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Anonymous #1

need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse
    #22204017 - 09/07/15 07:33 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

I have been living with my godsisters family for almost a year. One of the 2 girls has displayed odd mature behaviour, I've had a bad feeling that her father is sexually abusing her. She has started to mark her dolls in a disturbing way just like i did when i was being abused. He doesn't let anyone touch his laptop, not even his wife. I'm planning to go through it when he's gone, but i know if i find anything illegal i should call the cops immediately. I also want to talk to her and find out so im trying to figure out what to do first, i dont want the father to get suspicious and hush them like my father did. If any on has any good advice on how to go about this please let me know.


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Anonymous #2

Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #22205632 - 09/08/15 03:01 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

How old is the girl, how is she marking her dolls, what is the behavior she's showing? I would never advise turning a blind eye to it and acting like it's not a possibility, but it's also a possibility you are just overreacting or seeing signs because you want to see them. Kids do a lot of weird shit. My son does weird shit, he's never been abused. Especially with the internet and TV how it is today, it's not really far fetched to say she could've just seen the shit on a computer or TV and is repeating what she saw.

There could also be other reasons he doesn't want someone to touch his laptop. Maybe he has some kinda weird porn fetish (I have one, and I wouldn't let people mess with my computer just in case, I didn't even tell my wife about it until we'd been married for 10 years). Maybe he doesn't want anyone, including his wife to see the emails/pics of his mistress(es). Hell maybe he just has an embarrassing amount of (legal) porn on his computer..

You were abused, so it's entirely possibly that is what is driving you to see this pattern leading to this conclusion, when there are numerous other possibilities.

How to move forward, is going to depend on the answer to the first few questions. I'm not sure I'd advise snooping through his computer though. Ideally, you would determine if there was any credence to your theory and then report it to the police and let them do the searching. People do get convicted all the time because someone else found stuff on their computer, but it also opens them up to being able to worm free of the charges, depending on what is on the computer, unless the computer was seized as part of the investigation and the cops were the ones who found it. If you go digging through it and find a bunch of random pedo porn, an argument could be made that you planted it. Dunno the likeliness of that working, but it is a possibility. Right circumstances and the right lawyer would have a good chance of pulling it off.


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Anonymous #3

Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #22205670 - 09/08/15 03:45 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

That's really good advice :whathesaid:

I'd probably talk to the daughter, and let her know that she can trust you. But jumping to conclusions that don't really have any basis can hurt everybody in the family.

But it's possible, so I'd keep an eye out and talk to the daughter.


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Anonymous #4

Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #22205713 - 09/08/15 04:36 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

I would recommend against talking to the child directly.

If there is indeed abuse going on, and it is of a sexual nature, i would expect the purp has already taken steps to keep the child from
speaking out. The protectiveness of the laptop certainly suggests the person knows what he is doing, and is aware that exposure has consequences.

Talk to a health professional, preferably a mental health professional, but failing that even your home physician could help
or put you in touch with someone who can tell you what specific things to look for and how to talk to the child.

If at all possible talk to the family physician who treats the child.
I think this person is in the best position to find out if anything is wrong and to know what to do about it.
I also think that any accusations that need to be made would be most credible and actionable if they were coming from this person.

I don't want to be overly dramatic about this, but i do feel obligated to point out the worst case scenario here:
You ask directly, the child answers yes, the father finds out and decides to erase the evidence.


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Anonymous #1

Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #22205736 - 09/08/15 04:59 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

She is 7, she wrote daddy on the dolls chests and marked the breasts and vagina with marker, she wrote bad on the stomach. She also put dark makeup and cuts on the thighs of another one. Both of their daughters don't see doctors, are homeschooled and have very little exposure to internet and t.v. i was very concerned about that scenario, my father had hushed all of us and convinced us not to talk so he got away with it. He also even convinced me that my memories were false and they never happened. I want to talk to her but I dont want him to find out. The whole family just seems to be hiding something, and the wife seems very controlled. I always thought i was just being paranoid by the markings on the dolls and her off, super a.d.h.d, always crying and screaming behavior is makingme believe that I need to find out for sure.


