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Offlinegoldcaphunter
EMS Medic
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Registered: 07/29/12
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So I'm having problems with my girl, I need advice at the very least.
    #22213528 - 09/09/15 05:51 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

So I'm dating the girl of my dreams right now. She moved north just out reach basically, and she comes back about once every other weekend. That's where the problem starts I guess.

About two years ago we were together but I had to let her go because I was having possibly life ending medical problems and surgery and I panicked. I didn't want her to be close to me in case the unimaginable happened, I didn't want her to hurt too much you know? About a year later my buddy decided he wanted her and they went out for about a year. Then out of nowhere I found her at a party and she invited to go camping so I did, long story short we got really close again and started dating....again.

I realize I made a huge mistake when I broke up with her the first time and ever since have been absolutely terrified of losing her.

Since she left she has become really distant and I brought it up to her one weekend while she was back and she was very upset with me. Upset to the point where she asked if we should separate for a while. I of course declined that offer and told her we could make it work and explained my passion for her. Of course she just sat there and cried while poured my heart out to her.

She left to go back to her new place the day after. Since she left (about a week ago this time) I can't stop thinking about what she said and it's causing me really bad anxiety and grief. I told her this numerous times and her response was "it's ok" now that's not like her at all, she always has something to say and really puts thought into our conversation. It's been difficult to get her to even pick up her phone. Occasionally she will have a short conversation but always says she has to go and we'll talk later, but I just end up sitting around waiting for the phone to ring but she doesn't call back.

I'm really worried that I fucked shit up this time by bringing up how I felt, I need some sort of advice or words of comfort, she's the woman I've been waiting for and I feel like she doesn't care about me in the slightest.


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The picture to the far left is a reminder to our users to stay safe and healthy, that's my third open heart surgery due to over use of amps. Stay safe kiddos :wink:


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Offlinenuentoter
conduit
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Registered: 09/17/08
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Re: So I'm having problems with my girl, I need advice at the very least. [Re: goldcaphunter]
    #22213578 - 09/09/15 06:01 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Take a hint man, the ship is sinking. There may already be water in the boiler room.


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The geometry of us is no chance. We are antennae, we are tuning forks, we are receiver and transmitters of all energy. We are more than we know.  - @entheolove

"I found I could say things with color and shapes that I couldn't say any other way - things I had no words for"  - Georgia O'Keefe

I think the word is vagina


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OfflineSade
Cheatin bastered
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Registered: 09/07/15
Posts: 729
Loc: Bigfoot Territory
Last seen: 6 years, 7 months
Re: So I'm having problems with my girl, I need advice at the very least. [Re: goldcaphunter]
    #22213585 - 09/09/15 06:03 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Fuck man distance can be a bitch. To be honest it doesn't sound good if she brought up the idea to separate. When women say that they mean let's break up but I want to be nice about it.


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Invisiblelarry.fisherman
shoulda died already
I'm a teapot


Registered: 11/03/12
Posts: 36,294
Re: So I'm having problems with my girl, I need advice at the very least. [Re: goldcaphunter]
    #22213588 - 09/09/15 06:03 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

What I'm seeing is that you placed your own insecurities on her when she didn't feel like she was doing anything wrong. Now she feels some kind of guilt and is unsure how to act without making you feel unsure, which is making her unsure of the situation because she doesn't want to feel that way. Being in a long distance relationship strains this further because there is all that time apart. To be honest you probably panicked and said too much. The cure to this is to be happy with her and yourself. She knows how you feel, you know how she feels. Now is the time to try and put this in the past and not let any future interactions be weighed by this situation. She will forget if you forget.


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Offlinetwoseeeye
greenhorn
Male


Registered: 09/07/15
Posts: 149
Last seen: 8 years, 1 month
Re: So I'm having problems with my girl, I need advice at the very least. [Re: goldcaphunter]
    #22213606 - 09/09/15 06:09 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

I'm sorry to hear that man, I've had my fair share of heartbreak myself. I'm not exactly sure what to tell you, in my experience nothing anyone ever said to me helped much, it really takes time. I will tell you however that when a woman starts acting callous like that it's never in your favor to wait by the phone. You need to distract yourself. Spend some time with friends, talk to people, practice a hobby, study up on identifying your local active mushrooms (that's my hobby). And ALWAYS value yourself as a person who benefits others. If all you wanted was to be closer to her and she pushed you away, she's missing out on being with someone caring. You should be with someone who embraces you as well as you embrace them. thats my 2 cents.


