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OfflineEnjoywho
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Registered: 07/06/09
Posts: 20,880
Last seen: 2 years, 6 months
Re: Relationship [Re: JocivaFlcol]
    #22219956 - 09/11/15 03:12 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

I get it man i really do. I fucking miss her even though she was abusive and we have so many problems. I don't like being lonely i have been for a long time.

I don't really get the problem with you smokin a bowl with your friends and shit. I don't think I've ever heard of one case of someone beating there wife because they just smoked.

It sounds like everythings great but she's projecting her issues onto you. Which my ex did as well. She went through my phone. Which is a highly personal items these days.

Oh so who are these girls your talking too? First of all check the time stamps there old as fuck or some of my really good friends from alaska. Secondly my friend candice is my best friend.

Oh my ex cheated on me. So what the fuck does that have to do with me. One day i was sitting on her bed and she showed me the password to her phone. I was confused. Why? In case you want to look through.

I have no reason not to trust you. I basically just said :wtf: the day i feel i cant trust you is the day we're breaking up.

She projected her past problems onto me. Im not those people.


--------------------
"I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

"In the days of kings and queens I was a jester."

"And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies

"Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"


Edited by Enjoywho (09/11/15 03:13 AM)


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OfflineJocivaFlcol
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Registered: 04/19/13
Posts: 49
Last seen: 5 years, 5 months
Re: Relationship [Re: Enjoywho]
    #22219960 - 09/11/15 03:14 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

She used to go through my phone too, but like, I don't talk to girls. I only ever needed to have one girl at a time. Talking to multiple females is more stress than I need.


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OfflineEnjoywho
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Registered: 07/06/09
Posts: 20,880
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Re: Relationship [Re: JocivaFlcol]
    #22219964 - 09/11/15 03:18 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Well i have a lot of good ass friends back home and we catch up from time to time. Ya know. Whatever.


--------------------
"I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

"In the days of kings and queens I was a jester."

"And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies

"Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"


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OfflineShroomslip
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Registered: 11/25/12
Posts: 23,651
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Re: Relationship [Re: JocivaFlcol]
    #22219969 - 09/11/15 03:21 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

There's yet ANOTHER red flag. You've done shown her that crying and acting as if it's the end of the world and even threatening suicide, gets her way. This shit is likely to just progress to more and more trivial matters. It also suggests she's not really mature enough to enter into a solid relationship. I mean really dude, if EVERYTHING is screaming bad idea, it's a bad idea. I can't fault you for trying anyways, it's not as I have the experience and knowledge I do because I always listened to logic and reason.

Don't make decisions based on what I'm about to say, but IMO, this a relationship you should walk away from now, no matter how much you hate change (I do as well) or think you can't make it any other way. I honestly do not see this last more than a year or two, and that's kinda generous. Acting on it is not difficult. It's easy actually.. "You've demonstrated you are not willing to accept me as I am and I wish to be who I am, this really just isn't going to work". Then it's over. Don't let the tears and bullshit pull you back in. If you feel she's actually in danger of doing it, call the cops.

It honestly seems more like you don't want to be with her more than you do want to. It really seems like you're only staying because you have a conscience/feel guilty, are kind of in a bind atm and that you just can't deal with the prospect of being alone. ANY relationship built on that foundation will fail pretty quickly, and usually in spectacular fashion.

At the VERY least before even considering marriage, you two need to deal witha ll this shit head on, solve it, make it a non-issue, and then stay together for another 6 months and make sure things actually have changed, then re-evaluate marriage.

Marriage isn't just a piece of legally binding paper and a tax break. It changes things so much and quickly. Like now you two are joined and separation becomes a much harder task. So both sides tend to open up more and try to push their agendas on the other knowing that short of some serious shit, no one is just going to pack up and leave that day. I can't really think of any interpersonal problems that are actually reduced by marriage. Almost all are only exacerbated.


--------------------
With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way.
I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today.
Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear.
I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear.


You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being
With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline


Edited by Shroomslip (09/11/15 03:27 AM)


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OfflineEnjoywho
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Re: Relationship [Re: Enjoywho]
    #22219970 - 09/11/15 03:21 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

But im loyal I've never cheated on anybody. I have been cheated on and it fucking hurt. I think its so rude and disrespectful. Once i sign the verbal contract of i am yours and you are mine thats it.

Sure obviously pretty girls are everywhere and i notice. I like lookin at a pretty girl. But i want to be in bed with mine. If im going to cheat im plain just going to break up with them.

In the end thats better than having your trust completely violated.


--------------------
"I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

"In the days of kings and queens I was a jester."

