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Asante
Mage


Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 86,796
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Re: Who here has a past of addiction, pulled through and still is sober today? [Re: kakashi68]
#22191473 - 09/05/15 05:50 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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a buttshot of 30mg MXE would really cheer me up about now
-------------------- Omnicyclion.org higher knowledge starts here
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Sekutma
Stranger
Registered: 03/21/07
Posts: 57
Last seen: 8 years, 4 months
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Re: Who here has a past of addiction, pulled through and still is sober today? [Re: Patlal]
#22191475 - 09/05/15 05:53 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Depends what you mean by stopped. My story involves one of the worst addictions but commonly glanced over. Gambling addiction! I was lucky enough to have a family who could send me to a gambling specific rehab and at the time only a few existed (not sure how many now). Celebrated my 19th birthday in that place. You see if you over do it with drugs you either burn out your brain or over dose. But with gambling nothing stops you from going deeper, Crack heads don't use a friend's identity to play online poker (I was only 17, and he let me but I talked him into it). I was linked to his bank account. I gave him cash. That's a sophisticated system for a 17 year old to execute just to play poker.
My lucky ass got what I needed from that place. However to say I don't obsess over things or didn't just trade addictions isn't entirely true. No you will never catch me injecting anything but right now I'm focused on revisiting a past activity and call it "intellectual stimulation". Am I rationalizating wanting to "party" or am I actually making a rational approach based on my previous experiences and current mental faculties? That's an answer I won't know for at least a few months. I'll let you know if I end up with a goose or epiphany because it will be either or.
I personally feel the self expectance of perfection when staying "clean" is the common loose board on the bridge of post addiction life. I in no way think recovery is the right word and is part of the problem. For example I moved a year and a half ago and had a nasty break up with a five year live in family (cunt and cunts son who I miss way more than cunt).
I bring this up because I started playing tournament poker at a casino after that. FIRST TOURNAMENT I PLAY I WIN. Got back into for like 6 months, I probably made like a few grand total but the last one I played was last December. The guy who knocked me out in third was the statistical last horse. Like winning the lottery. It was too much...said fuck it and havn't been back since and have no plans to.
Not only did I have the addiction past but I was winning money and took third in the last tournament I ever played. By every definition I should have had no ability to "walk away". My secret? Hell if I know but maybe my story can inspire a battle plan to fight your very difficult journey ahead. My best wishes and if I think of anything more you will hear from me again. If I figure out the part of me that got fixed you will be relatively the first to hear it.
Edited by Sekutma (09/05/15 06:01 AM)
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Confucian
...


Registered: 03/31/09
Posts: 1,741
Loc: USA
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Re: Who here has a past of addiction, pulled through and still is sober today? [Re: kakashi68]
#22191476 - 09/05/15 05:53 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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The best prescription thing I had going was probably about 5 years ago in this small run-down 70s style office with no receptionist - just 1 Indian doctor running the place with 70s era equipment.
He wrote me ONE HUNDRED norcos (vicodin 10mg/325) and I had that going for about 6 months or so. Great feeling picking those up at the pharmacy for a $15 copay.
If you think about it, if you are in a lot of pain, 3 vicodin a day as needed (~100/month) really isn't that much.
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Hobozen


Registered: 11/03/11
Posts: 10,634
Loc:
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Re: Who here has a past of addiction, pulled through and still is sober today? [Re: Asante]
#22191482 - 09/05/15 05:55 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Kicking a serious addiction that nearly kills and rediscovering will is the ultimate purge.
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Asante
Mage


Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 86,796
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Re: Who here has a past of addiction, pulled through and still is sober today? [Re: Confucian]
#22191495 - 09/05/15 06:03 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Confucian the more I read of you, the stronger my impression is that life is very hard for you and that you suffer it, psychologically, quite a bit.
No offense intended.
-------------------- Omnicyclion.org higher knowledge starts here
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Sekutma
Stranger
Registered: 03/21/07
Posts: 57
Last seen: 8 years, 4 months
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Re: Who here has a past of addiction, pulled through and still is sober today? [Re: Hobozen]
#22191507 - 09/05/15 06:11 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
blankk said: Kicking a serious addiction that nearly kills and rediscovering will is the ultimate purge.
I feel like your right on the money. Like that last tournament I played was when my true will power took back over and let me have control again. I didn't think about or play poker for years, started playing like 2-3 tournaments a week averaging like 15 hours a week at the casino. I was on a complete self destructive path and then stopped on a dime while going 100mph. I like the theory! Only difference is sub out "nearly kills" for causes "self annihilation of character". I was so manipulative back then... Im ashamed of all the people I used who were literally just trying to help. Death is death but I'll go the rest of my life knowing the most important relationships in my life will never go back to before I gambled. I make due by helping others try to help themselves which is ultimately the only thing that I can control. It isn't my fault if they want to always hold it over my head but nobody told me I didn't have a reset button...
Edited by Sekutma (09/05/15 06:20 AM)
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Hobozen


Registered: 11/03/11
Posts: 10,634
Loc:
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Re: Who here has a past of addiction, pulled through and still is sober today? [Re: Sekutma]
#22191537 - 09/05/15 06:36 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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It was benzos for me, relapsed maybe 5 times before finally kicking it. At one point I ate something like a gram of pure valium and felt nothing. The addiction nearly killed me... rented a motel room, bought a bag of heroin, loaded up on alcohol, went to inject it all and some nonvisible thing swooped by and knocked it right out of my hands. No shit, I was ready to go. I had the intent to die and made the choice to die as I went to shoot it all into vein. Carpet got it instead. Divine intervention? I dunno. But it was freaking weird.
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yogabunny
fancy cat



Registered: 11/01/09
Posts: 11,281
Loc: Nasty Women Get Shit Done
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Re: Who here has a past of addiction, pulled through and still is sober today? [Re: Patlal]
#22191555 - 09/05/15 06:48 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Patlal said: Is there anyone in here that managed to sober up and stay sober?
If so. Give me tips man. How the fuck do I stop? How do I deal with the boredom? How do I deal with the cravings? How did you pull it off?
I think this thread would be good advice for most of us. We all need a sober cmpanion to give us tips at some point.
I have managed to get sober, but not stay sober.
My DOC is alcohol. I am currently on Day 20 alcohol free.
What's helping me right now is having a kind of informal "sponsor". I asked for the universe or whatever for help, and it arrived as a friend who I can text day and night whenever I'm having cravings. A friend/mentor who is committed to helping me just make it to my pillow without alcohol every single day. It's getting easier and harder every single day.
I have to run now, will check back in later....
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Bill_Oreilly
ANIMALS (the RAINBOW SERPENT)


Registered: 11/12/11
Posts: 26,370
Loc: Boston
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Re: Who here has a past of addiction, pulled through and still is sober today? [Re: Bitter Cactus]
#22191640 - 09/05/15 07:39 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Bitter Cactus said: I have real ADD but it's easy to fake there is no obvious way to tell when you are talking to someone.
Go to a doc, tell them your symptoms, they refer you to an ADD doctor, then you do a test and whether you have it or not you can put two and two together and get the script by answering the questions correctly.
I'm on 30mg of vyvanse a day. Never taken two pills together and honestly people with ADD are at higher rates for addiction. It'll be helpful for school which starts Tuesday.
Damn..vyvanse?
I get 60mg Adderall per day. You know...the good shit
-------------------- Something there is mysteriously formed, Existing before Heaven and Earth, Silent, still, standing alone, unchanging, All-pervading, unfailing, I do not know its name; I call it tao. If forced to give it a name, I call it Great (ta). Being great, it flows out; Flowing out means far-reaching; Being far-reaching, it is said to return. It's just a shot away..
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Bill_Oreilly
ANIMALS (the RAINBOW SERPENT)


Registered: 11/12/11
Posts: 26,370
Loc: Boston
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Re: Who here has a past of addiction, pulled through and still is sober today? [Re: Bill_Oreilly]
#22191643 - 09/05/15 07:40 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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but yeah, im still having trouble with IV heroin. 6 years and running as of now. I just cant seem to get it...its so fucking addictive. Much more addicting than cigs or anything else, IMHO.
-------------------- Something there is mysteriously formed, Existing before Heaven and Earth, Silent, still, standing alone, unchanging, All-pervading, unfailing, I do not know its name; I call it tao. If forced to give it a name, I call it Great (ta). Being great, it flows out; Flowing out means far-reaching; Being far-reaching, it is said to return. It's just a shot away..
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Malcolm_Xtasy
Oh baby what Is you doin??



