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OfflineGiftofdeprivation
Discerning Vagrant
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Registered: 07/20/13
Posts: 3,933
Last seen: 8 years, 28 days
Re: Relationship [Re: JocivaFlcol]
    #22215305 - 09/10/15 02:28 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

JocivaFlcol said:
My significant other, and hopefully soon-to-be fiance, absolutely will not stand for any type of substance use.



Stopped reading there. You clearly need to drug her with a thumbprint dose of LSD and move on.

Why are you posting? Either develop some strong arguments for a confrontation, or realize that you fucked up dating someone who puts trivial principles ahead of your relationshit.


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OfflineJocivaFlcol
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Registered: 04/19/13
Posts: 49
Last seen: 5 years, 5 months
Re: Relationship [Re: r.lutece]
    #22215308 - 09/10/15 02:31 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

She and I both don't care for alcohol. I don't like who I am when drunk. I can have two beers or a few glasses of wine and be fine. She's the same. But we generally stay away from it.

It's not even about smoking, she's suggested I sub weed for another herb. I've smoked peppermint, and I enjoy it greatly, but it's not Mary.

She doesn't like the fact that I'll be away from her, not sober minded, and she'll be all alone for hours. She's got like, no friends. Always been shy, and has mild social anxiety. I have a whole group of friends, and two little brothers, who are all really awesome great guys, and I miss them terribly. I never see any of them now. I used to be around them every day, and they used to try to hang, whenever I started dating her, but gave up halfway through the first year.

@Giftofdeprivation: Don't blame you. I honestly agree with you. I just cannot bring myself to do that. It's what my friends and brothers have suggested too, believe me. I'm just too weak a person, I suppose. My main reason for posting was to try and get some opinions other than the overwhelmingly negative ones my friend crowd gives.


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OfflineDrMambo
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Registered: 04/06/04
Posts: 6,197
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Re: Relationship [Re: JocivaFlcol]
    #22215309 - 09/10/15 02:31 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Fuck. Dude, have you DSHSB, yet?


--------------------
"Yeah, he's a professor...... OF BEING A DOG!"


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InvisibleShiithead
Your Huckleberry
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Registered: 04/05/13
Posts: 9,997
Loc: God's Flat Green Earth
Re: Relationship [Re: JocivaFlcol]
    #22215310 - 09/10/15 02:32 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

OP watch this....





Also marriage is for the birds... Only get married to get less fucked on your taxes. If your lady wants to get married for any other reason, kick her to the curb.


--------------------

Ephesians 6:12
For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
Psalm 12:6
The words of the Lord are pure words: as silver tried in a furnace of earth, purified seven times.
Hebrews 11:3
Through faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that things which are seen were not made of things which do appear.
Revelation 3:11
Behold, I come quickly: hold that fast which thou hast, that no man take thy crown.


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OfflineJocivaFlcol
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Registered: 04/19/13
Posts: 49
Last seen: 5 years, 5 months
Re: Relationship [Re: Shiithead]
    #22215316 - 09/10/15 02:34 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Nah man. She's a bit of a prude, sexually speaking. Won't even do oral.

/I/ want to marry primarily because my parents were married my whole life, and I was always proud of that, growing up. Coming from a united home. I'd like my kids to be proud of that too, at least until they're old enough to understand life.


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Invisibler.lutece
gave Columbia her wings.
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Registered: 09/06/15
Posts: 745
Loc: ∅
Re: Relationship [Re: Shiithead]
    #22215323 - 09/10/15 02:37 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

A question I hadn't seen anyone ask yet: has she tried mary? I'm sure if she hasn't, you've offered to smoke with her. It would seem to me that if my significant other were fond of an activity that meant he would leave for extended periods specifically because I didn't want him to do it, that I would try to remedy that by at least trying it. It's one more thing you could do together, after all.


--------------------
One goes into an experiment knowing one might fail.
But one does not undertake an experiment knowing one HAS failed.


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OfflineJocivaFlcol
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Registered: 04/19/13
Posts: 49
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Re: Relationship [Re: r.lutece]
    #22215325 - 09/10/15 02:39 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

She's stated that if I'm patient, and give her time, she might be willing to consider trying it sometime in the future, if it were made legal. We live in Florida.