"And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies

"Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"


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OfflineEnjoywho
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Registered: 07/06/09
Posts: 20,880
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Re: Relationship [Re: Shroomslip]
    #22219974 - 09/11/15 03:25 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Shroomslip said:
There's yet ANOTHER red flag. You've done shown her that crying and acting as if it's the end of the world and even threatening suicide, gets her way. This shit is likely to just progress to more and more trivial matters. It also suggests she's not really mature enough to enter into a solid relationship. I mean really dude, if EVERYTHING is screaming bad idea, it's a bad idea. I can't fault you for trying anyways, it's not as I have the experience and knowledge I do because I always listened to logic and reason.

Don't make decisions based on what I'm about to say, but IMO, this a relationship you should walk away from now, no matter how much you hate change (I do as well) or think you can't make it any other way. I honestly do not see this last more than a year or two, and that's kinda generous. Acting on it is not difficult. It's easy actually.. "You've demonstrated you are not willing to accept me as I am and I wish to be who I am, this really just isn't going to work". Then it's over. Don't let the tears and bullshit pull you back in. If you feel she's actually in danger of doing it, call the cops.

It honestly seems more like you don't want to be with her more than you do want to. It really seems like you're only staying because you have a conscience/feel guilty, are kind of in a bind atm and that you just can't deal with the prospect of being alone. ANY relationship built on that foundation will fail pretty quickly, and usually in spectacular fashion.

At the VERY least before even considering marriage, you two need to deal witha ll this shit head on, solve it, make it a non-issue, and then stay together for another 6 months and make sure things actually have changed, then re-evaluate marriage.

Marriage isn't just a piece of legally binding paper and a take break. It changes things so much and quickly. Like now you two are joined and separation becomes a much harder task. So both sides tend to open up more and try to push their agendas on the other knowing that short of some serious shit, no one is just going to pack up and leave that day. I can't really think of any interpersonal problems that are actually reduced by marriage. Almost all are only exacerbated.




Spot on.


--------------------
"I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

"In the days of kings and queens I was a jester."

"And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies

"Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"


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OfflineJocivaFlcol
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Male
Registered: 04/19/13
Posts: 49
Last seen: 5 years, 5 months
Re: Relationship [Re: Shroomslip]
    #22219987 - 09/11/15 03:35 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Enjoywho said:
If im going to cheat im plain just going to break up with them.





This precisely. Cheating is pointless and a waste of energy and time.

Quote:

Shroomslip said:
It honestly seems more like you don't want to be with her more than you do want to. It really seems like you're only staying because you have a conscience/feel guilty, are kind of in a bind atm and that you just can't deal with the prospect of being alone. ANY relationship built on that foundation will fail pretty quickly, and usually in spectacular fashion.





This is incredibly accurate. I honestly and truly value the advice you're giving, good sir.

I just... I'll sit and talk with her, I just think that breaking things off with a third party present would be wiser. Someone unbiased. I'm considering paying for a counseling session...


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OfflineEnjoywho
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Re: Relationship [Re: Enjoywho]
    #22219988 - 09/11/15 03:35 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

And thats the thing i still didn't want it to end. I finally felt less alone. I don't want to go back to being lonely. But it is what it is. And its for the best.

I got in a good cry now im talkin to a couple good leads going on. I knew I'd be fine but it does hurt. Its just apart of being human.


--------------------
"I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

"In the days of kings and queens I was a jester."

"And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies

"Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"


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OfflineShroomslip
Architekt
I'm a teapot User Gallery


Registered: 11/25/12
Posts: 23,651
Last seen: 2 hours, 55 minutes
Re: Relationship [Re: JocivaFlcol]
    #22220003 - 09/11/15 03:43 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Obviously take everything I've said as just as outsider looking in. I don't even have the complete story. Don't go breaking up with her just because I think it's a good idea. All I'm doing is providing you some things to consider. Ultimately it's your choice and your choice alone, and only you should make it.


--------------------
With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way.
I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today.
Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear.
I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear.


You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being
With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline


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OfflineEnjoywho
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Registered: 07/06/09
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Re: Relationship [Re: Shroomslip]
    #22220006 - 09/11/15 03:44 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Well put my friend.


--------------------
"I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

"In the days of kings and queens I was a jester."

"And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies

"Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"


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OfflineJocivaFlcol
Stranger
Male
Registered: 04/19/13
Posts: 49
Last seen: 5 years, 5 months
Re: Relationship [Re: Shroomslip]
    #22220009 - 09/11/15 03:44 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

I've been trying to break up since we've been dating, for almost two years. But it keeps going to tears every time, and I'm too guilty to end things once and for all.


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OfflineEnjoywho
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Registered: 07/06/09
Posts: 20,880
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Re: Relationship [Re: Enjoywho]
    #22220014 - 09/11/15 03:48 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

One thing that always sucks is losing your s/o friends. You've gotten to know these people. And are friends. But they'll always side with whoever it is that was actually there friend before.

