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Anonymous #8
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Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #6]
#22217377 - 09/10/15 03:31 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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I don't know about going with the copying files thing - doesn't seem like it would do much except perhaps get OP in trouble. Not to mention him saying he found it on the guy's computer is anecdotal.
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Anonymous #2
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Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #8]
#22217919 - 09/10/15 05:48 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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I definitely wouldn't be making copies of the files . I mean it could just go okay, but child porn is pretty illegal.. Possession of it is still illegal. They're not cops or acting in any official capacity, it's still a possibility they could be charged with possession of it. Just depends on how stupid the cops feel like being that day.
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Anonymous #6
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Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #2]
#22221484 - 09/11/15 11:30 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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You guys are probably right. There's no need for the OP to take any legal risks. Saying it's on the computer would be enough to get the issue looked into.
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Anonymous #3
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Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #6]
#22221602 - 09/11/15 11:50 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Op should also consider the chance that he is innocent and just likes his privacy Rummaging through people's stuff and accusing them with no evidence is likely to get them kicked out of the house they're staying in. I'm not saying to not check it out, but just be cautious and smart.
But kids do a lot of crazy and weird shit. When I was like 2-3 I as convinced that I could turn my head all the way around if I really tried. I tried to hatch a chicken egg from a carton, I'd take apart all my toys and electronics to figure out whats inside. Sometimes I'd pop the heads off of my army men when they'd fight. Being a kid is weird.
Just be on the lookout, but don't just accuse someone randomly if you have no idea. If you just accuse, you'd probably be kicked out of the house.
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Anonymous #4
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Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #2]
#22239660 - 09/15/15 03:37 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous #2 said: Everyone keeps talking about the doctor or mental health professional. Just how are they supposed to get the kid to them? It's not their kid. You can't just grab them and take them to a doctor because you suspect something. It's their godsister's kid (or maybe just their godsister I'm not really clear on that) Point is, it's not even a cousin or blood. It might as well just be their friend's daughter or something. Why would they be taking the kid to the doctor or psychiatrist? What possible reason could they give the parents? To do that, you might as well just flat out say you suspect abuse is going on and call the cops or CPS.
Now they are completely free to do this, and if they feel that's the best thing to do, I'm certainly not going to tell them they were wrong to do it. But as I said earlier, once that accusation is reported, there is no going back. They're not gonna be living there much longer and it could even create a situation where the father gets violent (and you probably would be pretty pissed too if you were falsely accused of something like that, and this isn't me saying it's not happening, but you have to look at it from all angles before making a decision).
it helps is you actually read what is actually being said before you fucking respond to it! cuz THAT'S NOT WHAT I FUCKING SAID!!!
either pay attention or fuck off.
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Anonymous #4
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Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #3]
#22239684 - 09/15/15 03:56 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous #3 said: Op should also consider the chance that he is innocent and just likes his privacy Rummaging through people's stuff and accusing them with no evidence is likely to get them kicked out of the house they're staying in. I'm not saying to not check it out, but just be cautious and smart.
But kids do a lot of crazy and weird shit. When I was like 2-3 I as convinced that I could turn my head all the way around if I really tried. I tried to hatch a chicken egg from a carton, I'd take apart all my toys and electronics to figure out whats inside. Sometimes I'd pop the heads off of my army men when they'd fight. Being a kid is weird.
Just be on the lookout, but don't just accuse someone randomly if you have no idea. If you just accuse, you'd probably be kicked out of the house.
well how are you supposed to get evidence without looking for it? considering the situation with the dolls it is fairly obvious that some kind of abuse is going on here. now it is possible that nobody is touching the girl, which would leave us with a situation where a father is teaching his daughters that sexuality is evil, and raising them to hate their genitals and sexual identity. that's the kind of psychological abuse you see in the childhoods of many serial killers.
the mere fact that this girl has an opinion at all about her dolls imagined genitals is a clear indication that something is wrong. children at that age barely have any awareness of gender. and when they become aware it initially is a cause for giggling, not moral judgements.
but again, talk to a doctor, they know a lot more about abuse then a bunch of random wankers on a forum.
