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Shroomslip
Architekt



Registered: 11/25/12
Posts: 23,651
Last seen: 29 minutes, 40 seconds
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Re: How can I connect with my dad? [Re: Amanita86]
#22215427 - 09/10/15 03:43 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Okay I feel a little better.
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With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way. I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today. Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear. I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear. You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline
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zZZz
jesus


Registered: 12/28/07
Posts: 33,478
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Quote:
Shroomslip said: You didn't read OP did you.. Him and his brothers have already confronted him, multiple times over. That approach didn't work.
bitch, dont belittle me
he said multiple times over, when u approach someone man to man you only have to say it once, so think of it like u only have one chance to talk to someone about something, how will u approach them?, what will u say and how will u say it?.. this is key.
Quote:
Rebelutionsssss said: Pulling the blinds up in the kitchen so I could get some light and read the news paper but he wanted them down so he flipped a bitch
i see, have u asked him if he's on his period? 
jk man, im thinking he might have something personal against u and ur brothers or something, like something he's holding back. does he do this to everyone or just u guys?..
are u living under his roof?, do u pay the bills?..
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larry.fisherman
shoulda died already



Registered: 11/03/12
Posts: 36,294
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Re: How can I connect with my dad? [Re: Salomon]
#22215501 - 09/10/15 04:37 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Salomon said:
Quote:

~every dad ever
you gotta learn to deal with it, or learn to cut ties. you're a grown ass man.
I used to hate that my dad did that, I always felt like he never trusted me to be honest and know what I'm talking about. A parent grows with their child and in that time there is a lot of guidance to be had, protecting the kids from themselves. People need to be challenged, and even more so they need to earn the confidence to question themselves and still know what's right. It's annoying as all hell to feel like your intelligence is constantly questioned, but that feeling is only because the confidence needs to be grown to show us that our feelings are fallible, so much more so than knowledge. Without this confidence, without the ability to question ourselves, it's rather difficult to recognize when we have achieved and grown as people and that's very important to our intuition and general outlook on life.
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Shroomslip
Architekt



Registered: 11/25/12
Posts: 23,651
Last seen: 29 minutes, 40 seconds
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Re: How can I connect with my dad? [Re: zZZz]
#22215507 - 09/10/15 04:45 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
zZZz said:
Quote:
Shroomslip said: You didn't read OP did you.. Him and his brothers have already confronted him, multiple times over. That approach didn't work.
bitch, dont belittle me
he said multiple times over, when u approach someone man to man you only have to say it once, so think of it like u only have one chance to talk to someone about something, how will u approach them?, what will u say and how will u say it?.. this is key.
some people are stubborn and refuse to change, it doesn't matter how you approach it. Just because he's tried many times over doesn't he didn't do it the right the first (or all subsequent times).
Just what the fuck world do you live in where everyone can be approached in the "right way" and success is guaranteed?
I didn't belittle you, I will now though. You're a naive idiot.
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With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way. I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today. Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear. I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear. You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline
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Moonshoe
Blue Mantis


Registered: 05/28/04
Posts: 27,202
Loc: Iceland
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For me smoking weed with my dad was the beginning of our relationship and friendship and the biggest bonding thing.
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Everything I post is fiction.
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ShroomerInTheRye
Clit Commander



Registered: 01/12/12
Posts: 13,036
Loc: Themyscira
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I understand where you're coming from. My Dad was quite a little asshole to me and my brother growing up. It was his way or a beating and that was that. Everyone that wasn't like him (gays, blacks, muslims, catholics, jews) was a threat to his existence. We tried everything to get him to settle down and nothing. We told him he was going to give himself a heart attack, and sure enough, he did.
I don't know how old your Dad is, but mine is 65, and he's mellowed out a lot in his old age. After 33 years of screaming, crying, yelling, and beatings or threats of violence, he's finally lost the wind in his sails. We have a good-ish relationship now. At least we can talk without screaming at each other and him threatening to beat the shit out of me.
My guess is that you'll have to wait it out and hope the old man loses some of that fire in his belly to get upset about stuff that doesn't matter.
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<-- Clicky Clicky
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Moonshoe
Blue Mantis


Registered: 05/28/04
Posts: 27,202
Loc: Iceland
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My dad didn't like that I grew up to be like a foot taller and fifty pounts heavier then him.
He was a distant guy growing up but at a certain point in his middle age he became an out of control gambling addict and because of his gambling my family lost our home, our cabin, our car, he gambled part of my college fun, stole from my sisters, borrowed money from everyone and never paid it back, lost his job, Total melt down.
We are friends now, but I can never trust him or rely on him for anything.
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Everything I post is fiction.
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zZZz
jesus