That shit always bums me out because not only am i losing a partner im losing all the cool ass people I've  met in the process.


--------------------
"I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

"In the days of kings and queens I was a jester."

"And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies

"Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"


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OfflineEnjoywho
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Registered: 07/06/09
Posts: 20,880
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Re: Relationship [Re: JocivaFlcol]
    #22220019 - 09/11/15 03:50 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

JocivaFlcol said:
I've been trying to break up since we've been dating, for almost two years. But it keeps going to tears every time, and I'm too guilty to end things once and for all.




Sometimes you just gotta walk away. She may cry but breakups are hard on both ends. Gotta be firm. If its not what you want than that's just how it is. The fact you work at the same place and have to see eachother every day makes it harder.

Trust me I've done it many times.


--------------------
"I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

"In the days of kings and queens I was a jester."

"And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies

"Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"


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OfflineEnjoywho
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Registered: 07/06/09
Posts: 20,880
Last seen: 2 years, 6 months
Re: Relationship [Re: Enjoywho]
    #22220022 - 09/11/15 03:52 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Shit I've broken up with girls and as soon as i get home i cried my eyes out. Sometimes you just need a good cry. But i knew it was for the best.


--------------------
"I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

"In the days of kings and queens I was a jester."

"And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies

"Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"


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OfflineJocivaFlcol
Stranger
Male
Registered: 04/19/13
Posts: 49
Last seen: 5 years, 5 months
Re: Relationship [Re: Enjoywho]
    #22220051 - 09/11/15 04:05 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

One or both of us could change shift, it's a 24 hour call center, she can move to day shift, she hates working 3rd shift. I do it for the extra dollar per hour.

I told her we need to talk to a counselor before planning on going through with an engagement. She agreed that is a good idea. I'll look around and see what I can do.


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Invisibleluvdemboomers
loner with a boner
Registered: 01/11/13
Posts: 5,054
Re: Relationship [Re: JocivaFlcol]
    #22220092 - 09/11/15 04:45 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

this thread reminds me of this song


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OfflineAchillita
Back to the basics
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Registered: 05/26/14
Posts: 4,565
Last seen: 3 years, 10 days
Re: Relationship [Re: luvdemboomers]
    #22220143 - 09/11/15 05:15 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Man and sometimes I thought my relationship was crazy:lol:

OP, if you're truly thinking that it's a relationship out of pure convenience, then it's time to really think about you being with her IMO. Dig deep and think hard, I'd imagine a marriage will turn bitter very fast when you realize that she isn't the girl you want.


Edited by Achillita (09/11/15 05:16 AM)


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InvisibleOhMrJohnson
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Registered: 01/12/14
Posts: 17,544
Loc: Terra Incognita Flag
Re: Relationship [Re: Achillita]
    #22220237 - 09/11/15 05:53 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Fuck being in a controlling relationship

I'd rather be single forever than be tied down with a woman who can't accept me for who I am


--------------------

Diminish the sub-principle and leave its toxic trace..
Once and for all!


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InvisibleMalcolm_Xtasy
Oh baby what Is you doin??
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Registered: 04/04/12
Posts: 13,851
Loc: Flag
Re: Relationship [Re: JocivaFlcol] * 1
    #22220258 - 09/11/15 06:00 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

JocivaFlcol said:
Yeah, initially, I didn't want a relationship. Let alone with her. She fell head over heels in love with me though, almost instantly. And I tried to break it off, multiple times, but like... I'm terrible at breaking up with a person... It's very difficult for me to be firm when the person is bawling their eyes out... Especially when I do have genuine feelings for her.



Dude please grow some fucking nuts. Jesus Christ


--------------------
I'm stupid, Enlil is smart.
I'm ugly, Enlil is beautiful.
I'm a loser, Enlil is a winner.
Someday, I hope to be like Enlil but secretly know I never will.


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OfflineAchillita
Back to the basics
Male


Registered: 05/26/14
Posts: 4,565
Last seen: 3 years, 10 days
Re: Relationship [Re: Malcolm_Xtasy]
    #22220288 - 09/11/15 06:07 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

If you are going to break up with her, and you can't stand her crying or whatever. Just break up with her, walk off, and take a week or so before you can talk to her again about why you did. It'll let you distance yourself and not have to  be sucked back in.

Look, if you're going to break up with her, just do it. Waiting longer and longer to do so is just going to hurt everyone in the long run. It'll hurt her more, because she'll think it could never happen. And it'll hurt you more because of what could have been or the time you lost with someone you don't love.

You came off saying you loved her a lot, and now you're saying you don't? Make up your mind :crankey:

Just kidding for the last part


--------------------


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