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OfflineJocivaFlcol
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Registered: 04/19/13
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Last seen: 5 years, 5 months
Relationship
    #22215211 - 09/10/15 01:37 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

My significant other, and hopefully soon-to-be fiance, absolutely will not stand for any type of substance use.

I used to smoke ganja on a daily basis, and trip on cubensis at least twice if not three or more times per year.

Since we've been dating, two year anniversary approaching in January, I've gotten to smoke twice. Once this past 420, with my brother, and once the Halloween prior. I tripped once the week I met her, 4 grams of cubensis, beautiful time.

Anyway, I feel ultimately she is what I want/need for my future. I'm 23, and since I've been dating her she's helped me to become organized, responsible, and helped me to save a lot of money. I now have a nice car, an apartment of my own, two cats, a lovely dog, nice things, etc.

I am happy with her, but we fight almost weekly about her unwillingness to accept my using these two favorite substances. She has a very poor view; druggie mom, wasn't there for her, caused her parents' divorce, etc.

TL;DR: I love this girl. She makes me happy. I just want to know this: Should I be accepting of her negative view, and just completely give up my two favorite things in the world? Or should I stand my ground, continue to advocate my right to use what nature has provided so graciously?

Help me out here guys, thanks a million.


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OfflineDrMambo
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Re: Relationship [Re: JocivaFlcol] * 4
    #22215222 - 09/10/15 01:44 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Just lie to her and start shooting dope. She'll never catch on.

EDIT: Bitches, amiright?


--------------------
"Yeah, he's a professor...... OF BEING A DOG!"


Edited by DrMambo (09/10/15 01:45 AM)


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OfflineRebelutionsssss
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Registered: 07/23/14
Posts: 13,137
Loc: San Francisco
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
Re: Relationship [Re: JocivaFlcol]
    #22215224 - 09/10/15 01:45 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

I would take the wife, pets, house, car. Everyone has to take a psychedelic brake sometime in their life this might just have to be yours for now. Mushrooms and cannabis will always be there to grow in the future :shrug:


--------------------
:
To define is to confine.


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OfflineJocivaFlcol
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Re: Relationship [Re: Rebelutionsssss]
    #22215243 - 09/10/15 01:55 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

I'm with her literally every minute of the day. We even work the same full time job together. I love her, and I wouldn't want to hide anything from her.

I'm not considering leaving her, it's just very difficult for me to let it go like that. To take it lying down. I should have the right to use, and she shouldn't have that control over me. It isn't right, and that's why we fight so much.

Is it wrong for me to feel this way, is what I'm asking, I guess.


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OfflineRebelutionsssss
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Registered: 07/23/14
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Re: Relationship [Re: JocivaFlcol]
    #22215249 - 09/10/15 01:58 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

I would feel the same way and in that case just make it clear that these things are essential to keeping you mentally and spiritually healthy and she should respect that as long as it's not interfering with any of your day to day responsibilities


--------------------
:
To define is to confine.


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InvisibleAmanita86
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Re: Relationship [Re: JocivaFlcol] * 4
    #22215252 - 09/10/15 02:00 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

She's not loving you if you're not being you bro...  she's loving her 'ideal' of what she wants you to be..

You can't stick feathers up your ass and call yourself a peacock.  Real talk.


--------------------
:mushroom2:Orange clock, pencil:bouncysmoke:
"They threw me off the hay truck about noon...":fishing:
:mushroom2:*Mark 15:34:levitate::mushroom2::blueninja:
Gam zeh ya’avor...:sunny:


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OfflineJocivaFlcol
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Re: Relationship [Re: Rebelutionsssss]
    #22215253 - 09/10/15 02:00 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

It wouldn't interfere with responsibilities. Honestly I'd only do it occasionally, like on our weekends. But she prefers to spend every minute of shared free time with me, and hates to be around the stuff. Which I can understand. But I still would like some one with the universe time, and I can't get any ever.

Quote:

Amanita86 said:
She's not loving you if you're not being you bro...  she's loving her 'ideal' of what she wants you to be..

You can't stick feathers up your ass and call yourself a peacock.  Real talk.




Thank you. We've been over this. I told her that the "me" she's created isn't the real me, and I just want the real me to be free. It's wearisome pretending all the time.


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OfflineRebelutionsssss
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Registered: 07/23/14
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Re: Relationship [Re: JocivaFlcol]
    #22215257 - 09/10/15 02:04 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

You're just going to have to tell her "tough shit" this time. The women can't always get what they want :shrug: just make sure she's not going to go the fucked up route and tell the :cop:


--------------------
:
To define is to confine.


