/12
Posts: 13,851
Loc:
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Did you see all my quotes a page ago? That chick sounds like a complete downer to be around
-------------------- I'm stupid, Enlil is smart. I'm ugly, Enlil is beautiful. I'm a loser, Enlil is a winner. Someday, I hope to be like Enlil but secretly know I never will.
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topdog82
Death Spirit



Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 7,992
Loc: California
Last seen: 5 months, 3 days
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Quote:
Moonshoe said: Jesus. OP, do not get married. This is a horrible trainwreck disaster waiting to happen. DO NOT GET MARRIED TO THIS GIRL.
Quote:
Malcolm_Xtasy said:
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My significant other, and hopefully soon-to-be fiance, absolutely will not stand for any type of substance use.
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But she prefers to spend every minute of shared free time with me, and hates to be around the stuff.
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She doesn't like the fact that I'll be away from her, not sober minded,
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Nah man. She's a bit of a prude, sexually speaking. Won't even do oral.
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/I/ want to marry primarily because my parents were married my whole life, and I was always proud of that, growing up.
I can't wait for your "I'm getting a divorce" thread
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Malcolm_Xtasy said: Its not just the drugs. My gf isn't really that into drugs but she tries to learn because I enjoy them.
Any girl that isn't gonna blow me isn't marriage material IMO, let's just get that out the way
If she isn't blowing you now what do you think is gonna happen when you actually get married 
Quote:
. She's got like, no friends. Always been shy, and has mild social anxiety. I have a whole group of friends, and two little brothers, who are all really awesome great guys, and I miss them terribly. I never see any of them now. I used to be around them every day, and they used to try to hang, whenever I started dating her, but gave up halfway through the first year.
Red flag
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ike, 4 out of 5 exes cheated on her.
I can see why
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JocivaFlcol said: White trash as hell.
She's finally at a decent place in her life. Always been broke, we're able to save money together though...
Anyway. Another thing we don't agree on is religion. She believes there is a god and an afterlife, and that's fine with me. I just don't believe in anything that can't be proven empirically. She's fine with the fact that I don't believe. She just doesn't like to talk about what she believes, or what I do/don't believe. I like to talk about beliefs, it's something that interests me greatly. But I try to let it be, since I know she doesn't like it. But sometimes it gets brought up, and then we argue a bit...
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JocivaFlcol said: From an outside observer's perspective, I know everything you're saying is the truth. I get that. I'm just too... afraid of change. I don't want it to end. And to start over again. I'm not naive, I realize all this stuff, I'm just... stupid I guess, I know where it's going, I just... I'm not willing to hit the eject button. But you are right, I came here for feedback. It's just implementing the advice that is the hard part.
Every time we agree to break up, she breaks down and starts crying "We were supposed to get married and have kids and a house and a future, I just want to die, you hurt me so much, make me wish I were dead"
And I cannot deal with that shit... She wouldn't self harm, never has, and if I were genuinely afraid she did, or she began to, I would have to involve the authorities, obviously. It's never gotten that far though.
Ultimately, whenever I try to go through with a breakup, she breaks down, and I cave. It's pathetic, I realize this. I just don't know what the fuck to do... How do I handle that? I cannot handle it emotionally. And I can't just walk out. Both of our names are on the lease too...
@Enjoywho: Yeah, crazy fights between us too. She can cook like a pro, though, too, so there's that. We're both ridiculously stubborn too.
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Achillita said: If you are going to break up with her, and you can't stand her crying or whatever. Just break up with her, walk off, and take a week or so before you can talk to her again about why you did. It'll let you distance yourself and not have to be sucked back in.
Look, if you're going to break up with her, just do it. Waiting longer and longer to do so is just going to hurt everyone in the long run. It'll hurt her more, because she'll think it could never happen. And it'll hurt you more because of what could have been or the time you lost with someone you don't love.
You came off saying you loved her a lot, and now you're saying you don't? Make up your mind 
Just kidding for the last part
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OhMrJohnson said:
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Moonshoe said: Dude you say you argue like a married couple I am nine years married and my wfe And I almost never fight or argue we get along amazing we Share the same interests and we are happy. You are making a huge mistake accepting this dysfunctional relationship as some kind of Inevitable permanent thing,
Sounds To me like your ideas about relationships are Damaged And you are accepting a Relationship that isn't good Or healthy.
This
Plenty of fish in the sea OP, don't get hung up on one
I just read through this entire thread. OP I am not sure you are going to take my advice or not but moonshoe and achtilla or watever are both 100% correct
GETTTTT OUTTTTT of this relationship. Breakup with her. Sadly there are messed people in the world but trying to fuck yourself up more but trying to fix her is pointless
Get out now. Do not resist. Have the lease end and then dump her. And then LEAVE
This is all a disaster waiting to happen. I have had this EXACT situation minus the fact we were going to get married. But this is an unhealthy relationship. I was deeply depressed and almost suicidal and only years later I realized that this girl and this kind of relationship with her tore me apart
BY ANY MEANS get out of the relationship and abort mission. I have been suicidally depressed on and off througohut my life. And women like this were the cause for at least 2-3 years of that depression
I just read every post in this thread and I think there is nothing but red flags. Please tell us if we are being to abbrasive. But IMO this is a disaster waiting to happen
I cannot put into words how similar of a situation I was in. LEAVE HER NOW and you will thank yourself and us shroomery posters later. I cannot emphasize how similar my situation was and how unhealthy it was
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topdog82
Death Spirit



Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 7,992
Loc: California
Last seen: 5 months, 3 days
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Quote:
Malcolm_Xtasy said: Did you see all my quotes a page ago? That chick sounds like a complete downer to be around
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Thayendanegea said: OP...After having read through this thread....I see so much more wrong with this relationship than could ever possibly be right.
Take my word for it, her crying will eventually mean less and less to you as you will see it as a ploy to get her way....it will make you feel cold and unfeeling inside and you will begin to question your own sensitivities.
This is just one example...but, the truth is, you are selling yourself short...you can do better.
I just read through some of these posts again and OP you have no clue what you are getting into
GET OUTTTTTTTTTTTTT of this relationship
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JocivaFlcol
Stranger

Registered: 04/19/13
Posts: 49
Last seen: 5 years, 5 months
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Re: Relationship [Re: topdog82]
#22224364 - 09/11/15 09:22 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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You guys aren't being abrasive, just speaking honestly from experience, and I appreciate it so much.
I'm 23, I can't afford to break the lease, I'd have to pay out the rest of the year, and rent is $575/month. I don't make enough to break the lease.
We live together, and I can't throw her out, legally, as her name is on the lease too. She can't afford the rent, and I'm not a dick, so I'm not gonna just dump her and leave her high and dry with the rent. I've talked to her about me sleeping on the couch, her getting the bedroom, and we just stay through until the lease is up and then never see each other again. Then she just starts bawling, and I need the crying to stop, or I can't function, so I comfort her and say we'll deal with it later, forget I said anything, we don't have to breakup, everything's fine, etc.
I don't want to break up with her, primarily because if she didn't have a problem with cannabis or cubensis, then we'd be fine. The god shit is barely relevant, and hardly comes up.
I /do/ want to break up with her only if it means I don't have to deal with the fighting and the stress and the lack of personal freedom.
I'll be 24 in November, she'll be 21 in January.
As of right now, she wants to hold off on talking about breaking up until we pay for counselling, which I can understand and agree with, but ultimately what it's going to come down to is this; I'll do what I'm gonna do. Be who I am. And if she doesn't like it, and wants to try and stop me, I'll just walk away, let her deal with not liking it. If it bothers her so much, she can leave me, because that's how it's going to be.
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Moonshoe
Blue Mantis


Registered: 05/28/04
Posts: 27,202
Loc: Iceland
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I am very religious and spiritual, my wife is anti-religion and not spiritual, its not a problem for us at all.
The drug thing is more of an issue, just tell her to deal with it and do what you want to do. When she sees it doesn't hurt anything she will get over it. You need to show her by using that she doesn't need to fear it.
USE DRUGS IN FRONT OF HER AND BREAK HER IN
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Everything I post is fiction.
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JocivaFlcol
Stranger