Registered: 04/04/12
Posts: 13,851
Loc:
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Re: Who here has a past of addiction, pulled through and still is sober today? [Re: Bill_Oreilly]
#22191654 - 09/05/15 07:46 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Do you mean 60 mg vyvanse. Or you take 3 20 mg addys a day? Bc 60 mg addys definitely don't exist
-------------------- I'm stupid, Enlil is smart. I'm ugly, Enlil is beautiful. I'm a loser, Enlil is a winner. Someday, I hope to be like Enlil but secretly know I never will.
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luvdemboomers
loner with a boner
Registered: 01/11/13
Posts: 5,054
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Re: Who here has a past of addiction, pulled through and still is sober today? [Re: Malcolm_Xtasy]
#22191661 - 09/05/15 07:49 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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he probably gets 3x 20mg or 2 x 30mg a day.
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Bill_Oreilly
ANIMALS (the RAINBOW SERPENT)


Registered: 11/12/11
Posts: 26,370
Loc: Boston
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Re: Who here has a past of addiction, pulled through and still is sober today? [Re: Malcolm_Xtasy]
#22191752 - 09/05/15 08:34 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Malcolm_Xtasy said: Do you mean 60 mg vyvanse. Or you take 3 20 mg addys a day? Bc 60 mg addys definitely don't exist 
Im on 3 20mgs a day
-------------------- Something there is mysteriously formed, Existing before Heaven and Earth, Silent, still, standing alone, unchanging, All-pervading, unfailing, I do not know its name; I call it tao. If forced to give it a name, I call it Great (ta). Being great, it flows out; Flowing out means far-reaching; Being far-reaching, it is said to return. It's just a shot away..
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Patlal
You ask too many questions



Registered: 10/09/10
Posts: 44,797
Loc: Ottawa
Last seen: 6 hours, 57 minutes
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Re: Who here has a past of addiction, pulled through and still is sober today? [Re: Malcolm_Xtasy]
#22191924 - 09/05/15 09:33 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Malcolm_Xtasy said:
Quote:
Patlal said:
Quote:
Malcolm_Xtasy said: Whats your drug of choice? I'm not sober but I didn't think you really did anything
The devil's nector
I'm a sucker for GABAergics as well. Honestly, I think I'm just addicted to being addicted to things if that makes any sense. If I have a handle I'll crush it, If I have an quarter of bud I'll smoke it, If I have a bunch of bars I'll benzo binge for a week. I think its just some inherent personality flaw I have. I've managed to stay functional so thats a plus. I don't really have any advice except good luck man.
See I'm not like that.
I drink too much and I smoke weed while drinking. During the day I never drink and would refuse a free beer even. I kee my addiction boxed in. No drink before 7Pm is my rule and I despise breaking it.
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Patlal
You ask too many questions



Registered: 10/09/10
Posts: 44,797
Loc: Ottawa
Last seen: 6 hours, 57 minutes
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Re: Who here has a past of addiction, pulled through and still is sober today? [Re: Niffla]
#22191933 - 09/05/15 09:36 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Niffla said: I used to be a cocaine & xanax addict. The addictions coincided each other. For about two and a half years I'd say. I'd pop a few bars and buy coke daily -- and not just fucking twenty bags.
My full paychecks were going to the habits. I mean I was fucking working solely to support my addictions at that point. And then I eventually lost jobs (plural), severely damaged relationships, and even stole from family when I was broke. I was scum, basically.
It took being faced with eviction, and being fucking homeless, before finally making the decision to quit. I cut ties with a dude I was pretty tight with -- because he was a coke dealer. I went cold turkey on the bars and went through an absolutely hellish, seemingly month plus long withdrawal period.
That was 8 years ago. Now the only substances that I partake in are psychedelics. That's it. Oh, and I enjoy drinking once a week. My cocaine & benzo days however are now a distant memory, thankfully.
Screw you for having been an asshole in the past, but congratulation for kicking the habit...
Do you still crave it after all these years or has your brain finally come to terms with it?
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Hobozen