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OfflineShroomslip
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Re: Relationship [Re: JocivaFlcol] * 2
    #22215263 - 09/10/15 02:06 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

May not apply in your situation but when I first got with my wife (before we were married) she told me "You know you're going to quit smoking weed now, right?" :canthelpbutlaugh: I may have nodded or just said okay at the moment, but I doubt it was even a week later when I told she her can accept me for who I am or this isn't gonna work. I'm a very stubborn, headstrong person. There is no controlling me. Any attempt will only make me go out of my way to prove you don't control me. I'm not completely unreasonable, and I do allow the give and take that a healthy relationship needs, but you have to understand that I'm doing this willingly, and that at some point I may may decide I'm absolutely doing/not doing something and nothing you can say or do is going to change that.

I can't say what's right for you to do, but letting someone control you sets a bad precedent IMO. You're no longer you, you're whoever they want you to be. If you're going to continue having a problem being their living doll and living up to their expectations, eventually that shit is going to fall apart. So it's best to just end it before it gets started. Really it's up to you though. Are you willing to keep sacrificing everything about yourself to please them, or are you willing to take the chance and stand up for yourself and what you truly want, even if it means it may not end favorable for you?


--------------------
With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way.
I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today.
Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear.
I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear.


You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being
With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline


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OfflineDrMambo
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Re: Relationship [Re: JocivaFlcol]
    #22215267 - 09/10/15 02:08 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

In non trollspeak, I'd say try to run a dialogue about perhaps tripping twice a year. Maybe smoking once a month. It's difficult. If she's afraid of you changing from substances into someone she doesn't like, then that might be hard to alleviate. If she just wants to spend every moment with you, perhaps it might be a way to breach the fact that it may not be super healthy to do that isht all the time.

You work together. What field are you in?

I know that, "Hey, babe, I'm gonna go away from you and go get fucked up", isn't exactly a comforting thought to a partner, but that trust might be a good thing to develop.

On the other hand, you seem to be happy in this lifestyle, It's all balance.


--------------------
"Yeah, he's a professor...... OF BEING A DOG!"


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Invisibler.lutece
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Re: Relationship [Re: Rebelutionsssss]
    #22215268 - 09/10/15 02:09 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Not only that, but it's possible she needs to be educated on marijuana and mushrooms. I could be misinterpreting, but when I hear 'druggie mom', I think things like meth and heroin. Correct me if I'm wrong. If that were the case though, my personal vector of "attack" would be explaining that you want to tell her more about the drugs. Let her ask questions. Don't approach it in an "I should be allowed to take them and here's why" manner; this conversation should be entirely for her benefit of understanding the effects of the drugs on the body and the inherent risks each entails. Obviously shrooms doesn't really have any, though you could argue marijuana smoke is still harmful to your lungs. I just chomp on some edibles for that reason. :shrug:

Anyway, give her some time to mull it over. Ask her what, specifically, are her worries concerning these drugs. Address them directly in a way you think might satisfy her. And if none of that works? Well, it might be time to take a vacation from substances. Give her some time. Talk about positive experience with the drugs. Let her get more comfortable with your association with them. Try approaching it again in time.


--------------------
One goes into an experiment knowing one might fail.
But one does not undertake an experiment knowing one HAS failed.


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InvisibleAmanita86
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Re: Relationship [Re: DrMambo]
    #22215272 - 09/10/15 02:11 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

I wouldnt put a night of eating mushrooms 2-3 times a year in the same category as "hey babe, Im going to go away from you and go get fucked up".. but thats just me.


--------------------
:mushroom2:Orange clock, pencil:bouncysmoke:
"They threw me off the hay truck about noon...":fishing:
:mushroom2:*Mark 15:34:levitate::mushroom2::blueninja:
Gam zeh ya’avor...:sunny:


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OfflineJocivaFlcol
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Registered: 04/19/13
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Re: Relationship [Re: Rebelutionsssss]
    #22215275 - 09/10/15 02:12 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

I don't feel she would, as her brothers and mother use daily. Spice and grass. Shifty crowd, all of them. White trash. It's why she has such a negative view of psychoactive substances.

I just, the past two times I mentioned I did get to smoke was because I told her "tough shit" and went and did it anyway. Those were bad times for us. Took a lot of discussion for healing to happen. It hurt her a lot. I hate how much power I give her, but she really has had a fucked up life, her family is messed up, and the life we have together is luxury compared to her upbringing. So my wanting to use just makes her feel like she's regressing, and becoming like her waste of life family.