Registered: 04/19/13
Posts: 49
Last seen: 5 years, 5 months
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Re: Relationship [Re: Moonshoe]
#22224634 - 09/11/15 10:17 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Right now we're trying to arrange for splitting the bills until she leaves.
She's agreed to leave, before the lease is up. So I'll just have to try and pay the rest of the year. Can probably get a room mate.
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Moonshoe
Blue Mantis


Registered: 05/28/04
Posts: 27,202
Loc: Iceland
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awesome 
Trust me, this does not have the makings of a solid relationship. Even if you made it work, you would not realize you were missing out on a much better relationship you could be having with someone more compatible with you.
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Everything I post is fiction.
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JocivaFlcol
Stranger

Registered: 04/19/13
Posts: 49
Last seen: 5 years, 5 months
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Re: Relationship [Re: Moonshoe]
#22224649 - 09/11/15 10:20 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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I like, I'm fine without being in a relationship ever. It's nice having someone, with the extra income, etc, but I don't need the responsibility to another human in my life.
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Moonshoe
Blue Mantis


Registered: 05/28/04
Posts: 27,202
Loc: Iceland
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Hmm yeah the extra income is ok but if you meet the right person you want to spend all your time with them, but its totally ok to be alone and happy with it , perhaps even better, so whatever you do don't sacrifice who you are , what you enjoy and what you care about and are interested in.
Either find someone who shares and supports what matters to you or be alone and love it, but don't ever settle for someone who constricts and limits you.
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Everything I post is fiction.
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JocivaFlcol
Stranger

Registered: 04/19/13
Posts: 49
Last seen: 5 years, 5 months
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Re: Relationship [Re: Moonshoe] 1
#22224683 - 09/11/15 10:25 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Thank you, this life is short, and I'm finally going to start living it for me.
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Moonshoe
Blue Mantis


Registered: 05/28/04
Posts: 27,202
Loc: Iceland
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Fantastic. Five shrooms!
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Everything I post is fiction.
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Bitter Cactus
reformed bad boy



Registered: 01/26/12
Posts: 11,773
Loc: Alberta, Canada
Last seen: 8 years, 4 months
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Quote:
JocivaFlcol said: Thank you, this life is short, and I'm finally going to start living it for me.
-------------------- Taking acid and thinking you are a better man is a lot different then actually becoming a better man.
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Moonshoe
Blue Mantis


Registered: 05/28/04
Posts: 27,202
Loc: Iceland
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Dating anyone yet Bitter Cactus?
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Everything I post is fiction.
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Bitter Cactus
reformed bad boy



Registered: 01/26/12
Posts: 11,773
Loc: Alberta, Canada
Last seen: 8 years, 4 months
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Re: Relationship [Re: Moonshoe]
#22224700 - 09/11/15 10:29 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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nope
-------------------- Taking acid and thinking you are a better man is a lot different then actually becoming a better man.
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Moonshoe
Blue Mantis


Registered: 05/28/04
Posts: 27,202
Loc: Iceland
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Started classes yet?
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Everything I post is fiction.
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Bitter Cactus
reformed bad boy



Registered: 01/26/12
Posts: 11,773
Loc: Alberta, Canada
Last seen: 8 years, 4 months
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Re: Relationship [Re: Moonshoe]
#22224734 - 09/11/15 10:34 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Moonshoe said: Started classes yet?
Yep. Did finance today, three hours of sociology and economics yesterday, finance wednesday, political science monday.
I got lots of homework and shit I am enjoying myself though you are write I enjoy learning school is fun.
-------------------- Taking acid and thinking you are a better man is a lot different then actually becoming a better man.
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Moonshoe
Blue Mantis


Registered: 05/28/04
Posts: 27,202
Loc: Iceland
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totally. Out of everything sociology was what really caught my attention and what I really fell in love with and excelled in. I recommend you continue with at least some sociology throughout, its extremely fascinating.
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Everything I post is fiction.
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Bitter Cactus
reformed bad boy