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Anonymous #5

Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #22205748 - 09/08/15 05:11 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

I'd snoop. you never know nowadays :makesmecry:


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Anonymous #2

Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #22205758 - 09/08/15 05:15 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Talk to her but mask your intent behind seemingly innocent questions. For example the dolls: "I like your dolls, that's neat. Where'd you get the idea?"

Ask her tell you what's going on without her knowing you're asking what's going on.


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Anonymous #4

Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #22209446 - 09/08/15 09:08 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

The isolation aspect i find particularly alarming.

I recommend you take pictures of the dolls and record any conversation you have with the child.

Then talk to child protective services or a mental health professional.
A professional opinion is typically held in higher regard then eye witness testimony, and i feel cops are more likely to act if any accusations come from such a professional.


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Anonymous #6

Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #22210902 - 09/09/15 06:46 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Call child protective services, tell them about it, and ask for advice. Don't feel guilty about it at all. Something is clearly wrong. If those kids went to a doctor, you can bet the doctor would make the call. Those sound like clear signs of abuse.

Here's a list of child abuse numbers by state:

http://www.nccafv.org/child_abuse_reporting_numbers_co.htm


Call and ask for advice if that's all you're comfortable with. Please do something though.


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Anonymous #7

Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #22210912 - 09/09/15 06:53 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

make the little girls comfortable with you an start asking questions about what she likes doing, then get to the point what does she do with the dad even if he has tolled you not to tell anybody;....

be nice gentle don't let your anger take over you kids can tell with your voice changing man just be all cool for fucks sake get answers!!

ask does she feel weird when shes with him and what do you do or play ?


check the fucking laptop now ¬!!!!

and if the fucking pervert cunt is doing what your suspecting beat the living shit out of him!!!!

then call the cops and say you caught him doing something an he has stuff on his laptop if he has !!!!!


Me personally i would kill the cunt if he has without anybody Knowing!!!!


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Anonymous #7

Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #22210917 - 09/09/15 06:54 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Do what the fuck i tolled you !


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Anonymous #7

Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #22210923 - 09/09/15 06:58 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

in the uk did you know a lot of pedophiles, perverts , child molesters an so on...


get let off with whatever they do all the punishment is there on the sex offenders list and has to check in with the police everyday..i think.

Hurt Him Bad if he is doing what you suspect...


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Anonymous #8

Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #7]
    #22212183 - 09/09/15 01:02 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Vigilantism is NOT the answer, beating or killing someone is not going to help the child or the situation - OP you have gotten some very good reasonable advice that should help you decide what course of action to take. I was molested by my father as a child - he did and still does the whole "you have false memories" shtick. I was molested by a priest and deacon too and told an elder woman in the church - the only thing that came of that was - "We asked him and he said he didn't do it." End of story. So definitely put more work into this - have a professional talk to the girl or whatever.


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Anonymous #2

Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #6]
    #22212834 - 09/09/15 03:39 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Unless it is literally the ONLY option and you're pretty damn sure what's going on, I wouldn't call the cops on just suspecting it. Once you pull that trigger, it can't be undone. These days even being accused of that shit destroys your life. No one ever believes they didn't actually do it, they just think he got away it somehow.

You can ruin someone's life by falsely reporting it. I dunno about you, but if I pulled the trigger and he was innocent, I'd feel pretty bad. Not to mention you're basically never going to be able to talk to him again. Something to think about before you go rushing into things blindly.


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Anonymous #4

Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #22213587 - 09/09/15 06:03 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Children of that age love their parents, in spite of anything.
That's part of what makes it so traumatic; being betrayed by people your biochemistry won't allow you to stop loving.

Disposing of the father would no doubt further traumatise the child.
Anything short of that will likely lead to him taking his anger out on
his family. Paralysis might work, but that would almost certainly cost you a prison sentence.

i agree with #6, except i think you should document what you can, while you can. once you have acted it might be wise to cease any information gathering activities.

And again i would encourage you to go trough a mental health professional or as #6 suggested child protective services.

Not only will they have a much easier time getting cops to take action, as they have their reputation behind them which lends them credibility and takes part of the responsibility away from the cops,
but you will also have a much easier time talking to a health professional who can understand what you are describing so much better then any cop ever could.