I respect that. But I am a responsible user... I make frequent use of T breaks, etc.

It's really draining... I don't want to destroy us. I just... I hate fighting with her, but hate not being able to be myself.


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Offlinemy3rdeye
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Re: Relationship [Re: DrMambo]
    #22215278 - 09/10/15 02:14 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

DrMambo said:
Just lie to her and start shooting dope. She'll never catch on.

EDIT: Bitches, amiright?




Pretty much though the pansies on here are going to hate on you for saying it.

Quote:

JocivaFlcol said:
I'm with her literally every minute of the day. We even work the same full time job together.





That sounds horrible. Can you go to the shitter to by yourself?
Does she have your email or social media passwords? Read your texts? You can't even have a fishing weekend with the boys where you do mad shrooms?
And you want to live like this for 60 more years? Wouldn't you rather find a girl that is as good looking and compatible but either gets high herself or at the very least lets you get high because she doesn't want to project her fucked up druggie mommy issues on you?
I have a drunk parent, should I insist my partner is total abstainer? That's absurd.


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OfflineRebelutionsssss
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Re: Relationship [Re: Amanita86]
    #22215279 - 09/10/15 02:14 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

I can just see this conversation now " well what happens when you eat those mushrooms and jump out a window huh?! Or or or get hit by a car?! Then what!"


--------------------
:
To define is to confine.


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OfflineDrMambo
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Re: Relationship [Re: Amanita86]
    #22215285 - 09/10/15 02:17 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Amanita86 said:
I wouldnt put a night of eating mushrooms 2-3 times a year in the same category as "hey babe, Im going to go away from you and go get fucked up".. but thats just me.





I'm trying to show it in a bit from her possible perspective.


--------------------
"Yeah, he's a professor...... OF BEING A DOG!"


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OfflineJocivaFlcol
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Re: Relationship [Re: JocivaFlcol]
    #22215293 - 09/10/15 02:21 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Thanks for the input guys.

@Shroomslip: Tried the stubborn approach. She is a very sensitive individual. Was very broken when we met. Like, 4 out of 5 exes cheated on her. I can't be an ass to her anymore than I am. The give and take is a lot of my giving, but she gives a lot too. This is just one area she won't budge on.

@DrMambo: Call center. I work tech support, she works tier one customer support. I am fairly happy, it's just... MaryJane was my first love, and Mushrooms helped me realize my agnosticism. It's difficult to give up two of the most important things... I do it because it's seemingly the responsible thing to do.

@r.lutece: She's a very bright, intelligent individual. She's fully aware of the medicinal benefits of marijuana, and the potential for medical use of mushrooms. She fully supports legalization for medical purposes. Just doesn't want them anywhere near her or her life. She doesn't see her family much. Her mom is a coke user, her eldest brother uses meth, they all smoke weed, and if they can't get it, spice.


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OfflineShroomslip
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Re: Relationship [Re: DrMambo]
    #22215294 - 09/10/15 02:21 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Seems to me her perspective is "you're gonna do what I tell you". :shrug:

Not the first time I've seen someone come from a family of common users get all domineering. For 2 reasons. 1, they equate their family's fuckedupness to all the drugs the family used (so even if say, meth caused a father to stab their mother, the fact that he also occasionally smoked weed is just as culpable) and 2, they tended to have little or no control over their life growing up and go overboard when they finally get their independence.


--------------------
With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way.
I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today.
Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear.
I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear.


You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being
With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline


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OfflineJocivaFlcol
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Re: Relationship [Re: Shroomslip]
    #22215299 - 09/10/15 02:23 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

We've talked about a compromise, but I can't really do compromise well. I don't like being restricted, and it's sort of an all or nothing thing. I should be free to go smoke a bowl, or eat some cubes if I want, and not be restricted to twice a year, or once a month.

She's been around me tripping, and stoned, and although she doesn't like how I am when I'm under in influence, she knows I'm not stupid, or dangerous.

Edit: And yeah, we use the restroom separately, obviously. But I am comfortable with being around her all the time for the rest of my life. She's a really brilliant, bright, amazing person. I just wish she wouldn't feel so defensive about substance use.


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Invisibler.lutece
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Re: Relationship [Re: Rebelutionsssss]
    #22215302 - 09/10/15 02:26 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

So then, her apprehension is just the association with her family? Because that's 100% not fair to you. I'm sure you've talked about that. What about alcohol? Does she have feelings about that?


--------------------
One goes into an experiment knowing one might fail.
But one does not undertake an experiment knowing one HAS failed.


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