She won't ever try it. We've gotten as far as discussing me guiding her through a trip. She had agreed to it, then backed out.

I advised her that if she were just doing it to appease me in any way, then it was the complete wrong reason to trip, and she shouldn't even consider it. Which is ultimately why she backed out.


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OfflineGiftofdeprivation
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Registered: 07/20/13
Posts: 3,933
Last seen: 8 years, 28 days
Re: Relationship [Re: JocivaFlcol] * 1
    #22215328 - 09/10/15 02:40 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

It's not negative. You just need to experience more life. Do yourself a favor and don't get married to the first broad you lose your virginity to.
:pussyblind:


--------------------

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OfflineDrMambo
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Registered: 04/06/04
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Re: Relationship [Re: Giftofdeprivation]
    #22215333 - 09/10/15 02:42 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Jesus. She won't blow you? Do you go down on her?

I mean, do what you please, but I'm a big advocate for orgasms.


--------------------
"Yeah, he's a professor...... OF BEING A DOG!"


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InvisibleShiithead
Your Huckleberry
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Registered: 04/05/13
Posts: 9,997
Loc: God's Flat Green Earth
Re: Relationship [Re: JocivaFlcol]
    #22215337 - 09/10/15 02:43 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Listen dude...

What we call love is just a chemical reaction that drives us to breed. It isn't real. All married people are miserable, trust. Break the cycle dude. Marriage is for the birds.


--------------------

Ephesians 6:12
For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
Psalm 12:6
The words of the Lord are pure words: as silver tried in a furnace of earth, purified seven times.
Hebrews 11:3
Through faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that things which are seen were not made of things which do appear.
Revelation 3:11
Behold, I come quickly: hold that fast which thou hast, that no man take thy crown.


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Invisibler.lutece
gave Columbia her wings.
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Registered: 09/06/15
Posts: 745
Loc: ∅
Re: Relationship [Re: Giftofdeprivation] * 1
    #22215341 - 09/10/15 02:47 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

It actually sounds more and more like patience is your best friend in this scenario. Perhaps something really important right now is to explain your desire calmly and in a time where no one's super upset about it. Just tell her that it's a part of your life and you would really like to be able to enjoy it with her. You understand she needs time to warm up to the idea, but currently it's something important enough to you that you want to continue getting high, just like watching a TV show or reading a book. It's entertainment that you enjoy and that's your right.


--------------------
One goes into an experiment knowing one might fail.
But one does not undertake an experiment knowing one HAS failed.


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OfflineJocivaFlcol
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Registered: 04/19/13
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Re: Relationship [Re: r.lutece]
    #22215353 - 09/10/15 02:58 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

The first girl I lost the V to I did think I was in love with. That was a messy breakup. But I learned from it. I grew from it. I'm a better person now from it having ended. This girl is my second, so I guess the same thing sorta applies.

She will blow me, she doesn't like it. She's not too big on my going down on her either, but there are few things nicer than your head wrapped in a pair of perfect thighs.

I cannot be patient. I've said that to her. And we'll go like, a month, and I'll get anxious, and impatient, cause ultimately I know she won't ever actually give in. And then we fight. And it gets ugly.

::sigh::

I like the life I have. I don't want to give it up. Another breakup would be messy. We'd literally split everything in two. She's bought most of the things we own. We share funds.

And I know love is just neurons firing in the brain, nothing more. But I know I'm not capable of willingly cutting off this wonderful human from my life. She's really something. Prudishness aside.


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Invisibler.lutece
gave Columbia her wings.
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Registered: 09/06/15
Posts: 745
Loc: ∅
Re: Relationship [Re: JocivaFlcol] * 1
    #22215357 - 09/10/15 03:01 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

I don't necessarily mean patience before you ever smoke again. Rather, patience until she understands your desire to do so.


--------------------
One goes into an experiment knowing one might fail.
But one does not undertake an experiment knowing one HAS failed.