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These are not the droids you're looking for :wink:


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Offlinegoldcaphunter
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Registered: 07/29/12
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Re: So I'm having problems with my girl, I need advice at the very least. [Re: twoseeeye]
    #22214176 - 09/09/15 08:21 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

I think you guys hit the nail on the head saying I pushed my insecurities onto her, now that another person has said it to me I kind of realize I did exactly that. When she said she wanted to separate she said she just didn't want to be in a relationship right now, but when she moves back she wants to be with me(she does have plans on returning). I told her that either we're in a relationship or not and she kind of said ok but mostly cried and hid her face. I don't think she really knows what she wants either.

I guess I should give her some space and let her contact me if she wants? The one thing I don't need is her thinking I'm ignoring her. I just want to fix this.


--------------------

The picture to the far left is a reminder to our users to stay safe and healthy, that's my third open heart surgery due to over use of amps. Stay safe kiddos :wink:


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InvisibleAmanita86
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Registered: 09/26/12
Posts: 89,464
Loc: hades
Re: So I'm having problems with my girl, I need advice at the very least. [Re: goldcaphunter]
    #22214250 - 09/09/15 08:37 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

That's strange she was crying.


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:mushroom2:Orange clock, pencil:bouncysmoke:
"They threw me off the hay truck about noon...":fishing:
:mushroom2:*Mark 15:34:levitate::mushroom2::blueninja:
Gam zeh ya’avor...:sunny:


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Offlinegoldcaphunter
EMS Medic
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Registered: 07/29/12
Posts: 7,432
Loc: Massachusetts Flag
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Re: So I'm having problems with my girl, I need advice at the very least. [Re: Amanita86]
    #22214401 - 09/09/15 09:12 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

So strange haha. Sarcasm aside it actually was strange, she's not a cryer


--------------------

The picture to the far left is a reminder to our users to stay safe and healthy, that's my third open heart surgery due to over use of amps. Stay safe kiddos :wink:


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Offlinesprinkles
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Registered: 10/13/12
Posts: 21,527
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Re: So I'm having problems with my girl, I need advice at the very least. [Re: goldcaphunter]
    #22214415 - 09/09/15 09:16 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

the one who cares the least has the power.



you know in your heart that she is not the one for you.  after your friend dated her you decided you wanted her again.  And NOW you only want her because she is emotionally unavailable.  We always want what we cant have.  Its a human condition.


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welcome to my world http://www.shroomery.org/forums/postlist.php/Board/326


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OfflineRebelutionsssss
Mdmazing
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Registered: 07/23/14
Posts: 13,137
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Re: So I'm having problems with my girl, I need advice at the very least. [Re: sprinkles]
    #22214449 - 09/09/15 09:25 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

If you fuck up a relationship by bring up how you feel it wasn't worth it to begin with


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:
To define is to confine.


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InvisibleAmanita86
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Registered: 09/26/12
Posts: 89,464
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Re: So I'm having problems with my girl, I need advice at the very least. [Re: goldcaphunter]
    #22214452 - 09/09/15 09:25 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

goldcaphunter said:
So strange haha. Sarcasm aside it actually was strange, she's not a cryer



Just for the record I wasn't being sarcastic.  That to me is kind of strange and would send up red flags... I would suspect that I know where this is going, if it were me in your shoes.

Chicks are like open books.. you dont listen to what they say, you "watch" what they say..  they seem to be born with only so many plays, in their playbook.  Im sure I will be flagged as an ass for saying that but let it be known Im truthful no matter what..