The doctor can understand you, and the cops can take the doctors word for it.
It is a much better situation then trying to get cops to understand or take your word for anything.


Edited by Anonymous (09/09/15 06:06 PM)


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Anonymous #2

Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #22213655 - 09/09/15 06:20 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Everyone keeps talking about the doctor or mental health professional. Just how are they supposed to get the kid to them? It's not their kid. You can't just grab them and take them to a doctor because you suspect something. It's their godsister's kid (or maybe just their godsister I'm not really clear on that) Point is, it's not even a cousin or blood. It might as well just be their friend's daughter or something. Why would they be taking the kid to the doctor or psychiatrist? What possible reason could they give the parents? To do that, you might as well just flat out say you suspect abuse is going on and call the cops or CPS.

Now they are completely free to do this, and if they feel that's the best thing to do, I'm certainly not going to tell them they were wrong to do it. But as I said earlier, once that accusation is reported, there is no going back. They're not gonna be living there much longer and it could even create a situation where the father gets violent (and you probably would be pretty pissed too if you were falsely accused of something like that, and this isn't me saying it's not happening, but you have to look at it from all angles before making a decision).


Edited by Anonymous (09/09/15 06:27 PM)


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Anonymous #1

Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #22213819 - 09/09/15 07:11 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Yes trust me i would love to beat the answers out of him, and murder him if that's  the case. But i've seen too many stories of people going to prison even while catching someone doing it for beating them. I am not accusing and calling the cops until I have substantial evidence. My sister is going to bring a linux disk while he's  at work, so we can check his files without the password. If we find anything I am just going to call the police, and then talk to the girls. Of course I want to beat the fuck out of him but I have too much of a hard life to let myself go to prison.  Meanwhile I am observing everyone's behavior and am going to see if i can discreetly gather more evidence.

If i talk to the girl, and then find something out, and call the cops, will they check his laptop based off word? I am trying to find answers as soon as i possibly can in the smartest way so this guy can go down if he is doing what i highly suspect. And trust me, i would not ruin someones life without solid evidence, i have suspected for a while, but i thought it was just my ptsd until i saw the dolls.


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Anonymous #1

Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #22213836 - 09/09/15 07:15 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

If we check the laptop with the linux disc it removes the possibility of us planting the evidence, so I would just immediatley call the cops. I've got to do it while he's at work, and while my mother can take them out somewhere for a while. Any day now.


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Anonymous #2

Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #22213882 - 09/09/15 07:27 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

If the cops get reason to believe the accusations are in fact right, then yes. They probably won't make a move until they have a warrant to search the house and confiscate his computer. If they just show up and tell him what he's accused of without the warrant, it means he can just delete everything before they come back with the warrant. So they're not going to move until they have enough for a warrant.

What that might be I don't know. The other posters are correct in stating that the police would be far more likely to take it serious if it came from a health professional. But based on everything I know about the situation, I really don't see how that would be feasible. Could be I'm not fully understanding the situation, but I'm guessing you taking them to the doctor would be highly unusual and would throw up red flags. I mean I guess you could offer to take them for the day so the parents can have some time alone or something, but if you do, and take them to a doctor, the parents are going to find out eventually. I'm also not sure if you even can take them to a doctor without their parents consent. If you do, the doctor absolutely wouldn't be able to tell you anything, as you're not the legal guardian nor do you have express permission from one.

People have been arrested, and successfully convicted plenty of times in the past because someone was using their computer or phone and found illegal shit. However I can't recall a single case where the device wasn't handed to the accuser willingly by the perp. I don't know what all kinda loopholes going behind his back may entail. That would be a question for Enlil. http://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/15908891/page/4 You can post anonymously there, and he might be able to give you an idea on what you need before going to the cops or how to go about getting it so that he can actually be convicted. It may take him a couple of days to respond though. He generally seems to let it go for a few days and let a few people ask questions, then come answer them in bulk.

If you decide to ask Enlil, provide as much detail about your situation as possible. It will help build a more clear picture and answers may change depending on certain factors.