Registered: 12/28/07
Posts: 33,478
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Re: How can I connect with my dad? [Re: Shroomslip]
#22215585 - 09/10/15 05:37 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Shroomslip said:
Quote:
zZZz said:
Quote:
Shroomslip said: You didn't read OP did you.. Him and his brothers have already confronted him, multiple times over. That approach didn't work.
bitch, dont belittle me
he said multiple times over, when u approach someone man to man you only have to say it once, so think of it like u only have one chance to talk to someone about something, how will u approach them?, what will u say and how will u say it?.. this is key.
some people are stubborn and refuse to change, it doesn't matter how you approach it. Just because he's tried many times over doesn't he didn't do it the right the first (or all subsequent times).
Just what the fuck world do you live in where everyone can be approached in the "right way" and success is guaranteed?
I didn't belittle you, I will now though. You're a naive idiot.
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vinsue
Grand Old Fart



Registered: 02/17/04
Posts: 17,953
Loc: The Garden State(NJ)
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Re: How can I connect with my dad? [Re: zZZz]
#22215596 - 09/10/15 05:47 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
...does he do this to everyone or just you guys?..
are you living under his roof?, do you pay the bills?..
I'd have put some of you fuks out on yer ass by now if you were my kid. Either that or split a 1/2 oz of shrooms and a joint with ya... 
. . .
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"All mushrooms are edible; but some only once." Croatian proverb. BTW ... Have You Rated Ythans Mom Yet ?? ... ... HERE'S HOW ... (be nice) . ...
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SirShroomsAlott
Howdy



Registered: 05/15/14
Posts: 6,945
Loc: United States
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Quote:
Rebelutionsssss said: I love him a bunch but he literally complains about EVERYTHING and goes out of his way to try and piss you off. The sad thing is that he really doesn't feel like he's doing anything wrong even though my brothers and I have talked to him about it over and over trying to get him to realize what he's doing.
Every time I feel like we're gaining some type of ground he'll freak the fuck out over the smallest thing and it turns into this yelling match. A person only has so much patience and dealing with him literally drains every last bit I have
My dad is 70 and identical to that and the most miserable dude I've ever met and makes it his goal to make everyone around him miserable(or so it seems)
He also tries to make me feel stupid for enjoying anything that isn't work and always has, that even includes things like being big into music, video games, hanging out with friends, literally anything
He never cared about anything from me either, always said he did but for example I'll be speaking directly to him and mid sentence he will turn to someone else and start talking about work like I wasn't even there and has done that literally 99% of the time I've ever tried talking in front of him to the point other people have commented on it and I never bitch IRL about him
I'm not saying this to make my dad sound like a bad guy, we still have a good relationship and I know he cares, but he drives me up the fucking wall and I always hated it so much.
Best advice I can give, either hate him and cut ties, or realize he ain't changing and become passive about it. Kind of sucks either way but in my case it's either accept it or never talk to him again.....literally, he wouldn't talk to me again unless I just accept it, did it to one of my sisters for 10 years until she had to apologize
I take drugs to be more passive, works wonders. Talking to him won't help, only time me and my dad almost fist fought was when I tried to, plus in order for them to change they have to already give a shit about how they effect everyone around them, which they don't and won't, too set in their ways at this point.
It's literally draining just dealing with him but I have no choice at this point, and does what your dad does, flips his shit and 5 minutes later pretends it never happened, fucking infuriating after the 8th time in an hour, all day everyday....
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zZZz
jesus


Registered: 12/28/07
Posts: 33,478
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ur dad sounds like one of dem oldschool folks man, i dont know how u managed that shit for so long, one of my bro in law;s grandfather was kind of like that, i real hardass quiet dude.
he used to shoot paintballs at my bro in laws when they were just kids and that ole geezer would laugh his ass off while doing it.
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SirShroomsAlott
Howdy



Registered: 05/15/14
Posts: 6,945
Loc: United States
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Re: How can I connect with my dad? [Re: zZZz]
#22215665 - 09/10/15 06:50 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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I almost feel petty about complaining, but it builds on you when it's 24/7 for 23 years, I just always remember that I am who I am because of him still and he still gave me a pretty good life considering what else it could of been like he's a great man with a shit personality and no consideration about how the way he is effects people around him.
Plus he made me realize at a young age what kind of person I didn't want to and I am who I am because of it. When I was younger I would just watch unlimited amounts of standup to forget about it or deal with it probably how my obsession with it started
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makaveli8x8
Stranger

Registered: 02/28/06
Posts: 21,636
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
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Quote:
Rebelutionsssss said: I love him a bunch but he literally complains about EVERYTHING and goes out of his way to try and piss you off. The sad thing is that he really doesn't feel like he's doing anything wrong even though my brothers and I have talked to him about it over and over trying to get him to realize what he's doing.
Every time I feel like we're gaining some type of ground he'll freak the fuck out over the smallest thing and it turns into this yelling match. A person only has so much patience and dealing with him literally drains every last bit I have
it can't be a yelling match if you don't yell. obviously he says some shit YOU don't want to hear, and then you tell HIM something HE doesn't want to hear.
you need to treat him like someone in a nursing home. talk slightly slower, clearer, choose your words carefully. avoid topics that you know will cause aggravation, and if THEY start to get upset CHANGE THE SUBJECT, OR JUST AGREE even if you don't truly agree.
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  We were sent to hell for eternity Ø h® We play on earth to pass the time Over-population the root of all Evil-brings the Elites Closer to the gates.
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Rebelutionsssss
Mdmazing