--------------------
:mushroom2:Orange clock, pencil:bouncysmoke:
"They threw me off the hay truck about noon...":fishing:
:mushroom2:*Mark 15:34:levitate::mushroom2::blueninja:
Gam zeh ya’avor...:sunny:


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OfflineArctic W. Fox
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Registered: 09/23/14
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Re: So I'm having problems with my girl, I need advice at the very least. [Re: Rebelutionsssss]
    #22214495 - 09/09/15 09:37 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Rebelutionsssss said:
If you fuck up a relationship by bring up how you feel it wasn't worth it to begin with




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Offlinegoldcaphunter
EMS Medic
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Registered: 07/29/12
Posts: 7,432
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Re: So I'm having problems with my girl, I need advice at the very least. [Re: Amanita86]
    #22214512 - 09/09/15 09:41 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

No offense will be taken in this thread, everyone is offering their opinions which is what I asked for. I actually just talked to her and she said she was ok but words are just words she's over 100 miles away right now so I can't be sure of anything which is the worst part


--------------------

The picture to the far left is a reminder to our users to stay safe and healthy, that's my third open heart surgery due to over use of amps. Stay safe kiddos :wink:


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InvisibleAmanita86
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Registered: 09/26/12
Posts: 89,464
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Re: So I'm having problems with my girl, I need advice at the very least. [Re: sprinkles]
    #22214534 - 09/09/15 09:47 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

sprinkles said:
the one who cares the least has the power




I'll go ahead and disagree with that.  Usually that's a 'tactic' someone who builds emotional walls around themselves, sells to themself in order to maintain the illusion that they are the "one in control".  That philosophy holds no water in a 'healthy' relationship.  It's whole basis is rooted on division, power, and control.  That shit don't fly out here in the real world.


--------------------
:mushroom2:Orange clock, pencil:bouncysmoke:
"They threw me off the hay truck about noon...":fishing:
:mushroom2:*Mark 15:34:levitate::mushroom2::blueninja:
Gam zeh ya’avor...:sunny:


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OfflineRebelutionsssss
Mdmazing
I'm a teapot User Gallery


Registered: 07/23/14
Posts: 13,137
Loc: San Francisco
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
Re: So I'm having problems with my girl, I need advice at the very least. [Re: Amanita86]
    #22214542 - 09/09/15 09:48 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Yea I'm going to agree with amanita on that one, that's complete bull


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:
To define is to confine.


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Offlinesprinkles
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Registered: 10/13/12
Posts: 21,527
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Re: So I'm having problems with my girl, I need advice at the very least. [Re: Amanita86]
    #22214566 - 09/09/15 09:55 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

that's a play out of my playbook.


--------------------
welcome to my world http://www.shroomery.org/forums/postlist.php/Board/326


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Offlinesprinkles
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Registered: 10/13/12
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Re: So I'm having problems with my girl, I need advice at the very least. [Re: Rebelutionsssss]
    #22214569 - 09/09/15 09:56 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

you're underage. plus too a virgin.  dont pretend like you know things.


--------------------
welcome to my world http://www.shroomery.org/forums/postlist.php/Board/326


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InvisibleAmanita86
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Registered: 09/26/12
Posts: 89,464
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Re: So I'm having problems with my girl, I need advice at the very least. [Re: sprinkles]
    #22214577 - 09/09/15 09:59 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

sprinkles said:
that's a play out of my playbook.



I'll just go on record as saying, usually in my experience it's been the one who cares the most that's been the glue that keeps this whole puzzle together..  but like I've said before, we don't give up on family around here..


--------------------
:mushroom2:Orange clock, pencil:bouncysmoke:
"They threw me off the hay truck about noon...":fishing:
:mushroom2:*Mark 15:34:levitate::mushroom2::blueninja:
Gam zeh ya’avor...:sunny:


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OfflineRebelutionsssss
Mdmazing
I'm a teapot User Gallery


Registered: 07/23/14
Posts: 13,137
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Re: So I'm having problems with my girl, I need advice at the very least. [Re: sprinkles]
    #22214685 - 09/09/15 10:27 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

sprinkles said:
that's a play out of my playbook.



That's why you're single


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:
To define is to confine.


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Offlineempty space
the void


Registered: 12/19/12
Posts: 1,120
Last seen: 6 years, 10 months
Re: So I'm having problems with my girl, I need advice at the very least. [Re: Rebelutionsssss]
    #22214744 - 09/09/15 10:42 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

:burn:


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