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Anonymous #2
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Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #4]
#22239692 - 09/15/15 04:02 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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I am paying attention. 
A doctor most likely isn't going to go calling the cops based on second hand accounts. They would insist on talking to the child themselves. Any idiot can walk into a doctor's office and give all kinds of "evidence" to get them to get the authorities involved. Guess what happens if they do it on word of mouth and the claims turn out to be false? They can be held liable and the person they reported can sue them. No doctor is going to risk a lawsuit or even their job based on word of mouth. I'm sorry, it just doesn't work that way. Especially not these days where everyone is just looking for any possible lawsuit that could net them tidy sums.
So my point still stands. How is OP supposed to get the child to the doctor? OP talking to the doctor alone, the most that would come of it is the doctor explaining warning signs or things to keep an eye on, and possibly hand you some pamphlet on sexual abuse that has a hotline.
The whole idea that the doctor has more credibility in making that report, is based on them being able to physically observe the the child/victim, and make an unbiased diagnosis that abuse may in fact be going on. No offense to OP but when it's just some person who is so sure it's going on that they go to a doctor alone, probably has a lot of bias going on that they can't look past but a doctor could.
You can get all butthurt that you're not some guru and someone has a differing opinion all you want, but the facts don't change. Doctor is only an option if the doctor can observe the patient themselves. Even recordings can be taken out of context or coerced so even THAT is not enough.
Ever had a doctor diagnose you over the phone on something as complex as this? They won't do it. They will tell you that you need to come in. OP going in alone is virtually the same thing. The doctor can't see the patient and can't make any reliable conclusion. It's not just because they want the visitor fee, it's that distant diagnosis is not nearly accurate and inaccurate diagnosis could lead to legal trouble for the doctor.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #2]
#22241281 - 09/15/15 12:57 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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So it's going to be impossible for me to take them to a doctor, and this guy has been home basically every day, if not his wife is, so I havent been able to check the files. I have started to gain their trust more though, I've been hanging out with them and observing. I am going to see if I can get something out of them today in an inconspicuous manner. So far i noticed that they will curse around me and talk about whatever they want even though they act good around their dad. They also seem to have obvious pent up rage. I know these aren't necessarily abuse signs, but It's just an observation. The dolls are really what's alarming to me. Specifically the genital marking and that it says bad and she writes daddy or daddy's girl on all the chests. So today I am trying to find an opportunity to talk to them. This has been on my mind everyday and all i have been able to do in conspicuously is observe.
Now I do know that I don't like this guy, he's at the very least a terrible husband and a deadbeat father. I know that he let my godsister sleep in the park at night because he didn't pick her up from work. Blamed their poverty on her in front of the daughters, they told my sister. The way he insults their mother and turns them against her is exactly what my father did and it makes me sick.He wasn't working and she was busting her ass. My mom offered them a place to live be cause they were about to be on the street. He didn't even want them to come but they brought him along so I've hated him since day 1. They have a strange loyalty to their father and I've really got to figure this out soon. I'm moving out this month and i don't want to leave without answers.
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Anonymous #9
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Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #1] 1
#22241431 - 09/15/15 01:32 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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This is taking too long. OP, Call child protective services. Now! If you wish to remain anonymous you can but you need to tell them everything you know. What's most important is getting them away from the abuser. I understand others arguments that are against or hesitant in moving forward with this action but this situation is dire and needs to be taken care of. I'm not a fan of CPS but this needs to be done in this situation. Don't call the police let the CPS handle such things. Calling the police first may elongate the process and give him time to do more damage. If they wish to speak to you in person, tell them you want to be granted immunity first, take no exceptions.
