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sprinkles
otd president


Registered: 10/13/12
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Re: So I'm having problems with my girl, I need advice at the very least. [Re: Rebelutionsssss] 1
#22214939 - 09/09/15 11:35 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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im not actually.
I see you didnt deny being underage and a virgin.
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r.lutece
gave Columbia her wings.



Registered: 09/06/15
Posts: 745
Loc: ∅
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Re: So I'm having problems with my girl, I need advice at the very least. [Re: Amanita86]
#22215050 - 09/10/15 12:22 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Amanita86 said:
Quote:
sprinkles said: the one who cares the least has the power
I'll go ahead and disagree with that. Usually that's a 'tactic' someone who builds emotional walls around themselves, sells to themself in order to maintain the illusion that they are the "one in control". That philosophy holds no water in a 'healthy' relationship. It's whole basis is rooted on division, power, and control. That shit don't fly out here in the real world.
Keep in mind that the concept of power lying with the less interested party has nothing to do with tactics; it's not like the uninterested individual is making a conscious effort to keep their significant other under their thumb (unless we're discussing manipulative behavior; more on that in a bit). It actually has a lot more to do with the person attempting to continue the relationship. You're very right about it not being an element of a healthy relationship, however. The entire concept of a power imbalance in a relationship refers to the desire of an individual who will do "anything" to keep it going. When their partner doesn't reciprocate, they feel the need to pour more of themselves into making it work, rendering their actions a service to their partner.
Now, like I said, a lot of people don't do this intentionally. With the exceptions of people who specifically use emotionally abusive behaviors such as neglect to keep their partner from leaving, it really often is a case of "person A has lost interest in the relationship, but doesn't want to hurt person B's feelings." Since we're dealing with a somewhat long distance relationship, I would guess that's what's going on here from the information at hand.
Obviously, none of this helps OP. In addition to the above assessment, I agree that the matter of her bringing up a potential separation indicates that the end of the relationship is in sight for her.
-------------------- One goes into an experiment knowing one might fail. But one does not undertake an experiment knowing one HAS failed.
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Amanita86
OTD Keymaster


Registered: 09/26/12
Posts: 89,464
Loc: hades
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Re: So I'm having problems with my girl, I need advice at the very least. [Re: r.lutece]
#22215080 - 09/10/15 12:37 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Orange clock, pencil "They threw me off the hay truck about noon..."
*Mark 15:34  Gam zeh ya’avor...
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r.lutece
gave Columbia her wings.



Registered: 09/06/15
Posts: 745
Loc: ∅
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Re: So I'm having problems with my girl, I need advice at the very least. [Re: Amanita86]
#22215118 - 09/10/15 12:54 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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-------------------- One goes into an experiment knowing one might fail. But one does not undertake an experiment knowing one HAS failed.
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goldcaphunter
EMS Medic



Registered: 07/29/12
Posts: 7,432
Loc: Massachusetts
Last seen: 3 years, 2 months
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Re: So I'm having problems with my girl, I need advice at the very least. [Re: r.lutece]
#22232139 - 09/13/15 02:56 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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So she just broke it off with me and I'm hurting, real fucking bad.
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  The picture to the far left is a reminder to our users to stay safe and healthy, that's my third open heart surgery due to over use of amps. Stay safe kiddos
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r.lutece
gave Columbia her wings.



Registered: 09/06/15
Posts: 745
Loc: ∅
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Re: So I'm having problems with my girl, I need advice at the very least. [Re: goldcaphunter]
#22232227 - 09/13/15 03:17 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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I don't want to come across as a fatalist, but the relationship seemed like it was close to its end. Perhaps it's better that it ended now, allowing you to begin your healing period sooner. Consider this: she cared about you enough to not string you along in a relationship she was done with.
Do you want to talk more about it?
-------------------- One goes into an experiment knowing one might fail. But one does not undertake an experiment knowing one HAS failed.
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goldcaphunter
EMS Medic



Registered: 07/29/12
Posts: 7,432
Loc: Massachusetts
Last seen: 3 years, 2 months
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Re: So I'm having problems with my girl, I need advice at the very least. [Re: r.lutece]
#22232591 - 09/13/15 04:39 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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She keeps saying she wants to see where it goes in the future but it just hurts too much
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  The picture to the far left is a reminder to our users to stay safe and healthy, that's my third open heart surgery due to over use of amps. Stay safe kiddos
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r.lutece
gave Columbia her wings.