Registered: 01/26/12
Posts: 11,773
Loc: Alberta, Canada
Last seen: 8 years, 4 months
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Re: Relationship [Re: Moonshoe]
#22224760 - 09/11/15 10:38 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Our teacher keeps pressing this thing.
Like the interaction between physical, subjective and behavior to create a meaningful human interaction. We just started it though.
-------------------- Taking acid and thinking you are a better man is a lot different then actually becoming a better man.
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Enjoywho
Rags to Bitches



Registered: 07/06/09
Posts: 20,880
Last seen: 2 years, 6 months
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Good for you op.
-------------------- "I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." "In the days of kings and queens I was a jester." "And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies "Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"
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dixienormous


Registered: 09/21/14
Posts: 1,051
Loc: moon
Last seen: 7 years, 2 months
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Re: Relationship [Re: Enjoywho]
#22226603 - 09/12/15 10:56 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Felt the same way, OP. I kinda grew up and reciprocated the love. First relationship and of a year but why bother with anyone else.
It is amazing to have someone to cuddle with every night.
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dixienormous


Registered: 09/21/14
Posts: 1,051
Loc: moon
Last seen: 7 years, 2 months
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OP, get a vacation at work and go into the mountains with some mushrooms and think about what you want. to do.
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Dionili
Second Rate Mycologist



Registered: 08/18/09
Posts: 2,194
Loc: Between a Rock and a Hard...
Last seen: 4 months, 22 days
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Quote:
JocivaFlcol said: Thank you, this life is short, and I'm finally going to start living it for me.
Fuckin' A bro thats what i like to see!
Make the world your bitch, and everyone in it unless they are worth YOUR time
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JocivaFlcol
Stranger

Registered: 04/19/13
Posts: 49
Last seen: 5 years, 5 months
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Re: Relationship [Re: Dionili]
#22229079 - 09/12/15 09:17 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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I'm thinking for my comeback trip I'm going to get 6 grams of cubensis and a gram of ganja. I'll soak three grams in lemon juice, and smoke a bowl. After the bowl, I'll eat a peanut butter and shroom sandwich with the other three grams. I'll wait about forty minutes, and then consume the first three grams and the lemon juice.
I may toy with binaural beats for the first 40 minutes, I dunno yet. Anyone ever used shrooms in conjunction with binaural beats?
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Dionili
Second Rate Mycologist



Registered: 08/18/09
Posts: 2,194
Loc: Between a Rock and a Hard...
Last seen: 4 months, 22 days
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Quote:
JocivaFlcol said: I'm thinking for my comeback trip I'm going to get 6 grams of cubensis and a gram of ganja. I'll soak three grams in lemon juice, and smoke a bowl. After the bowl, I'll eat a peanut butter and shroom sandwich with the other three grams. I'll wait about forty minutes, and then consume the first three grams and the lemon juice.
I may toy with binaural beats for the first 40 minutes, I dunno yet. Anyone ever used shrooms in conjunction with binaural beats?
Quote:
JocivaFlcol said: I'm thinking for my comeback trip I'm going to get 6 grams of cubensis and a gram of ganja. I'll soak three grams in lemon juice, and smoke a bowl. After the bowl, I'll eat a peanut butter and shroom sandwich with the other three grams. I'll wait about forty minutes, and then consume the first three grams and the lemon juice.
I may toy with binaural beats for the first 40 minutes, I dunno yet. Anyone ever used shrooms in conjunction with binaural beats?
Lemon tek FTW.
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JocivaFlcol
Stranger

Registered: 04/19/13
Posts: 49
Last seen: 5 years, 5 months
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Re: Relationship [Re: Dionili]
#22229294 - 09/12/15 10:16 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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How long should I expect that trip to be? What if I did 4 grams in the lemon juice, and 2 grams in the sandwich?
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luvdemboomers
loner with a boner
Registered: 01/11/13
Posts: 5,054
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lemon it all and face a blunt when peaking
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