Registered: 07/23/14
Posts: 13,137
Loc: San Francisco
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
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Re: How can I connect with my dad? [Re: makaveli8x8]
#22215715 - 09/10/15 07:12 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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thats what I've been doing lately is just saying "ok" and walking away but then he follows me and continues to try and keep the argument going, like I actually think he enjoys it since he has nothing to do all day. Anyways once my credit is built a tiny bit I'm out of there. I feel bad because I wanna be best friends and be there for him while he's getting older but it's impossible to just hang around people that constantly bring you down and that you just generally don't have fun with.
-------------------- : To define is to confine.
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Bill_Oreilly
ANIMALS (the RAINBOW SERPENT)


Registered: 11/12/11
Posts: 26,370
Loc: Boston
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rebel, you guys should touch wieners.
jk.
umm I don't know. I know with my dad, the only way I can connect with him is to get into the things HE likes. Such as Led Zepplin lol. My dads obsessed with dem boys.
-------------------- Something there is mysteriously formed, Existing before Heaven and Earth, Silent, still, standing alone, unchanging, All-pervading, unfailing, I do not know its name; I call it tao. If forced to give it a name, I call it Great (ta). Being great, it flows out; Flowing out means far-reaching; Being far-reaching, it is said to return. It's just a shot away..
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nicechrisman
Interdimensional space wizard



Registered: 11/07/03
Posts: 33,241
Last seen: 4 years, 6 months
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Re: How can I connect with my dad? [Re: Shiithead]
#22215752 - 09/10/15 07:28 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Shiithead said: DSHSB
-------------------- "Cosmic Love is absolutelely ruthless and highly indifferent: it teaches its lessons whether you like/dislike them or not." John C. Lily
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makaveli8x8
Stranger

Registered: 02/28/06
Posts: 21,636
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
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maybe try saying more than just ok, make him feel like you really really agree with what he's saying. take hold of the conversation just a little bit maybe so he doesn't get to talk as much. not like in an argument way, but when its your turn to talk, draw it out a little.
like you say he's doing it because he has nothing else to do. he's just not good at being social, he doesn't know how to talk without argueing, so it will take time. hard to teach a dog new tricks.
but switch it up, ask him lots of questions, shit you wouldn't normally ask, like what things were like when he was younger maybe, or talk politic's maybe so he has something to be angry about but it isn't directed towards you, like fuck Russia type shit u know? BTW Russia just got more involved in Syria.
but bottom line is I think it can be done you just have to view these conversations a little different, realize when you have control of the conversation, when you can change the subject, when to just listen, and realize he's stuck in old habits and it won't be easy to break him out of it.
Telling him to change won't work because its his natural behavior that he's had forever. Its like those old people who get old, and then eventually can't do their favorite thing in life, and then they go crazy because they had no other hobbies in life, they have no idea what to do and then their mind goes super quick as they can't handle that.
So maybe talking to your dad isn't even the best thing, maybe instead of talking you should think of some good things to do with him instead, ask him to go fishing, hobbies type shit and stuff and once he has something else in his life talking will just naturally become easier
also pay close attention to your facial expressions when talking to him, try to smile a lot more than you normally would, if you sit there with just a stale facial expression he will pick up on this and react to it without either of you knowing it. the more you smile the better. and try your best to not let his expressions affect yours, you gotta put up a wall and hold the positivity in the room for both of you
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  We were sent to hell for eternity Ø h® We play on earth to pass the time Over-population the root of all Evil-brings the Elites Closer to the gates.
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Rebelutionsssss
Mdmazing



Registered: 07/23/14
Posts: 13,137
Loc: San Francisco
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
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Re: How can I connect with my dad? [Re: makaveli8x8]
#22215792 - 09/10/15 07:47 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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I'm going to try really hard and use the LSD method. Fight hate with love and understanding
-------------------- : To define is to confine.
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larry.fisherman
shoulda died already



Registered: 11/03/12
Posts: 36,294
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Just because a lot of people feel a certain way on acid that doesn't mean everyone will. It could actually end up being a pretty horrifying experience.
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Bill_Oreilly
ANIMALS (the RAINBOW SERPENT)


Registered: 11/12/11
Posts: 26,370
Loc: Boston
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Quote:
Rebelutionsssss said:
I'm going to try really hard and use the LSD method. Fight hate with love and understanding 
if that doesn't work, touch wieners
-------------------- Something there is mysteriously formed, Existing before Heaven and Earth, Silent, still, standing alone, unchanging, All-pervading, unfailing, I do not know its name; I call it tao. If forced to give it a name, I call it Great (ta). Being great, it flows out; Flowing out means far-reaching; Being far-reaching, it is said to return. It's just a shot away..
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