Registered: 09/06/15
Posts: 745
Loc: ∅
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Re: So I'm having problems with my girl, I need advice at the very least. [Re: goldcaphunter]
#22232847 - 09/13/15 05:34 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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If she wants to see where it goes later, I don't really understand why she didn't want to see where it might go now. Were I in your position, I would consider moving on after you've had time to recover. It's possible she doesn't understand how much she's hurting you by being an on-again, off-again girlfriend. If that's a regular personality trait of hers, you're opening yourself up to more hurt in the future if you were to continue to pursue her.
For now, take a bit of time to yourself. Breathe in and out a few times. Take a shower. Jerk it. Watch a funny movie you like that doesn't remind you of her. Eat your favorite food. Spoil yourself for a bit and let yourself recover emotionally, and then return to the issue. See how you feel then.
-------------------- One goes into an experiment knowing one might fail. But one does not undertake an experiment knowing one HAS failed.
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Shining Cosmos
Space Nomad


Registered: 06/18/13
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Re: So I'm having problems with my girl, I need advice at the very least. [Re: r.lutece]
#22238267 - 09/14/15 07:34 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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I'm in a sort of similar situation. I've been planning on moving for about a year now. I ended up finding love about 8 months ago. Ive been telling her about the possibility of me leaving and she's always said that she wants to take it day by day. Me moving is still onths away but now she wants to go with me. I'm in love her but it's a huge decision so I'm worried that I'll be in too deep. The least thing I want her to do is to move 1,000 miles for me and then have her heart broken in the future (possibly). I'm just not 100% on anything..
I think maybe your ex is feeling a lot of pressure. She doesn't want to hurt you. She wants to be with you but maybe she feels like if it goes on like this she'll be in too deep. I do see her trying to get back with you in future though.
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Patlal
You ask too many questions



Registered: 10/09/10
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Re: So I'm having problems with my girl, I need advice at the very least. [Re: Shining Cosmos]
#22240905 - 09/15/15 11:20 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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OP. When a you confront a women and suddenly she becomes upset and starts crying, that's total bullshit. She's doing something up there she knows you won't like and you called her on it. So she automatically went on the defensive and blackmailed you with tears.
You're right to worry.
If she wasn't doing something wrong, she would have said "awwww, I miss you too, let's cuddle and stop worrying"
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goldcaphunter
EMS Medic



Registered: 07/29/12
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Re: So I'm having problems with my girl, I need advice at the very least. [Re: Patlal]
#22242394 - 09/15/15 05:29 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Thanks for the support people, I really do appreciate it. This is the only woman I've loved like this and she just ended because it got difficult. It just hurts so much you know?
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  The picture to the far left is a reminder to our users to stay safe and healthy, that's my third open heart surgery due to over use of amps. Stay safe kiddos
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Shining Cosmos
Space Nomad


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Re: So I'm having problems with my girl, I need advice at the very least. [Re: goldcaphunter]
#22242519 - 09/15/15 05:56 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Breaking up sucks, man..
Maybe this is just a hiatus for you two, who knows.
Either way, it's a good learning experience because you are learning to get through it. This will be good for you because you will learn how to live without someone you love. The roles may be reversed someday and you'll have to make the difficult decision.
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TaekwonDude
The King


Registered: 08/29/15
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Re: So I'm having problems with my girl, I need advice at the very least. [Re: Shining Cosmos]
#22261359 - 09/19/15 06:10 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Il tell you now man, cut your losses and break loose from her. I know it possibly will be the hardest thing ever but youll realize what a good idea it was a few months down the line. IMO the best way to deal with the sad feelings are to start doing some really intense excircise regularly. Its insane what a relief it can give. And also, if she went out with your friend after you, then when they broke up went out with you again, doesnt make her seem so good. Even more important if your friend was ok with that too then maybe its time to get him off the scene also. You need to move on soon, bad things could happen by the sounds of things trust me I know only too well. I may only be 19 but I have too much experience with this kinda shit man. I was in a VERY similar position maybe two years ago and it turned out very very bad. Put it this way, long story short I lost friends, became suicidal/depressed and practically psychotic, used to deal with it in the wrong way then too often self harming, overdosing on prescriptions, ecstasy was often the best escape I could ever get but all made it MUCH worse in the end. Went completely off the rails because of one girl and ALSO my best friend.
I wish someone could of told me then what I am telling you now.
You need to find another girl, not even one to go out with (for now) but just to comfort you. Smoke some Mj when your down (other might disagree But this is just my experience). Get rid of her AND that friend man. You will find someone better and be glad you took the advice. It seems like the start of a bad road with her unless some divine intervention swings your way and makes everything brilliant but i doubt that by the sounds of it.
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TaekwonDude
The King


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Re: So I'm having problems with my girl, I need advice at the very least. [Re: Rebelutionsssss]
#22261375 - 09/19/15 06:15 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Rebelutionsssss said: If you fuck up a relationship by bring up how you feel it wasn't worth it to begin with
This guy knows what hes talkin bout.
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TaekwonDude
The King


Registered: 08/29/15
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Re: So I'm having problems with my girl, I need advice at the very least. [Re: TaekwonDude]
#22261383 - 09/19/15 06:17 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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AND try to refrain IF you do, from going getting pissed while all the dramas going on. Certainly dont go down well together
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