Registered: 11/03/11
Posts: 10,634
Loc:
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Re: Who here has a past of addiction, pulled through and still is sober today? [Re: Patlal]
#22191956 - 09/05/15 09:42 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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The less I drink, the more I hate it. The more I drink, the more I love it. I drink maybe once or twice a month lately, I try to remind myself of how shitty the feeling is, by remembering how shitty it feels, during htr depressing drunk and the hangover. Its an exercise in remembering when the thought of drinking emerges, and it works. Just gotta make sure never to drink on consecutive days or I start to forget how shitty it feels, and start loving it again.
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Patlal
You ask too many questions



Registered: 10/09/10
Posts: 44,797
Loc: Ottawa
Last seen: 6 hours, 57 minutes
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Re: Who here has a past of addiction, pulled through and still is sober today? [Re: shLong]
#22191959 - 09/05/15 09:42 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
shLong said: It took my getting arrested to finally get my shit together back when I was royally fucking shit up. Fucking crack  This was over a decade ago, though. 
Are you serious dude?
You? Crack? I would never have guessed.
It's fucked up how you have to really hit rock bottom to even consider doing something about it.
That's my problem I think (in a fucked up way). I'm fully functional. I never drink and drive, I don't do stupid shit, I don't flip out in anger, I don't drink until I see the bottom of the bottle, I know when to stop, I can control my usage and drink only after a certain time, I never lost a relationship due to it, Other than money, there are no consequence to my life.
But I can't stop.... Which is the major consequence in the end. But of course, until the doc tels me that my liver is failing, odds are I'll keep on drinking....
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Nova

Registered: 10/16/02
Posts: 1,365
Last seen: 5 years, 6 months
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Re: Who here has a past of addiction, pulled through and still is sober today? [Re: Patlal]
#22192067 - 09/05/15 10:18 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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I guess the moral of the story from what ive read here is: if you've had a serious addiciton, the only 'rehabilitating' way out is getting a legal pharm that covers the bases of your previous DOC. For stim people its ADD meds, for junkies its suboxone/methadone (or kratom), for alcoholics I would guess its benzos?
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sun_spots
Good boob day


Registered: 02/27/10
Posts: 14,306
Loc: Nirvana
Last seen: 6 years, 10 months
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Re: Who here has a past of addiction, pulled through and still is sober today? [Re: Nova]
#22192106 - 09/05/15 10:33 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Nova said: I guess the moral of the story from what ive read here is: if you've had a serious addiciton, the only 'rehabilitating' way out is getting a legal pharm that covers the bases of your previous DOC. For stim people its ADD meds, for junkies its suboxone/methadone (or kratom), for alcoholics I would guess its benzos?
Yeah, I don't really know anyone who hasn't gotten "sober" without acquiring a replacement addiction. If it's not a substance, it's another habit/crutch like religion, internet, working out, or some other new/rediscovered hobby or interest. The replacement is usually healthier than the original addiction, so I guess it works. We all just want to be happy. Some of us just find happiness in more dangerous places than others, or we mistake immediate absence of pain for actual happiness.
Someone said earlier in this thread that drug users have a harder time enjoying life without drugs because our reward centers are too accustomed to the flood of good feels (paraphrasing, obviously), and I think that's very true. I also think finding a relatively healthy addiction that allows us to grow as human beings can be enriching to our lives.
-------------------- ShiVersblood said: shut ur fucking mouth. before a penis is are be enters LordSenate said: Cheese poop... Who gives a fuck gotta eat lots of cheese.
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SunnyD
WiZarD oF LoVe



Registered: 04/29/13
Posts: 25,236
Loc: Planet earth
Last seen: 1 month, 22 days
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Re: Who here has a past of addiction, pulled through and still is sober today? [Re: Patlal]
#22192157 - 09/05/15 10:55 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Ive been addicted to Etizolam, I quit that completely(it was very hard at first) Kratom ( which I'm still a daily abuser of) Weed( I used to smoke and buy weed weekly) Now I buy it every few weeks
I have gotten over benzo addiction, when I thought I never would have
Its possible, but its no easy feat
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        And to everyone who thinks life is just a game, Do you like the part you are playing? This is the time in life I am living! And I face each day with a smile My music Library of Synthesizer goodness
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