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Anonymous #6

Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #22217320 - 09/10/15 03:13 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Chances are good the girls will get interviewed if anything legal goes down, and that's one of the first things that would happen if child protective services came. One look at those dolls would raise serious suspicions, and I'd bet big money that other obvious signs of abuse can be teased out of those girls in a short amount of time in an interview. Even without anything on the computer, I suspect that there's enough evidence to get a serious investigation started. Kids show up to school with bruised and they get interviewed, and this is way more telltale than that.

I assume you're going to use a usb linux boot disk to start up the computer and  mount his hard drive so you can check his files without dicking around with his winblows login password. I don't see how that removes the possibility of you planting evidence (I wouldn't worry about this anyway), but it will let you root through his shit. Does your sister know what she's doing with this? It's totally feasible and pretty easy to do. If you find anything, I'd get a copy of the files on the disk too and tell CPS you've found it on his computer and that you made a copy.


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Anonymous #8

Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #6]
    #22217377 - 09/10/15 03:31 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

I don't know about going with the copying files thing - doesn't seem like it would do much except perhaps get OP in trouble. Not to mention him saying he found it on the guy's computer is anecdotal.


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Anonymous #2

Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #8]
    #22217919 - 09/10/15 05:48 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

I definitely wouldn't be making copies of the files :lol:. I mean it could just go okay, but child porn is pretty illegal.. Possession of it is still illegal. They're not cops or acting in any official capacity, it's still a possibility they could be charged with possession of it. Just depends on how stupid the cops feel like being that day.


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Anonymous #6

Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #22221484 - 09/11/15 11:30 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

You guys are probably right. There's no need for the OP to take any legal risks. Saying it's on the computer would be enough to get the issue looked into.


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Anonymous #3

Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #6]
    #22221602 - 09/11/15 11:50 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Op should also consider the chance that he is innocent and just likes his privacy:shrug: Rummaging through people's stuff and accusing them with no evidence is likely to get them kicked out of the house they're staying in. I'm not saying to not check it out, but just be cautious and smart.

But kids do a lot of crazy and weird shit. When I was like 2-3 I as convinced that I could turn my head all the way around if I really tried. I tried to hatch a chicken egg from a carton, I'd take apart all my toys and electronics to figure out whats inside. Sometimes I'd pop the heads off of my army men when they'd fight. Being a kid is weird.

Just be on the lookout, but don't just accuse someone randomly if you have no idea. If you just accuse, you'd probably be kicked out of the house.


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Anonymous #4

Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #22239660 - 09/15/15 03:37 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #2 said:
Everyone keeps talking about the doctor or mental health professional. Just how are they supposed to get the kid to them? It's not their kid. You can't just grab them and take them to a doctor because you suspect something. It's their godsister's kid (or maybe just their godsister I'm not really clear on that) Point is, it's not even a cousin or blood. It might as well just be their friend's daughter or something. Why would they be taking the kid to the doctor or psychiatrist? What possible reason could they give the parents? To do that, you might as well just flat out say you suspect abuse is going on and call the cops or CPS.

Now they are completely free to do this, and if they feel that's the best thing to do, I'm certainly not going to tell them they were wrong to do it. But as I said earlier, once that accusation is reported, there is no going back. They're not gonna be living there much longer and it could even create a situation where the father gets violent (and you probably would be pretty pissed too if you were falsely accused of something like that, and this isn't me saying it's not happening, but you have to look at it from all angles before making a decision).




it helps is you actually read what is actually being said before you fucking respond to it!
cuz THAT'S NOT WHAT I FUCKING SAID!!!

either pay attention or fuck off.


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Anonymous #4

Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #22239684 - 09/15/15 03:56 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #3 said:
Op should also consider the chance that he is innocent and just likes his privacy:shrug: Rummaging through people's stuff and accusing them with no evidence is likely to get them kicked out of the house they're staying in. I'm not saying to not check it out, but just be cautious and smart.

But kids do a lot of crazy and weird shit. When I was like 2-3 I as convinced that I could turn my head all the way around if I really tried. I tried to hatch a chicken egg from a carton, I'd take apart all my toys and electronics to figure out whats inside. Sometimes I'd pop the heads off of my army men when they'd fight. Being a kid is weird.