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OfflineJocivaFlcol
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Registered: 04/19/13
Posts: 49
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Re: Relationship [Re: r.lutece]
    #22215359 - 09/10/15 03:03 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

True. See, she won't have it. I dunno, guys. I dunno what to do.

I try not to talk about it with her, and that always backfires, because when I do bring it up, it's backed by all this pent up anxiety, tension, impatience, and exhaustion from waiting...


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Invisibler.lutece
gave Columbia her wings.
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Registered: 09/06/15
Posts: 745
Loc: ∅
Re: Relationship [Re: JocivaFlcol] * 1
    #22215384 - 09/10/15 03:13 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Have you included in the discussions those feelings? (Can confirm: Girls love it when you talk about your feelings.) The only thing left would be to ensure she knows how important this issue is to you.


--------------------
One goes into an experiment knowing one might fail.
But one does not undertake an experiment knowing one HAS failed.


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OfflineGiftofdeprivation
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Registered: 07/20/13
Posts: 3,933
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Re: Relationship [Re: JocivaFlcol]
    #22215394 - 09/10/15 03:20 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Look, I know I was being harsh, but in all honesty, the only relationships that last eventually get to complete honesty. Secrets are where shit starts getting fucked up. Most couples have one or two, but if she's setting up a number of strict rules that you just can't follow without lying, your relationship is doomed to fail.

There are BILLIONS of broads out there, so don't get caught up in one true love BS. Monogamy doesn't work in such a populated world...

That said, if you really are attached to her, you gotta break things gently and work them out. Patience is important, like r. is saying. The chances of you guys surviving the immense differences you have are near zilch, though. Keep and open mind, because you are far too young to settle with your naive approach to relationships as of yet. IMHO.

Either way, good luck.


--------------------

Looking for recipes? Have some recipes to share?
Please post what you have in the official cooking thread for Pubbers!
HERE!
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Posters Beware!


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Offlinejsncrs
DYEL

Registered: 01/16/14
Posts: 1,170
Loc: Mars
Last seen: 3 years, 7 months
Re: Relationship [Re: Giftofdeprivation]
    #22215411 - 09/10/15 03:33 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Maybe collect some studies or articles on the known benefits of Psilocybin and Cannabis and read them to her. Help her to understand that there's a huge difference between a drug that can ruin your life and one that can enhance it. Better yet, watch some documentaries together. "Neurons to Nirvana" is a good one outlining the current medical research into psychedelics. For cannabis, check out "The Culture High" if you haven't already. Probably the best doco I've ever seen, I recommend it to everyone. There's no way someone can watch that shit and still be anti marijuana.

As others have said above, if she really loves you and wants to be with you, she should embrace every aspect of who you are and not try to change you. You shouldn't have to give up the things you love.


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OfflineGiftofdeprivation
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Registered: 07/20/13
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Re: Relationship [Re: jsncrs]
    #22215417 - 09/10/15 03:38 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

+1

Exactly what I was talking about in preparing for a confrontation.

Maybe try it passively too. Introduce her to an interesting movie/documentary on cannabis (like a reputable one, not emphasizing pot as a miracle drug) and see what she thinks. If there's a clear impass and complete predjudice, you can make some decisions from there.


--------------------

Looking for recipes? Have some recipes to share?
Please post what you have in the official cooking thread for Pubbers!
HERE!
Shoutout to Azur's Official cooking thread for OTDers!
Posters Beware!


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OfflineJocivaFlcol
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Registered: 04/19/13
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Re: Relationship [Re: jsncrs] * 1
    #22215421 - 09/10/15 03:39 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Thank you so much, everyone. You've all been most helpful. I'll give it a shot here soon, try to talk to her about it in gentler terms, without fighting. Every time she hears mention she throws up defensive barriers.

I'll come back later in the week and update this.


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Invisibler.lutece
gave Columbia her wings.
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Registered: 09/06/15
Posts: 745
Loc: ∅
Re: Relationship [Re: JocivaFlcol] * 1
    #22215429 - 09/10/15 03:45 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Godspeed.
:manofapproval:


--------------------
One goes into an experiment knowing one might fail.
But one does not undertake an experiment knowing one HAS failed.


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