Edited by Anonymous (09/15/15 01:43 PM)
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Anonymous #6
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Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #9]
#22241761 - 09/15/15 03:02 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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At least call CPS and ask tell them what you've seen and ask for advice. You don't have to give them names or anything. There's a very high probability of some kind of abuse based of what you've posted. Don't even worry about not being able to get at the computer. If a psychologist or social worker talks to those kids and learns about their living situation, then some serious questions will be asked.
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Anonymous #10
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Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #6]
#22262961 - 09/20/15 12:12 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Questioning children about abuse is a very delicate process. It is easy to lead children in such conversations, or conversely to make them clam up and never talk about it again - so it's crucial that it be done by someone who knows what they're doing.
If it feels right:
I would suggest instead, taking the child to the library. Read (after previewing it) an age-appropriate book about safe touch / body safety to the child, as well as other moral or lesson based children's books. Water safety, manners, how to behave at school, etc... That way it could easily be explained if needed. There are also books about secrets for kids - Good secrets, bad secrets, who to tell... It's never appropriate for an adult to ask a child to keep a secret, unless it's a happy secret that will be revealed later - aka a surprise, like a birthday gift.
Most children are coached by their abusers to fear the breaking up of the family, being put into foster homes, loss of love, abandonment - and all of those of course would be purportedly the child's fault, according to the abuser.
That's a hell of a lot to be afraid of when you're a kid.
Just planting the seeds of knowledge could be the greatest gift you can give, even if the resolution doesn't happen until after you're gone.
If you want to take a more proactive approach, the child's school probably has a school counselor. You could send an anonymous email or phone call about the suspected abuse.
God luck and let us know how it goes!
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Anonymous #4
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Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #1]
#22263554 - 09/20/15 05:59 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous #1 said:Now I do know that I don't like this guy, he's at the very least a terrible husband and a deadbeat father. I know that he let my godsister sleep in the park at night because he didn't pick her up from work.
I would say that this is in and on itself evidence of child abuse. Be sure to mention it to whoever you talk to. Also i would argue that even if there is not the kind of abuse going on that you suspect, there for damn sure is all kinds of other psychological abuse going on, and there really is no reason to pull punches on a guy like this. Ripping this family apart, and this guy having his life destroyed, even by something untrue, might be the best thing to ever happen to this family.
I agree with #9, we have covered just about everything here, and there is no reason to delay. Call CPS or someone else and at ask them for advice at the very least. I still recommend a health professional who can at the very least confirm that the things that concern you are legitimate causes for concern.
Call somebody, but DON'T use a land line in that house for this of course. In fact don't even use your own mobile. borrow one from someone outside of the household or something. A guy like that is usually a micromanaging control freak who will keep tabs on everything his family does, including checking the phone bill, and sneaking peaks into your phone whenever he gets the chance. The primary concern of people like this is to keep their victims isolated from society. There is no telling what he might do if he feels his back is to the wall.
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Anonymous #11
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Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #4]
#22278406 - 09/23/15 11:41 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Not sure why anybody is still suggesting taking them to the Dr. You must either be a legal guardian or have written permission from a legal guardian for them to be seen by a Dr. Call CPS. They are trained to talk to children and families when investigating abuse and they are obligated to follow up once a complaint is made.
Marbe take pictures if the dolls and show the picture to CPS yourself and say you suspect abuse on these grounds.
Best if luck OP.
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Anonymous #12
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Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #11]
#22291695 - 09/26/15 02:50 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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If you think it's being documented, ask to borrow a camera/video camera. Observe the reaction. The paranoia will make them uncomfortable, observe for that. They might be considering whether everything has been from the camera, or how you even know they have one. Maybe say "the other one," like you've seen it.
Another idea, mark up a doll of the child's yourself more graphically, or maybe a drawing. See what happens to the doll/drawing and if the parents seem to have a reaction, that would be normal. If it just disappears, then maybe there is something shady.
If you have any suspicion of where it might be occurring, you could hide a tiny camera.