Just be on the lookout, but don't just accuse someone randomly if you have no idea. If you just accuse, you'd probably be kicked out of the house.




well how are you supposed to get evidence without looking for it?
considering the situation with the dolls it is fairly obvious that some kind of abuse is going on here.
now it is possible that nobody is touching the girl, which would leave us with a situation where
a father is teaching his daughters that sexuality is evil, and raising them to hate their genitals and sexual identity.
that's the kind of psychological abuse you see in the childhoods of many serial killers.

the mere fact that this girl has an opinion at all about her dolls imagined genitals
is a clear indication that something is wrong. children at that age barely have any awareness of gender.
and when they become aware it initially is a cause for giggling, not moral judgements.

but again, talk to a doctor, they know a lot more about abuse then a bunch of random wankers on a forum.


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Anonymous #2

Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #22239692 - 09/15/15 04:02 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

I am paying attention. :rolleyes:

A doctor most likely isn't going to go calling the cops based on second hand accounts. They would insist on talking to the child themselves. Any idiot can walk into a doctor's office and give all kinds of "evidence" to get them to get the authorities involved. Guess what happens if they do it on word of mouth and the claims turn out to be false? They can be held liable and the person they reported can sue them. No doctor is going to risk a lawsuit or even their job based on word of mouth. I'm sorry, it just doesn't work that way. Especially not these days where everyone is just looking for any possible lawsuit that could net them tidy sums.

So my point still stands. How is OP supposed to get the child to the doctor? OP talking to the doctor alone, the most that would come of it is the doctor explaining warning signs or things to keep an eye on, and possibly hand you some pamphlet on sexual abuse that has a hotline.

The whole idea that the doctor has more credibility in making that report, is based on them being able to physically observe the the child/victim, and make an unbiased diagnosis that abuse may in fact be going on. No offense to OP but when it's just some person who is so sure it's going on that they go to a doctor alone, probably has a lot of bias going on that they can't look past but a doctor could.

You can get all butthurt that you're not some guru and someone has a differing opinion all you want, but the facts don't change. Doctor is only an option if the doctor can observe the patient themselves. Even recordings can be taken out of context or coerced so even THAT is not enough.

Ever had a doctor diagnose you over the phone on something as complex as this? They won't do it. They will tell you that you need to come in. OP going in alone is virtually the same thing. The doctor can't see the patient and can't make any reliable conclusion. It's not just because they want the visitor fee, it's that distant diagnosis is not nearly accurate and inaccurate diagnosis could lead to legal trouble for the doctor.


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Anonymous #1

Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #22241281 - 09/15/15 12:57 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

So it's going to be impossible for me to take them to a doctor, and this guy has been home basically every day, if not his wife is, so I havent been able to check the files. I have started to gain their trust more though, I've been hanging out with them and observing. I am going to see if I can get something out of them today in an inconspicuous manner. So far i noticed that they will curse around me and talk about whatever they want even though they act good around their dad. They also seem to have obvious pent up rage. I know these aren't necessarily abuse signs, but It's just an observation. The dolls are really what's  alarming to me. Specifically the genital marking and that it says bad and she writes daddy or daddy's girl on all the chests. So today I am trying to find an opportunity to talk to them. This has been on my mind everyday and all i have been able to do in conspicuously is observe.

Now I do know that I don't like this guy, he's at the very least a terrible husband and a deadbeat father. I know that he let my godsister sleep in the park at night  because he didn't pick her up from work. Blamed their poverty on her in front of the daughters, they told my sister. The way he insults their mother and turns them against her is exactly what my father did and it makes me sick.He wasn't working and she was busting her ass. My mom offered them a place to live be cause they were about to be on the street. He didn't even want them to come but they brought him along so I've  hated him since day 1. They have a strange loyalty to their father and I've really got to figure this out soon. I'm moving out this month and i don't want to leave without answers.


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Anonymous #9

Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #22241431 - 09/15/15 01:32 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

This is taking too long.
OP, Call child protective services. Now!
If you wish to remain anonymous you can but you need to tell them everything you know. What's most important is getting them away from the abuser.
I understand others arguments that are against or hesitant in moving forward with this action but this situation is dire and needs to be taken care of.
I'm not a fan of CPS but this needs to be done in this situation.
Don't call the police let the CPS handle such things. Calling the police first may elongate the process and give him time to do more damage.
If they wish to speak to you in person, tell them you want to be granted immunity first, take no exceptions.


Edited by Anonymous (09/15/15 01:43 PM)


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Anonymous #6

Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #9]
    #22241761 - 09/15/15 03:02 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

At least call CPS and ask tell them what you've seen and ask for advice. You don't have to give them names or anything. There's a very high probability of some kind of abuse based of what you've posted. Don't even worry about not being able to get at the computer. If a psychologist or social worker talks to those kids and learns about their living situation, then some serious questions will be asked.


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Anonymous #10

Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #6]
    #22262961 - 09/20/15 12:12 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Questioning children about abuse is a very delicate process. It is easy to lead children in such conversations, or conversely to make them clam up and never talk about it again - so it's crucial that it be done by someone who knows what they're doing.

If it feels right:

I would suggest instead, taking the child to the library. Read (after previewing it) an age-appropriate book about safe touch / body safety to the child, as well as other moral or lesson based children's books. Water safety, manners, how to behave at school, etc... That way it could easily be explained if needed. There are also books about secrets for kids - Good secrets, bad secrets, who to tell... It's never appropriate for an adult to ask a child to keep a secret, unless it's a happy secret that will be revealed later - aka a surprise, like a birthday gift.

Most children are coached by their abusers to fear the breaking up of the family, being put into foster homes, loss of love, abandonment - and all of those of course would be purportedly the child's fault, according to the abuser.

That's a hell of a lot to be afraid of when you're a kid. 

Just planting the seeds of knowledge could be the greatest gift you can give, even if the resolution doesn't happen until after you're gone.

If you want to take a more proactive approach, the child's school probably has a school counselor. You could send an anonymous email or phone call about the suspected abuse.

God luck and let us know how it goes!


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Anonymous #4

Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #22263554 - 09/20/15 05:59 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:Now I do know that I don't like this guy, he's at the very least a terrible husband and a deadbeat father. I know that he let my godsister sleep in the park at night  because he didn't pick her up from work.




I would say that this is in and on itself evidence of child abuse.
Be sure to mention it to whoever you talk to.
Also i would argue that even if there is not the kind of abuse going on that you suspect,
there for damn sure is all kinds of other psychological abuse going on, and there really is
no reason to pull punches on a guy like this. Ripping this family apart, and this guy having
his life destroyed, even by something untrue, might be the best thing to ever happen to this family.

I agree with #9, we have covered just about everything here, and there is no reason to delay.
Call CPS or someone else and at ask them for advice at the very least.
I still recommend a health professional who can at the very least confirm that the things
that concern you are legitimate causes for concern.

Call somebody, but DON'T use a land line in that house for this of course.
In fact don't even use your own mobile. borrow one from someone outside of the household or something.
A guy like that is usually a micromanaging control freak who will keep tabs on everything
his family does, including checking the phone bill, and sneaking peaks into your phone whenever he gets the chance.
The primary concern of people like this is to keep their victims isolated from society.
There is no telling what he might do if he feels his back is to the wall.


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Anonymous #11

Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #22278406 - 09/23/15 11:41 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Not sure why anybody is still suggesting taking them to the Dr. You must either be a legal guardian or have written permission from a legal guardian for them to be seen by a Dr. Call CPS. They are trained to talk to children and families when investigating abuse and they are obligated to follow up once a complaint is made.

Marbe take pictures if the dolls and show the picture to CPS yourself and say you suspect abuse on these grounds.

Best if luck OP.


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Anonymous #12

Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #11]
    #22291695 - 09/26/15 02:50 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

If you think it's being documented, ask to borrow a camera/video camera.  Observe the reaction.  The paranoia will make them uncomfortable, observe for that.  They might be considering whether everything has been from the camera, or how you even know they have one.  Maybe say "the other one," like you've seen it.

Another idea, mark up a doll of the child's yourself more graphically, or maybe a drawing.  See what happens to the doll/drawing and if the parents seem to have a reaction, that would be normal.  If it just disappears, then maybe there is something shady.

If you have any suspicion of where it might be occurring, you could hide a tiny camera.

Honestly just undress the child and inspect for damage, maybe play it off as a game.