Honestly just undress the child and inspect for damage, maybe play it off as a game.
Maybe make some comments to the wife alone about how attractive the girls will be when they grow up. Prod her in a friendly way. If she's been trained to accept the abuse, you'll probably see emotional cracks.
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Anonymous #2
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Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #12]
#22291700 - 09/26/15 02:52 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous #12 said: Honestly just undress the child and inspect for damage, maybe play it off as a game.
Horrible advice. That's on par with telling them to copy the CP off the dads computer.
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Anonymous #13
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Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #2]
#22294713 - 09/26/15 05:25 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous #2 said:
Quote:
Anonymous #12 said: Honestly just undress the child and inspect for damage, maybe play it off as a game.
Horrible advice. That's on par with telling them to copy the CP off the dads computer.
Glad someone else said this before I got to it. OP, don't go undressing and inspecting private parts of little girls that arent yours. You'll be the one finding yourself talking to CPS for shit like that.
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Anonymous #14
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Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #1]
#22297225 - 09/27/15 07:19 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous #1 said: Yes trust me i would love to beat the answers out of him, and murder him if that's the case. But i've seen too many stories of people going to prison even while catching someone doing it for beating them. I am not accusing and calling the cops until I have substantial evidence. My sister is going to bring a linux disk while he's at work, so we can check his files without the password. If we find anything I am just going to call the police, and then talk to the girls. Of course I want to beat the fuck out of him but I have too much of a hard life to let myself go to prison. Meanwhile I am observing everyone's behavior and am going to see if i can discreetly gather more evidence.
If i talk to the girl, and then find something out, and call the cops, will they check his laptop based off word? I am trying to find answers as soon as i possibly can in the smartest way so this guy can go down if he is doing what i highly suspect. And trust me, i would not ruin someones life without solid evidence, i have suspected for a while, but i thought it was just my ptsd until i saw the dolls.
Check your state's laws before you do anything. In my state, you don't need "evidence" to make a report. All you need is "reasonable cause to suspect" that abuse is occurring, or has occurred within the past two years. After you make the report, they'll do an investigation and determine the next steps.
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Anonymous #15
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Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #12]
#22297256 - 09/27/15 07:38 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous #12 said: If you think it's being documented, ask to borrow a camera/video camera. Observe the reaction. The paranoia will make them uncomfortable, observe for that. They might be considering whether everything has been from the camera, or how you even know they have one. Maybe say "the other one," like you've seen it.
Another idea, mark up a doll of the child's yourself more graphically, or maybe a drawing. See what happens to the doll/drawing and if the parents seem to have a reaction, that would be normal. If it just disappears, then maybe there is something shady.
If you have any suspicion of where it might be occurring, you could hide a tiny camera.
Honestly just undress the child and inspect for damage, maybe play it off as a game.
Maybe make some comments to the wife alone about how attractive the girls will be when they grow up. Prod her in a friendly way. If she's been trained to accept the abuse, you'll probably see emotional cracks.
you need to be removed from society. i'm not kidding. If you did that to my kid you would be fed through a tube the rest of your days. Please dont speak. Ever again.
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Anonymous #14
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Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #15]
#22297280 - 09/27/15 07:58 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Yeah, for real, #12 is suggesting that OP should abuse the child to determine whether or not abuse has occurred. That is not only disturbing but also criminal. #12, you're fucked.
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Anonymous #12
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Re: need some serious advice regarding possibly sexual abuse [Re: Anonymous #15]
#22297403 - 09/27/15 08:43 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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I meant like spill some cold coffee and change the dress or something, putting on a swimsuite, or getting a naked glance to look for bruising if there was a natural way to do it. Not beam them up to the saucer and bust out the probes. Maybe 7 is too old for that to be a common occurance, I don't know.
Probably wouldn't be any bruising anyway since the kid doesn't know to fight, and a pointless exercise.
Weird psychological probes of the parents will probably be more effective if they can be read.
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