Maybe make some comments to the wife alone about how attractive the girls will be when they grow up.  Prod her in a friendly way.  If she's been trained to accept the abuse, you'll probably see emotional cracks.


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Anonymous #2

Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #12]
    #22291700 - 09/26/15 02:52 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #12 said:
Honestly just undress the child and inspect for damage, maybe play it off as a game.





Horrible advice. That's on par with telling them to copy the CP off the dads computer.


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Anonymous #13

Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #22294713 - 09/26/15 05:25 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #2 said:
Quote:

Anonymous #12 said:
Honestly just undress the child and inspect for damage, maybe play it off as a game.





Horrible advice. That's on par with telling them to copy the CP off the dads computer.




Glad someone else said this before I got to it. OP, don't go undressing and inspecting private parts of little girls that arent yours. You'll be the one finding yourself talking to CPS for shit like that.


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Anonymous #14

Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #22297225 - 09/27/15 07:19 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
Yes trust me i would love to beat the answers out of him, and murder him if that's  the case. But i've seen too many stories of people going to prison even while catching someone doing it for beating them. I am not accusing and calling the cops until I have substantial evidence. My sister is going to bring a linux disk while he's  at work, so we can check his files without the password. If we find anything I am just going to call the police, and then talk to the girls. Of course I want to beat the fuck out of him but I have too much of a hard life to let myself go to prison.  Meanwhile I am observing everyone's behavior and am going to see if i can discreetly gather more evidence.

If i talk to the girl, and then find something out, and call the cops, will they check his laptop based off word? I am trying to find answers as soon as i possibly can in the smartest way so this guy can go down if he is doing what i highly suspect. And trust me, i would not ruin someones life without solid evidence, i have suspected for a while, but i thought it was just my ptsd until i saw the dolls.




Check your state's laws before you do anything. In my state, you don't need "evidence" to make a report.  All you need is "reasonable cause to suspect" that abuse is occurring, or has occurred within the past two years.  After you make the report, they'll do an investigation and determine the next steps.


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Anonymous #15

Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #12]
    #22297256 - 09/27/15 07:38 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #12 said:
If you think it's being documented, ask to borrow a camera/video camera.  Observe the reaction.  The paranoia will make them uncomfortable, observe for that.  They might be considering whether everything has been from the camera, or how you even know they have one.  Maybe say "the other one," like you've seen it.

Another idea, mark up a doll of the child's yourself more graphically, or maybe a drawing.  See what happens to the doll/drawing and if the parents seem to have a reaction, that would be normal.  If it just disappears, then maybe there is something shady.

If you have any suspicion of where it might be occurring, you could hide a tiny camera.

Honestly just undress the child and inspect for damage, maybe play it off as a game.

Maybe make some comments to the wife alone about how attractive the girls will be when they grow up.  Prod her in a friendly way.  If she's been trained to accept the abuse, you'll probably see emotional cracks.




you need to be removed from society.  i'm not kidding.  If you did that to my kid you would be fed through a tube the rest of your days.  Please dont speak.  Ever again.


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Anonymous #14

Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #15]
    #22297280 - 09/27/15 07:58 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Yeah, for real, #12 is suggesting that OP should abuse the child to determine whether or not abuse has occurred.  That is not only disturbing but also criminal.  #12, you're fucked.


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Anonymous #12

Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #15]
    #22297403 - 09/27/15 08:43 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

I meant like spill some cold coffee and change the dress or something, putting on a swimsuite, or getting a naked glance to look for bruising if there was a natural way to do it.  Not beam them up to the saucer and bust out the probes.    Maybe 7 is too old for that to be a common occurance, I don't know.

Probably wouldn't be any bruising anyway since the kid doesn't know to fight, and a pointless exercise.

Weird psychological probes of the parents will probably be more effective if they can be read.


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Anonymous #15

Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #12]
    #22297424 - 09/27/15 08:51 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

sounds like something a child molester would say.


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Anonymous #2

Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #15]
    #22297431 - 09/27/15 08:52 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

"Here, have some 2nd degree burns, and while you're at it, lemme see that vagina!":canthelpbutlaugh:


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Anonymous #13

Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #12]
    #22298388 - 09/27/15 12:39 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

dude, you sound totally creepy. I can't believe this even went through your head.


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Anonymous #16

Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #13]
    #22348562 - 10/08/15 03:21 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Sounds like a fucking pedo insest dad. Did you find anything out yet?


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Anonymous #2

Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #16]
    #22348568 - 10/08/15 03:25 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

If nothing has been done yet, I think this is a troll post. I know I was advocating not just blindly accusing him, but there's a limit. If you haven't be able to find places to find credible evidence, it's time to make the call. If you were gonna be able to it, would've by now. Time the shit is dealt with.


Edited by Anonymous (10/08/15 03:44 AM)


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Anonymous #16

Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #22348573 - 10/08/15 03:27 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

What if they're just a weird happy family and you sit their asking if their dad ever raped them and they seriously pissed off


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Anonymous #17

Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #16] * 1
    #22348589 - 10/08/15 03:42 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

I really hope op did something about this. That doll, those markings, those specific words, that is a clear red flag!!!holy shit how could you pass up that. That is NOT normal behavior for a seven year old to look over. Please, thus is not something to forget about you could be saving someone's life.


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Anonymous #18

Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #9]
    #22474785 - 11/04/15 07:23 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #9 said:
This is taking too long.
OP, Call child protective services. Now!
If you wish to remain anonymous you can but you need to tell them everything you know. What's most important is getting them away from the abuser.
I understand others arguments that are against or hesitant in moving forward with this action but this situation is dire and needs to be taken care of.
I'm not a fan of CPS but this needs to be done in this situation.
Don't call the police let the CPS handle such things. Calling the police first may elongate the process and give him time to do more damage.
If they wish to speak to you in person, tell them you want to be granted immunity first, take no exceptions.







Terrible fucking advice.

Have you ever actually called CPS? I have, and it is a BIG MISTAKE unless you are fairly sure they will find something right away.

All CPS does is take down your report, then they do a home visit. However, they will CALL the father first, and SET UP A DATE FOR THE VISIT. This gives the father EVERY CHANCE IN THE WORLD to hide anything out of the norm, and scare the living crap out of the girls if they talk.

Don't think the CPS person is likely to see signs of abuse , and everything will be exposed. You are FAR, FAR more likely to witness the Dad act perfectly normal, the kids not say much, and the CPS person come and go, with no follow up.

I'm saying this based on actual EXPERIENCE. I also have a friend who works for CPS, and she notices this day in and day out.


Please, wait before you call CPS....you could end up causing the Dad to cover his tracks, and then he will likely figure out the possible people who might have called (you) and remove you from the families life.


Be smart. Start snooping first, but DONT get caught. Start talking to the girls....and bring a recorder with you in case they start to open up.

You need to have evidence before you go to CPS, NOT a suspicion, or nothing will get done.


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Anonymous #19

Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #18]
    #22484666 - 11/06/15 07:09 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

This really sounds like a molester to me.

Update?


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Anonymous #20

Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #19]
    #22484776 - 11/06/15 07:50 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

OP, just get back under your bridge !!!!


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Anonymous #9

Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #18]
    #22544235 - 11/18/15 09:39 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Nothing you said was helpful. I've worked with an agency quite similar to CPS. CPS does not set a date up with the accuser for a serious accusation... that's illogical, laughable, and it endangers the child. Just because it's subjective at this point does not mean it won't be taken super seriously. It's been over 2 months, it's time.


OP: I hope guilt is around your neck like a noose... because at this point, you're enabling it.


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Anonymous #21

Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #22546504 - 11/19/15 12:06 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #4 said:

There is no telling what he might do if he feels his back is to the wall.






Do be careful yourself as you are dealing with an issue that has been known to end in violence and in death. If what you suspect is true then the perp could be a very dangerous person.

I'd be tempted to talk to both a cop and a social worker just to get advice without letting on who you are to begin with. There are also organizations that exist to help deal with these things. Get some professional help and advice, and that dosen't include a bunch of comments on a mushroom site (as good as some of those comments actually are). This is too serious an issue to approach it with nothing but strangers' advice.


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Anonymous #14

Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #21]
    #22546517 - 11/19/15 12:09 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

OP, update please?


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